Treasa Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Gather around, kids. Aunt Traci is going to tell you a story... Three years ago today, my boyfriend of six years broke up with me. It was the sixth time he had broken up with me, and also the last. I was devastated. I was nearly suicidal. I had to take a leave of absence from work, and missed a lot of work before that, and couldn't even pretend to be ok while I was at work. I would spend all day every day emailing my best friend, my mom, my grandma, etc. about my ex and what I should do. My ex was a true narcissist. Thinking he was the life of the party, seemingly self-assured, very outgoing, all of that. I think that's what made it harder to get over him. In reality, though, he was 31, lived at home, made half of what I made (actually, 1/3), and his mommy did his laundry, cooked for him, paid for almost everything, etc. It was really pathetic. For a solid five and a half weeks I tried to subtly coax him back. I would send him job listings because he was trying to find a new job. I fixed up his resume for him. I was constantly trying to prove to him how valuable I was, and why he should still love me. He treated me like a friend, was occasionally flirty, but pretty much used me. And I let him. I wasn't proving myself to him! I was being a doormat! Finally, after almost six weeks I emailed him and asked him if we could try again. The "subtle" (in my mind) approach wasn't working, and I've always been a confrontational sort anyway. He wrote me a long, stupid, flowery email that was more about wonderful he was than anything else, and then eventually told me that, although he missed having a girlfriend, he wasn't sure I was the one he wanted. I got over him the week following receiving that reply from him. And now, three years later and reflecting back on it, it was one of the best things to ever happen to me. I learned how I will NOT let myself be treated anymore, I learned how strong I am, and I learned that true happiness comes from within. Even ALONE, you have the power to be happy. When you can truly do that, when you DECIDE to be happy and not be with that person anymore, the world is yours. 2
GI_Joy Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 It's empowering, isn't it? Learning that you really didn't have to put up with someone else's sh*t and that people actually have to earn you? It's an eye-opener, that's for sure. 1
soccerrprp Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Thank you for sharing, Traci. I cannot imagine the turmoil that surrounded that period in your life. Debilitating to say the least, but also self-revealing and fortifying having come out of it stronger, better, faster, smarter.... I had a friend that went through something similar, but I doubt that she has learned from her past. I always wonder why people become so emotionally involved with people that are simply not good for them. Self-esteem, certainly, but there has to be more, right? Anyway, thank you. I am very happy that you are in a better place. You, we all deserve to be in "that" better place. 1
prettycutesoul Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 hahahhha this is honestly a great post! My ex is a narcissist too! I am trying to get over him and hope to get over him in a week like you did, I hope!! I really hope but this is a nice read. You really deserve a better life, and this guy wasn't it. pretty happy for you 1
Author Treasa Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 It's empowering, isn't it? Learning that you really didn't have to put up with someone else's sh*t and that people actually have to earn you? It's an eye-opener, that's for sure. Oh God, when I look back on it now, I can't help but laugh. Everything my mom was telling me ("You're too good for him, you're way pretty and smarter and stronger than he deserves, he's a dud, you deserve better") was right on the money. She was so confused as to why her awesome daughter was so hung up over this loser. And she was right. I thank her often for putting up with me during my "poor me" self-pity stage of my life, which lasted way too long.
youngnlove89 Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 I learned how I will NOT let myself be treated anymore, I learned how strong I am, and I learned that true happiness comes from within. Even ALONE, you have the power to be happy. When you can truly do that, when you DECIDE to be happy and not be with that person anymore, the world is yours. Thank you for your post. It inspires me. I'm glad you let that fool go. He doesn't deserve someone like you. It's funny how we try to prove ourselves, how we try to make ourselves valuable to someone else, how we need validation from them to believe it in ourselves. I was a victim of that. Still am. But it's something I work on everyday. Every day is a commitment to yourself to move forward and learn to be happy without that person. Because we can be. We deserve to be. It wasn't our fault, we did nothing wrong. Even though it didn't work out in the end, I don't regret it. I have learned a lot about myself and what I want in another person. I went through hell and back with my ex and I'm slowly climbing back up. He is someone I'll never forget, because every time I think of him, I will remind myself I deserve only the best. I will thank God that it didn't work out, because God knows I deserve more, I deserve better and he is out there somewhere. I'm not going to give up on love just because a guy didn't know what he had. 2
Author Treasa Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 I learned how I will NOT let myself be treated anymore, I learned how strong I am, and I learned that true happiness comes from within. Even ALONE, you have the power to be happy. When you can truly do that, when you DECIDE to be happy and not be with that person anymore, the world is yours. Thank you for your post. It inspires me. I'm glad you let that fool go. He doesn't deserve someone like you. It's funny how we try to prove ourselves, how we try to make ourselves valuable to someone else, how we need validation from them to believe it in ourselves. I was a victim of that. Still am. But it's something I work on everyday. Every day is a commitment to yourself to move forward and learn to be happy without that person. Because we can be. We deserve to be. It wasn't our fault, we did nothing wrong. Even though it didn't work out in the end, I don't regret it. I have learned a lot about myself and what I want in another person. I went through hell and back with my ex and I'm slowly climbing back up. He is someone I'll never forget, because every time I think of him, I will remind myself I deserve only the best. I will thank God that it didn't work out, because God knows I deserve more, I deserve better and he is out there somewhere. I'm not going to give up on love just because a guy didn't know what he had. I have a lot of hope and faith in you, love. You are very, very strong. That's evident. 1
GI_Joy Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Oh God, when I look back on it now, I can't help but laugh. Everything my mom was telling me ("You're too good for him, you're way pretty and smarter and stronger than he deserves, he's a dud, you deserve better") was right on the money. She was so confused as to why her awesome daughter was so hung up over this loser. And she was right. I thank her often for putting up with me during my "poor me" self-pity stage of my life, which lasted way too long. Haha, as much as I hate to say it sometimes, Mothers know best Yea, I'm just now growing out of that "poor me" stage, but obviously the real test for if I'm truly out of it is seeing how I'll act the next time I open my heart up to someone 1
Author Treasa Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 Haha, as much as I hate to say it sometimes, Mothers know best Yea, I'm just now growing out of that "poor me" stage, but obviously the real test for if I'm truly out of it is seeing how I'll act the next time I open my heart up to someone You remind me a lot of me. I think you're gonna be just fine. 1
GI_Joy Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 You remind me a lot of me. I think you're gonna be just fine. I hope so. You seemed to have learned a lot from your experiences and have quite a bit of words of wisdom for those around here on LS.
BustedUpInside Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 This is a great post. Especially for people who seem to be having trouble starting NC or breaking emotional ties with their exes. I like how you said that you were friendzoned, but as soon as he wrote you a fan letter to himself, you were able to see how much better off you would be without him. Good for you and thanks for sharing!
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