muggins Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 So I've been seeing a girl for about 5 months now but nothing official. She has been the one making most of the effort and this has recently become an issue. This is due to me being very guarded and not wanting to put myself out there for fear of being hurt. I have told her this and also told her that I have feelings for her and want to be with her. She said she likes me but isn't sure she's ready for a relationship, although she has told me before that she's fallen for me and is scared of getting hurt. She says she's willing to take things slow and see how it works out but I'm just confused about her not wanting to commit to anything even though we already do everything a couple would do without actually having the label. We talk every day and see each other 3 to 4 times a week at least and have a great sex life. Just can't work her out and don't want to be stuck going nowhere. Any female input would be much appreciated. Thanks
TaraMaiden Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 You both sound like commitment-phobes. Don't label yourself as anything. Just agree you're exclusive and faithful, and let things take their course. Be good to each other; have respect and communicate. Providing you're open and honest with each other, this will trundle along until you're both sure of where you want to be. Don't do things that will hurt, potentially: Talk everything over, but not to the point of hyper-analysis.
Author muggins Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 We have had the discussion about how if we were to sleep with anyone else the other would be jealous. We had a misunderstanding in which she thought I had which I hadn't and was cleared up rather swiftly. It made her rather upset. I have said if its not going anywhere then we should end it sooner rather than later but she seems reluctant to end it but also reluctant to commit. That why I'm so confused.
TaraMaiden Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Communication is important. EFFECTIVE communication is vital. Maybe you need to sit over dinner, some time, (neutral territory) and lay your cards on the table. Admit you both have jitters, and that you have history which makes Trusting someone, "challenging". It's important to be clear on what you know you want - and what you know you DON'T want. Why not suggest a date, and writing a short list of what your (individual) expectations are, then comparing notes?
Chief Wiggum Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 You both sound as bad as each other. You yourself have just said that you're guarded don't wanna' put yourself out there for fear of being hurt, and now you're confused by her doing the same thing? I honestly don't understand why some people allow it to get so complicated. Tell her how you feel and that you would like 'exclusivity' (God I hate that word), and if she doesn't see it the same way, then move on. She (and you!) can't have it both ways. This whole culture of leaving people hanging as back-ups and second choices due to your own indecisiveness, is wrong. In the first month or so, yeah, I understand. But 5 months? Wtf, man. How much longer can you drag this 'I like but you but I don't want to be with you but I still want you around with me' nonsense out.
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