Can you truly be happy alone?

[Sunshine87]

Hi all,

 

I've come across a few inspirational posts about finding happiness even when you are alone.

 

I think some people are able to do so. But I don't think some people could ever tuly be happy alone. Sure, they go through temporary moments of singleood but the hope of eventually finding a long- lasting fulfilling relationship, keeps them going. Consequently, they muster up all the courage and strength to stay happy pending this relationship. They push themselves to exercise patience.

 

So it really confuses me when some people talk about being happy alone. Do the mean they are happy being alone temporaily or forever?

 

Can you really be happy with the prospect of never finding someone? Isn't the essence of life to forge relationships?( I.e friendships, romantic relationshps and familial relationships?)

Edited May 13, 2013 by Sunshine87

[Treasa]

Hi all,

 

I've come across a few inspirational posts about finding happiness with being alone.

 

I think some people are able to do so. But I don't think some people could ever tuly be happy alone. Sure, the go through temporary moments of singleood but the hope of eventually finding a long- lasting fulfilling relationship, gives them going. Consequently, the muster up all the courage and strength to stay happy pending this relationship. They push themselves to exercise patience.

 

So it really confuses me when some people talk about being happy alone. Do the mean they are happy being alone temporaily or forever?

 

Can you really be happy with the prospect of never finding someone? Isn't the essence of life to forge relationships?( I.e friendships, romantic relationshps and familial relationships?)

 

I'm one of those people who is definitely not the marrying type. I have a lot of relationships with my family, friends, coworkers, animals, etc.

 

I don't need one "meaningful" romantic relationship to fulfill me, though. I'm not planning on having kids, and sex is easy enough to get, and I have a best friend who I do stuff with, so I don't really see the need for a romantic partner. Besides, after a few years, most romantic relationships turn into a deeper, perhaps less passionate type of love.

 

I guess if I'm in a relationship with anyone, it's me. I think I'm awesome and sexy, so it works out really well.

[Pyro]

If by alone you mean living in complete solitude then no I don't think that anyone (just about everyone IMO) could be happy that way.

 

If someone were to never marry or be in a long term relationship I do think that they can be happy. They may be very close to their family and/or friends or be involved in a passionate hobby or two that takes up all or most of their free time.

[Treasa]

I want to add something else. Ever since I stopped focusing on "the relationship" I was in, and stopped worrying and all of that, and the happier I started to be on my own (voluntarily), the more I started to really feel those connections with others. It sounds a little corny, but it feels like my heart and soul have opened up to those around me, and I feel more love and less alone than ever before.

[ThaWholigan]

I think there are those who simply thrive when in a relationship, so it's possible that they wouldn't be happy alone, but I would wager that those people are few and far in between.

 

Likewise, some people thrive in solitude (in bits mind, not for entire existence). Most people are in the middle though.

 

I think it's highly possible for someone to be truly happy alone, and it is that love for oneself that can get you through unlucky patches, especially where dating is concerned. Ironically, it does become easier to truly love others when one has healthy love for oneself.

[happydate]

Hi all,

 

I've come across a few inspirational posts about finding happiness even when you are alone.

 

I think some people are able to do so. But I don't think some people could ever tuly be happy alone. Sure, they go through temporary moments of singleood but the hope of eventually finding a long- lasting fulfilling relationship, keeps them going. Consequently, they muster up all the courage and strength to stay happy pending this relationship. They push themselves to exercise patience.

 

So it really confuses me when some people talk about being happy alone. Do the mean they are happy being alone temporaily or forever?

 

Can you really be happy with the prospect of never finding someone? Isn't the essence of life to forge relationships?( I.e friendships, romantic relationshps and familial relationships?)

 

Ultimately though, this is the path all of us will eventually take. Being happy alone means the person has achieved the ultimate in self unconditional love, the love of the heart greater than any external sources or physical sexual stimuli can provide. Ever wonder how Mother Teresa become so happy without needing to get constant sex? The person does not need sex nor drugs to make him or her happy. He or she has achieved what is known as I am that I am, Christ and Buddha consciousness.

 

We are all destined on this path whether you like it or not because if you believe this or not, we are part of god's consciousness. We are one with god. The life on earth now is the separation from god, an illusion to teach you how to get back on track and be one with god, one with the universe. Well in heaven, you are always happy as one so why can't you be on mother earth.

 

I do know several people who are now one with the universe, happy as a clam as either a single person or a couple who actually don't rely solely on external stimuli either. Even with the sex, it is meaningful and passionate and the orgasmic effect reaches the Kundalini effect; something you must experience to believe. Unfortunately, most of us will only reach a physical orgasmic experience; which is why we constantly need sex once in awhile because our heart has a void for this that needs to be temporarily filled.

 

These same people had helped me repair my heart basically. It is your heart that causes a lot of people on earth to be miserable and unhappy, because the Universe or God will keep throwing relationships at you in the attempt to jumpstart your broken heart, heal it and then move on. You really can't escape this at all as the Universe is relentless. You probably figure out by now as to why you keep jumping from one frying pan to another and it just keep not getting any better right?!? It's basically you are unwillingly to accept the lessons given to you in life and then you try to escape it. Living a life of solitude is to escape universal responsibility, which differs to a person living in solitude and yet serve humanity for god. He or she is in service to others because that person is happy inside and willing to share that happiness without needing compensation. There are many people like this out there who want to help and yet, there will be few people who will accept them, because to be happy alone you need to first open your heart.

 

Is your heart open up wide enough to receive love and the pain involved to strengthen it to become strong with unconditional love? That's the question you need to answer yourself!

Edited May 13, 2013 by happydate

[Pillow]

Did you know the gay guy on Project Runway has been single for over 20 YEARS!! Wow! He loves it and I don't feel sorry for him one bit because he is happy and cool! If I was a gay guy though, I would be chasing after him.

[Mr. Nibbles]

Happiness is when you do something nice for your gf, like helping her or a nice gift or even sex. When I do something nice for the woman in my life I am happy because she is happy. Happiness doesn't equal a nice car, a pool in the backyard or a fancy TV system. That stuff is good for a while, but if you're still alone, then what?

[youngnlove89]

I'm one of those people who is definitely not the marrying type. I have a lot of relationships with my family, friends, coworkers, animals, etc.

 

I don't need one "meaningful" romantic relationship to fulfill me, though. I'm not planning on having kids, and sex is easy enough to get, and I have a best friend who I do stuff with, so I don't really see the need for a romantic partner. Besides, after a few years, most romantic relationships turn into a deeper, perhaps less passionate type of love.

 

I guess if I'm in a relationship with anyone, it's me. I think I'm awesome and sexy, so it works out really well.

 

I wish I were like you!! Be single, want no kids/marriage, have a **** buddy or FWB, and be happy alone. I really want that. Relationships are overrated these days and everyone is breaking up and getting divorces. Maybe we aren't supposed to be with only one person forever!

[Luckydad]

Yep. Totally possible and no, not temporary. I already have great relationships with my kids, friends and family. A romantic relationship (and all the "issues" associated with it) is no longer on the menu and I'm much happier as a result of that particular decision.

[thefooloftheyear]

Humans are inherently social, so it really goes against how we are wired to be "all alone"...Its unhealthy, frankly..We all have relatives that are "lone wolves" and if you look at them, they aren't particularly happy, they mire in their own crap and usually are a bit off..

 

There is nothing better when you are a team and share a life together with common interests and goals. Sure the intimacy and sex is great and a big part of it, but knowing that there is someone who has your back and is there for you when you are down, sick whatever is what makes life a bit more bearable...

 

FWB's just isnt for me. I can see the benefit and am not against it, but it just seems like the people that I know that have tried it always failed because one or both wound up attached.

 

The important thing is to not let a site like this one cause you to become jaded and believe that real long term relationships that are healthy are impossible. It just isnt the case. There are many people in my own world that are happily married for a looong time. Sure, its not all fun and games, it takes work..Hard work..But its worth it if you find the one that really clicks..

 

TFY

[UpwardForward]

I'm far happier/content than if I had made a mistake .. and just for the sake of being 'married'.

 

Lonliest time of my life: When my better half/best friend of 23 years acted extremely isolated/indifferent and told me he didn't want to be married anymore.

[carhill]

So it really confuses me when some people talk about being happy alone. Do the mean they are happy being alone temporaily or forever?

 

Each person defines it for themselves. When I post on these forums about being happy living alone, it reflects on a generation or more of total experience with that, though I have noted the flavor of that happiness has changed over the decades, aligning with the usual path of personal life and growth which occurs for most people. We change, constantly, from birth until death. Hence, 'happiness' and 'alone' can change throughout one's life.

 

Can you really be happy with the prospect of never finding someone?

 

A generation ago, I had my doubts. Now, yes, for sure.

 

 

Isn't the essence of life to forge relationships?( I.e friendships, romantic relationshps and familial relationships?)

 

We each define our own life path and what we prioritize. I value relationships but they are not the essence of my life path. For another, their perspective might be completely different. I recall, in the distant past, working a volunteer job with an older gentleman who prided himself on being a great grandfather. He had married at 18, as had his son, and his grandson. His value in in life, what he constantly talked about, was his family. Everything else was secondary. That really explains how 'value' and 'happiness' are singular to each of us.

 

What I've noticed since getting divorced is that I'm more genuinely happy for others who find their happiness in relationships. Good on them.

[Sunshine87]

Thanks for your replies everyone. Very insightful indeed. Thank you.

 

I really admire the strength and courage some of you have. Perhaps you have learnt to accept the "unconditional love" that one of the posts wrote about.

 

However I also noticed tha some of you have had "a go". For example someone mentioned his kids. Someone mentioned his divorce. Some have had long term relationships etc. However I think I'm very unique in the following ways.

 

A) I am very emotional. Im not unstable or anything but I would catch feelings if I had a FWB. Infact when I had one, it was hell.lol. I fell big time. So I notice that I get attached once I get physical with a guy. I don't even have to sleep with him....jus kiss or make out.

 

B) I need support. I need a partner. I need a team member. I need a confidant. Someone who will be there. Someone I can reach out to. A friend and a lover. I know some people who don't need this but I would be lying to myself if I denied that I did because I can't wait for the day that I settle down and I can't change the way I feel. Perhaps I was created this way?

 

C) I am 26 years old. No children. Never been married. Longest relationship three and a half years. So there is so so much for me to explore and experience.

 

D) I try to engage in charitable acts etc and right now, I am currently working on one. But regardless, there is still a vacuum which I know will be filled when I meet my life partner, start a family etc. Sometimes I want someone I can share my thoughts and ideas with you know? I mean, you can still help the less privileged and simultaneously run a successful relationship. Those two are not in conflict.

 

I guess my conclusion is that, people are created in different ways. Some are created with more resilience and strength and with a bigger heart to live for much more than love etc. Others, not so much.

 

I guess this is a form of therapy lol. I'm just sharing my thoughts and wondering if I'm normal. The emotional part really gets to me. I mean, why do I have to get attached so easily? Lol

 

I also wondered if people genuinely felt happy being alone or if they chose to be alone having found themselves alone. Sort of like making lemonade out of lemons. But it seems like some people are. However I would disqualify some posters from this survey I,e those who have been married or have children because they have had a shot at it.

[todreaminblue]

Hi all,

 

I've come across a few inspirational posts about finding happiness even when you are alone.

 

I think some people are able to do so. But I don't think some people could ever tuly be happy alone. Sure, they go through temporary moments of singleood but the hope of eventually finding a long- lasting fulfilling relationship, keeps them going. Consequently, they muster up all the courage and strength to stay happy pending this relationship. They push themselves to exercise patience.

 

So it really confuses me when some people talk about being happy alone. Do the mean they are happy being alone temporaily or forever?

 

Can you really be happy with the prospect of never finding someone? Isn't the essence of life to forge relationships?( I.e friendships, romantic relationshps and familial relationships?)

 

 

you can be happy while you are alone, I have always wanted to have someone who loved me back as much as i loved them......i have family and friends who do.........but if that special guy never happens for me, i wont be sad.......because i have things in life that i can do, if it isnt showing love for a partner ill spread it out.........to many......i also wont have sex again.......i am celibate......which would make me a little sad as i know the warmth of another.....i just have to channel that side of me ...somewhere else....which wont be easy but if there's a will there's a way ....and yeah ill pray for strength with that one............i actually do miss making love I can only have that love with a loving committed partner.....deb

[carhill]

C) I am 26 years old. No children. Never been married. Longest relationship three and a half years. So there is so so much for me to explore and experience.

<snip>

However I would disqualify some posters from this survey I,e those who have been married or have children because they have had a shot at it.

 

For my anecdote, when I was your age, it would be another 9 years before I lost my virginity and another 15 years before I would get married. At your age, I had yet to experience a long term relationship. However, at that time, absent a marked desire to have children, I was quite happy with my life path in general, and much of it was spent 'alone' and would be for many years to come. So, in the present, having been married and divorced, I could be 'disqualified', but as a peer, in that time and place, I beg to differ. Perhaps when you're in your 50's and reflecting back upon your life, you'll see what I'm getting at.

[Treasa]

I've had a few fairly long relationships....that didn't make me happy.

 

I have more loving people in my life now than ever. I am voluntarily single, but almost never alone.

[soccerrprp]

I've had a few fairly long relationships....that didn't make me happy.

 

I have more loving people in my life now than ever. I am voluntarily single, but almost never alone.

 

The key is that you should have established, healthy relationships that build you up, encourage, embrace you with love. It doesn't have to be a romantic relationship. You may be w/o a partner, but you should not be or feel "lonely."

[happydate]

Thanks for your replies everyone. Very insightful indeed. Thank you.

 

I really admire the strength and courage some of you have. Perhaps you have learnt to accept the "unconditional love" that one of the posts wrote about.

 

However I also noticed tha some of you have had "a go". For example someone mentioned his kids. Someone mentioned his divorce. Some have had long term relationships etc. However I think I'm very unique in the following ways.

 

A) I am very emotional. Im not unstable or anything but I would catch feelings if I had a FWB. Infact when I had one, it was hell.lol. I fell big time. So I notice that I get attached once I get physical with a guy. I don't even have to sleep with him....jus kiss or make out.

 

B) I need support. I need a partner. I need a team member. I need a confidant. Someone who will be there. Someone I can reach out to. A friend and a lover. I know some people who don't need this but I would be lying to myself if I denied that I did because I can't wait for the day that I settle down and I can't change the way I feel. Perhaps I was created this way?

 

C) I am 26 years old. No children. Never been married. Longest relationship three and a half years. So there is so so much for me to explore and experience.

 

D) I try to engage in charitable acts etc and right now, I am currently working on one. But regardless, there is still a vacuum which I know will be filled when I meet my life partner, start a family etc. Sometimes I want someone I can share my thoughts and ideas with you know? I mean, you can still help the less privileged and simultaneously run a successful relationship. Those two are not in conflict.

 

I guess my conclusion is that, people are created in different ways. Some are created with more resilience and strength and with a bigger heart to live for much more than love etc. Others, not so much.

 

I guess this is a form of therapy lol. I'm just sharing my thoughts and wondering if I'm normal. The emotional part really gets to me. I mean, why do I have to get attached so easily? Lol

 

I also wondered if people genuinely felt happy being alone or if they chose to be alone having found themselves alone. Sort of like making lemonade out of lemons. But it seems like some people are. However I would disqualify some posters from this survey I,e those who have been married or have children because they have had a shot at it.

 

I have a feeling here that you are making yourself feel like you are a "VICTIM" in this world and that it seemed unfair that everyone seemed to have the Hollywood version of "living happily ever after" and that you don't. You seemed to think that everyone is created differently.

 

As it may seem a shock to you or perhaps everyone else here, we are all created equal by god all mighty. Which means, I am you and you are me. We are all courageous divine souls living a human experience. The reason why you perceived yourself as being different from me and everyone else is the level of your spirituality compared to mine or mother Teresa so to speak.

In layman terms; a college student will have a different perspective in education compared to a high school student or a kindergarten student. The same with a university student doing his or her PhD. Is it wrong to be different? Nope. It's just the level of education that is different that's all. Which is why, there is nothing inherent wrong or bad; in fact the Universe is neutral which means there is no right nor wrong. We humans created duality which means we judge people as being different, right or wrong in terms of having kids or not or having a wife or not. Even having sex without marriage or in a FWB or in a casual sexual setting are neither right nor wrong. Each individual will be given the opportunity by the divine to exercise these experience with full grace! It's us who feel dirty and guilty if we do this. Some may choose to stop doing this, but that's just impeding on your growth, your personal spiritual growth.

 

That is not the objective of your life on this earth as you are overly concerned that at the age of 26, you're not achieving anything in life! This is false thinking. You have achieved a lot perhaps spiritually; more so than people with kids or a wife or husband. Why? Because being alone, you can concentrate your full 100% to becoming a better person and have personal growth. You can't do effectively that with kids or having a nagging wife or a cheating husband either! So in a way, a single person is blessed.

 

Having said that, god always wants all of us to be happy so there is always Mr. The One or Miss. The One lurking out there.

 

Want to meet them? It's easy. Improve YOURSELF by healing your heart and be more loving to yourself. Once you can love yourself, it's not difficult to love others like a life partner if one lands on your front door step. The Universe always have ways to allow us to meet that person unexpectedly out of nowhere. You don't need POF, eharmony etc for that, though it does help.

 

Perhaps your lifetime here now is not to marry, but to marry into service for god and help other people, your siblings, your parents, community services etc... Who said you need to marry someone to be happy and to serve? You can marry into any service the same way as you marry someone. Being alone makes you strong and resilient, but you must also be strong and determined yourself.

 

You should live by the moment which is now. Happy people live by the moment. They don't care about the past nor look into the future. Just look at people in poor countries and a lot of them are really happy just to survive and don't even think about getting a girlfriend. While some of us here moaning for a girlfriend, boyfriend husband or wife just because we live in comfort. Food for thought perhaps. :laugh:

Edited May 14, 2013 by happydate

[pureinheart]

Hi all,

 

I've come across a few inspirational posts about finding happiness even when you are alone.

 

I think some people are able to do so. But I don't think some people could ever tuly be happy alone. Sure, they go through temporary moments of singleood but the hope of eventually finding a long- lasting fulfilling relationship, keeps them going. Consequently, they muster up all the courage and strength to stay happy pending this relationship. They push themselves to exercise patience.

 

So it really confuses me when some people talk about being happy alone. Do the mean they are happy being alone temporaily or forever?

 

Can you really be happy with the prospect of never finding someone? Isn't the essence of life to forge relationships?( I.e friendships, romantic relationshps and familial relationships?)

 

Yes.

 

I have a lot of family and friends that are real. To waste time on the wrong romantic relationship would take precious time and energy from what is real. Now if God were to send the "right" person, that would be different, but not holding my breath at this point in time.

 

I'd rather be here at this laptop conversing with you than to have a broken heart from some crackhead that hasn't grown up yet playing mind games with my head. I am happy already, no heartaches, just family and friends that I adore.

 

I have more to do than there is time

[pureinheart]

For my anecdote, when I was your age, it would be another 9 years before I lost my virginity and another 15 years before I would get married. At your age, I had yet to experience a long term relationship. However, at that time, absent a marked desire to have children, I was quite happy with my life path in general, and much of it was spent 'alone' and would be for many years to come. So, in the present, having been married and divorced, I could be 'disqualified', but as a peer, in that time and place, I beg to differ. Perhaps when you're in your 50's and reflecting back upon your life, you'll see what I'm getting at.

 

Yep............

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I personally don't think I could be happy like that.

I want a husband and babies

[somedude81]

I'm one of those people who is definitely not the marrying type. I have a lot of relationships with my family, friends, coworkers, animals, etc.

 

I don't need one "meaningful" romantic relationship to fulfill me, though. I'm not planning on having kids, and sex is easy enough to get, and I have a best friend who I do stuff with,

If your sex friend said no more and you weren't able to find another person to sleep with, would you still be OK?

[somedude81]

As for myself, I have not had anything even remotely close to a relationship in my entire life and I simply don't have sex. The last time I had sex must have been back in 2008.

 

I am absolutely unhappy, think about suicide constantly and wish that every night I go to sleep I didn't have to wake up the next day

[Els]

'Happiness' is a scale; where do you define where happiness begins and ends?

 

I think that some people would be 'happier' in a fulfilling relationship. I'm one of them. That doesn't mean that they can't still be 'happy' outside of one.