BluEyeL Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 If he truly likes you, he'll be back to you. If not, remember, he wouldn't have stayed anyway, question or no question. It's not that he doesn't like you, just his goals don't align with yours if he doesn't come back.
Star Gazer Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Thank you very much for all the help. I'm not gonna contact him tho its hard. I'm just gonna suck it up and learn from it. There are plenty of guys out there who isn't scared to commit and I will eventually meet one. The only hard part of letting him go is he was a guy who treated me so well and special. Oh well, I guess he's not that different from other guys. Pay attention to how he's treating you NOW. He's not treating you special NOW. Unless he remains consistent, the past is irrelevant. You did not scare him away. If he was into you, the timing of the question would not matter. Your desires simply don't align right now. That may change once he explores his options further; if he comes back, you can decide then whether to welcome him. And I agree with the others: do not contact him, at all. Walk away silently, dignity intact. 3
Author Miss1122 Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 If he truly likes you, he'll be back to you. If not, remember, he wouldn't have stayed anyway, question or no question. It's not that he doesn't like you, just his goals don't align with yours if he doesn't come back. I know he likes me because he said it and he showed it. We went on five dates. I'm a positive person. The way I see it is there always someone better that would come along. But now, I started to think that something is wrong with me. I used to date really attractive guys who is has good personality and I had no luck. Then I met this guy who I didn't find that attractive but has a good heart and still I'm having no luck. Guy friends and coworkers said they would definitely date me. I'm very attractive and I have a great personality especially when they get to know me in a deeper level. I'm pretty sure this guy was into me. He drove far just to see me. He rearranged his schedule just to see me. He sacrificed even his own health just to be with me. We were doing ok until I asked that one question. I asked one question and he suddenly became distant. I'm scared to date now. I feel I'm lowering my standards to find a guy with a good heart but I scare them away.
Author Miss1122 Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 You failed his test. I used to work 20 hrs a day if a woman complained that I didn't see her in two weeks with the hours I used to put in I would stop calling her. You rejection early on, he still meets you and courts you. You show no interest other than showing up. What would he continue wanting to meet you? He just stops doing one thing for you and you think he's not interested yet you have done nothing, do really think he thinks you're interest? Yeah stop contacting him, let him date someone else who will show at least some interest. Showing up isn't interest. As far as he knows you could be still dating since you never took your profile down. I think it has something to do more with the " talk" we had. I think it's the opposite actually, as soon as I showed interest, he became distant.
Star Gazer Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 You failed his test. I used to work 20 hrs a day if a woman complained that I didn't see her in two weeks with the hours I used to put in I would stop calling her. 1. He had time for her before exclusivity came up. 2. Any guy who legitimately works 20 hours a day on the regular doesn't have time for a relationship that benefits anyone but himself. The only test failed here was hers. He's the loser. 2
Maleficent Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 I've been dating this guy for two months. He treats me special every time were together. I haven't seen him the past two weeks. The last time I spoke with him was Friday afternoon. He said he's just been busy with his full time work and doing his freelance work. But he said that he rather be spending time with me. Im ok not seeing him for two weeks tho I miss him. What bothers me tho is not hearing from him since Friday night. He does initiate text and when I text he replies quick. Some messages were hinting about getting together saying things like " next time I see you" " Trust me, I rather be with you". But no invitations of getting together. Is he still into me? How do I deal with this? It bugs me cause I can't get him out of my head! I keep myself busy. I cook. I work out. I spend time with family and friends but he still keeps popping in my head. I have a date tonight and he is the one I'm thinking about. Please help. Thanks. Mixed signals = no signals 1
Star Gazer Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 I think it has something to do more with the " talk" we had. I think it's the opposite actually, as soon as I showed interest, he became distant. He's a catch-and-release guy. They're easily identifiable with this exact fact pattern. Better that you know now than later after you're really invested.
Star Gazer Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 I know he likes me because he said it and he showed it. We went on five dates. I'm a positive person. The way I see it is there always someone better that would come along. But now, I started to think that something is wrong with me. I used to date really attractive guys who is has good personality and I had no luck. Then I met this guy who I didn't find that attractive but has a good heart and still I'm having no luck. Guy friends and coworkers said they would definitely date me. I'm very attractive and I have a great personality especially when they get to know me in a deeper level. I'm pretty sure this guy was into me. He drove far just to see me. He rearranged his schedule just to see me. He sacrificed even his own health just to be with me. We were doing ok until I asked that one question. I asked one question and he suddenly became distant. I'm scared to date now. I feel I'm lowering my standards to find a guy with a good heart but I scare them away. First, you can't define your datability/worth by the shortcomings of others. Second, really, you didn't "scare him away." You need to reframe the way you're looking at what happened. You expressed a want/desire; he responded that he didn't want or wasn't capable of the same right now. Your wants/desires simply aren't aligned. Now, if he was "freaked out" or "scared" but foresaw wanting the same thing with you eventually, and just needed more time, he'd still be calling and seeing you. A guy who's freaked out/scared and simply doesn't ever foresee himself wanting what you do? That's the guy who runs, or who drops lines to buy time to slowly fade away. The other guy, the one who's sincerely interested in winding up where you are, albeit at a different speed? He sticks around. Don't beat yourself up.
BluEyeL Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Now, if he was "freaked out" or "scared" but foresaw wanting the same thing with you eventually, and just needed more time, he'd still be calling and seeing you. If this statement is true, he'll get his space and will be back (if you don't contact him, if you contact him you'll push him away!!) when he's ready! If he is not back even if you don't contact him, it really means that you didn't scare him away, he just wanted something casual with you. Sometimes men chase women even if they only want something casual.
Author Miss1122 Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 First, you can't define your datability/worth by the shortcomings of others. Second, really, you didn't "scare him away." You need to reframe the way you're looking at what happened. You expressed a want/desire; he responded that he didn't want or wasn't capable of the same right now. Your wants/desires simply aren't aligned. Now, if he was "freaked out" or "scared" but foresaw wanting the same thing with you eventually, and just needed more time, he'd still be calling and seeing you. A guy who's freaked out/scared and simply doesn't ever foresee himself wanting what you do? That's the guy who runs, or who drops lines to buy time to slowly fade away. The other guy, the one who's sincerely interested in winding up where you are, albeit at a different speed? He sticks around. Don't beat yourself up. I'm thinking that way because everything was fine until I brought that subject up. The topic wasn't even intended towards the " relationship" topic. The question was about him just getting out of a year relationship. It ended in December. I was just concern that he was not ready to date again and I don't want to be just a rebound girl. I didnt know he just broken up and I didnt ask about his past relationships. I brought up that concern. He said I wasn't just a fling but he can't guarantee anything but just to see how things develop but he said he feels positive. That we can talk about it some more another time. Then a couple days later, I got a text from him saying he likes me but he wasn't rushing into something and to see if two people are compatible it would take more time to find out. He said if that wasn't I had in mind, he totally understands. Maybe I should have cleared with him that I wasn't pushing for a relationship because that wasn't really my intention.
Star Gazer Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Maybe I should have cleared with him that I wasn't pushing for a relationship because that wasn't really my intention. You're not looking for a relationship? You're okay continuing to see him non-exclusively?
Author Miss1122 Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 If this statement is true, he'll get his space and will be back (if you don't contact him, if you contact him you'll push him away!!) when he's ready! If he is not back even if you don't contact him, it really means that you didn't scare him away, he just wanted something casual with you. Sometimes men chase women even if they only want something casual. He reactivated his profile so it just means that he's looking to date someone new. I just feel really down righ now and dissapointed. I thought I finally met a great guy. I just need alot of encouragements right now to stay focus and to not make a mistake of contacting him.
Author Miss1122 Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 You're not looking for a relationship? You're okay continuing to see him non-exclusively? My intent is to be in a relationship eventually but I understand that two months is not enough time to know someone. Some people take longer that two months to decife if they want to be in a relationship. My last took us six months.
Leigh 87 Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Come on. No guys that is into a girl, will go two weeks without contacting her! Unless they are a med student or doctor, or other very time consuming field. EVEN STILL - even the busiest doctor will at least feel compelled to TEXT a girl who he is really interested him, if not able to see them for two weeks, which could very well be the case with super busy people. Don't feel too bad OP - this dude may very well like you, just not as much as you like him at this stage. A guy knows early on if he is really compelled to see a girl and get to know them more. If it aint there now, it never will be sorry.... Move on and wait for a guy who is more into you.
pteromom Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Your right. If he doesn't make plans to see each other for this week, I will dump him or should I give him a few more weeks. Two months and five dates seems not enough time to dump someone? The question is this: Is what he is offering you enough for you? Is seeing someone 5 times in 2 months the kind of relationship you want, or do you want something different? If you want something different, I would move on. Doesn't mean you have to dump him at this point if you don't want to, since you aren't exclusive, but I would continue dating other people and keep your options open. 1
pteromom Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 I got a text from him saying he likes me but he wasn't rushing into something and to see if two people are compatible it would take more time to find out. He said if that wasn't I had in mind, he totally understands. This sounds like he was looking more for a FWB situation and your relationship question scared him off. You are better off! When someone likes you, his actions will show it. He will find reasons to call you (maybe not right at first because he'll be leery of scaring YOU away), he'll think about you, he'll make time for you. If he has to work 20 hours a day, he'll text you in the bathroom. He'll make sure you know he's interested. Don't settle for less. And this isn't about YOU or anything you lack. This is about incompatibility in goals.
Author Miss1122 Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 This sounds like he was looking more for a FWB situation and your relationship question scared him off. You are better off! When someone likes you, his actions will show it. He will find reasons to call you (maybe not right at first because he'll be leery of scaring YOU away), he'll think about you, he'll make time for you. If he has to work 20 hours a day, he'll text you in the bathroom. He'll make sure you know he's interested. Don't settle for less. And this isn't about YOU or anything you lack. This is about incompatibility in goals. He was doing alot of that. Even asked me for lunch on his lunch break just to see me. I was sure he was into me. He even matched the day I was free to go out. But after the " talk" he became distant.
snowflakes88 Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 You barely saw him before you had the talk. I think you're just romanticizing it now looking back. I think every single person who responded to your first several threads about this guy tried to tell you that seeing someone 4-5x over the course of a couple of months isn't an indicator of strong interest. I still think that's true. From the beginning, you've been trying to justify his lack of effort to see you by harping on the length of the dates, how much money he's spent, etc... when really, he just hasn't been making much of an effort from the start. And if he were super into you, what you said wouldn't have scared him off. The fact that he barely made any time for you from the beginning, coupled with the fact that he hasn't tried to see you in weeks and is back on the dating site - all of that adds up to "just not that into you." Agree with the others. Don't wish him luck or have some "breakup" speech. It's been a couple of months, but most people would have gone on LOTS more dates than you have at this point. 5 dates doesn't warrant a dramatic breakup speech.
Author Miss1122 Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 You barely saw him before you had the talk. I think you're just romanticizing it now looking back. I think every single person who responded to your first several threads about this guy tried to tell you that seeing someone 4-5x over the course of a couple of months isn't an indicator of strong interest. I still think that's true. From the beginning, you've been trying to justify his lack of effort to see you by harping on the length of the dates, how much money he's spent, etc... when really, he just hasn't been making much of an effort from the start. And if he were super into you, what you said wouldn't have scared him off. The fact that he barely made any time for you from the beginning, coupled with the fact that he hasn't tried to see you in weeks and is back on the dating site - all of that adds up to "just not that into you." Agree with the others. Don't wish him luck or have some "breakup" speech. It's been a couple of months, but most people would have gone on LOTS more dates than you have at this point. 5 dates doesn't warrant a dramatic breakup speech. I got your point and thank you but like what I said he tried to meet up with me more but I wasn't much into him that time so some of the invitations I declined. We could have gone on more dates if I said yes to see him after his work ormduringnhis lunch hours but I didn't . Im not trying to depend him, Im just stating the truth because its not fair to him. I know how much effort he made just to see. He took several trips too which took some time away from us.
Author Miss1122 Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 He texted today asking about my weekend. Should I respond and what should I tell him?
BluEyeL Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 I suggest do not respond until/unless he asks to meet. Otherwise he will keep texting and giving you not much else. I don't know if you can resist replying. If he thinks he's losing you, he might realize he cares and commit more to you. That is, if he cares.
Author Miss1122 Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 I suggest do not respond until/unless he asks to meet. Otherwise he will keep texting and giving you not much else. I don't know if you can resist replying. If he thinks he's losing you, he might realize he cares and commit more to you. That is, if he cares. Ignore his text? I'm pretty sure he texted me to make plans. He has this routine that when he texts on Tuesday he wants to ask me out. I can ignore his texts. But Im thinking, I will reply and if he doesn't ask me within a few texts I will stop responding.
BluEyeL Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Yes, do that then. although still think this is not good for you, I don't think I would resist either, so I know you'll reply.
Author Miss1122 Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 Yes, do that then. although still think this is not good for you, I don't think I would resist either, so I know you'll reply. I can resist not replying. I actually accepted that it was over and I wouldn't hear from him again. But surprisingly, I did. But I'm curious why he texted. Why did you say it's not good for me?
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