linym Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 I am 22 years old, and go to medical school in the Caribbean. In December, before the semester ended, I started hooking up with one of my guy friends, who is 26. It was purely just about s**, we really had no feelings for each other, and made that clear, other than just being friends. So we went home for the break a couple weeks later, and he kept in touch with me every other day, talking to me for hours. He also came to NY and wanted to see me, so we did hang out for a night. After that we still kept talking almost every other day for hours, and it was very fun. I felt though that he was getting attached and was developing feelings for me. But I wasn't too concerned because this guy is one of those player manwhore guys, he has never had a girlfriend, and has never been with a girl for more than like a week. So I did not think anything of it, and I just really enjoyed talking to him. So we get back to school 3 weeks later, and we still continue hooking up. But now of course our close friends know, because he lives with them, so there is obviously no way to hide that. It's going very well and still purely about s** (although I knew he really cared for me), until a couple months in around late Feb-March when it was clear we both really cared about each other as more than just friends. But the thing was that I was very unsure of what girls he was talking to or if he was hooking up with anyone else. He reassured me that he was not, because he did not want to hurt me like that, and he said he has never been so happy with just one girl. And he did not want to cheat on me and really cared for me. But he does flirt with a lot of girls, especially when going out on the weekends on and on his Facebook. After midterms ended, everyone went out and got very drunk. We were both out, and he was flirting with a lot of girls, in front of me. And of course I got jealous, and it was weird because I'd never been jealous before. But now I was because I had feelings for him, and I got upset with him while we were out. We were both drunk, and he was saying that he was going to f*** other girls, and that why would I think that he only wanted to f*** me. I got very upset upon hearing this and seeing him talk to all these girls, while he was basically ignoring me. A little while later he came up to me and said that he wasn't even interested in having s** with these other girls, he just wanted me. The next morning he was upset with me that I had gotten so jealous and was overreacting about him talking to all these girls. I didn't think I was overreacting, because it made me jealous, and I thought we both had feelings for each other, and I did not like seeing that. But also, I'd never been that jealous before. And he told me that while he really does care for me and I'm his main woman, he is going to be getting with other girls. And I didn't understand why I wasn't enough for him, because we always have fun together and genuinely like being with each other, other than just the s**. This really upset me, and I did not like it, but I wanted to be with him, because I liked him, a lot (I know that is what every girl should not do, settle for a guy who won't give her what she deserves. But I did it.). And he apologized for the things he said the previous night and said he didn't mean it, and he hadn't taken anyone home (he really hadn't, because he gave me his keys). So for the next few weeks we were really good. One day when we were studying he randomly says to me that he really cares about me and likes me, and even loves me. And he wants to be with me long term and make me his girlfriend, but that is when we are back home, in a year. But right now he doesn't want to do that, because it's different down here at school, it's a different world. But he loves me, wants to introduce me to his family, wants to be with me, live with me, etc. And he doesn't ever want to lose me. I told him that I appreciate him telling me all this, and I told him how I felt, but that I wasn't going to wait around forever for him to make me his girlfriend. The title itself doesn't matter to me, but I wasn't going to wait forever for him to get himself together when he was ready to make a commitment. So we were really good for the next couple of weeks, always hanging out, studying, just acting silly and all cutesy and coupl-ey. He kept on telling me how much he loves me, how happy he is with me, wants to be with me, etc. And how I am the most amazing woman he has ever met, and that he doesn't think he's worthy of me. But he wants to be with me long term, and that he may talk to other girls, but that means nothing and he really wants to stop doing that. That I am the only one who matters to him. And I didn't get jealous at all when we went out and I saw him talking to other girls, because I was the only one who mattered and I knew how he really felt about me. And I don't think he is making up these feelings, because if he didn't care for me, he wouldn't put up with me and want to hang out with me so much. But then a couple of weeks later, I am unsetting the alarm on his phone one morning, and I read a message that is already up on the phone, I didn't go click on it and go digging. This girl has asked him several times to take her home and that she wants him to f*** her. But all those 3x he has said no,and told me he just likes her as a friend, he isn't attracted to her at all. But this message was sent to her while we were hanging out, just after we did physical stuff and I cooked him dinner. He invited her over to his place to study with him, in his bedroom. And he told her that if she wasn't too busy that night (the night I was with him), he wanted to take her out to dinner. She said she wasn't sure (because he had rejected her already 3x and told her he just likes her as a friend), but maybe after finals. And he said yeah sure of cousre, I really want to take you out though, but I guess I will just see you on campus. And that next morning he was being very weird, in a very bad mood. So I just went home, but I confronted him about the message, and he said that we should break up, because he didn't think he could give me what I wanted, and he hated that, and he didn't want to hurt me by cheating on me. But if he broke up with me now, it would hurt less than if he messed up down the line. And that even though he had not gotten with anyone since we started hooking up, he didn't think that he could commit to me. And I said that he had been doing it for the past 5 months, it's not that hard to keep doing it. He has no interested in other girls and has told me so himself. I told him I was very upset though that he sent this message to this girl he supposedly had no interest in and told me so, but he sent it to her while hanging out with me after we did physical stuff. And he told her he wanted to take her out, when he has never ever once taken me out on a date. And he has said that while we are in the caribbean for school he does not want to go out on dates in public, because people here are very talkative and gossip-y and he wants to keep his business private. That really hurt that he was willing to take some random girl out, but not me, someone who he supposedly loves and wants to be with. He said that he didn't really mean it and was just messing with her, because she gave him attention and he liked the attention, but then she started ignoring him because he rejected her 3x. So he felt like he was losing out on someone's attention. Long story short, he said he couldn't commit to me but really wanted to be with me. But in a year back home he could seriously commit to me, wouldn't go out and party, hang out with me, take me out, etc. I told him that while i love him and want to be with, I can't keep doing this. I can't keep wondering who he is talking to or if he is f****** some other girl. If he can't commit to me, then I can't be with him. But I understand if he couldn't, I wasn't forcing him to do anything. I was just telling him where I stand. This was over the period of a couple of days, and in the end when he saw I was serious about leaving him, he said he would commit to me. At this point I wasn't sure if I could trust him, but decided to give him a 2nd chance and take it slow. I was still very much upset about this whole other girl situation, and I felt I deserved to be taken out and have stuff done for me. I'm not the type of girl who cares about that stuff, but every now and then I like to go out and do something. I really like staying in watching tv/movies eating pizza or whatever. But every now and then I get the urge to go out and do something, especially since I am in med school a stressful environment. I told him this, and he said that while we are here he won't take me out and do things with me like I want. That's not who he is, and he doesn't want people seeing him with someone, because they will talk. I told him this made me feel like he is embarrassed to be seen with me, and it has been 6 months and he hasn't taken me out. I don't even want a fancy date, I just want to go out and do something with him fun. But he is not willing to do that and says not to expect anything from him. He cares too much about his player image and what his friends think, which is stupid. Beucase his friends love me, and have told me several times that they are glad we are together, and that I've made him better, and that yeah they make fun of couples, but if it's what we really want, then so be it, good for you guys. And they like me, so that makes it even better, they are happy and don't care about it. They have never once made fun of us together. I told him all this, and he still refuses to take me out, and I can tell he is unhappy about being exclusive, he even said he didn't like it. I told him that he didn't have to do it, I never forced him to do it. Also, he says that when we are back home he will do all that stuff for me, but here he won't. But that is in a year, and I don't think it's fair of me to have to wait. I don't mean to be egotistical, but I am the best woman he has ever had, I cook for him, bring him food, I'm so sweet to him, all his friends love me, etc. And he has never ever had someone who cares for him, nor has he ever cared for a girl. But I can tell after this whole situation, he has been acting differently. He has been acting more jerk-ish and being less open with his feelings for me. He won't cuddle with me, play/wrestle with me like he used to, talk to me as much. He is basically trying to make it like it used to be when it was just about s**. Also, he calls me his girlfriend and us as a couple and in a relationship,but anytime I make the slightest indication of us being in a relationship, he says that we aren't and that I'm not his gf. I have been feeling unhappy in this relationship, and I don't know if it is worth it anymore. I don't doubt his feelings, but I deserve better I feel, and I don't want to wait a year till we are back home to get the things that I want. I felt that i have compromised a lot, while he has not. Sorrrrry this is sosososo long!!!! Thank you for reading and replying <3 I should also add that when we are out, he said he doesn't want to hang out with me. But he goes and talks to all these other girls and spends the whole night flirting with them, but will spend 2 minutes talking to me. And my friends keep asking me how am I okay with that? Also, he tries really hard to hide the fact that we are together, and has said that if anyone asks him, he'll deny it and say no. And this shouldn't matter, but he doesn't do things for me. Like when I have been sick with strep and stomach virus, and asked him to go to the store to get me stuff, he wouldn't go. Yet when after midterms, my best friend who he is also friends with had the stomach virus, and without asking, he brought her gatorade and vitamin water. And later that night I asked him for something, and he said hahahha no i'm at home now. And he said not to expect anything from him. My birthday was a couple weeks later, and I thought he was going to go and get me a cake at least, but he told my friend no i don't do birthdays i don't even know when her birthday is (meanwhile he very well knew). And that same friend he got the gatorade for, her birthday was a week before mine, and he went and got her champagne and brought it to her. He did pay for me to go to the spa and get a manicure + massage. But I feel like paying for something takes a lot less time, effort, and thought than actually doing something does.
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