I don't even know what to think anymore..

[dibs444]

I have always been a cold person that doesn't show much affection until two years ago. I met her through a friend and it clicked off right away. From the start she had me. I completely saw myself change without even trying I loved her from the start. When I met her she was going through financial situation with her family and not to mention her mother was on drugs. I was always there, I can honestly say I treated her like a queen. A few months into the relationship I found out through her fb she had been talking to her ex pretty much telling her ex I wasn't no one special after she had just told me she cared about me a lot.

Still I am unsure why but it hit me hard I guess because it was the first person I had ever cared for and actually loved. Even after her pleading with me telling me she didn't mean it I felt betrayed and went on a year long rampage on my own. Constantly drinking, not having contact with her for months at a time and even though I know it was wrong I would call her only for sex. She waited never actually did anything she just waited. This whole year I really think I was just on a self discovery trying to heal myself all the wrong ways and I know I hurt her deeply by ignoring her and talking to her when I wanted.

I finally came to my senses and told her I loved her and wanted to be with her. She of course by then told me it was too late she had been talking to her best friend too much and they had become more then friends. I pleaded her because I was well aware of how I hurt her. She said she loved me and we decided to try. We tried for six months. I treated her just like when we first got together I showed her how much I loved her. She just seems colder and we kept braking up and getting back together. She kept telling me I dont think I can get over it I love you but I have so much anger for what you did to me.

Of course we continued to try and we were good for maybe a bit we talked about our future it seemed perfect so it seemed and then she started acting shady. I knew I had every right to be insecure because she had been getting attention while i wasn't around. She finally told me once again she just couldn't get over it and she broke up with me the weekend before i had to have a surgery. Not even a day later I find out shes dating her best friend.

I keep telling myself its a rebound because from what people tell me she still loves me but I know Im fooling myself. Rebound or not she wanted to be happy and its not something I could do for her no matter how good I treated her. I just have no idea what to do she seems happy without me and she is doing things with her best friend that she would never want to do with me like actually letting her best friend take her out on dates and stuff. I know part of me deserves this but she was so cruel about it, I want to more then anything contact her but I would just look stupid when shes fine without me.