edelveis Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 just dissapear and stop texting him.if he is interested he will chase you.if not then you will know he is not worthy
Author Miss1122 Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 just dissapear and stop texting him.if he is interested he will chase you.if not then you will know he is not worthy He texted me so ignore it?
edelveis Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 i am sorry i didnt read everything.text him back and see what he wants.i think it worths a try
edelveis Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 i am in the middle of a familliar situation to yours and i think we shouldnt play love like a game.so try it and dont be afraid to talk to him about your feelings for him or that you want something more exclusive.if her doesnt for any reason then you want different things and keep dating would be a waste of time for you no matter how much you like him and want be with him.
Author Miss1122 Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 (edited) Thank you everyone. He asked me out on a date and I will see him this weekend . And he asked me to have lunch with him anyday I'm free this week before the weekend date . Edited May 14, 2013 by Miss1122 Edit
Author Miss1122 Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 as a guy- if i really lilke a girl i will find time. It doesnt tkae long to send a quick text during the day on ur lunch break or in the bathroom. Even a 5 minute fone call every night before u go sleep to see how your day is. DOESNT MATTER HOW BUSY I AM!! pfft no excuses. and mixed signals= no signals We're ok now. I will see him tomorrow to have lunch and this weekend we will plan something to do .
snowflakes88 Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 I hope you keep dating other people since his dating profile is back up. 1
Leigh 87 Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 I wouldn't bother with him. He is just stringing you along because he enjoys having fun with you, but does not want anything serious. As long as you continue to see him, you will continue to get feelings for him. He does not have strong feelings for you, or he would have made more of an effort to see you. You, however, will develop stronger feelings for him soon, if you keep hanging around him. If a guy is not into you from the start, he never will be. He should text and call most days and see you and not other people from the get go, if he is that interested in you. This guy has not acted like he is into you, and he likely never will be. Please have some self respect and cancel the date and seek out men who are into you, and learn to be happy single until men who are into you come along. 2
BluEyeL Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 She won't cancel the date, but I agree that it sounds like a rocky path ahead.
curlygirl40 Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 Miss1122 Have a good time but keep your eyes wide open!! A guy that asks you out only every 2-3 weeks and is still online dating others is most likely not looking to be in a relationship, and you seem pretty crazy about this guy so I'm afraid you're going to get hurt. So go (cuz I know you're going to anyway ), have a great time, but be cautious 1
Author Miss1122 Posted May 24, 2013 Author Posted May 24, 2013 Thanks everyone. This is just to update everybody about this guy. So I went out on dates with him twice last week. As usual, both dates were fun. This week we went out once. He's travelling again this weekend to ski with friends but he made plans to see me next weekend. He also mentioned about taking me to couple places he would like me to try. He says, " we should try this X place and we should go to this Y place". We also planned of seeing a show together next month. Me and a friend is moving in together and were gonna have a house warming party. I told him that and he said, "are you going to invite me". I responded, "are you gonna come". He said, " yes ofcourse ". I volunteer for abused kids and I invited him to do it with me and he accepted. So far, 8 dates within 10 weeks. He's paid for all the dates. Maybe we judged him wrong? Do you guys still think he's not into me?
blueskyday Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Question. Have you two been sexually intimate yet?
Author Miss1122 Posted May 24, 2013 Author Posted May 24, 2013 Question. Have you two been sexually intimate yet? Yes we have.
clia Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Well, I do think he is into you – but he may not be into you in the way you want him to be into you. There is a huge difference between a man who is dating a woman to pass the time and for fun, and a man who is dating a woman with the intent of having a relationship. Right now, it it seems that your guy is doing the former rather than the latter. Does he seem to like you and spending time with you? Yes. But that doesn’t mean he wants to have a relationship with you. In fact, when you discussed exclusivity, he said he didn’t want to commit. Why wouldn’t he want to commit? Because he wants to keep his options open. There is no other reason. It doesn’t matter how he is acting toward you, if he is taking you out, paying, etc. If he doesn’t want to commit to a relationship, you don’t have a relationship. Honestly, the fact that you are here every ten days or so like clockwork worrying about how he feels about you tells me that he isn’t that into you. When guys are really into you, you aren’t left guessing. You aren’t worrying and wondering. They make their intentions perfectly clear. Obviously your guy isn’t doing that. So, at a certain point you are going to have to ask yourself how much time you are going to waste on this guy. Now, is it possible that he will commit at some point? Sure. Anything is possible. But, you shouldn’t set your hopes on it. The window of time is running out – I agree with curly that if it hasn’t happened by three months, it’s not going to happen. 2
snowflakes88 Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Oh yikes... I didn't realize you were already sleeping with him. Makes it even harder to gauge whether he's really into you or not. But yeah, if it's been 2-3 months and you're still not headed toward exclusive territory, probably not going to happen. He'll keep going out with you though, especially if you're giving him sex without a commitment.
PutARingOnIt Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Hmmmm....brace yourself for the gradual fade away and the lame "I've been super busy" excuse.
Author Miss1122 Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 Hmmmm....brace yourself for the gradual fade away and the lame "I've been super busy" excuse. Actually, the time I see him is increasing. It used to be once every week or once every two weeks.
Author Miss1122 Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 Well, I do think he is into you – but he may not be into you in the way you want him to be into you. There is a huge difference between a man who is dating a woman to pass the time and for fun, and a man who is dating a woman with the intent of having a relationship. Right now, it it seems that your guy is doing the former rather than the latter. Does he seem to like you and spending time with you? Yes. But that doesn’t mean he wants to have a relationship with you. In fact, when you discussed exclusivity, he said he didn’t want to commit. Why wouldn’t he want to commit? Because he wants to keep his options open. There is no other reason. It doesn’t matter how he is acting toward you, if he is taking you out, paying, etc. If he doesn’t want to commit to a relationship, you don’t have a relationship. Honestly, the fact that you are here every ten days or so like clockwork worrying about how he feels about you tells me that he isn’t that into you. When guys are really into you, you aren’t left guessing. You aren’t worrying and wondering. They make their intentions perfectly clear. Obviously your guy isn’t doing that. So, at a certain point you are going to have to ask yourself how much time you are going to waste on this guy. Now, is it possible that he will commit at some point? Sure. Anything is possible. But, you shouldn’t set your hopes on it. The window of time is running out – I agree with curly that if it hasn’t happened by three months, it’s not going to happen. This time, I'm here just to update those people who have helped me, not because I'm worried. We've dated only for a little over two months. My last relationship took us six months to commit. I will give this guy more time but I will keep my options open. Right now, I'm just enjoying my time with him. I can tell the more I'm comfortable, relax and just enjoying his company the more he likes to spend time with me. He opens up more. He's even planning things to do with me way ahead of time. I'm not a clingy girl, seeing a guy once a week is good. More than twice a week is too much. I like time for myself, time with friends and family too.
Kelemvor Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 You're in that gray zone. Just relax and have fun. You'll know when you need a clear definition on the "status" of the relationship as it can't hang in limbo forever. That being said, 2 months is right around that time when you should be making your mind up about someone as to whether you want to see them for another 2 months, warm up to the idea of exclusivity, or would like to see them less.... Placing pressure on a guy to "commit" to an exclusive dating relationship before he's gotten to know you well enough to decide if he's ready can backfire. That being said, you don't want to get strung along and played by someone that simply wants to casually date someone and have sex, unless that's what you want also. Give it another month and have a casual talk. If you want a passive, non confrontational immediate answer, then come up with some excuses for why you can't see him next week and become more distant, text/call less and see if his interest level becomes inversely proportional as he panics that he's losing you to some other guy you might be dating. If you are 1) smitten 2) he already knows it 3) not in an exclusive relationship and he's been able to get away with not discussing it with you 4) you're already having sex with him, then you can't blame him for eternally evading "the question". He's got his cake and is eating it too all thanks to you. I don't know what to make of the guy. I guess the other question would be this... is he a super workaholic who realistically doesn't have time for anyone more than once a week? If so... do yourself a favor and look for guys who can give you more attention. Hell, I'm a workaholic and I'd be the first to admit (after a divorce) that I'm great for casual dating, and piss poor for committed relationships at this point in my life. I can't think of too many serious girlfriends who'd be o.k. with seeing me once a week. That might be a red flag that you should pay more attention to...
snowflakes88 Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 If you are 1) smitten 2) he already knows it 3) not in an exclusive relationship and he's been able to get away with not discussing it with you 4) you're already having sex with him, then you can't blame him for eternally evading "the question". He's got his cake and is eating it too all thanks to you. This. The fact that he's getting sex without even being exclusive changes things big time... why WOULD he bother committing? OP, is his dating profile still up, or did he take it back down?
Author Miss1122 Posted May 26, 2013 Author Posted May 26, 2013 This. The fact that he's getting sex without even being exclusive changes things big time... why WOULD he bother committing? OP, is his dating profile still up, or did he take it back down? We don't have sex every time we see each other. I don't think sex is all he wants. In ten weeks and 8 dates we had sex three times. I don't know if he's profile is still up. I only checked it once and I never checked again. Mine is up. It's been up so maybe he reactivated his profile when he saw that I never hidden mine. He made plans to see me next weekend. He actually wanted to see me on Monday after getting back from his trip but I think it's too late so I just told him to rest when he gets back and I will see him another time. I think he's avoiding to look clingy and needy because I'm not being clingy and needy. Maybe if I initiate texts to him, he'll text more or if I invite him out or something together he'll plan more dates. I think he initiates but he doesn't want to overdo it because I don't initiate at all. He's responsive when we text. Ask me alot of questions. We're actually volunteering together at a shelter where I volunteer. He agreed to go next time. Honestly, seeing him once or twice a week is good. I don't like seeing someone I date everyday. It will drive me crazy.
Axee Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 Men *ufff**... I am in a similar grey zone.. We had the talk and he told me about his issues and why he is afraid of committing to me and i told him about mine...I tried to reassure him on his issues and he reassured me about mine.. But I was convincing him more .. He didnt convince me on the relationship but he convinced me about himself.. In the end, I told I wont give him a timeline as relationships dont go by timeline..so the meeting was open ended .. no timeline no conclusion.. 1 week has gone by, no call, no msg from him.. He is a guy for whom I have to intiate everything ( dunno he is most probably afraid of rejection) He says, if I reject him, or blackmail him then he will do the same.. he wont try to convince me it seems.. He is a big time workoholic, who prioritise his work before everything else.. I dont know what to do, there are not better options ..Wondering if he is silent again ,waiting for my response, or is taking time out , or is not into me...
Axee Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 I agree these situations are a bit dicey, but at no time I have felt that he was lying or making excuses not to meet me, if there was a reason, he would always always reschedule and keep it up.. But he says, he hasnt made a decision , will more time give a decision? In the beginning he felt he was sure about me as he spent more time he realised that he couldnt make a decision just yet for reasons he outlined to me.. ( He feels I am a bit aggressive and impatient girl) .To be honest,He is more impulsive and on the go guy but I am a process and goal oriented girl .. Here in OP's case, the question is the same , how would anyone know if a guy is feeling you out with the intention of "Lets see, might lead to commitment" or if he just dating you because you happen to be available.. Can we apply same rules to all similar situations.. In my opinion, in OPs case what has most likely occurred is , this guy met or interacted with some other girls ,or took time to get the space he needs after "the talk" and realised OP is much better than all of them...
Axee Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 I know a case, my close friend, she proposed to a guy, her long time friend ( in subtle ways), for the next nine months he was always saying her, "Please move on" and she used to say "I am not waiting for you" ...They are friends so had that comfort level.. But every time he used to say that line, I know the pain she underwent.. So nearly a year later,he comes to visit her casually, again says Please dont wait for me.. its getting late for you etc etc ( He was 27, she was 29)..So one whole evening he keeps saying that..and leaves back to his city. And 2 days later, he calls her and says "Will u marry me? " I just realised that we both are right for each other.. So ,now they are happily married.. Point is, we cant generalize and apply same rules, key is in knowing what to do when ( where we all struggling)..I can say for my friend, she never begged, pleaded or chased him in any ways...and was just living her life..
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