GirlsAreSoConfusing Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 Alright.....the gist of the story is this. I have been with my girl for over 9 months. Things started off great and they seemed to get only better. One day I said something I shouldnt have said...but it was also said when I was upset. Since that day...she has not acted the same way. We had talked over and over again and she and I both want to try to make things work. I admit some things I said were not the nicest things to say but none of us are perfect. Well, we've decided to kind of take things slow and start from scratch. My question is, has this worked for any of you guys. I honestly want it to work and in the 9 months, I was continuously reminded that I was the best thing to happen to her and she can see herself marrying me and so forth. I feel like she's acting distant to me now and I sort of want to give her an ultimatum but then I think that that may do more harm than good. Need input please!
SoleMate Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 Ultimatums set the wrong tone in relationships. They are controlling and one-sided, whereas a real relationship requires cooperation and negotiation. ...I admit some things I said were not the nicest things to say... Is that the major problem between you? Then you better tell us what you said. Be specific.
SPECIALK24 Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 i think we all say thing when we are angry. maybe your girlfriend just needs some space and ask her that. tell her how you really feel. guys dont seem to open that side of them up that often. if you tell her flat out how you feel and how much she means to you, then she might just blow the argument off. Make it a big night for you since you can tell she becoming distant. make it a dinner date kind of thing. something that will mean alot to her. GIrls just want you to be honest and open with them so if you do that i'm sure she will do the same to you and be oepn with you. as with what you said....you should just watch what you say in the future and never repeat those words again.
dreaming4ever Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 I think SpecialK24 is totally right, I think for some reason girls tend to remember when our boyfriends say things that is really mean or upsetting...i know I do...so be REALLY careful. Be extra nice to her. Do NOT offer her an ultimatum. Be honest about everything you're feeling. Tell her you don't want to play games and that you've noticed you two are becoming distant and that really hurts you. Show her your emotions, don't bottle them up at all! But honestly..........no ultimatums....that just makes someone feel threatened and they usually respond with anger followed by a quick decision (like, screw YOU buddy)....you get me? Good luck!!
Jilly10340 Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 Yeah, ultimatums make one tend to feel as if they're trapped in the corner. You don't want to give her the "it's my way or the highway" speech yet. Just sit down and talk to her openly about how you feel. Have you mentioned to her that you feel as if she's distant. Did you express remorse over what you said and apologized? I know that i remember more all the mean things a guy say to me then all the nice things he says to me. What exactly did you say to her? Also, could it be you that's imagining this distantness because you feel as if you messed things up? I've done this a time or two and it's only gotten me into trouble.
GirlsAreSoConfusing Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 well I guess I dont want to get into the details of what I said exactly, but I guess she took it as me being controlling. She's had ex's in the past that were controlling and I'm far from that. She did some things which were not in her character (while she was drunk) so I made a big stink of out of it. I guess what made it worse was that she was stuck on what I said and at the time, I would not take back my words but said that when I'm upset at something, I may say things like "dont do this" or "dont do that" and that I dont expect her to listen to me but that doesnt mean that those words will not come out of my mouth. I neither think that an ultimatum is the right way to go, but this distant crap has been going on for a month. She has told me that she wants things to be as they were but cant flip a switch and be that way. Me on the other hand, I feel hurt and know that given a change in situation, i.e. she acts her old self, I would be able to go on as if nothing had happened. Aren't most people this way? This cant be a special skill few people have. I think that when someone wants something to work, a bare minimum effort cant be enough, one must try and almost change their mindset to realize that 90% of the relationship wasnt bad....in fact it has been the best relationship she and I have been in. Am I asking for too much here?
SoleMate Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 You better take your words back. Sounds like you really offended her. Let me guess, did you yell at her in some public place to "Quit acting like a cheap ho?" You did, didn't you?
GirlsAreSoConfusing Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 Actually I told her after the fact and maybe a week or 2 later that I didnt mean what I said...
Frylock Posted September 28, 2004 Posted September 28, 2004 Write her a note saying you're sorry and that you love her, get her 12 roses, leave them on her bed... and wait for her to call you. Tell her how you've been feeling and how upset this has you.
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