miklos Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 I still miss him and I still have urge to text him and call him and facebook him. We only went out for 2.5 months. He broke up with me 5 months ago. I just cant wait to graduate from college next weekend and leave because this campus reminds me of him all the time. Ill be leaving to spain in two weeks for two months. Thank God. btw I am gay and he is "bi". shouldnt want to be back with him since he cheated on me and used meth. eww. but i loved him and i miss him and i would get back with him. Why havent i gotten over him? i want to be done with these feelings!!!!!
CarrieT Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 I was with a guy for 22 months and it took me almost three years to get over him. The heart heals differently with different wounds... Just keep the faith that it *will* get better!
maturityassets Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Well, 2.5 months is very short to be so caught up about him. But maybe you are just over valuing what you had with him. Did you guys talk a lot? Did you open yourself up to each other quickly? Did you value those conversations and time you spent with each other? If so, just remind yourself that while it felt good to have someone like him in your life but there will be others. He cheated on you so he didn't even deserve any of the intimate moments you shared and nothing you did was your fault.
Author miklos Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 I loved this guy! i came out to my friends for him. i was even ready to come out to my family for him. He introduced me to his cousin and his sister as friends but still I met them. He was basically living with me for 2 months. He even offered me to live with him in January. He was the first person I opened up to about everything. It started off so fast and i guess it had to burn as fast too.i just wanted to be with him 24/7 but he would sleep at my place so he cant say i smothered him.
maturityassets Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 So clearly there is a bit of attachment because you came out for him. Look you have regrets for smothering him. But you guys where at two different stages. You "smothered" him because you felt like this was the first person you could actually be your true authentic self in front of everyone. Him? Well he wasn't in love with you yet. He might have been open about his orientation for quite a while. Been in other relationships, so he didn't have the same attachment. Regardless he isn't worth it. A good guy is understanding to the other's needs. He would have addressed your attachment to him. He would have comforted you and said things like "even when we are not together, just know we are working on this together". Instead he cheated. This isn't your fault though. He is not understanding. He would have explained to you that it will require time to build attachment. My recent Ex, she was ready to say I love you a month before I was ready to. I explained to her I needed time and wasn't afraid that she already did. So you deserve better and there are other people who will appreciate you. 1
Author miklos Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 thank you maturity assets for your words. He was also my first college relationship. he used the word "smothered" a week before the breakup though after he cheated on me. I knew he cheated but twisted everything to make it seem like it was my fault because i kicked him out my apartment. I told him "i love you" like 3 weeks before he did. before that, he had been telling me that it takes time but i remember that he would tell me that he likes me a lot and that he cares about me. and boom not even a few weeks after that I made a simple mistake (went on gridr so i lost his trust but i did not cheat) then he goes cheat and use meth. and then i take him back and two weeks later i get on grindr again and then a week later he breaks up with me. i just dont understand. it wrecked me emotionally so much. and now im just still trying to cope with it. I care about him alot and I miss him but its just sad that us will never happen again. thanks everyone
maturityassets Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Any particular reason you were on that site? I quickly looked it up on wikipedia so it looks like a meeting other people site? Did you feel unappreciated by him that you were curious to look into others? Maybe the relationship wasn't as great as you thought? Maybe you feel guilty for things that were from a doomed relationship. Seems like you dropped the L word a tad early in my opinion, when you say something with that kind of weight but the relationship is not of that level yet, it can seem like the relationship is disappointing compared to expectations. Sounds like he is a bad influence. I don't judge people's life styles but using meth is not a good sign either. Either way, I think maybe a part of you just regrets putting that much investment and trust into a relationship that wasn't as special as you expected. You'll find someone else. I recently lost my first love and she gave up without even trying to work on it. The sex was good (she even bought stuff for the bedroom in the last weeks), we openly communicated all the time, I always did new things with her, invited her when hanging out with friends. But once she saw that I could get upset when things like driving ticket occurred or that I could feel unappreciated when she would choose to push off talking about a problem because she didn't want to deal with it, she quit. Immaturity ruins relationships and it hurts when you invest yourself whole heartedly into it
bitterruin Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 (edited) Before you message him again look back to your old posts and remember this: "I got on my knees and begged. When i wouldnt leave, he pushed me all the way to the sidewalk and left me sitting on the floor crying. Left me there like an animal." That's the guy who cheated on you with a professor, lied to you about his drug use, and left you crying. This is a person who does not deserve any more from you. It doesn't matter how long the relationship lasted or how long it takes you to move on. I've learned not to question my feelings, just allow them to flow through and you'll be fine one day. The only thing you need to do, and have control over, is cutting all contact with him, that includes blocking him on Facebook, Grindr, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, or whatever other way that keeps you in contact with him. I was also in a relationship with a guy from my school, he cheated on me and left me for some other dude and having to see them together around campus was the worse, so I know how you must feel. I got my revenge by dating the guy he left me for, until he begged me back and I, like an idiot, got back together with him for about two months before I realized it wasn't ever going to work. You're gonna have to see him around campus a couple times before you graduate, you might even see him at graduation, but ignore him, be polite and smile, wave if he waves at you, but there's no reason for you to contact him. He is out your life and that's a good thing. Edited May 14, 2013 by bitterruin 1
Author miklos Posted May 15, 2013 Author Posted May 15, 2013 I had sex last night... this morning while i got home... i cried cuz i miss my ex. ugh im so dumb... i want these feelings to disapper!
PennGuy Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 I had sex last night... this morning while i got home... i cried cuz i miss my ex. ugh im so dumb... i want these feelings to disapper! I've found in previous breakups and my most current one, that hopping into bed with a new partner just makes things worse. Some people are able to do it and some people can't. I, like you, are one of those who can't. Yes, I am able to just hook up with no strings attached, but not when I am grieving the loss of a relationship. It makes the sex seem dull and meaningless with no real feelings behind it. I would suggest that you don't have sex until you are much closer to healed or you find someone amazing. Also, no more getting on your knees for anyone, ever, unless you are asking them to marry you. Why would you devalue your self-worth like that? I know I use this word a lot, but keep your dignity. Bow out with grace and class. Don't drag them through the mud. Would you want them sullying your reputation? Keep no contact. Focus on you. Forget relationships for a while. Live your life for you and only you.
understanding4you Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 I'm so sorry you are hurting, but believe me, you WILL feel so much better. There is never a time limit on when you should be over someone, no matter what the time frame was. But you will be fine. Just imagine yourself, at lets say 30 years old, do you think he will even be an inkling in your mind?! Exactly. To top it off, you're graduating, and leaving for Spain. You're so lucky. You have so much fun heading your way. I wish you more and more happiness each day that passes & please, the next person you find, please make sure they're not into drugs either-major turnoff, don't you think?
Author miklos Posted May 15, 2013 Author Posted May 15, 2013 Thank you, Yeah i will not probably sleep with someone else unless they are amazing haha or i dont feel anything. haha Yeah I wont get on my knees for anyone ever. After I did it, I felt so ashamed of myself. By the time im 30 I know i wont even think about him since I will have an awesome life by then haha I cant wait for the summer. Spain will distract and ill probably fully heal there I didnt know he used meth, but he did drink and smoke weed alot. But i will try to see the warning signs early Thank you everyone for you advice and words
Author miklos Posted May 16, 2013 Author Posted May 16, 2013 I had another date and sex again today. After I was thinking about maybe what my ex was thinking about when we started dating. I noticed that he is so immature and how we met meant doom anyways. Part of it was my fault too, i was an "only for the moment" person and a doormat and i dont want to be that again.
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