shinedown Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Hi everyone, I've been in a relationshop for nearly 4 years now. We never argue or fight and apart from the very odd slight squabble, all is fine. Like most relationships it started off fantastic. The whole first year was a blur with good times, holidays, sex, laughs, everything. Then slowly year by year the natural slowdown has occured, and I'm fine with that as that's just what usually happens. The relationship has changed from physical to more deep and emotional. However, we are now both 27 and we're just not going anywhere. We're both still at home, me with itchy feet wanting to move out and find a place of our own, her not so much. Well, not at all. She is more than happy to stay at home with her folks forever. She doesn't have a full-time job even though she is very highly educated to degree level. She just has no ambition whatsoever in life. She is quite happy to stay at home, work 3 days a week and relax for the rest. If this is her life choice, then so be it. But I want to be with someone who has ambition. Who wants to do well for themselves and get the most out of life. Afterall, we're only here once. I want to get a place, get married, have children. I want those things and I know she just doesn't. I still love her but the more times goes by I just think we want completely different things. Maybe sometimes loving the other person just isn't enough, no matter how much. I shouldn't have to/don't want to change her, but over the last year or so I just can't see a future. I don't know what I'm looking for here, just some advice I suppose. I just wondered if anyone around here has ever been in a similar situation. Thanks in advance, and for reading.
KatZee Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 This is a huge compatibility issue and you're both not compatible. Have you had a conversation with her regarding these things? If you have and she's on one page and you're on another, there's really no point in you two being together any longer. It sounds like you've outgrown what she has to offer you and you're ready to move to the next level. If she's aware of your concerns and doesn't feel she wants what you want, it's time to end it and move on.
SalientPoint Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Hi everyone, I've been in a relationshop for nearly 4 years now. We never argue or fight and apart from the very odd slight squabble, all is fine. Like most relationships it started off fantastic. The whole first year was a blur with good times, holidays, sex, laughs, everything. Then slowly year by year the natural slowdown has occured, and I'm fine with that as that's just what usually happens. The relationship has changed from physical to more deep and emotional. However, we are now both 27 and we're just not going anywhere. We're both still at home, me with itchy feet wanting to move out and find a place of our own, her not so much. Well, not at all. She is more than happy to stay at home with her folks forever. She doesn't have a full-time job even though she is very highly educated to degree level. She just has no ambition whatsoever in life. She is quite happy to stay at home, work 3 days a week and relax for the rest. If this is her life choice, then so be it. But I want to be with someone who has ambition. Who wants to do well for themselves and get the most out of life. Afterall, we're only here once. I want to get a place, get married, have children. I want those things and I know she just doesn't. I still love her but the more times goes by I just think we want completely different things. Maybe sometimes loving the other person just isn't enough, no matter how much. I shouldn't have to/don't want to change her, but over the last year or so I just can't see a future. I don't know what I'm looking for here, just some advice I suppose. I just wondered if anyone around here has ever been in a similar situation. Thanks in advance, and for reading. Did you talk to her clearly about how you're feeling? Have you told her any of this? Now, I'm not saying that people can and instantly change. Most don't, or can only change certain things over periods of time, but maybe if you explain all this it will be the motivation she needs to start doing things and getting out there. Maybe just re-state what you've posted and be brutally honest and say that you're now having doubts and maybe even contemplating leaving. Also, have you taken the initiative to re-ignite the spark? If you've already talked to her about it and she brushes you off or doesn't care, then yes, I'd say you should probably find someone you're more suited for, but after 4 years it's worth at least a talk if you haven't had one.
Njeanne Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Don't leave a relationship, without having talked it through. I am sorry to say this, but how would you give her a chance to have her work out on herself if you just decide to up and go one day. I am sorry to say this, but you wouldn't be worth it for any women if you take the cowardly way out without giving the relationship a chance, your girlfriend a chance to fix things.
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