lovehurts5 Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 So just posted the other day about how my bf of 5 months did drugs the other day and how that really got me angry because I don't go for people like that. That being said we talked about it and I forgave him and everything turned out fine. Now a new obstacle just jumped in my way and I'm extremely sick to my stomach. On Facebook I went to check my messages and instead of being in my inbox I notice I had a message in the "other" section of messages. Idk why it sent there but it was a message from a month ago from a girl saying she was approached by my bf and that they exchanged numbers. She sent me their text exchange about his days off how they should grab lunch sometime and she said wouldn't ur gf be mad? And he said not really. And she said not really she wouldn't be mad or not really u don't have a gf. He said I'm seeing someone but its not like that we don't see each other all the time. She said I don't feel comfortable he said ok. So I sent him this message and he said that its his job to flirt with other girls (he's a bartender, I'm a teacher) and that he was just. Sing polite and he's told me that its his job to flirt since day 1 and that if I have a problem with that I need to walk away and that nothing happened I. Pile message her and he was just being friendly. So now I'm thinking yes I kno bartendes need to flirt but not outside of the job and u don't exchange numbers and ask to hang out. And he lied cuz I see him on every day he's off so idk why he'd say that. He was being very defensive when talking to me and now I haven't heard from him in 2.5 hours. Idk what to do. Part of me is saying this is exactly what it looks like he's lying and cheating and the other part is saying but he's Laays talked to girls and been overly friendly since we met... Idk now his status says too much drama lately need to get away.
SJC2008 Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 First of all as a teacher I think you can do better than a bartender with all due respect. He's full of isht, there's a difference between flirting and light hearted banter/joking. What part of bartenting "protocol" calls for asking a member of the opposite sex for a number? He sounds immature and a huge candidate for cheating/gigs. 1
ascendotum Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 he said that its his job to flirt with other girls. - > Its to serve drinks with a prompt & friendly manner. If you get tips in your country then sure flirting a little with the customers is probably good for your pocket, but after the drinks been served that's it. He's a bartender not a ****ing merchant banker chasing a deal...but he's chasing a different type of merger action. He's right, nothing happened (as you saw in the txts), but it was not him that backed out. 1
Author lovehurts5 Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 I am so sick to my stomach... He still has not called or Texted me to talk this over... It's been 3.5 hours. He's def. off of work at this point. It's almost like he's punishing me now for questioning him about it
Drseussgrrl Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Quit being a victim. Take charge of your life. No one is forcing you to date a two-timing bartender d-bag. And this is only ONE incident that you KNOW of. His ignoring you is his way of manipulating you. He knows it's emotionally abusive, so that you'll cave and forgive him. You're being SUCH a doormat, honey, and he knows he can pretty much get away with murder. Men don't go ga-ga over doormat. A dude giving away his number and downplaying the status of your relationship is cheating. 1
CC12 Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 It's almost like he's punishing me now for questioning him about it Yeah, that's probably exactly what he's doing. I read some of your old posts and this is his usual pattern, right? You bring up a very reasonable issue with him and he somehow turns it around to be your fault so he can then get mad at you and direct the negative attention at you instead of him. This should really alarm you. He's grooming you to become the type of partner who doesn't ever question him and just accepts whatever bad things he does. This is how a lot of abusive relationships start. So please be very careful here. Even apart from him being manipulative, he still seems like a bad seed. And I would never say that lightly. He just hits every "bad boyfriend" mark on the checklist. Asks to borrow a lot of money? Check. Does drugs? Check. Hits on other women? Check. Lies to you? Check. I know you probably think he's really special, and that what you guys have is unique, but he's really, honestly, just a bad boyfriend. Trust me when I tell you that you will be able to find someone better. 2
TaraMaiden Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 why does your life suck lately? Because that's the way you've chosen it to be. 'Lovehurts'....? Who in their right mind would call this 'love'....? 1
MidwestUSA Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 I guess he's called and everything is fine? Thanks to all for your replies.
Author lovehurts5 Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 No. Nothing is fine. He told me we need to have a talk later. I was planning on it anyway
Author lovehurts5 Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 Idk what a fwb is bit yes I'm sure he's my bf
Treasa Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Idk what a fwb is bit yes I'm sure he's my bf I just read a couple of the other threads you started. At least, I read the OPs. You should change what I quoted. Dump his ass. And do it over the phone or via text. He doesn't deserve the courtesy of it being done face to face.
MidwestUSA Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 I just read a couple of the other threads you started. At least, I read the OPs. You should change what I quoted. Dump his ass. And do it over the phone or via text. He doesn't deserve the courtesy of it being done face to face. Or, resign yourself to a life of coming back here asking for advice, and then not acknowledging any of the awesome people who go out of their way to give it. Why do you like being dumped on? Maybe that would help you get to the heart of the problem. This guy is a player and knows you'll "forgive" his every transgression. He's got you right where he wants you. 1
Recommended Posts