rogersm Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 I havnt talked to my girlfriend for about three weeks. We have been on a break and have had minimal contact on twitter, but nothing else. I texted her the oter day to wish her good luck on her finals and she replied saying thanks and we need to talk. Not sure how to answer that I asked her if that was a bad thing. And she said yes. I then called her and left a message that if she wanted to break up then to just do it. So she texted me and told me that was pretty much what she wanted. I told her we should meet up this week so we are going to in a couple days to talk. I dont know how to handle this meeting though. I really want her back in my life.I love her more than anything and I really feel like she is the right girl for me. But, I am afraid that if i sucked up to her she would be even more put off. I know she still loves me but I need to make her realize that. What should i say to make myself look strong?
CelticGibson Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 No don't do it. You want her back. She has told you that it's bad news and she wants out. You already have your answer. Do you really want to go and face the pain knowing how you feel? I would stop twittering, messaging, emailing, texting, calling and just cut her off and go No Contact. You cannot make her feel what she doesn't, regardless of what YOU might think she feels. Forget what you think. Look at her actions and read from them that she's moving on and has checked out. It's over buddy. 2
Chi townD Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Dude, she already broke up with you. Don't do it. No need to meet up. You're leaving yourself open to begging and pleading and that's going to get you no where fast. This is her decision whether you agree with it or not. And unfortunately, she didn't chose you. Therefore, she has to live with the consequence of her actions. She's making a choice to have you out of her life. Therefore, you give her nothing. You are not her friend and I have a feeling she'll want to be friends with you. You didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with her for the end result being that you are nothing more than a "really good friend to her" and that's how she feels right now. That you're still going to be the shoulder to cry on, and the person to listen to her problems. But, the fact is, she's giving you up. Therefore, you need to start NC. NO CONTACT!!! Do not respond to ANY she sends you. You need to block her from Facebook and not follow her on twitter and tumblr or whatever....She needs to know that you are gone...and it's by her own doing. However, I get this feeling that you're going to meet up with her regardless of what anyone tells you here and your pretty much not going to listen to a DAMN word anyone says. So, we'll be here when she crushes you. And we'll pick up the piece. I strongly suggest you throw a message out to HeadaShed thread. He went through the BS of not listening the first time and he can tell you all about it.
LostOne1 Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 I agree with everyone here... you can't do anything to get her back. What you CAN do is let her go. She needs to see life without you and it will either make her realize she made a mistake or she did something that works for her. Either way think of it as I do now. If a girl comes into my life and wants out, I tell her "I'll hold the door open for you the way out is this way". I never speak her to again and I move on to the next one. You need to realize you are a MAN and as a man you can't sit and take ****. If the girl wants out you give it to her and you move on. There are millions of girls out there, I always see girls crying about how they can't find a decent guy. Well your a decent guy, so go out there and find someone else that will appreciate you. Now don't do this yet... take a good few months to let it go. But interact with people so you don't just totally sit in the dark in your room all day long. It's okay to hurt and let it hurt, but realize that after awhile life will move on and you will too. trust me I didn't let my ex go when she wanted to BU and our BU was REALLY bad because of it. If I had just said okay im fine with the BU have a good life, and just had vanished out of her life just like that... I think it would've changed things a lot. But begging and all just made it really bad. So take it from a guy who learned the hard way.. Let her go, agree with the break up. And then move on as if she just moved to another country far away and you won't see her again. Then hurt if you are, but do it with yourself or friends NOT with her. it's a healing process and it takes time, but you WILL be okay man. 2
Author rogersm Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 I get what all of you guys are saying. But, I feel like talking to her in person will help me cope with everything. Me and her have a relationship where she would rather text me to discuss our issues instead of talking in person or on the phone. And its hard that way. But, I hope that talking to her in person might make her see how much she means to me.
CelticGibson Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 No it won't. You will come across as needy and pushy. She has already decided that it's over and that's not going to change. You just need to accept it and if meeting her, with all the drama and pain that will inevitably result, will show you that it's over then so be it. You are going to do what you are going to do. That's your choice... 1
Author rogersm Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 I know it seems weird. I just feel like I need closure. I plan to tell her that I love her and will support whatever she decides. I know you cant make somebody love you. even though it kills me to admit that. It is just tough for me to move on when she means so much to me. I have trouble letting go of people. and i will admit that.
CelticGibson Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 (edited) So will you support her if she tells you that the bad news is that she met someone else? How will that make you feel? By the way, despite what the title of this thread says, she didn't initiate the need to talk. That was all you. If you had not asked her to meet up, she would not be meeting with you. Think about it.. Edited May 14, 2013 by CelticGibson
Author rogersm Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 I know you are right Celtic. I am unexperienced with this whole thing. She was my first love. and I know i am holding on hoping she will change her mind. But, I just dont know what to do. This is one of the hardest things i ever went through I hope she doesnt tell me that. and if she does i dont know how ill react. I dont even want to imagine her being with another man
Author rogersm Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 Its more like I wish I had the power But honestly thanks guys. It means a lot and you really are helping. I guess I just have to be strong and accept everything for what it is
EnTT Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 You or your relationship is not anymore "special", "different" or "unique" than the rest of us or our relationships where we were dumped. Of course, you feel otherwise and that you have the "power" to change your soon to be Ex. Your mistake is you are PROJECTING how you think, feel, believe, etc. onto your soon to be Ex. The problem is she doesn't think, feel, believe what you think she does. This is your first LTR and break up so like the rest of us... You will probably have to learn this the hard way. Just remember, it's not called the hard way for nothing. It's a really bitter pill to swallow, but it's true. I'm going through the same thing right now.. Realizing that the girl I love so much isn't fighting or stopped fighting for our relationship a LONG time ago. No doubt her actions showed me what she truly is. I'm having a hard time accepting it too, and she's also my first, but I keep forcing myself to realize that I'm fighting for someone who isn't even there...
CelticGibson Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Since this is your first serious relationship, you think that it's special or unique and you cannot accept that millions of people have gone through the same experience as you. Let me tell you this: This may be the first time you feel as bad as you do but it most certainly will not be the last. Life will send wonderful people your way and you will have new and different experiences with them. They may not last and you will hurt afterwards but at least you will know for sure that with each ending, there is always a beginning for something new. You cannot see this yet because it hasn't happened yet. It will. Move on and let this girl go and do not meet with her. Let the grief work it's way through and you will be open to a new love in time. 1
Author rogersm Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 I know it probably wont be the last time i deal with it. Maybe thats why she seems so final with everything. She has been there before and I havnt. I really feel like I should meet with her since it was my idea. And i realize after listening to you guys that it is probably a mistake. But, I need the closure to hear from her mouth that its over. ENTT is right though. I am chasing after somebody that doesnt want me or want to make us work. And i need to see that for what it is
CelticGibson Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Just remember this: If you meet and you act all needy and you beg her to reconsider, you will completely destroy any chance of ever getting with her in the future. You still have the chance, no matter how slim, to hold on to your dignity and her respect in you. These qualities are vital if you ever have a chance to win her heart again far into the future. I really think you are not emotionally ready to face this meeting and you will let your emotions run riot. Just remember that the last impression that you leave will be the one she will always remember.... 2
Author rogersm Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 Just remember that the last impression that you leave will be the one she will always remember.... I never thought of it that way. I guess I just need to accept everything and show her that I am willing to move on without her. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Not to dump gasoline on the fire, but just know that this will happen, again. And you will feel this way or worse, again. Maybe this helps? I dunno... Consider it a life lesson and if you can learn something from it, then all is not lost!
Chi townD Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Personally, I think she's gonna bail on the meet up considering that you already said that she's more comfortable with doing the hard things through text.
Minneloa Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 OP, I am very sorry you are hurting. That said, you are receiving some EXCELLENT advice here from these fine gentlemen of LS. Please, I implore you, take advantage of their collective, hard-earned wisdom. Sending good thoughts. M.
Author rogersm Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 Thanks everybody. We are meeting on Wednesday night. I will let you guys know what comes out of it/if it happens. You guys have really given some good help. Thank you.
aisuru Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 You would regain some of that power you feel you lost if you canceled the meet up. You're not going to change her mind and you're not going to get any answers. That said, I can appreciate wanting some sense of closure. You just have to be prepared for NO INTEREST on her part. She's moved on. First loves are hard. You'll be okay.
crederer Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Why did you not talk for so long? I would have assumed we were already broken up if I went 3 weeks without seeing my girlfriend. When you meet be strong. Don't be emotional or beg or plead. Basically, just say "alright then, good luck to you" walk away and don't look back (literally, don't look back).
Author rogersm Posted May 15, 2013 Author Posted May 15, 2013 My girlfriend was at school. And she basically told me that our relationship wasnt moving forward and we decided to take a break so she could focus on school work. So that is why. I am going to try not to be emotional. I hope I can do it. I am going to tell her that I know i have made mistakes and I intend to fix them so I can be a better person. And i hope she can stay with me through it because of how much she means to me. But, if she still wants to end it I will let her go and wish her luck
Chi townD Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 My girlfriend was at school. And she basically told me that our relationship wasnt moving forward and we decided to take a break so she could focus on school work. So that is why. I am going to try not to be emotional. I hope I can do it. I am going to tell her that I know i have made mistakes and I intend to fix them so I can be a better person. And i hope she can stay with me through it because of how much she means to me. But, if she still wants to end it I will let her go and wish her luck I wouldn't even say this. It sounds like you're bargaining. And you should never have to change yourself for someone else. If you make changes in your life, you do them for yourself and no one else.
Author rogersm Posted May 15, 2013 Author Posted May 15, 2013 Yea i want to show her that look ill make these changes for myself. Because i have learned. She texted me today too. She said that she feels like she should give back the necklack i bought her when we talk tomorrow. I told her to keep it since it was a gift to her. Was this a mistake on my part? Also why would she tell me that instead of just doing it when we see each other?
Chi townD Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 It was a shot across your bow. To let you know that if you two meet up it's just to say goodbye and an attempt to get you in the friend zone. The translation of the text is this, " We'll meet tomorrow, but if you think that you're going to talk me out of dumping you it's not going to happen. So, don't embarrass yourself by trying. So, I'm giving you fair warning."
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