moonshine3 Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Hi guys, I need some help out here. I put everything in parts so it wouldn't be too messy. Background: So, I've been in a whirlwind romance, everything was very passionate and intense emotionally in a short time and also ended very fast. My head is still in the clouds but I'm trying to reach for the ground. Okay so now I'm trying to cope, it's been 5 days after the breakup. For the first 3 days I couldn't eat at all, had nausea and had nightmares. Past two days I could eat and sleep okay, but still feel dread whenever I wake. I ran into him today from a distance, didn't talk to each other although he saw me. We're back as friends, were best friends before and the romance was short (although intense) enough that we could still have a chance to be friends back. Reason for breakup: he wasn't ready for relationships, prefer to be single. He can't handle the responsibility and I admire him for being honest right after he felt that way. He was trying not to hurt me further, since he already knows his impulsiveness to start and end things on a whim. I was hurt of course but I already understood and did not hold anything against him. Plus although we were best friends in a can-talk-about-anything way, we realized we don't know each other very well at all. Problem 1: I NC for a whole day after the breakup night, the next day after NC, he texted me in the afternoon asking about a friends hangout thing which I didn't go, and later in the evening asking about something else, which I turned into telling him I understand him from his point of view now, but to which he rejected getting back together as he said he is not ready, which I accepted. Then for the following days I texted him occasionally which he replied but in a distant way, like just trying to be polite and humour me but without feeling, which hurts because we seem not even able to joke and talk nonsense anymore. Our mutual friend (one of his best friends) asked him about it and he said he didn't think he was being distant/cold/awkward, he was normal, and he thought I was the one feeling awkward. So should I leave him alone and NC until he comes back texting me up if he starts to miss/wonder about me? We don't run into each other anymore, he's leaving next week. I still hope we can lose the awkwardness and be friends like before, because a short relationship just isn't worth losing a friend over. But if I NC with him, will he come back? Because he might not be, thinking I would still be awkward talking to him. So should I let him know I'm okay now and then NC? Problem 2: This one is my personal feeling. Our mutual friend also told me that my ex said I was being clingy during the relationship, and that I keep on trying to understand him but he didn't feel I know anything about him. (I tried to understand, but probably I was always looking from a wrong point of view) He felt irritated that I told him I understand when I actually don't. (But he didn't correct me, just giving up the relationship, so idk). And he also said that he felt I was blinded by my love for him and just accept everything, and that I never think. And this hurt a lot. Knowing this strengthen my point of us not understanding each other well at all, and gave me strength and concrete reason to let go. But it hurts so much. I feel so humiliated and no self-respect at all, feeling like maybe he's right, I was blinded, and he was not, and he's strong and I'm weak. I suddenly feel so beneath him and unworthy of anything. I don't know why his opinions bother me so much, maybe because I've tried everything to save us when he withdrew emotionally, and now he's blaming stuff on me. I'm fed up and felt like I lost dignity and everything I am. And I don't know what to do now. I want to make him realize one day that I'm a precious gem that he would love to have but would never understand. Please help, thanks..
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