Needing Time To Sort Out Issues - Is this ever really the true reason?

[cb1995]

I was seeing a guy for about 3 months when he ended things a couple of weeks ago, stating that he had some personal things to take care of and that it was unfair to bring me into it. He said that he was not being himself lately and this is the worst thing he's ever gone through. He said he hopes I understand that he needs this time to take care of things. He then said he's happy he's met me. I received this via text a little over a week after radio silence from him. Before that, he told me in person what the issues were - financial and family. I was somewhat aware of the problem during the entire time we were seeing each other but at that point, I didn't know how dire the situation was. It was worse than I thought.

 

I then asked if it was possible to see more of him, that seeing him only once every couple of weeks was not enough for me. He told me that yes, we could see more of each other and that it would not be a problem. I wasn't entirely convinced due to his body language. I told him that it seemed that I should step away for now. He told me not to do that. I asked there was anything I could do and he said just be there. Before the evening ended, I asked when I'd see him again. He said soon. Then not a peep for him for over a week. That is when he sent that text. I didn't respond as I knew nothing I could say would change the situation. He said he needs time so I'm giving him time and space. He didn't exactly say goodbye, but he didn't say we would still see each other either. We have not been in contact for about 3 weeks now. I am hurt that even though it was a brief encounter, that he did it via text and he hasn't reached out at all.

 

The first 6 weeks were good. We were seeing each other once a week, sometimes 2x. This past month is when things took a nosedive in his personal life. That is when we began seeing less of each other (about once every 2 weeks), even though we were in frequent contact via text. His family crisis got worse and he mentioned feeling drepressed. He said he doesn't even see his friends anymore. I understand the family and personal issues should be top priority. My question is, are these just convenient excuses or was he not that interested? Did my asking to see more of him contribute to him ending things? Is there such a thing as circumstantial breakup?

 

I'm confused because I'm used to relationships ending with some big fight. Nothing like that happened in this case. We were fine until his personal issues spun out of control. Yes, it is a short term relationship and I should get over it, but this one has left me puzzled.

[Krzt8]

This sounds very much like the situation I am in. My boyfriend is in the Army and is suffering from PTSD. He has shut everyone off, including his mum, and just can't deal with a relationship at the moment. Your boyfriend can obviously only cope with one issue at a time, and the dominating one was the family crisis. He has probably, like my boyfriend, spiralled into depression and when the black cloud lifts (which hopefully it will) he will get in touch with you if he wants to.

 

I can't say if you pushing to see more of him has done any damage, but he probably felt overwhelmed with issues like my boyfriend. Like you, there was no big fight, he just went AWOL from the army and was found in his room at camp after attempting to OD on sleeping pills. I can't understand that part of his life as I am not in the Army. I just have to leave him to deal with it himself. It is hard because I just want to put my arms around him and make it better. But only he can do that.

 

Hopefully your boyfriend will lift him self out of the gloom, but like me in the meantime, you must carry on living your life. That doesn't mean go off and get with someone else, but be there when/if he needs you, but let him be the one to do the reaching out. If you push him he will cut you off completely. Give him time to work his issues out. If he wants you back he'll get in touch when he is strong enough. I cannot say if this is an excuse or not as I don't know your partner. I know my partners excuse is genuine. His mum has been to see him and he is in a very bad way. Your boyfriends excuse could be genuine too. Only time will tell, in the meantime, try to get on with living your life as best you can; you mourn but you live. Whatever will be will be. I wish you luck!

[crederer]

I was about to say "b*tches be crazy" but then I noticed that it was a guy, so, "ass*oles be crazy"

[SimonSerenade]

Awww man you bought that bull ****

[cb1995]

@Krzt8 - That's a terrible thing for you bf to be going through. It does seem like he needs time to sort himself out. Is he getting help for his depression?

 

He wasn't my bf, we were still in the getting to know you stage. I very much wanted to see if this could turn into something more serious. I wanted to see more of him. I truly enjoyed being with him. As his problems started to escalate, I saw his personality go from someone who was really fun and exciting to someone who was pre-occupied with his problems and not as fun to be around. He just had this stressed out vibe to him. I don't know if I could have done anything to help him other than be there for him. Apparently that wasn't in the cards for us. He broke it off almost a month ago and I haven't heard from him since then. NC on both sides. I'm still confused and hurt but I'm trying to move on. I'm starting to accept that I won't hear from him again. It's a shame though because I'll never know if his personal problems were the root of him calling things off or it was just a convenient excuse. I do know that he wasn't lying as he told me about the situation early on in the relationship.

 

Do they ever come back once things are sorted out? Or after time passes, does they eventually forget? It was a brief encounter but it effected me more than I anticipated. Some days I regret saying anything to him at all about seeing more of him as it might have just been adding more stress to him. I guess I'll never know.

[Leigh 87]

When my ex's mother passed away; he used the girl he had been seeing for 3 months as a main source of support.

 

I think that if a guy seriously has feelings for you, to the point where he is falling in love with you, that he would confide in your, even the worst of his issues.

 

My ex never confided in people, but he was falling for her obviously, so he trusted her enough to.

 

I would say this guy really likes you, but you know... his feelings are not quiet strong enough to convince me that this relationship is worth pursuing.

[Leigh 87]

@Krzt8 - That's a terrible thing for you bf to be going through. It does seem like he needs time to sort himself out. Is he getting help for his depression?

 

He wasn't my bf, we were still in the getting to know you stage. I very much wanted to see if this could turn into something more serious. I wanted to see more of him. I truly enjoyed being with him. As his problems started to escalate, I saw his personality go from someone who was really fun and exciting to someone who was pre-occupied with his problems and not as fun to be around. He just had this stressed out vibe to him. I don't know if I could have done anything to help him other than be there for him. Apparently that wasn't in the cards for us. He broke it off almost a month ago and I haven't heard from him since then. NC on both sides. I'm still confused and hurt but I'm trying to move on. I'm starting to accept that I won't hear from him again. It's a shame though because I'll never know if his personal problems were the root of him calling things off or it was just a convenient excuse. I do know that he wasn't lying as he told me about the situation early on in the relationship.

 

Do they ever come back once things are sorted out? Or after time passes, does they eventually forget? It was a brief encounter but it effected me more than I anticipated. Some days I regret saying anything to him at all about seeing more of him as it might have just been adding more stress to him. I guess I'll never know.

 

 

 

From what I have seen: most guys who fall in love, are well on their way by the 3 or 4 month mark.....

 

Once they are seriously falling in love with you, they will NEED you for support during difficult times in their lives.

 

It is not this simplistic of course, but I do know that in most instances, men who have very strong feelings for you will not just cut contact during a difficult period in their lives...

 

My ex would have been lost without the support his ex game him - and they knew each other for only 3 months, albeit they travelled together and were with each other every day.

 

I just have a gut feeling that if a guy was really falling hard for you, that he would NEED you for support if he was going through difficult issues......

 

This is an online forum, so I COULD be wrong about this guy! He could be the type of man who retreats and turns away from people when he is suffering....

 

If this is the case, and I am wrong about him (that he does not have strong enough feelings towards you) then he will be back after NC.

 

Just make sure it is not bread crumbs! Anything less than " I miss you so much and I want to get back together with you" is just him testing the waters, to see if he can use you for casual fun when he is without a date, or he may genuinely like you as a person enough to want to be your friend.

 

Stay strong, it was only 3 months! I am not undermining your pain at ALL< but one thing you can be thankful for is that it was 3 months and not 3 years.

 

Stay strong and stick to NC! If he realises that he really misses you, he will be back.

[cb1995]

Thanks for the words of support and insight Leigh! He did confide in me about his problems from the beginning. He kept me in the loop about what was going on. It just kept getting worse. I didn't know the extent of it until we sat down face to face and discussed it. He told me his work is suffering, he doesn't see his friends anymore and he barely talks to them either. He said this is the worst thing he's ever been through. It was also affecting his health. He was just was not the same person I met when I saw him last.

 

I asked him if there was anything I could do to help and he said just be there. I tried to be supportive but I could not help him resolve it. He just seemed to be unable to balance work, personal problems and a romantic relationship. Obviously the relationship lost out over the other issues. I don't believe there was love for me. I know he did like me and showed concern for me. I care for him, but don't love him. It was too early for it to be there. Do people really, genuinely love each other after only 4 months? I think that is rare. But after spending 4 months with someone, is it really that easy to cut them off like that? There should be some connection there. At least for me there was.

 

I don't know him well enough to say if he is the type to retreat when he has problems. If that is the case, then this is what I have learned about him from the short time I knew him.

 

I agree what you say about that gut feeling about how in most cases, they want someone there for them. I've been going through some difficult things as well and I would like someone there for me.

 

I'm just really puzzled by this whole experience. Usually when I've had someone end it with me, there was a build up of tension with arguments or they found someone else. That never happened in this case (at least, to my knowledge he hasn't found someone else). We got along so well and at one point, he even thanked me for being so understanding about it.

 

Today was a rough day. I've been wanting to reach out all day. But I've been good and the forums have been a good source of support. NC is supposed to be for the dumpee to heal, not to punish. It's what I have to do for myself. I will say that the previous 2 relationships I've had, the men always came back at some point but those were years long relationships. Since this is a relatively short one, I doubt he'll be back. I never responded to his ending things text. I just let it be.

 

People say that it's always one of two things, either they lost interest or they have another girl they are more interested in. That any other reason is a made up excuse. I want to believe what he told me is true. But when I hear those things, the doubt creeps in. I do miss him but does he miss me? I guess only time will tell.

 

I won't accept breadcrumbs either and something tells me if he did come back, it would be as friends.

 

How long do you leave that line of communication open until you accept they are gone for good?

[Leigh 87]

Thanks for the words of support and insight Leigh! He did confide in me about his problems from the beginning. He kept me in the loop about what was going on. It just kept getting worse. I didn't know the extent of it until we sat down face to face and discussed it. He told me his work is suffering, he doesn't see his friends anymore and he barely talks to them either. He said this is the worst thing he's ever been through. It was also affecting his health. He was just was not the same person I met when I saw him last.

 

I asked him if there was anything I could do to help and he said just be there. I tried to be supportive but I could not help him resolve it. He just seemed to be unable to balance work, personal problems and a romantic relationship. Obviously the relationship lost out over the other issues. I don't believe there was love for me. I know he did like me and showed concern for me. I care for him, but don't love him. It was too early for it to be there. Do people really, genuinely love each other after only 4 months? I think that is rare. But after spending 4 months with someone, is it really that easy to cut them off like that? There should be some connection there. At least for me there was.

 

I don't know him well enough to say if he is the type to retreat when he has problems. If that is the case, then this is what I have learned about him from the short time I knew him.

 

I agree what you say about that gut feeling about how in most cases, they want someone there for them. I've been going through some difficult things as well and I would like someone there for me.

 

I'm just really puzzled by this whole experience. Usually when I've had someone end it with me, there was a build up of tension with arguments or they found someone else. That never happened in this case (at least, to my knowledge he hasn't found someone else). We got along so well and at one point, he even thanked me for being so understanding about it.

 

Today was a rough day. I've been wanting to reach out all day. But I've been good and the forums have been a good source of support. NC is supposed to be for the dumpee to heal, not to punish. It's what I have to do for myself. I will say that the previous 2 relationships I've had, the men always came back at some point but those were years long relationships. Since this is a relatively short one, I doubt he'll be back. I never responded to his ending things text. I just let it be.

 

People say that it's always one of two things, either they lost interest or they have another girl they are more interested in. That any other reason is a made up excuse. I want to believe what he told me is true. But when I hear those things, the doubt creeps in. I do miss him but does he miss me? I guess only time will tell.

 

I won't accept breadcrumbs either and something tells me if he did come back, it would be as friends.

 

How long do you leave that line of communication open until you accept they are gone for good?

 

 

 

 

 

 

I hope your feeling a bit better, just know that over time, you will feel better and better.

 

I do not think that true love is FULLY realised and established within 4 months! Sorry that I was confusing, I just mean that you should both be well on your WAY to falling in love by this stage.

 

The strongest love, of course, would take longer to develop! It involves trust and getting to know a person well! Personally, my ex and I did not really know each other THAT well by even 5 months!

 

We knew we were on the verge of falling in love at about 4 - 5 months, but it took about 7 months to be head over heals in love in a very deep and certain way.

 

Anyway! I only gave you one example, of how my ex handled the loss of his mother; he heavily leant on the girl he was only with for 3 months (albeit with her daily), and he looked forward to her messages so much that it helped him cope.

 

This is just one situation! Your ex is entirely different to my ex, I just learnt from my ex, that when he is going through the worst issues in life, he tends to WANT to hear from the girl he is falling for OR is already in love with.

 

Some people cope differently from my ex, In his case, it sounds like his issues were reducing his capacity to be HIMSELF, and were draining energy to the point where he had none to invest into getting to know you more.

 

There is no telling if he would have acted differently if he was with another girl who he had stronger feelings for; it could be the case that he would have behaved in the exact same with ANY girl he was seeing.

 

Now, rather than focusing on the past and what he did or didn't do, and if he did or didn't like you enough to continue: now is time to look to the future.

 

You still have feelings for him, so it would be too hard for you to continue to chat to him.... You want him back, where as he would just talk to you as a friend or string you along, offering you some false hope.

 

If he realises he has made a mistake, he has your number.

 

I do not think ,due to the length of time you were together, that you need to block his number like people who have lost long term partners should do ( to cut all contact).

 

If I were you, and others will either agree with me or not on this: I would block his facebook, stop seeing him in person even if he wants to meet up as "friends", and ask him to please stop texting you because you still have feelings for him and you will not be able to move on from him if you still maintain contact.

 

I am still to weak to stop the texting and phone calls to my ex, but I know it is what I need to do in the IMMEDIATE future.

 

As I said before: lucky it was only after 3 months. As much as your hurting, you would have been more heartbroken if this had happened later down the road, once you were both in love.

 

Just pm me if you struggle with the idea of cutting contact! I will encourage you AND myself, to stop contacting our exes if you find this too hard.

 

..........

 

 

And yes, some guys do come back! But the key to being the happiest that you CAN be in life, is to NOT hold onto false hope!

 

You have to move forward as though you DO NOT think he will want you back.

 

He may or may not want you back. You cannot live your life based on the hope that he may take you back though.

 

Lastly: I do not think talking to our exes will make them realises how awesome we are.... I think they already know what they need to know about us, to make a sound decision in the future about whether they want us back or not.

[Leigh 87]

I also want to add: well done on not accepting breadcrumbs!

 

He either REALLY wants to be with you..

 

 

Or not.

 

 

And yes, time will tell if he will move on to another girl, or if he will realise that your the girl he wants and he only left you because of his circumstances (and your awesome enough to warrant another try!)

 

Time. No Contact. These will help you move on. With him wanting you back only being a pleasant surprise, and not something you will hold on hope for.

 

Ugh. Now if only I could stop talking to my ex and holding onto that tiny shred of hope:mad::mad::mad:

[cb1995]

So about 2 weeks ago, he contacted me and asked if we could meet up. I was pleasantly surprised to hear from him and agreed to meet up with him. Other than the first few moments, it wasn't awkward and it was as if not much time had passed (it has been about 3 months since we last saw each other). We got along very well. I wanted our meeting to be casual and fun. I didn't want it to be a negative experience for either of us.

 

I didn't approach him about what happened. I waited for him to speak up. And he did. He apologized for what happened and said that everything he was going through was too much and he had been depressed. He then went on to say some very nice things about me that I didn't expect to hear at all - that I was very mature, kind, patient and understanding about the entire thing. Said that even though our time together was brief, he still thought of me,and has respect for me. He thanked me for being patient with him and agreeing to see him. He admitted he has a lot of growing up to do. I appreciated his apology and explanation. He seemed very sincere.

 

Out of curiousity, I asked him why, when I gave him the opportunity to, he didn't tell me to my face. He said at the time he really did think he could handle it while balancing the crisis but the pressures of everything going on was just too much. I did let him know that ending things via text was cowardly and disrespectful and made me feel as if I was disposable. I wasn't mad at him as I understood he was going through some things, but I did tell him that I was very disappointed with how he chose to end it. I told him then next time he wants to end things with a girl to tell her in person or at least pick up a phone.

 

From what he said, it seems the crisis is over and he's slowly getting back to who he was before it happened. He seemed like the guy I first met - fun and happy. Overall, I think we both handled the discussion very well. It was nice that we were able to talk about it and had an understanding about how it ended up. I realized that even though we were no longer dating, he is definitely someone I want to keep in contact with. True, our time together was brief but the potential for a friendship is there. When we said goodbye that evening, neither of us mentioned seeing each other again or having further contact. I haven't heard from him since then and I haven't tried to contact him either.

 

I wonder why, after all this time he chose to make contact. It wasn't necessary for him to reach out. I get the feeling that he wants to keep some form of contact. It's hard to explain, and I could be mis-interpreting things, but when we talked about what we've been up to, it seemed as if he really liked having someone to confide in and just sit and talk to. Our conversations were so easy and felt so natural as if we were old friends catching up. I know I want to maintain contact but seeing as he was the one who ended things, should I leave him be? Or was this an invitation to maintain contact? He's someone I wouldn't mind hitting up a happy hour with. I'm still new at all of this so I'm still trying to figure out what is the most appropriate way to handle it. Do men typically return to apologize without the intention of ever seeing that person again? I just figure at that stage, what's the point of doing that if you won't ever speak to them again? If I did something like that I probably wouldn't want to revisit it.

 

@Leigh 87 - How did things turn out with you? Did you keep up with the NC?

Edited August 2, 2013 by cb1995

[new_jack_E]

Curious to see what feedback you get on this. I just had a 4 hour meeting with my exgf, the dumper, after SHE initiated. I had ignored her for 4 months since BU. She had sporadically emailed and sent a handwritten card, then pulled the trigger on my BD. She brought her daughter and her BF to our little HH. I asked her nothing, didn't comment on BU. She kept asking me "what have I been up to" and gave her some sparse details on the kids, job, etc., but nothing very personal. She kissed me at the end of this and said something vague about "we should do this again sometime" but I read little into it. Wonder if I will ever hear from her again? I don't think I will initiate.

[cb1995]

I think the fact that she brought her new bf along speaks volumes. If I were you, I wouldn't initiate any contact and leave it up to her.

 

I would like a guys opinion on my situation. Since you're a guy, what do you think is going on? Is the apology just that and he did it so he could move on? Or was it a gesture to continue contact. It's even 2 weeks and I haven't heard from him not have a tried to contact him. So if both of us are just sitting around waiting for the other to initiate contact, I wouldn't be opposed to being the first one too. But I also don't want to make a fool of myself.

[new_jack_E]

Sorry, let me clarify she didn't bring her BF (I have no idea if she has one but Im sure she's "dating") , the daughter brought hers, and I've always been close with the daughter (10+ years) and her BF. In fact the day before the exgf wanted to meet, the daughter texted me to tell me happy BD, and I said "thanks let's get together next time you're in town" at the restaurant we all used to go to, so I surmize the daughter told mom the exgf, who thought "hey, why am I not invited" and she felt left out, wanted to get in on the action, and see me too, but I still don't make much of it. She hugged and gave me a goodnight kiss that night in front of everyone after we all met, then I got a text at 11:30 PM saying "thanks for joining us, so great to see you", blah blah. Her daughter and her daughters bf and her son have always liked me and told me I'm the best guy she's ever had. I attribute the invite and the entire night to her just trying to placate her daughter and make sure she hadn't been abandoned by me , even though she left me, because, as I've said about her before, she's the queen of keeping all options open. And, we do like/love each other on some level. She trusted me, I just don't think I "was the one for her". But as she gets older, she can't afford to lose anybody, she told me, in so many word ("I never want to lose somebody I love"). That might be what's going on with your guy, not sure. He wants to keep you on the line while he looks for somebody else to fufill the dream, but knows down deep that might not happen, so doesn't want to totally shut the door. But on the other hand, whiles he's "looking", he doesn't want you in tow. He thinks he can do better and you're a liability that's interfering with his crackpot plan.

[new_jack_E]

Sorry, I got rambling about me, but to your questions, I think he felt bad about how he ended things, and the apology was to make HIM feel better and think he did the right thing; closed things out honorably. I don't really think he's trying to spark anything, he just felt bad and never resolved that, remembered how good you were to him, and had a lonely/bored moment and thought "what they hey, I'll ping her cuz I know she'll respond". It made him feel better.

[OrangeSnack]

cb, i had a similar situation, yet it hasn't been resolved and I don't think it ever will. Long story short, i've been dating this girl for a month and half. Everything was "picture perfect." Strong chemistry, affection, romance, etc, everything was there. One day she calls me out of the blue crying. Later on I found out through her that one of her friend had passed away. She asked for some time alone and I granted that to her. As days went by I would text her but the texts were non responsive. A week goes by, I can see that she is getting better so I decided to try to meet up with her. Truthfully, I just wanted to make sure she was okay and that I still cared for her. On the day of the meetup, she cancels last minute via facebook (what the...) so I initiated NC for a week. 1 week goes by, I get a text from her out of the blue stating that she is back and asking how I was. It did take me awhile to respond because of personal reasons but I just wasn't sure if I should call her or text her. So i decided to text... It takes her a day to get back to me and we start to converse very slowly... Eventually she tells me that she is very sorry for the whole situation and that she is currently on a recovery health plan. She also states that the person who passed away was an ex b/f. After she told me that, I expressed my sincere condolences and I told her that don't be sorry. Whenever she is ready "my arms and ears will be open." She never responded after that... I texted her 3 more times and my last text was: "how are you doing?" This was about a month ago. I never heard back from her or seen her. Frankly, I could care less now because I honestly felt that I tried my hardest to be patient and to "win her back." Heck, I even felt at times, she made up this whole "traumatic event" so that she can lose interest (what a cruel way to end it, if it were true!).

 

CB, I think you handled it very well. Very maturely. You gave him 2 weeks and he was able to bounce back and you were sincere enough to meet with him. I think he felt the need to owe you an apology and also to keep you in touch. He definitely wants to rekindle the relationship but I don't know if he wants to do it on a romantic level. I honestly feel that he is a nice guy and that he didn't want to keep you hanging around because 1). it's not fair to you 2). it's the mature way of doing it. I wished the gal I was seeing did that. I wished she would have told me flat out "you know what my friend just passed away and I'm not ready for a relationship." But I realized sometimes you can never get closure.

 

What really confused me was that during this whole "event" she was perfectly normal on facebook with her friends. Seemed like nothing traumatic had happened in her life. I constantly saw her posting things, commenting, and liking pages. Now thinking of the whole facebook thing ticks me off because I felt like I was played/strung along. I felt like I was this starved puppy. I guess you can say it's the insecurity and also the inexperience. Regardless, I learned a lot about myself and about relationships. I definitely do think about her at times but I know I shouldnt because she's probably not even thinking about me. I finally had the guts a few weeks ago to erase her from facebook and my healing process is getting better day by day.

 

She was definitely a big aspect of my maturity and I am very grateful for this experience. CB, I think you just got to play it by your feeling. I can tell you really liked him and he really liked you. I really do admire that he apologized to you in person because that's something most guys cannot do. We can do it via text or phone but for someone (not only a guy) to apologize in person takes guts. So don't overthink it too much! I would totally just concentrate on yourself and when the time is right he will contact you. If he doesn't then it wasn't meant to be...

[Leigh 87]

Now you have your answer.

 

Even when the crises are dissipating in his life, he still doesn't want to be with you.

 

He may have really liked and respected you, but he wasn't falling in love with you. If he was truly into you, he would have wanted you back after his personal issues subsided.

 

You'll find someone else:)

 

As for me, I'm in very low contact with the ex. Although I'm definitely moving on a great deal and the very occasional text don't make me hold on to false hope. I haven't seen him in over a month. I don't think about reuniting with him whatsoever.

 

I like a new guy and if we date, there's no way I'd go back to the ex if he showed up at my door and begged fo a second chance.

[cb1995]

@new_jack - Ha! "His crackpot plan...". But I think you may be right. Maybe he is not wanting to totally shut the door just in case. It's a weird thing to have done though. i really wouldn't have gone back if it were me.

 

And it sounds like you have a good relationship with her daughter. I've never dated someone with kids before but I'm guessing that it's hard to say goodbye to that relationship too. It sounds like all of you have a very cordial and overall, good relationship with each other. I think that's rare. You must have made an impact in their lives for them to try to keep some sort of contact with you. It sounds like you're ok with letting go. And that's a brave thing!

[cb1995]

@OrangeSnack - If it's true that her ex bf died, you need to leave her be to grieve. Two years ago, I got out of a 15 year relationship (we never married) and it felt like a death. The person will never be in your life again and it's a very rough process of acceptance. There were some people who reached out to me during that time but I just wasn't in a place to keep up and maintain. You can't "win" her back if she is grieving. That's probably the last thing on her mind right now.

 

About Facebook - I spent a year working out the problems and grief. No one who looked at my FB page would ever have guessed I was going through a hard time (other than the rapid weight loss!). I kept up the happy facade cuz I just don't like broadcasting my life like that. Maybe she is the same way?

 

As for the timeline - it wasn't 2 weeks that he reappeared, it was 3 months AFTER he ended it that he came back to apologize. Over the weekend, I saw that he was back on the dating website and he was browsing my profile. I sent him a quick note through the site just telling him that I still think he's a good guy and if he ever wanted to catch up in person sometime, to feel free to contact me. He immediately responded via text. Told me he just got back online (this is true as he was not active the night before) and he didn't think he wanted to do it. We exchanged a few more where he told me what he's been up to and how he hopes the rest of the year goes well. And yesterday I sent him a funny little video I thought he'd enjoy. And he did. So I think he's open to friendship because he's not ignoring me. I'm not gonna push it to be anything more and I'll definitely give him distance. I'm just going with the flow. If he wants to contact me he knows he can. So yes, with him back online it shows he's looking and moving on and has no further interest in anything romantic. I'm bummed but happy for him that he is getting back to himself.

[cb1995]

Leigh,

 

I had accepted the end and really believed he wouldn't contact me again. I even recently went back online and was looking forward to meeting someone new. Then here he is 3 months later to apologize. We spent a few hours hanging out and he initiated all physical contact (just hugs and kisses!). Maybe he was feeling lonely or just felt it at that very moment and then nothing more when we said goodbye. It's confusing. I still do like him but as you said, if he was interested, he would have said something by now. I still don't get the whole apologizing thing. Maybe it would have been best to leave it be as now I'm confused as to whether or not he wants to maintain some form of contact.

[singme2sleep]

OP- your breakup scenario sounds a lot like mine, apart from him re-appearing after 3 months. At my 3 month mark, I found out he was officially in a new relationship and that devastated me because when he broke things off (also via text) he said it "wasn't about him not wanting me, but that he needed to be alone for awhile because his life was such a mess." Yes, he had a lot going on but all I ever wanted was to support and be there for him. In the end he wouldn't let me even though he used to say how much he loved me and that I was The One. Now almost 7 months later it still doesn't make much sense to me.

Edited August 7, 2013 by singme2sleep