How to comprehend this??

[flutterfly]

Apologies for such a lengthy post but don't seem to get to any conclusion and need help to understand this whole situation;

 

This started about 1.5 years ago, as a LDR but I think as we always were very constantly communicating(calls, sms, emails, video chats) and met once every 2 months and at times more frequent, we managed this for an year. I was 25 and he 31, both of knew we have slightly different lifestyles and i had a more socially active lifestyle. We both loved one another a lot, but I needed sometime to think about considering if I wanted to get married when he expressed his intention within 3 months into dating. As I did not really believe in marriage but I began to consider it seriously as he painted this beautiful picture that we would have an awesome life together and that he crazily loved me. We were very much into each other. Slowly there were more frequent arguments as he had issues with me meeting or partying with any of my guy friends , eventhough he knew they were my very good old friends. He would yell at me constantly and throw profanities about my guy friends or bring up my past. The squabbling became a regular thing it frustrated both of us. At times when were together on my visits to him, these quarrels lead to him binge and abuse me (physically). Later he would cry unstoppably and apologise to me for being violent as he was so drunk he doesn’t think or at times know what he is doing(I think otherwise). Due to this I asked him some time to reconsider my future with him. To this he would beg, plead and cry to reconsider and reconcile. My love for him was so much that I would give him multiple chances as he said he would right himself. Simultaneously, I reduced anything that made him angry (partying, meeting friends, going to concerts, my salsa classes) as there was once an occasion when a friend proposed to me. I am a very private person and only share details about my relationship to my very close circle of friends (the guy wasn’t one of them). I also chose to marry him over pursuing my dream to study abroad as he said he would not wait for me of one year (course duration). I shared about our relationship and our wish to marry to my parents. Both sides of the families met last Sept and we decided to get married early 2013.

As I felt or sensed that although his mother agreed to our relation but dint seem to be happy. Before I realized this turned to an ugly tiff between us and he got abusive and out of control and asked me to get out of the hotel where he was put up in my city (12am). I called off the wedding as I thought this was not going to work like this, and we need to seriously fix the concerns. Since then I saw him change towards me, he was blaming me for his anger, did not treat me like his girlfriend although he said that it was in my head. But I knew what I felt and saw – his behavior was more erratic. As I was travelling on work often, when in new countries like a typical tourist I would meet the localities, see places, explore the cities and nightlife too – he did not like any of these especially me partying late or going out and returning to my hotel late (used to call at my room). I used to party probably just once or go out for dinner/drinks with colleagues a couple of times and would get a bit late. Between these trips I flew to him twice (last dec and this January) to discuss and resolve issues – but I eventually realized that though he wanted to as well but never really fixed any of the older issues. He blamed me that my social lifestyle, my friends were more important and that I took a lot of time to tell my parents about our relation which showed that I never wanted to marry him. I thought it was absurd especially when I told him about what happened in my last relationship that broke my mom’s heart. I just wanted to build a strong foundation first by understanding, respecting and caring for eachother more by working on the existing problems we were prevailing throughout.

 

During the last 3 days of my last trip he began to show complete disinterest in me. He would not want to go out with me anywhere, or spend time with me. He said that love is not important to him in marriage and compatibility, understanding and trust is. I tried to convince him but he got more annoyed whenever I tried to. I flew back to return home and called him to talk where we left, and that when he told me to never call him or contact him ever again as he thinks its ‘rational’ and good for both of us to move on. I told him I will give him the time he needs and will wait for him. Between this I stuidly called his friends to try and talk to him (they tried but futile). He stopped calling me completely and when I did he would just say ‘I won’t change my mind whatever you said’ he always sounded angry and would scream at me at times.

 

A month later, I go to know he was at his hometown (same country as mine) so I called him to try and change his mind – he sounded cold, and said he was ‘Engaged’ to someother girl and would marry her in a few months - and it was an arranged by families. Later one of common friends told me that he met this girl a week ago and both decided to get engaged within a month (April). I was dumbstruck, and shocked. I lost my cool when he told me that he dint want to marry me as per my whims and fancies. That was my last call to him (been over 40 days).

I still don’t get any of this. So a guy loves me like crazy, Abuses me, I give him several chances and reconcile with him, I change myself entirely for him, I take him to my parents, and then when we decide to work on our issues…he break off with me, gets engaged to someone else within a month??? Wow – so many unanswered questions, so much anger and no belief/faith in love in which I believed the most….

[siankat]

you had one reason to walk away forever. one. he physically abused you.