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A Simple but Powerful technique on how to stop feeling terrible

Larry56

By Larry56
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Larry56 Established Member

Larry56

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OK.

 

The last two months has been well...Terrible;). However, I've bought a few self-help programs online and I've learnt a ****load of stuff on how to get over a breakup and how to move forward. I know a lot of people are struggling here and so I thought I'd share with you a technique a learnt on how to "let the pain go" and how to normalize you're internal feelings. Now...I imagine most people do this kind of thing...

 

You go to bed completely torn up.

You wake up and you feel somewhat OK, not great but refreshed.

Slowely through the day you start to jump on the merry go-round of madness as you can't stop think about him/her and what she's up to. (and trust me my ex is in a new Relationship so there is no doubt she is getting action).

Finally you get to bed and you may cry under the covers before falling asleep.

 

Now...the thing about a breakup is that it's really no different than dealing with a death of a family member. This is another good reason why you should go NC after a breakup. This technique can be used there as well.

 

So right. Onto the technique. You have to REALLY do this and don't just look at it and laugh because it actually works. I do it a few times day and I can function pretty normally.

 

So. Step one. Sit down by yourself and say the following

 

1. "Can I accept these feelings?"

 

Now try answer yourself. If the answer is "Yes" then move onto the next question

 

2. "Can I let these feelings go?"...now answer.

 

If the answer is No...then go back to the original question "Can I accept these feelings"...

 

Until you start to feel calm and finally say "yes" to letting these feelings go. You will feel a shift inside of you. You will start to feel a little bit less anxious and you might even return to a normal state. Once you start to feel anxious again a few hours later. Do the same technique.

 

So that's it!

 

Enjoy!

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lonewalker Established Member

lonewalker

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Thanks for sharing.

 

The funny thing about me is that i feel most awful when i just woke up and the time i am about to go to bed.

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Larry56 Established Member

Larry56

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Yes, I'm sure a lot of people feel that way. This had nothing to do with the technique, it's just what I experience.

316 Established Member

316

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This sounds very therapeutic!

 

Whenever I'm feeling really down I either play video games, go on a run/work out, or post here on LS. :p

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Larry56 Established Member

Larry56

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I actually find, coming onto LS is incredibly depressing. Especially this section. No one seems actually interested in taking practical steps to actually a) get their ex back. or b) actually move onto someone who is better than their last ex.

 

I got this technique from Michael Griswold. He has a website called Relationship Advice | Reunited Relationships with Michael Griswold

316 Established Member

316

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Sounds like you're just talking to the wrong people or reading the wrong threads. A lot of people here give great advice.

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Larry56 Established Member

Larry56

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I would agree with you partially on that but it seems very few people have *any* advice other than the following;

 

Do NC and then...wait for them to contact you. That's great and all but it doesn't build attraction. It only makes them miss you, or simply just curious about what you're up to. That doesn't necessarily translate into them wanting you back. Or if you actually want to move on...people aren't giving any kind of real advice on how to do that.

 

But! Anyways, I'm not really angry I just think there's some better info out there .

316 Established Member

316

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I would agree with you partially on that but it seems very few people have *any* advice other than the following;

 

Do NC and then...wait for them to contact you. That's great and all but it doesn't build attraction. It only makes them miss you, or simply just curious about what you're up to. That doesn't necessarily translate into them wanting you back. Or if you actually want to move on...people aren't giving any kind of real advice on how to do that.

 

But! Anyways, I'm not really angry I just think there's some better info out there .

 

You're not understanding the fundamental aspect of no contact in the first place... It's not a tool to get your ex back; it's a tool to move on for good. It's a tool to help you find closure from WITHIN. It's a tool to help remind you that you can be happy in life without your ex.

 

And I just gave some advice (just minor tips) to help move on I'll post them here in a sec...

 

Unfortunately there's no magical steps you can take that will quickly alleviate your sense of loss, and there's also no exact timeline in terms of how quickly you should completely get over your ex... but there are some things you can do to make the healing process go by a bit faster.

 

1) Try new things/go to new places... You've made multiple memories with your ex, so now it's time to go out and make some new ones on your own! Try new things that you wouldn't be able to do if you were still with your ex. Go out with friends whenever possible, take up a new hobby, spoil yourself with a vacation, etc. You don't need a significant other to experience the world! Use this time alone to really find yourself.

 

2) Stay positive... As bad as the pain is, simply remembering that there is indeed a light at the end of the tunnel can be very empowering. Just take everything day by day and know that you are slowly but surely getting stronger with each passing minute as crazy as that sounds. Just remember if breakups killed people we'd all be dead! "This too shall pass."

 

3) Avoid staying alone in your room for extended periods of time! This is when and where our minds wander the most! Try to avoid being in your room for too long whenever possible. Go read outside, do chores around the house, watch a movie in the living room, go walk the dogs, bake something (if you're into cooking), do homework in the kitchen, go to the gym to work out (strongly recommend this one), just keep yourself busy. Your mind can't wander nearly as much if you're always occupied!

 

4) AVOID SOCIAL MEDIA SITES LIKE THE PLAGUE! If you can't do that then make sure you block your ex through any means possible. Just seeing a picture of your ex having fun without you can set you back big time.

 

and most of all...

 

5) Don't break no contact!

 

Do all of the above and I guarantee you you'll be feeling better much faster than usual. But of course we still have our down moments but that's what LS is for in the first place. Post here whenever you're feeling down.

 

Hope I helped!

cinta_satu Member

cinta_satu

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Don't mean to hijack your thread larry, but since you mentioned that you rarely find any therapeutic advice here on LS I thought I should share this link.

 

It can happen if you really get your act together

 

It's a thread on another forum that takes a different approach on whole moving on approach. It's rather lengthy, but definitely worth the read imo.

 

Good luck!

cinta_satu Member

cinta_satu

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4) AVOID SOCIAL MEDIA SITES LIKE THE PLAGUE! If you can't do that then make sure you block your ex through any means possible. Just seeing a picture of your ex having fun without you can set you back big time.

 

 

I can not stress the importance of this!! Even though she has me on limited and I can't see pictures she puts up with her new bf, simple status updates where she says "Can't wait for finals to be over. It's been a great year!" have set me back a lot.

 

I've only checked FB twice in the last 2 weeks and I'm sticking to only checking my notifications - no newsfeed, no chat, no nothing.

 

I thought about deactivating my FB, but my pride got in the way haha. I didn't want her to think I'm in some deep dark hole wallowing in self pity and cut off from the world.

 

Good luck!

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Larry56 Established Member

Larry56

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You're not understanding the fundamental aspect of no contact in the first place... It's not a tool to get your ex back; it's a tool to move on for good. It's a tool to help you find closure from WITHIN. It's a tool to help remind you that you can be happy in life without your ex.

 

Hey there,

 

Yeah I was never under the impression that NC was a tool to get you're ex back.

 

I've done everything you've stated and I'm absolutely fine :laugh: I seriously didn't post this up because "I'm sad" or anything like that. I posted because I noticed people are having a hard time dealing with the breakup.

316 Established Member

316

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I just posted that stuff after you said nobody around here really gives advice on how to move on.

 

Just trying to leave you with a better impression of the advice given on this site cause seriously there really are some great advice givers here.

 

That's all. :o

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Larry56 Established Member

Larry56

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I can not stress the importance of this!! Even though she has me on limited and I can't see pictures she puts up with her new bf, simple status updates where she says "Can't wait for finals to be over. It's been a great year!" have set me back a lot.

 

I've only checked FB twice in the last 2 weeks and I'm sticking to only checking my notifications - no newsfeed, no chat, no nothing.

 

I thought about deactivating my FB, but my pride got in the way haha. I didn't want her to think I'm in some deep dark hole wallowing in self pity and cut off from the world.

 

Good luck!

 

Hey Cintu,

 

No, do not delete/block yours or her FB. It makes you look needy and insecure. Like you can't handle seeing her.

 

My advice for you is, go check out Michael Griswold's website on how to get you're ex back. It costs $100 dollars for the program but there's an incredible amount of value in what you're paying for. But my main thing to say to you is. You need to rebuild your own attraction, that coupled with a few other things will make your ex notice you again. And once you do make contact with you're ex you have to actually act like your absolutely cool with the breakup and your life is going pretty well and that your actually enjoying your life. Even if your crying yourself to sleep every night.

 

Also, I would check out a guide (both of them are for both Men & Woman) called "Text Your Ex Back" I've used it and I've had some positive responses from my ex.

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Larry56 Established Member

Larry56

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I just posted that stuff after you said nobody around here really gives advice on how to move on.

 

Just trying to leave you with a better impression of the advice given on this site cause seriously there really are some great advice givers here.

 

That's all.

 

Hey that's cool. No troubles bubbles.

 

I'm one of those people who has to do "something" I just can't sit around and do nothing to try fix my problem. I'm a Guy, I've never been dumped like this before and It's opened my eyes incredibly. I now know what went wrong in my relationship and how to fix it. Sure...I could move on and find someone else. But why do I need to do that when my ex was the one for me /*not looking through rose-tinted glasses*/ so....if a human can land on the moon. Then it's possible to get your ex back. Will I pursue my ex forever. Nah probably not. But that just means I get to have some more different exciting relationships and since I've learnt ALOT about how relationships function. I can probably build an even better relationship. That's how I look at it anyways.

cinta_satu Member

cinta_satu

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Yea I don't plan on blocking her or deleting my FB. I don't want her to think that I've altered my life in any way for her. I will keep doing the things that have made me happy as well as find new things to do.

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