Girlfriend wants to talk....

[HuffmanMontana]

I want a break = We're broken up and you just don't know it yet. I'm going to wallow in self pity for the next 1-3 weeks and get over you, find a new guy, while you patiently wait for me so I can dump you and watch you be the emotional mess (and chase me) that I gave myself the time to do on my own.

[rogersm]

A little recap. We met today for about 5-10 minutes. I dont think it went well. She basically told me that she didnt love me anymore and didnt want to force something that wasnt there. She said we could be friends and she had fun with me and my friends.

 

I laid my heart out for her. Telling her exactly how i felt. But it seems like she doesnt even care. her decision was already made. I told her i didnt want to be friends to watch her with another guy.

 

After i got home i saw that she friended her guy she dated before me on fbook. which has me thinking wtf is going on.

 

So, i dont know what to do. I want her back in my life. And i want to fight forher. But i dont want to keep playing games. She means everything to me. and i just want things to be the way they are. i didnt beg for her back. but i feel like i should have.

Edited May 16, 2013 by rogersm
missing words

[aisuru]

NO, never ever beg. Stating your feelings once is fine. Begging is pathetic and a great big turnoff.

 

Delete her from FB and go NO CONTACT.

 

Rest assured... She'll add you back on FB after she breaks up with the next guy.

 

Hopefully by then, you will be indifferent to her.

[Chi townD]

Okay. Well, not what you wanted to hear. But, at least you know. She doesn't love you and she doesn't want you. So, time to go NC on her. Again, you stated to her that you can't be her friend and that you have to move on and you have to cut her out of your life.

 

You need to go NC. She knows she crushed you and that's going to make her feel guilty. MOST women on this planet can't handle the fact that there might be someone that hates them or doesn't think that they're a nice person. So, she may reach out to you to see if you're okay. IGNORE IT!

 

Block her on Facebook! YOU NEED TO DO THIS!!! Remember, she wanted you out of her life. You're giving her exactly what she's asking for.

 

Time to heal and move on, dude.

[CelticGibson]

Rogersm,

 

"I laid my heart out for her. Telling her exactly how i felt. But it seems like she doesnt even care. her decision was already made."

 

Read it over and over again. IT'S OVER. What did we tell you about not meeting her? What did we tell you would happen? What did we tell you would result in you meeting with her? We told you not to do any of it because nothing would change her mind.

 

Stop looking at her Facebook, block her and move on. Who she friends and doesn't friend is none of your business now. You are not going to get her back. I know this is harsh but it's the truth...

 

Go No Contact and be done with it. COMPLETE No Contact...

[Chi townD]

Look, no one is bashing on you and we all realize you've been hurt. Dude, trust us, we've ALL been there. That's why you can look back at what we wrote prior to you meeting up with her and we all predicted the outcome. We been there and done that and KNEW what would happen because of our own experiences.

 

Now, hopefully you'll listen so we can get you going on the path of healing and get you pointed in the right direction. If you don't believe me, then I'm going to give you a speculation of what's probably going to happen. She's going to send you a text saying "Hi! How are you?" in the next few weeks or possibly a month from now. Maybe even sooner if she notices that you blocked her on Facebook. She wants you in the friend zone. She wants to say to herself, "Oh look? We're not together anymore but we're still really good friends. I guess the break up was the best choice for me after all."

 

Here's the rub, she gave up the right to know how you are. You don't owe her anything. When that text comes through, every fiber in your body to going to tell you to respond because that's what you used to do without even a second thought. STOP!! Do not respond. Take a deep breath and post about it here instead. People WILL be here to walk you through it. To give you advice on how not to respond. This isn't a punishment to her. This is so you can heal from the relationship and move on. This is for you, not for her.

 

What did she say when you told her you couldn't be friends?

[california15]

Sorry about your meeting not going the way you wanted it to. I know you're hurting and it feels like the wound has opened up even more. I feel for you. We all do, because we've been there in one form or another.

 

Sometimes it doesn't matter how many people tell the kid to not touch the stove because it's hot. The kid remembers best when he experiences the pain himself rather than when people warned him about it. Stove is a little hot huh? its okay, you're not the only one here who has been burned.

 

I'm big on trying to find the good in the pain we experience. If we can't learn something from the pain we go through then I feel its all for nothing. Hopefully you learn from this, and next time she wants to meet up, or talk or whatever you'll be strong enough to guard your heart and not go. Don't touch the stove twice!

 

p.s. I applaud you for not agreeing to be friends right now. Probably hard at the time, definitely for the best.

[rogersm]

It is definitely hard. I am so tempted to fight for her back. I really believe that she is the one for me. And i dont want to be friends with her. I want to ber her boyfriend. My friends said i should take a month or so of NC then try and hang out with her. I know it goes against what you guys said but I dont want to lose her.

[KatZee]

It is definitely hard. I am so tempted to fight for her back. I really believe that she is the one for me. And i dont want to be friends with her. I want to ber her boyfriend. My friends said i should take a month or so of NC then try and hang out with her. I know it goes against what you guys said but I dont want to lose her.

 

Listen, I get your hurt, but you need to take those glasses off and look at the reality of the situation here.

 

She told you she doesn't love you. She told you she doesn't want you. She said it was good while it lasted, but that's it. It's the end of the line. There's no getting back together.

 

I'm not quite sure what you're "fighting" for here. It's over.

 

The boyfriend I had 5 years ago did the same thing you're thinking of doing. He tried to "fight" for me. I'm going to tell you what he did, and I'm going to tell you what I thought about it.

 

He wouldn't stop calling me. Texting me. Messaging me. Emailing me. He kept begging for a second chance. He said he would change. He said he loved me so much and would do anything to make me happy, and he could show me how happy he could make me if I only gave him that chance.

 

To me, this was straight up pathetic. It was desperate behavior. He really had no backbone and it was horrible how low he made himself look. I told him straight up that we were done. There was nothing. We weren't getting back together. I didn't love him. I wasn't happy.

 

He didn't want to hear any of that. Instead he pushed, and pushed, and continued to contact, and beg, and plead and act like a doormat.

 

I finally had to outright be a complete and utter b.itch to him to get him to stop. It was infuriating. It was annoying, and it did nothing but stress me out. I didn't want to be with him! There wasn't any way I could have made it any clearer to him, but he INSISTED on "fighting" for whatever he thought he was fighting for.

 

She's not going to be happy if you "fight" for something that isn't there. What you're going to do is put a bad taste in her mouth, and if there was any chance of you two splitting amicably, it will all be tossed out the window if you beg/plead and fight.

 

You can't force someone to love you, you can't manipulate or convince someone to be with you, date you, or give you a second chance. She's entitled to her own feelings of wanting out of the relationship. You need to accept this and move on. If you love her as much as you say, then you would let her go. You would let her go be happy and to find whatever she's looking for. Grasping at air, and trying to guilt her into coming back to you isn't love, it's selfish.

 

You also shouldn't want to be with someone who has to be convinced to date you, or pushed into dating you. You should want her to be banging YOUR door down on her own, with no manipulation from you.

 

Please delete her off FB and go NC. You don't want to lose her? You already lost her. She ended the relationship. It's done.

[rogersm]

There has to be a reason she still wants to hang out though. I really feel like she was serious about making a friendship work because she doesnt want to lose me. I dont want that obviously. But, if i can meet up with her maybe she will see what she is missing.

[aisuru]

Ahhh rejection. It hurts and it stings when it comes from somebody who always wanted us around.

 

She doesn't miss you. Being around her will do nothing but build up resentment and make you very unattractive to her.

 

As a woman, the fastest way for me to put you into friend zone or cut you off completely is to beg, plead, stalk, or not stand up for yourself. Not sexy. And if I don't want to have sex with you, why would I want you around in my life, unless it's just for my ego when I need it stroked?

 

Dude, man up, put the hurt feelings to the side, and move on. Show some respect for yourself. You gotta be a hardass with yourself right now. That's why you're getting all this tough love from us. We've ALL been there, on both sides of the fence.

 

Accept it's over. You'll find better.

[mtnbiker3000]

Damn, you ladies are brutal BUT, it is necessary. I get it. Thank god I only begged, pleaded and made an as.s out of myself for 1/2 a day. Then I realized it was pointless. Still sucks though!! Us men are kinda dumb. We think we can change things, when in reality, obviously, we cannot. Can't blame us though, can ya?

[Chi townD]

I posted the following on someone else's thread. They were torn over the importance of NC and I put it to them as follows:

 

Well, you don't HAVE to be in NC. No one says you HAVE to do it. You could be best buds! You can meet up with her for coffee and have a great conversation. Then, have her telling you that she has to go because she's meeting up with her boyfriend. You tell her to have a good time. Mean while you're dying inside.

 

Or you can all meet up at the club and have a good time and she'll be there with her new boyfriend. Her arm around his waist and vice versa. Whispering things in each others ears and seeing her giggle at what he said. Then, a slow song comes on and he takes her out on the dance floor. Their bodies are pressed together, her arms around his neck and his around her waist. Stealing little kisses while she looks lovingly into his eyes the same way she did for you. The song ends and they come off the dance floor and she smiles at you and says "Hi!" and can you please pass the Beer Nuts.

 

So, yeah.....no one says you have to be in NC.

 

 

Now, this is what you get to look forward to if you want to remain friends with her while you still have romantic feelings for her. So.......good luck with that!

[aisuru]

Damn, you ladies are brutal BUT, it is necessary. I get it. Thank god I only begged, pleaded and made an as.s out of myself for 1/2 a day. Then I realized it was pointless. Still sucks though!! Us men are kinda dumb. We think we can change things, when in reality, obviously, we cannot. Can't blame us though, can ya?

 

We're not brutal. Just pulling back the veil of the other side's thoughts.

 

I think it's okay to show enough interest in a relationship to beg, plead, cajole, cry, or whatever you want to call it ONCE, maybe twice immediately following the relationship ending. I'll give you a pass cause I have done it as well. It's a natural instinct.

 

But at this point where the OP is? NO.... NO, NO, NO.

 

Once a week or two has gone by after the breakup conversation, you do not have the same privileges and liberties as you had before. THAT is why people advocate No Contact. To force yourself to take a break, cool down, get a grip, and move on.

 

Otherwise, you get all emotional and do stupid **** that nobody gets away with. Because if you do it later, you're just the psycho ex. Who wants to be that person?

[mtnbiker3000]

I think mine was that same weekend... Guess I'm in the clear

[aisuru]

I think mine was that same weekend... Guess I'm in the clear

 

Yeah, that's just normal... Puleez.

[CelticGibson]

The ONLY reason she wants to be "friends" is to relieve herself of the guilt of knowing she's hurting you by breaking it off. She figures that if you accept friendship then you don't hate her and believe me they hate it when you do.

 

The thing is, she doesn't REALLY want to be friends, not in the classic sense. She will say that she does but she won't stick around as a friend when the new guy whisks her off her feet. She will spend all her time with him and you will be left there wondering where your "friend" has gone. See? You lost the relationship and now after lowering your standards and thus your respect in yourself, she's hammered the final nail in the proverbial coffin....

 

Sorry but this is just beating a dead horse into burger meat....

[rogersm]

So i pretty much broke no contact the other day. Like im sure a lot of you thought I would. But I think it really helped me to move on. I asked her to hang out with me and we could just talk since we havnt for a while. Not even about our relationship. Just talk about other things in our life. And she pretty much shot me down. Then told me she wanted to focus on herself this summer and if another guy comes along she will see where it goes. She then put on twitter "I wasn't expecting that lol :/". Which really pissed me off.

 

So i have come to the conclusion that really isnt what i thought she was. I still love her and miss her. But i am going to try my hardest not to text her anymore. She just doesnt care about me. And now i see that.Maybe things will be different in the future. But if it isn't ill move on. Im tired of putting myself out there for somebody who doesnt want me in their life. I thought i could change her. She treats all of her friends the same way. She doesnt care about them and blames them when their relationship ends. But, really she is the problem. People want to make room for her but she doesnt want to make room for them. Someday she might see that. But right now she just doesnt get it