thissucksforreal Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 I know this is probably common, buti need to vent it out to others that go through the same. i have been with MM for about a year now, we have the best relationship i have ever had EXCEPT recently i hate how i cant have him when i want. it is killing me. i can actually feel the pain in my heart. i love him so so much, and i want nothing more than to be with him. but lately i am considering breaking up with him. i dont want to. but i cant stand being second to him much longer. i called tonight he was supposed to call me back but he did not. his brother is in the hospital so i know he is not in high spirits buti have not seen him in a few days. and i dont like that. i am full time in love with a part time man and it is so hard. I told him that i missed him and want to see him but i am not going to call him until he calls me. i know it is going to be so hard but i am just hoping he will call me. i dont know if i am ready for this to end. but i am getting so lonely and i want someone to be with me all the time. not just when convient for him. I am so torn over waht to do. the thought of n ot having him in my life at all is so hard, but so is not having him all to me. any wise words??
izzybelle Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 i'm afraid i don't have any great words of wisdom except in some ways i wish i'd been the one to end things before they got to the point they have for me. being second is not a good place for anyone and we all deserve better. unfortunately when our heart feels like it has found "the one" it's hard to give it up. it's hard to walk away from someone you are still so much in love with. and that's the biggest problem. our legs keep moving as we walk away and our heart is screaming turn around. we settle for the little bits of happines we can get and try to convince ourselves that it's enough. only you will be able to decide if it's enough or you want more. and from what you said, it's sounds like you want more. it is for the best, if it's meant to be it will be. if he ends his marriage it's obviously best that it be in spite of you and not because of you. good luck, and do what's best for you. i think we all tend to lose sight of that sometimes because sometimes doing what's best is the most painful thing we may ever experience.
Merin Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 Well I'm going to "steal" from a book I purchased called "He's Just Not That Into You" because it really makes sense and it may help you to gain some perspective. 1) He's Married 2) Unless he's all yours, he's still hers. 3) There are cool, loving single men in the world. Find one of them to go out with. 4) If a guy is yelling about his wife or crying over his last girlfriend, try to find someone else to take you to the movies. 5) HE'S MARRIED 6) Don't be that girl. 7) You are not easily forgotten. Let him find you when he's ready. A Practical "Quiz" List all the things you want or have ever wanted in a man. 1) 2) 3) 4) 5) Now look at your list. Did MARRIED or emotionally unavailable make the list? Yeah, we didn't think so. You're far to classy and smart for that.
Mr Spock Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 Yes. Call it off. Flat out tell him you want him to leave his wife, and until he does, you don't want to see him. If he does, you get what you want (you may end up regretting it) if he doesn't, you're hurt-but you move on. And you will move on, either way.
izzybelle Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 so where are they (you?) all hiding these days? all the men i'm meeting are all unhappily married, or so they say...... i only know one single guy and he's my boss.
LoneStar49 Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 OK thissucksforreal, you know what you need to do. End it. Simple as that. The longer it goes on, the harder it will be to end it and in the end, you will most likely end up like me, with years invested (and huge amounts of personal investment) and it ends anyway. Believe me, I know it is hard, and you are trying so hard to convince yourself you will be the exception, but odds are, you won't be. I can promise you one thing. Had I been able to look into the future and see the outcome, I would have ended it early on. The little bit of good that came out of this relationship certainly wasn't worth the horrible feelings I've had in the end. Yeah...at this point, knowing what I know now, I'd simply say, "call me when you are divorced." No crying, no promises...nothing. Just those words. If he does get a divorce and you are still available, great. If you aren't available, it will be because you are happy with someone else so it really won't matter. And if he doesn't get a divorce, you will know that you would have been caught up in that hurtful affair for who knows how long before your world came crashing in on you. Unfortunately, I didn't see this for myself (or believe it) and thought I had to be there to "support" him when he got his divorce. So, my advice to you is to get out now. I honestly don't believe what is ahead of you is worth what you will have to go through for the outcome you are most likely to have. Problem is, you will have to be stronger than you've ever been in your life because he will do everything in the world to sucker you back in - phone calls, e-mails, promises (empty promises) - and he will sound so sincere. You will want so badly to believe him - this time. But the only thing you can really believe is a set of signed, sealed, and delivered divorce papers. Sorry, but been there, done that and I'll be wearing the t-shirt for the rest of my life.
ChloeChloe Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 Well said, Lonestar! The amount of pain these relationships cause are out of kilter to the limited moments of pleasure they provide. An affair is like a drug-quick highs with long periods of pain in between, yet somehow we manage to forget the terrible pain once another high comes along. The affair is addictive!!!! It really is so sad how much power we give these guys over our emotions. Take back the power by being the one to call it quits, before he does.
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