Simon Phoenix Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Jesus Christ at what this thread turned into. J_L_C, you need to figure out what is wrong with you that you are lusting over a man who was emotionally abusive to you. You dated a monster and you want him back. That's pathetic. You need to go back to counseling and figure out why you have so little value in yourself that you need the attention of this man. I don't know if there was abuse in your childhood or what, but something is clearly wrong. Continue going to the counselor and talk about this from your perspective. Ask yourself why you have so little respect and value for yourself that you have built up a truly despicable human being as the end-all, be-all of male existence. It's really sad and indicative of someone who has no sense of self. You relied on someone else to make you happy and you picked one of the worst possible people. You need to figure out why your weeding out process is so awful. As for this whole "I can never trust anyone again" bs that's been thrown around in here, that's a terrible way to go through life and it's indicative of people who have no concept of setting boundaries. I personally trust people until they give me a reason not to, then I don't. And if they commit behaviors that go outside of my boundaries of what is acceptable conduct, then I'm done with them. You need to figure out what you can and can not accept from another person in a relationship and STICK TO IT. 1
Author J_L_C Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 I'm mourning the guy he was and the guy I know he probably still is. The one who was so amazing and made me fall in love with him. I am depressed over the guy he turned into when I was no longer of use to him anymore. He's likely going to be that amazing guy again for someone else. I just can't help but feel I must've done something to make him do that to me. I clearly wasn't good enough to be in a relationship with and therefore he felt there was no longer a need to be respectful of me. I just don't understand where that awesome guy I was in a relationship with vanished too And can't get past the fact that someone else is going to get that great guy now.
Emilia Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 He probably wouldn't even care if he found out I killed myself. This is how low I'm feeling. I'm never going to get past this. I give up. OP, by your own admission you have Borderline Personality Disorder. You know very well it's unlikely you'll have a successful relationship until that's fixed.
Emilia Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 I'm mourning the guy he was and the guy I know he probably still is. The one who was so amazing and made me fall in love with him. I am depressed over the guy he turned into when I was no longer of use to him anymore. He was never that amazing guy and he isn't the devil's incarnate now either, you are splitting.
Zahara Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 (edited) I'm mourning the guy he was and the guy I know he probably still is. The one who was so amazing and made me fall in love with him. I am depressed over the guy he turned into when I was no longer of use to him anymore. . Amazing guys always treat people horribly when they no longer have any use for them. That's your definition of amazing. I would think amazing men, show compassion, respect and kindness even after all is said and done. Amazing is consistent. Only in your world do amazing men call you stupid, wank while watching you cry, asks you to go over to ride his dick, etc. And yes, he will be amazing to the next woman in his life, but once he has no more use for her, he will do the same thing and that side will rear its ugly head, because that IS WHO HE REALLY IS. It will always reveal itself. Edited May 13, 2013 by Zahara
Author J_L_C Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 Amazing guys always treat people horribly when they no longer have any use for them. That's your definition of amazing. I would think amazing men, show compassion, respect and kindness even after all is said and done. Amazing is consistent. Only in your world do amazing men call you stupid, wank while watching you cry, asks you to go over to ride his dick, etc. And yes, he will be amazing to the next woman in his life, but once he has no more use for her, he will do the same thing and that side will rear its ugly head, because that IS WHO HE REALLY IS. It will always reveal itself. When I read what he did to me and see it in print, I am able to comprehend what horrible things he did to me and I feel better temporarily. Seeing what you wrote has made me feel better. But my problem is that my memory of that behavior fades and I go back to remembering all of the good things...the things that made me fall for him in the first place. I remember the things he was while we were together since those were the more consistent behaviours. The terrible stuff came out after the breakup and were shocking since they weren't typical at all of who he was while we were together. Therein lies my problem...I keep letting the poor behaviours slide in my memory, because I have fonder memories of who he was while we were still a couple.
Zahara Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 When I read what he did to me and see it in print, I am able to comprehend what horrible things he did to me and I feel better temporarily. Seeing what you wrote has made me feel better. But my problem is that my memory of that behavior fades and I go back to remembering all of the good things...the things that made me fall for him in the first place. I remember the things he was while we were together since those were the more consistent behaviours. The terrible stuff came out after the breakup and were shocking since they weren't typical at all of who he was while we were together. Therein lies my problem...I keep letting the poor behaviours slide in my memory, because I have fonder memories of who he was while we were still a couple. Then write it all down. If you seem to forget what a douchebag he is, then find ways to remind yourself whenever you start romanticizing him. I used to carry a list. Most times, in the train when I would be sitting for an hour moping and when my head was idle. I'd take that list out and soon enough I'd be disgusted. Of course, those sweet thoughts would come back but I had to literally stop my brain and start thinking of something else or reiterate to myself why my "sweet thoughts" were irrational. Soon enough, your brain will catch up. Seems much more easier to blame yourself for being unworthy when you are emotional than to see him for who he is. You can't sit there, have a thought about how amazing he is and run with it. Won't work. When you see it coming, stop it. Think of something else. Or get your list out and kill it. Fond memories of when you were together? All that is nullified when someone turns around and treats you so horribly.
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