Treasa Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Sweetie, this is emotional abuse. He is gaslighting you, telling you things like how he WAS going to propose to you, etc. Actions speak louder than words. Right now his actions are saying that he's fine with using and abusing you, because you will always be his soft, reliable mattress that won't go anywhere. Doesn't that piss you off? 2
ja123 Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 I agree with the above posts that point out emotional abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, etc. Try reading Susan Forward's "Emtional Blackmail". And get outta that relationship, sweetheart. And fast!
Author unsuregirl Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 Sweetie, this is emotional abuse. He is gaslighting you, telling you things like how he WAS going to propose to you, etc. Actions speak louder than words. Right now his actions are saying that he's fine with using and abusing you, because you will always be his soft, reliable mattress that won't go anywhere. Doesn't that piss you off? I actually just told him I wanted him gone by tonight. He has paid for nothing in SUCH a long time and right now even I am broke after paying for both of us for this long, and I spent my last little bit of cash on a whole chicken and he goes and buys himself a fruit drink..... I told him it bothered me that I am spending my last dollars on US and he is spending money on himself....when really the only money he should be spending is PAYING ME BACK. He told me I was WRONG to feel that way and then dumped out the drink on the pavement and said "There are you happy? You pissed me off so look where the 2 dollars is." I drove him to work and tried to calmly explain to him that it is really not OK with me for him to be so selfish and spend money on himself when I am paying for us to survive and he started cursing and yelling and cutting me off until I snapped and screamed at him. He then pulled my E brake and told me to let him out and that he would walk and jumped out of the car, and started messaging (once he got to work) me about how me screaming at him is not going to fly anymore. I snapped. I told him he's out.
Author unsuregirl Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 Red flags all around, especially the isolating piece. Trust your instincts here. Can you go somewhere else for the night? I think you need to remove yourself from this situation ASAP. I should have...I let him pull me back in last night and now I have somehow get him to leave tonight and still function tomorrow during my first day at my new job ....
ltjg45 Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 I actually just told him I wanted him gone by tonight. He has paid for nothing in SUCH a long time and right now even I am broke after paying for both of us for this long, and I spent my last little bit of cash on a whole chicken and he goes and buys himself a fruit drink..... I told him it bothered me that I am spending my last dollars on US and he is spending money on himself....when really the only money he should be spending is PAYING ME BACK. He told me I was WRONG to feel that way and then dumped out the drink on the pavement and said "There are you happy? You pissed me off so look where the 2 dollars is." I drove him to work and tried to calmly explain to him that it is really not OK with me for him to be so selfish and spend money on himself when I am paying for us to survive and he started cursing and yelling and cutting me off until I snapped and screamed at him. He then pulled my E brake and told me to let him out and that he would walk and jumped out of the car, and started messaging (once he got to work) me about how me screaming at him is not going to fly anymore. I snapped. I told him he's out. I wish I was nearby because I would boot him out for you.
Author unsuregirl Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 I wish I was nearby because I would boot him out for you. Yeah, it's really freaking me out-what he's going to be like when he gets back. I don't have a working phone right now and my family all lives out of state and I don't want to get my friends involved because they have already been involved in enough of the drama involving him. I feel very isolated...
Minneloa Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Yeah, it's really freaking me out-what he's going to be like when he gets back. I don't have a working phone right now and my family all lives out of state and I don't want to get my friends involved because they have already been involved in enough of the drama involving him. I feel very isolated... Hi unsuregirl, First of all, I am so glad you came back to post today. Secondly, I think this is the PERFECT time to get your friends involved. I strongly urge you to have some of your friends come over tonight, ideally a male or two. From what you have posted, your bf seems extremely volatile, and I think you need support, both emotional and physical. Sending a ton of good thoughts! Please keep us posted. M. 1
Author unsuregirl Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 Hi unsuregirl, First of all, I am so glad you came back to post today. Secondly, I think this is the PERFECT time to get your friends involved. I strongly urge you to have some of your friends come over tonight, ideally a male or two. From what you have posted, your bf seems extremely volatile, and I think you need support, both emotional and physical. Sending a ton of good thoughts! Please keep us posted. M. He is back from work and guilt tripping me for the time I stayed with him rent free, and saying he is sorry that I am not ready for a serious relationship. He is also refusing to leave, because his name is on the lease even though he hasn't paid in months. He gave me his phone to call the cops and told me they wouldn't make him leave because legally this is his house!!
curlygirl40 Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Stay strong!! It's going to be tough but you're on the right path. Hopefully you can start seeing what he's doing (gaslighting is the perfect term, can't remember who mentioned it in your thread). He's trying to make you feel guilty to put the focus on you instead of on him. He's going to feel desperate if he really thinks you're going to go through with it because in the past his tactics have worked. So this is probably going to get worse before it gets better as he continues to feel more desperate. But you're on the right path, stay on it, even though I'm sure it's hard for you. One of these days you'll be in a relationship where both parties contribute equally and it's going to feel so good and you're going to look back at this and realize how wrong it was. This is a good lesson, be grateful that you learned it early in life and that you got yourself out of it before you were married with children. If you feel like you're in danger, definitely call the police. Stay strong, we're all pulling for you. 1
Minneloa Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 Ok, staying there and arguing with him will not get you anywhere. I would leave right now and go to a friend's place for a few days. This will give you time to regroup and gather your wits, resources, and legal advice regarding the housing situation. As Curlygirl said earlier, I think you need an exit plan. I am sorry that you are going through this.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 15, 2013 Posted May 15, 2013 . Right now you're like a mouse in a maze, too close to the situation and not being able to see the right thing to do. Yes, except, this particular mouse needs to get away from the cheese, and there is no stronger scent than that of the cheese drawing her toward the exit! What a conundrum.
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