rainmayker Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Is she really 'one in a million'? I keep thinking that she's perfect for me and that we were just so happy together... How can I stop this way of thinking? What can I possibly do to forget about her? Will I ever fall in love again?
Nicoleiia Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 When you find out the answers to those questions, please tell me fast!! Im dealing with those same issues..smh!
happydate Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Is she really 'one in a million'? I keep thinking that she's perfect for me and that we were just so happy together... How can I stop this way of thinking? What can I possibly do to forget about her? Will I ever fall in love again? Perfect soulmate and happily ever after is a bull being fed by Hollywood and romance novels out to make a buck out of you. Why? Because they know stuff like this rarely exist in a real world and people would pay anything just for the experience of "happily ever after". Sometimes though, you hear people who got married and lived happily ever after for like eternally, so stuff like that do happen but just not all too often. Therefore, don't beat yourself up like you are some kind of victim. Get out of the victim mentality and love yourself. STOP THINKING of you being a VICTIM. You are not a victim of anything. Things don't work out; well then just move on. How to forget her is to EXPRESS your emotions about her in full 100% out somewhere in the bushes or mountain if you have to. Yell it out of loud and picture her in front of you. Use profanity if that suits you is just fine. Why you are still thinking about her is because you still have some repressed emotions about her that you hadn't released. You should have expressed yourself authentically when you are dating her about her attitude and character rather being the nice guy who is always told not to express anger or any emotions in full 100% in front of a woman. Why do you think jerks and bad boys get all the women and yet don't feel being dumped as a bad thing? Because they express their emotions in full 100%. But of course, you don't want to start using physical force like a jerk to beat women up. That's not good and I don't approve that. Once you are healed, you can definitely fall in love again with a full working heart. Always use your heart and it will guide you to your next love. 1
BustedUpInside Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 yes, she is one in a million. No you are not soulmates. Yes, you will fall in love again. Each relationship is a learning experience and hopefully you will take some of the positive lessons you learned into the next relationship you get into. You are obviously a thoughtful, emotionally connected person and so there is little doubt that you will able to find somebody else to be with when you are ready. I don't believe in soulmates, but even if I did, I would say that she is obviously not yours if she can give up on a relationship so easily. The person who is right for you in the long run will be the kind of fighter who will be your partner and teammate. You two will help each other through the tough times. Don't worry, that person is out there and you will meet them someday 2
OzHeartache Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 yes, she is one in a million. No you are not soulmates. Yes, you will fall in love again. Each relationship is a learning experience and hopefully you will take some of the positive lessons you learned into the next relationship you get into. You are obviously a thoughtful, emotionally connected person and so there is little doubt that you will able to find somebody else to be with when you are ready. I don't believe in soulmates, but even if I did, I would say that she is obviously not yours if she can give up on a relationship so easily. The person who is right for you in the long run will be the kind of fighter who will be your partner and teammate. You two will help each other through the tough times. Don't worry, that person is out there and you will meet them someday The thing is I struggle with (and I know most people here do) is that the head knows this......but the heart tells us something totally different (I want her back, why cant she just try again, What's wrong with me etc. etc.) Its how we can put that into action that's the hard part...... how to drag ourselves up out of this hole and be strong enough to believe it so it becomes reality .....? I guess that will only come with the "time" everyone keeps talking about .....(just wish it would bl00dy hurry up!!! lol) 1
happydate Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 (edited) The thing is I struggle with (and I know most people here do) is that the head knows this......but the heart tells us something totally different (I want her back, why cant she just try again, What's wrong with me etc. etc.) Its how we can put that into action that's the hard part...... how to drag ourselves up out of this hole and be strong enough to believe it so it becomes reality .....? I guess that will only come with the "time" everyone keeps talking about .....(just wish it would bl00dy hurry up!!! lol) The heart is telling you the truth and that is, you need to release any blockage of energy in motion. Emotion stands for Energy in Motion and the heart ONLY knows this energy. You are still in love with her because you have a void in your heart that needs to be addressed through emotional self-relief. It's not healthy to use external sources of love and in fact, if you don't address it later will culminate into some sort of cardiac pulmonary disease! Men and Women should heal the heart FIRST before going out on another date. If your heart isn't broken in the first place, then you wouldn't be longing for her. Here's a true story I heard from a buddhist monk in a temple. One day, a man came in to pray in a monastery and then took advantage of the free by donation vegan meal they offer. Again, it's by donation but he's obviously taking advantage of this offering as he's always coming in during lunch time. One day, the monk became extremely angry and scolded at the man as to why he hadn't made an offering to the monastery and taking advantage of the facilities. The man said back to him; isn't buddhist monk not supposed to get angry and that this is all for free? The monk said that, he's not angry and that you (the man) are angry. Apparently, the man's been coming in for prayers for his poor business and love life and apparently expect Buddha to magically lift it all off him. The man was surprised why he was being scolded and accused of being angry. The reason is. The buddhist monk expressed his anger 100% and afterwards, he is not angry because his heart has expressed his feelings. The man who came to the monastery has repressed anger in him and he hopes Buddha would give him the magic pill to lift that anger out of him. Buddha can't and only the man himself can. He is the one who is angry and the attitude shows it. Self-centered and selfish traits are with those who have self-repressed emotions! The lesson here is this. If you have a void of love in your heart; express the reason why you had the void in the first place. That void is anger that you were not being loved in the past by your mother, father, exes or female friends and that you've been shamed. Once you drained the cup of dirty water then when you can fill it with clean water. Once you have filled your heart with self-love, then women in your life will simply be the icing on an already beautiful cake. Edited May 13, 2013 by happydate 1
Author rainmayker Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 I <3 you guys for helping me get through this intensely painful time in my life!
OzHeartache Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 It's not healthy to use external sources of love and in fact, if you don't address it later will culminate into some sort of cardiac pulmonary disease! Men and Women should heal the heart FIRST before going out on another date. If your heart isn't broken in the first place, then you wouldn't be longing for her. Exactly...... I have NO self respect or self worth left because I gave everything and left nothing back for me I don't know why I feel so low, I should be thinking "oh well, her loss cause I'm an awesome guy and I have lots of love to give"............But I don't, I want her back in my life, almost NEED it or so it feels (hence why I'm shutting down the PC to head off to see my counsellor in 30mins lol) Sorry for thread jacking but I think a good 50-60% of the people here are plagued by this exact issue and why we all find It so hard to say "stuff them....I deserve better and im letting go and moving on" Just so sick of having this empty feeling inside and feeling of loss .........HATE it 1
SimonSerenade Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Your caught up in a boot loop man, you need to stop that way of thinking, it's like your the computer, you was working just fine and dandy and she is the operating system and since you separated you it can't operate without her but here's the good news, just like any computer with missing software, you can always be fixed and get by without it, I know she might feel like windows 8 right now and you don't know how you got on without her but one day in the future someone will come along and she'll be your windows 9, maybe even the macintosh you've waited all your life for, the unbeatable os that will never leave you side, fact is, windows sucks and it'll always mess up at some point but come on, those people with the macs ain't complaining 3
OzHeartache Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Your caught up in a boot loop man, you need to stop that way of thinking, it's like your the computer, you was working just fine and dandy and she is the operating system and since you separated you it can't operate without her but here's the good news, just like any computer with missing software, you can always be fixed and get by without it, I know she might feel like windows 8 right now and you don't know how you got on without her but one day in the future someone will come along and she'll be your windows 9, maybe even the macintosh you've waited all your life for, the unbeatable os that will never leave you side, fact is, windows sucks and it'll always mess up at some point but come on, those people with the macs ain't complaining hahaha..... yeah I get what you mean
happydate Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 (edited) Exactly...... I have NO self respect or self worth left because I gave everything and left nothing back for me I don't know why I feel so low, I should be thinking "oh well, her loss cause I'm an awesome guy and I have lots of love to give"............But I don't, I want her back in my life, almost NEED it or so it feels (hence why I'm shutting down the PC to head off to see my counsellor in 30mins lol) Sorry for thread jacking but I think a good 50-60% of the people here are plagued by this exact issue and why we all find It so hard to say "stuff them....I deserve better and im letting go and moving on" Just so sick of having this empty feeling inside and feeling of loss .........HATE it I am a man and was exactly in your shoes long ago, but that it was my lack of love and feelings from my mother that made the man I was. When I finally expressed my anger and frustration right at her face was when I felt the relief. We both cried and that she didn't realize how cold she was towards me that made the man I was then. So first, EMBRACE the feeling of emptiness and don't hate it. Embrace it and accept it. This is your first healing process and that is to accept who you really are. We are human beings and we are not perfect. Also be ready to express your anger and relief any repressed anger you have within yourself. Once you have accepted this and have faith you can turn around yourself is when you can really do the healing. There are ways to learn how to become a positive loving person by joining meetup group that promote heart to heart hugging and positive role modelling. At first, you will feel a super intense positive energy vibe from them and you will be extremely intimidated by this feeling. That's normal because you are always operating in a lower vibration energy that is full of hate, anger and negativity. So be with this group and explain your situation. They will understand as most of them come from your place before hand. They will teach you everything about what a positive fun loving and funny person you can be full of love and energy. They will now become your surrogate parents, uncles and aunts so to speak -- the ones you have never gave you the lessons. I was extremely intimidated when I get hugs from gorgeous women that I never thought I would be attracted to nor just having that deep loving heart to heart hugs. It feels good! In return, I now hug back, as a man, any new woman that needs the same help as I did before. Just be positive and face your problem without shame. Healing is super easy. It's acknowledging that you have the problem is the toughest. Edited May 13, 2013 by happydate 1
Author rainmayker Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 What's stopping me is how she keeps saying she wants to be 'friends' and how she keeps insisting that we may get back with each other in the future. I don't like how she keeps putting this hope in me...
GI_Joy Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 What's stopping me is how she keeps saying she wants to be 'friends' and how she keeps insisting that we may get back with each other in the future. I don't like how she keeps putting this hope in me... She's feeding you breadcrumbs. Don't fall for it. 2
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