may_girl Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 I feel now I am at the stage past anger. I have moved on so much as the weeks are progressing, I can feel the times we had becoming a long distant memory. I think it helps that he hurt me so much and continued to ignore my messages after the break-up. But when do the thoughts about him stop? I still think about him everyday, but when I do have the thoughts I immediately try to divert them by thinking of something else. I am ready to heal and move on, but this is just so inconvenient. Does anybody have any more ideas on how to stop thinking about him? Or do I just need to be patient and let time do the work for me?
denxnis Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Give it time, lots of time. Those moments when you don't hate them or like them, that's progress. Drowning yourself in work seems to be a good solution for many as well.
J_L_C Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 My problem is not being able to divert from those thoughts...I am consumed. It's been 9 eff'ing months since the break up too. Far too long and so I'm worried this is how it will always be. What kinds if things did he say/do during the breakup that have helped you to move past? My ex did some terrible, Goe awful things post breakup but I can't help zoning in on all the amazing things that happened DURING the breakup.
Author may_girl Posted May 12, 2013 Author Posted May 12, 2013 What kinds if things did he say/do during the breakup that have helped you to move past? My ex did some terrible, Goe awful things post breakup but I can't help zoning in on all the amazing things that happened DURING the breakup. During the break up... I found emails that he was cheating on me, and he was cold. He sent me a nice message saying he will always care for me but after that it was nothing. I messaged and got no reply, while he was doing his thing with this new girl. It broke my heart, and whenever I think of him, that it what I remember. It took me being completely strong to realize he is no better than any other guy, in fact his actions and immoral behavior have made me disrespect him more than the average guy. Taking him off the pedestal and realizing what he did was not acceptable and I deserve to be treated with honesty and respect - that is what helped me move past it.
BustedUpInside Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 I like to give myself a time limit on thinking about my ex. Some days, I could just lay in bed and dwell on being dumped and wondering what he is doing right now, if he is happy with someone else, etc. I tell myself that I only get an hour to dwell and then whenever he crosses my mind, I just try to think about something else. Doesn't always work, but at least it forces me to realize how much I am actually thinking about him so that i can try and change my line of thinking.
FailedFirstLove Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Im like you too where thoughts just consume me. Everyone would say do something else distract yourself. To me it's impossible. But if you can. Try to go get fresh air and somewhere where you can't contact him when you get the urge. So for me I went out bush walking an there was no reception. Try watching a movie maybe. It won't consume your thoughts but maybe give you some relief. Talkig it out helps too. But hope something works for you. It's very hard I know.
happydate Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 (edited) I feel now I am at the stage past anger. I have moved on so much as the weeks are progressing, I can feel the times we had becoming a long distant memory. I think it helps that he hurt me so much and continued to ignore my messages after the break-up. But when do the thoughts about him stop? I still think about him everyday, but when I do have the thoughts I immediately try to divert them by thinking of something else. I am ready to heal and move on, but this is just so inconvenient. Does anybody have any more ideas on how to stop thinking about him? Or do I just need to be patient and let time do the work for me? Lack of forgiveness especially when you caught him cheating behind your back can sometimes keep your thoughts on him lingering for months or even for years, because you are judging him. And without resolution, you will continue judging him to no end until you release this judgement through forgiveness. Yes. It is difficult to forgive. But think back, real back in your own past relationships. Have you been dishonest to yourself that you hadn't string along some poor nice guys that you didn't have any feelings for and then dumped him when you found a better guy along the way? Perhaps you felt like you did nothing wrong there -- most girls do that. Something better comes along and then you dumped him and when this poor guy found out about you dating another guy so quickly, then maybe he thinks you're cheating. This creates an imbalance energy from him,because it is coming from him. The universe has a nice way of paying back this complement to you. Just because you did something bad to some guy in the past to benefit yourself does not necessarily mean this imbalance will be left unaddressed. It is the means for the universe or god to give you the feeling of how it felt like what you did to one of your past relationships is now boomeranging back at you at your best convenience and to give you maximum impact. There's a saying. What goes around comes around! Edited May 13, 2013 by happydate
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