Infnitysign Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Lets talk about Passive Aggressive Whatever/Fine/Okay A great and easy form of PA when you hear it from your partner and how do you deal with it? Do you ignore it or do you say the same thing to your partner too and just wait until the silence crawls into the room and one of you burst out yelling and screaming. Talk about it with your partner about their PA, but they retaliate with PA and say that its who they are and turns the conversation back at you. Saying how being PA is who they are and not a choice and if you don't like it you can leave. What a PA partner can do to your health and what have you done to make a unhealthy relationship into a great and bright relationship. I'm not going to tell my experiences because its a long story I'd rather hear from you guys and how you got over a PA partner.
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 I like passive aggressiveness. I think it's a nifty form of conversing with someone. Some people don't like it. I think they don't have a sense of adventure and enjoyment...
hppr Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 I'm not going to tell my experiences because its a long story I'd rather hear from you guys and how you got over a PA partner. I split up with her. You can try talking with them, putting your foot down, arguing, but eventually you will find that people who are very aggressive will always be that way. They may feel bad about it, they may apologize, but it just repeats. If you are reading this and you are with a guy/girl who is aggressive, mean, violent at times, pathological liar, whatever, don't think for a moment that they are 'all like that'. Believe me they are not. 1
Author Infnitysign Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 Frustration, guilt, and insecurities aren't fun IMO
salparadise Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 a) What a PA partner can do to your health and b) what have you done c) to make a unhealthy relationship into a great and bright relationship. 1. Damaging to your mental state- causes resentment, undermines self-esteem, etc., etc., etc. 2. Divorce- expensive but worth it 3. Replaced with new partner who is evolved, emotionally healthy, self-aware /fixed
Author Infnitysign Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 I split up with her. You can try talking with them, putting your foot down, arguing, but eventually you will find that people who are very aggressive will always be that way. They may feel bad about it, they may apologize, but it just repeats. If you are reading this and you are with a guy/girl who is aggressive, mean, violent at times, pathological liar, whatever, don't think for a moment that they are 'all like that'. Believe me they are not. It is a choice and not who they are.
Author Infnitysign Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 1. Damaging to your mental state- causes resentment, undermines self-esteem, etc., etc., etc. 2. Divorce- expensive but worth it 3. Replaced with new partner who is evolved, emotionally healthy, self-aware /fixed I like that you chose that word!
hppr Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 It is a choice and not who they are. Well, I'd disagree on that one, but if you want to try to argue/debate/passive aggressive someone into not being passive aggressive be my guest. Really though (scientific fact) peoples' personalities are fully formed by the time they are 5-6 years old and they rarely change. So I think that if you want to 'fix' a passive-aggressive woman, well, good luck...
Author Infnitysign Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 Well, I'd disagree on that one, but if you want to try to argue/debate/passive aggressive someone into not being passive aggressive be my guest. Really though (scientific fact) peoples' personalities are fully formed by the time they are 5-6 years old and they rarely change. So I think that if you want to 'fix' a passive-aggressive woman, well, good luck... Well not fix, but make them understand that I am upset by their behavior.
Treasa Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Reiko tells me I'm passive aggressive, but lacking the passive part. Whatever. 1
Reiko Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Whether it's a choice or just 'their nature' is irrelevant. Either way *you* can't change them. You either accept it as part of the package or you leave. Also, she probably doesn't think this is true, but I like Treasa's aggressiveness At least I never have to wonder what her feelings are on something.
Treasa Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Whether it's a choice or just 'their nature' is irrelevant. Either way *you* can't change them. You either accept it as part of the package or you leave. Also, she probably doesn't think this is true, but I like Treasa's aggressiveness At least I never have to wonder what her feelings are on something. I go the extra mile and tell him what HIS feelings on something are. 1
Author Infnitysign Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 Whether it's a choice or just 'their nature' is irrelevant. Either way *you* can't change them. You either accept it as part of the package or you leave. Also, she probably doesn't think this is true, but I like Treasa's aggressiveness At least I never have to wonder what her feelings are on something. Choice and nature is relevant because it turns the world and why wouldn't it matter in a relationship. PA by nature I have the choice to learn to put myself in their shoes. PA by choice I have it in my nature to to be a good human being.
tbf Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Everyone uses PA to some extent. It's how often you use it that defines the line between emotionally healthy and unhealthy. Most often, PAers were raised in environments where it wasn't safe to express their negative emotions (abusive retaliation) or they perceived a lack of safety (potentially neurochemical imbalances). As far as myself, PAers are incompatible and destructive to the structure of my emotional landscape. Frankly, they freak me out.
Author Infnitysign Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 Everyone uses PA to some extent. It's how often you use it that defines the line between emotionally healthy and unhealthy. Most often, PAers were raised in environments where it wasn't safe to express their negative emotions (abusive retaliation) or they perceived a lack of safety (potentially neurochemical imbalances). As far as myself, PAers are incompatible and destructive to the structure of my emotional landscape. Frankly, they freak me out. It is very unsafe in my culture to express negative emotion, but I didn't go crazy and us PA on everything. Or the lack of safety might be warmer to all the people I know that are extremely PA.
Reiko Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Choice and nature is relevant because it turns the world and why wouldn't it matter in a relationship. PA by nature I have the choice to learn to put myself in their shoes. PA by choice I have it in my nature to to be a good human being. Sorry, I realize my statement might not have been terribly clear. It is not entirely irrelevant. I only meant it is irrelevant for the person on the receiving end (you, the OP in this case though obviously I think the same applies to everyone). For the person exhibiting this behavior, it is very relevant because saying it is nature means they feel they have no control over it and therefor will likely do nothing to try and change it. If they feel it's a choice, they feel they have power over it. That being said, they could still feel it's nature and choose to act differently because we're human beings and part of what makes us human is the ability to act against instinct. But all of that means nothing for you. Maybe you'll find it helpful to understand them better in the short term, but in the long term you will never know because you will never be in someone else's head. You have a choice in how you react to it and how you allow it to effect you.
Author Infnitysign Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 Sorry, I realize my statement might not have been terribly clear. It is not entirely irrelevant. I only meant it is irrelevant for the person on the receiving end (you, the OP in this case though obviously I think the same applies to everyone). For the person exhibiting this behavior, it is very relevant because saying it is nature means they feel they have no control over it and therefor will likely do nothing to try and change it. If they feel it's a choice, they feel they have power over it. That being said, they could still feel it's nature and choose to act differently because we're human beings and part of what makes us human is the ability to act against instinct. But all of that means nothing for you. Maybe you'll find it helpful to understand them better in the short term, but in the long term you will never know because you will never be in someone else's head. You have a choice in how you react to it and how you allow it to effect you. Thanks for clarifying and I've been on the receiving end of PA and I know everyone has been their I just want people to help me here a little on how they've coped with it. I'm kinda on my witz end.
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