My manager is Passive Aggressive in E-mails

[nevadagirl]

So I just started this job about 2 weeks ago. It's a position that I was under the impression they hired me for because they understood that I already knew how to do the job. So when I cleaned up their mess in less than a week and had them caught up a month ahead rather than down to the wire, I thought hey I'm doing a great job!

 

My manager who "trained" me for 2 days was very sweet to my face as I sat in there with her. She seemed to like to gossip a bit but we laughed a lot and I really liked her. And then I was sent off on my own - a whole 10 feet away to my own cubicle to begin work.

 

Once it was established that I obviously had a handle on something that she thought was going to take me more than a month to pick up the passive aggressive tone started in her emails. She was never like this to my face, just in her bitchy emails (again from 10 feet away which is so freaking awkward)

 

On Thursday she went over the top too far and was just flat out nasty in her message to me. It sucks because I just started there and she -is- my manager but I'd HAD it with her passive aggressive and now totally aggressive messages.

 

My response to her looked like this:

"You DID NOT ask me not to respond you just said you’d check on it yourself because I was in the middle of doing just THAT and then I never heard anything else about it until Jen asked about it today and your response to Jen doesn’t explain anything.

 

I am not a mind reader I have no way of knowing what you did or if it was a clustered mess or why it is a clustered mess and for me to do my job effectively I kind of need to know what is going on.

 

And on a totally different note you are REALLY rude in your emails please feel free to be just as rude to my face because this nonsense is getting old."

 

 

There is clearly some kind of pecking order/rivalry going on with her and another manager there and I accidentally stepped into the middle of it by - only doing my job.

 

Anyway the boss-boss was on vacation last week and so I am somewhat afraid that Monday when I come in I may be fired but at the same time they really need someone to do the work I'm doing.

 

I have 0 interest in their toxic bull**** and I'm already looking for a different line of work. I just hate it because I've never just taken a position and then bounced so quickly but these women are bat**** crazy.

 

***Edit!

I forgot this. I noticed that she is "correcting" work I'm doing/information I'm giving to our co-workers but NOT telling me about it and not explaining how or why something I am doing may be incorrect. I only know this because a fellow co-worker forwarded me an email she sent to them AFTER one I sent out saying X. She of course says Y. But doesn't copy me on the email.

Edited May 12, 2013 by nevadagirl

[Balzac]

IF you are telling us the truth about what your email said ~ you're sadly unprofessional at best and a toxic employee. Good luck in your next job though.

[nevadagirl]

IF you are telling us the truth about what your email said ~ you're sadly unprofessional at best and a toxic employee. Good luck in your next job though.

 

Quality LS response, as usual.

[nevadagirl]

You have to give us a idea of things she say.dont you think?

cause I still dont know what you r talking.

 

the thing about running from problems is that you will

find someone the same or worse somewhere else.

and by running you did not learn anything.

 

you letter is nasty.

 

why dont you handle it professionly.

I guess you learned something at school about

that.

 

I dont know what kind of stuff she say so I cant say much.

 

Well, obviously I know my email was nasty. I don't really know why I posted this on LS. I suppose wondering why people do this passive aggressive tough guy routine through email but not face to face in the work place, maybe.

 

For a week and a half (I've only just started there) I've kindly responded to her nasty and unprofessional emails but after the last one I just flipped. Because I have no interest in working in a place like that, period, and I don't give a **** what she thinks at this point.

 

Her email to me went like this:

"OMG I worked on this yesterday I asked you not to respond to this cluster & make it even worse. I responded to her emails and cc'd you on them let it GO"

 

- This was what she wrote to me after passively aggressively responding to a manager in another department who was trying to get some clarification on what was going on with one of our patients based on information I gave them. She was purposely vague about why what I said was supposedly wrong and gave me no indication that I shouldn't have responded with the information I had. I thought I was helping her, honestly, and then she responds like that. She goes behind my back to "correct" my work but does not tell me about it and then when I ask for clarification she says nothing.

[nevadagirl]

hush up and be a professional, tough luck if she's horrible, fact is she could get you fired, she's known the boss longer than you, you're lower down the corporate ladder than her, you're not silly, change jobs, but don't leave under a cloud, not good on a resume...hmm, she didn't get on with her boss, this one couldn't take orders, hmm...

 

Haha, I don't care about this stupid job. My post has more to do with why the hell people act one way to your face in the work place and then sit 10ft away and send the most passive aggressive messages. It's so awkward.

 

These people aren't professional - I don't care if I work there or not. I've already started looking for other opportunities and I would never use this place on a resume. I have a great work history and great references which is why I so quickly found this job after moving to a new city. I had no idea of the snake pit I was entering.

[Star Gazer]

IF you are telling us the truth about what your email said ~ you're sadly unprofessional at best and a toxic employee. Good luck in your next job though.

 

Totally, completely agree.

 

Nevadagirl, you come across as a know-it-all, and your attitude is totally unprofessional. If I was your boss and received that email from you, I would walk right up to you and hand you your final check and say, "We're done here. Thank you for your time."

 

Haha, I don't care about this stupid job. My post has more to do with why the hell people act one way to your face in the work place and then sit 10ft away and send the most passive aggressive messages. It's so awkward.

 

She's probably sending you emails because she doesn't want to engage you face-to-face. Perhaps she's conflict avoidant, but given what you've posted, I I can certainly understand her hesitation.

[tbf]

First, it's not wise to play power games with your supervisor, especially if you're only two weeks into a job.

 

Also, as the newbie in the job, information dissemination to others within or outside the department should require some communication and vetting by your immediate supervisor.

 

I wouldn't doubt you're capable of doing your job. But two weeks isn't enough to understand departmental or corporate infrastructure, including a comprehensive understanding of the personalities you're working with and also, how each job meshes with other jobs. There might also be some information that's considered "need to know" that you might be disseminating. If you're also telling people how to provide information or work to you or how you will be disseminating information or work flow to others, noses will be out of joint.

 

The impression I'm getting is that you're very aggressive which is putting people off, since you're new hence bottom of the food chain. Most likely, others are upset and talking to your supervisor, so she's amending your dictates. That your supervisor is emailing you and not having verbal discussions, usually means she's building a dismissal case.

 

I'm uncertain you can repair this, particularly considering your duration with the company and also the unprofessional email sent to your supervisor but there's some takeaway in this experience. How not to interact with others as a new employee.

[nevadagirl]

First, it's not wise to play power games with your supervisor, especially if you're only two weeks into a job.

 

Also, as the newbie in the job, information dissemination to others within or outside the department should require some communication and vetting by your immediate supervisor.

 

I wouldn't doubt you're capable of doing your job. But two weeks isn't enough to understand departmental or corporate infrastructure, including a comprehensive understanding of the personalities you're working with and also, how each job meshes with other jobs. There might also be some information that's considered "need to know" that you might be disseminating. If you're also telling people how to provide information or work to you or how you will be disseminating information or work flow to others, noses will be out of joint.

 

The impression I'm getting is that you're very aggressive which is putting people off, since you're new hence bottom of the food chain. Most likely, others are upset and talking to your supervisor, so she's amending your dictates. That your supervisor is emailing you and not having verbal discussions, usually means she's building a dismissal case.

 

I'm uncertain you can repair this, particularly considering your duration with the company and also the unprofessional email sent to your supervisor but there's some takeaway in this experience. How not to interact with others as a new employee.

 

Wrong on all accounts. I have been nice and professional and ignored all of her pissy emails up until the last one. At that point I didn't care if I worked there come Monday or not, and still don't.

 

The information I communicated did not need to be vetted through her. She originally sent their requests to me to do - as that's my job - and then went behind my back to "correct" me (and I put that in quotes because I wasn't actually wrong) but deliberately left me out of that loop.

 

I've never sent a rude email until she crossed MY line.

 

I asked two of the women that I've become friendly with working there asking if I was reading too much into the tone of her emails and they both agreed that she was out of line, rude, and described her as "odd".

 

Again, I'm not defending my response to her. I know it was rude. I know it was unprofessional. But that's not what I'm asking about.

 

But by all means, internet strangers, keep telling me how rude my obviously rude email was.

[carhill]

Since it's short-time, call the PA or whatever it was a bad fit and move on. If you find this to be a pattern, perhaps get some professional coaching on more thoroughly interviewing employers and/or adapting your interaction style to the corporate cultures you are employed within.

 

In my industry, people are pretty direct and brutal and sometimes things are settled 'out back'. Probably a bad fit for you, especially as a woman. For everyone there is an appropriate fit. The work is finding it.

 

I'd begin a job search tomorrow. The current environment between yourself and your superiors sounds quite unproductive and unprofitable for the company. A decision maker is likely to take note. That's when something 'direct' is likely to happen. Good luck.

[Star Gazer]

But that's not what I'm asking about.

 

What *are* you asking about? You haven't posed a question in your OP or anywhere else in this thread.

[carhill]

The OP wrote:

 

Well, obviously I know my email was nasty. I don't really know why I posted this on LS. I suppose wondering why people do this passive aggressive tough guy routine through email but not face to face in the work place, maybe.

[anna121]

So I just started this job about 2 weeks ago. It's a position that I was under the impression they hired me for because they understood that I already knew how to do the job. So when I cleaned up their mess in less than a week and had them caught up a month ahead rather than down to the wire, I thought hey I'm doing a great job!

 

My manager who "trained" me for 2 days was very sweet to my face as I sat in there with her. She seemed to like to gossip a bit but we laughed a lot and I really liked her. And then I was sent off on my own - a whole 10 feet away to my own cubicle to begin work.

 

Once it was established that I obviously had a handle on something that she thought was going to take me more than a month to pick up the passive aggressive tone started in her emails. She was never like this to my face, just in her bitchy emails (again from 10 feet away which is so freaking awkward)

 

On Thursday she went over the top too far and was just flat out nasty in her message to me. It sucks because I just started there and she -is- my manager but I'd HAD it with her passive aggressive and now totally aggressive messages.

 

My response to her looked like this:

"You DID NOT ask me not to respond you just said you’d check on it yourself because I was in the middle of doing just THAT and then I never heard anything else about it until Jen asked about it today and your response to Jen doesn’t explain anything.

 

I am not a mind reader I have no way of knowing what you did or if it was a clustered mess or why it is a clustered mess and for me to do my job effectively I kind of need to know what is going on.

 

And on a totally different note you are REALLY rude in your emails please feel free to be just as rude to my face because this nonsense is getting old."

 

 

There is clearly some kind of pecking order/rivalry going on with her and another manager there and I accidentally stepped into the middle of it by - only doing my job.

 

Anyway the boss-boss was on vacation last week and so I am somewhat afraid that Monday when I come in I may be fired but at the same time they really need someone to do the work I'm doing.

 

I have 0 interest in their toxic bull**** and I'm already looking for a different line of work. I just hate it because I've never just taken a position and then bounced so quickly but these women are bat**** crazy.

 

***Edit!

I forgot this. I noticed that she is "correcting" work I'm doing/information I'm giving to our co-workers but NOT telling me about it and not explaining how or why something I am doing may be incorrect. I only know this because a fellow co-worker forwarded me an email she sent to them AFTER one I sent out saying X. She of course says Y. But doesn't copy me on the email.

Never a good idea to respond in writing unless you are trying to paper the file. And then you need to be VERY strategic.

 

That letter, um, was not.

[Star Gazer]

The OP wrote:

 

Well, obviously I know my email was nasty. I don't really know why I posted this on LS. I suppose wondering why people do this passive aggressive tough guy routine through email but not face to face in the work place, maybe.

 

Forgive me. That wasn't in the OP, and I didn't see any sort of inquiry in the OP, just a rant.

 

To answer the OP: It seems she doesn't care for your attitude and chooses to document your interaction rather than engage you face to face. As I said previously, given how you responded and how you've presented yourself in this thread, I can understand why.

[tbf]

Wrong on all accounts. I have been nice and professional and ignored all of her pissy emails up until the last one. At that point I didn't care if I worked there come Monday or not, and still don't.

 

Anyway the boss-boss was on vacation last week and so I am somewhat afraid that Monday when I come in I may be fired but at the same time they really need someone to do the work I'm doing.

Yes, I can clearly see that you don't care.

 

The information I communicated did not need to be vetted through her. She originally sent their requests to me to do - as that's my job - and then went behind my back to "correct" me (and I put that in quotes because I wasn't actually wrong) but deliberately left me out of that loop.

Maybe you can expand on what she corrected that wasn't "wrong".

 

I've never sent a rude email until she crossed MY line.

If you have issues with her emails, why wouldn't you have "discussed" it with her? Do you expect better behaviour from her than you're willing to display?

 

I asked two of the women that I've become friendly with working there asking if I was reading too much into the tone of her emails and they both agreed that she was out of line, rude, and described her as "odd".

It's very possible that she is "odd". Regardless, she also has the ability to remove you from your job, whether directly or indirectly.

 

On the other hand, coworkers can agree with you to your face and behind your back, tell your supervisor for a couple of reasons. They might be conflict avoidant, trying to keep the peace with you; while at the same time, trying to earn brownie points with their supervisor.

 

Again, I'm not defending my response to her. I know it was rude. I know it was unprofessional. But that's not what I'm asking about.

 

But by all means, internet strangers, keep telling me how rude my obviously rude email was.

Nowhere in your opening post did you mention that you felt your email was rude. Where you inferred that you knew your email might be problematic would be concern about being fired.

 

Are you normally more about inference than being direct in your communications? Do you find yourself "misunderstood" a lot?

[nevadagirl]

What *are* you asking about? You haven't posed a question in your OP or anywhere else in this thread.

 

I realize in my OP I didn't clarify what I was posting for. I thought I addressed that in a response to darkmoon but it must still be unclear.

 

My curiosity has to do with why this woman acted one way to my face for 3 days and then as soon as I excelled faster than her expectations started sending me unfriendly emails up to a point that I actually snapped.

 

I didn't presume to know EVERYTHING about the job. But when I had a question about what I thought was right versus what she says was right she has given me NO explanation that wasn't condescending and what I can only guess was purposely vague. The email chain that started the super bitch-fest by her and me started by an innocent request by a manager in another department following up on something that my manager had not bothered to do. My manager's response to her was "check the spreadsheet". The other manager came back asking for more clarification - and had EVERY right to be confused. And then specifically asked ME what was going on. Again, the bitch manager responds "check the spreadsheet". To which I responded with all of the information I had on my end about this particular patient. I honestly thought my manager had forgotten to check on this request and I was trying to help her.

 

Instead of giving me ANY clarification, she instead rips my head off, tells me she told me not to respond and make it "worse" - which simply never even happened. I was not given any direction with this particular issue and was only trying to be helpful and let the parties interested know the only information I had available. There was no reason to believe it was wrong for me to - do my job - because Bitch Manager deliberately leaves out information that not only confuses me, but obviously people in other departments.

 

I -considered- apologizing to her because I really liked her as a person (for 3 days) but I was unsure how to go about it given how unfriendly she is in her emails and cannot figure out what exactly her problem is with me.

 

And despite how I sound on LS, where the responses are usually a joke anyway, I was very friendly with her, and have had no problems with anyone there at all. Quite the opposite. A fellow co-worker specifically informed me that I had always been nice and professional in all of the emails I sent (and EVERYONE is cc'd on EVERYTHING there) so I don't think I'm just crazy and defensive here.

 

To all of the captain obviouses out there, again, I'm aware my response was rude and unprofessional.

[Star Gazer]

My curiosity has to do with why this woman acted one way to my face for 3 days and then as soon as I excelled faster than her expectations started sending me unfriendly emails up to a point that I actually snapped.

 

I didn't presume to know EVERYTHING about the job. But when I had a question about what I thought was right versus what she says was right she has given me NO explanation that wasn't condescending and what I can only guess was purposely vague. The email chain that started the super bitch-fest by her and me started by an innocent request by a manager in another department following up on something that my manager had not bothered to do. My manager's response to her was "check the spreadsheet". The other manager came back asking for more clarification - and had EVERY right to be confused. And then specifically asked ME what was going on. Again, the bitch manager responds "check the spreadsheet". To which I responded with all of the information I had on my end about this particular patient. I honestly thought my manager had forgotten to check on this request and I was trying to help her.

 

Instead of giving me ANY clarification, she instead rips my head off, tells me she told me not to respond and make it "worse" - which simply never even happened. I was not given any direction with this particular issue and was only trying to be helpful and let the parties interested know the only information I had available. There was no reason to believe it was wrong for me to - do my job - because Bitch Manager deliberately leaves out information that not only confuses me, but obviously people in other departments.

 

I -considered- apologizing to her because I really liked her as a person (for 3 days) but I was unsure how to go about it given how unfriendly she is in her emails and cannot figure out what exactly her problem is with me.

 

And despite how I sound on LS, where the responses are usually a joke anyway, I was very friendly with her, and have had no problems with anyone there at all. Quite the opposite. A fellow co-worker specifically informed me that I had always been nice and professional in all of the emails I sent (and EVERYONE is cc'd on EVERYTHING there) so I don't think I'm just crazy and defensive here.

 

Really? You can't?

 

To all of the captain obviouses out there, again, I'm aware my response was rude and unprofessional.

 

The way you communicate here is likely indicative of how you communicate in writing with others, including your boss.

[nevadagirl]

Yes, I can clearly see that you don't care.

 

Maybe you can expand on what she corrected that wasn't "wrong".

 

If you have issues with her emails, why wouldn't you have "discussed" it with her? Do you expect better behaviour from her than you're willing to display?

 

It's very possible that she is "odd". Regardless, she also has the ability to remove you from your job, whether directly or indirectly.

 

On the other hand, coworkers can agree with you to your face and behind your back, tell your supervisor for a couple of reasons. They might be conflict avoidant, trying to keep the peace with you; while at the same time, trying to earn brownie points with their supervisor.

 

Nowhere in your opening post did you mention that you felt your email was rude. Where you inferred that you knew your email might be problematic would be concern about being fired.

 

Are you normally more about inference than being direct in your communications? Do you find yourself "misunderstood" a lot?

 

The first day I worked with this woman she felt the need to "warn" me about how I cannot trust anyone there. That was the first red flag.

 

As far as care, to be perfectly literal, I care to an extent that I feel I was mistreated and talked down to so early in my position which ultimately may lead to being fired because when she crossed a line with me, *I* stooped to her level, but in the grand scheme of things, I do not care whether or not I have this job as this woman has made it very unpleasant.

 

What she "corrected" that wasn't wrong was validated by a United Healthcare Case Management Nurse that called to specifically reinforce what I reported was the Proper Way To Do This **** that my manager insists was Wrong. And even if it IS wrong? And UHC is wrong? She has again offered no clarification as to why it is wrong so I don't repeat the mistake but instead has covertly corrected it to other co-workers to which I only found out because one of the co-workers I have made friends with and she felt I should know.

 

And no, I don't often feel misunderstood. Not even on LS, where everyone is ready to go jump at the chance to tell you how Wrong You Are!

[tbf]

The email chain that started the super bitch-fest by her and me started by an innocent request by a manager in another department following up on something that my manager had not bothered to do. My manager's response to her was "check the spreadsheet". The other manager came back asking for more clarification - and had EVERY right to be confused. And then specifically asked ME what was going on. Again, the bitch manager responds "check the spreadsheet". To which I responded with all of the information I had on my end about this particular patient. I honestly thought my manager had forgotten to check on this request and I was trying to help her.

Is it possible that the information's on the spreadsheet and the other manager was being lazy where if there's history of laziness from the other manager, people aren't prepared to spoon feed her anymore?

 

Why would you step into the middle? This defies any common sense when it comes to social skills.

 

Instead of giving me ANY clarification, she instead rips my head off, tells me she told me not to respond and make it "worse" - which simply never even happened. I was not given any direction with this particular issue and was only trying to be helpful and let the parties interested know the only information I had available. There was no reason to believe it was wrong for me to - do my job - because Bitch Manager deliberately leaves out information that not only confuses me, but obviously people in other departments.

You boss told you she'd take care of it. This means in professional language, she's running with it. What you did was to second guess her.

[nevadagirl]

Really? You can't?

 

 

 

The way you communicate here is likely indicative of how you communicate in writing with others, including your boss.

 

I think it's weird that you keep responding to this thread at all. You have your mind made up and your opinion. Ignore the rest of the details. Assume I was very mean and rude and unprofessional and arrogant to her from the get-go and I maybe even kill puppies in my spare time.

 

But please, don't answer anything else!

[Taramere]

Haha, I don't care about this stupid job. My post has more to do with why the hell people act one way to your face in the work place and then sit 10ft away and send the most passive aggressive messages. It's so awkward.

 

Most people are conflict avoidant to a certain extent. Even animals in the wild are. If you don't understand why, then maybe you need to sit down and study some basic human psychology before moving on to your next job.

[Star Gazer]

I think it's weird that you keep responding to this thread at all.

 

I think it's weird that you don't seem to see the major role you played here, and that you're likely going to experience similar problems in the future if you don't improve your attitude.

[HokeyReligions]

I have a question. Who decided you "excelled" faster than expected -you or your boss? Actually I have two questions - who set the expectations? Maybe that person has more information about what needs to be done and how the tasks will effect other needs of the company.

[tbf]

The first day I worked with this woman she felt the need to "warn" me about how I cannot trust anyone there. That was the first red flag.

Yes it is a red flag. It means that you have step lightly in this environment, not stomp around with combat boots.

 

as this woman has made it very unpleasant.

She's not impressed with you.

 

What she "corrected" that wasn't wrong was validated by a United Healthcare Case Management Nurse that called to specifically reinforce what I reported was the Proper Way To Do This **** that my manager insists was Wrong. And even if it IS wrong? And UHC is wrong? She has again offered no clarification as to why it is wrong so I don't repeat the mistake but instead has covertly corrected it to other co-workers to which I only found out because one of the co-workers I have made friends with and she felt I should know.

So this is why she was covert with her email and didn't include you! Haha...do I need to explain it to you? Do you honestly not understand what's happening?

 

I don't think you're a good fit for this job. Plenty of politics where it needs someone who can read social cues and delicately maneuver.

[nevadagirl]

Is it possible that the information's on the spreadsheet and the other manager was being lazy where if there's history of laziness from the other manager, people aren't prepared to spoon feed her anymore?

 

Why would you step into the middle? This defies any common sense when it comes to social skills.

 

You boss told you she'd take care of it. This means in professional language, she's running with it. What you did was to second guess her.

 

 

I agree that I I stepped into the middle but I didn't step into the middle on purpose. I accidentally stepped on her toes because she is intentionally vague with not only me, but the other manager as well - for no reason I can gather other than being petty.

 

I give out information. Nice Manager says please clarify this. I say sure. Bitch Manager says I'll do it. Bitch manager does nothing. Nice Manager asks for some clarification about what is going on. Bitch Manager responds bitchily. Nice Manager asks me what is happening and Bitch Manager still responds bitchily. I, thinking I'm only doing my job and hoping to clear up some of the confusion, tell them both the only information I had on my end.

 

Bitch Manager rips my head off, accuses me of responding when I was told not to.

 

Perhaps you're all mind readers here or perhaps in the same situation, with a woman who seems makes it her life's mission to be vague and unhelpful, might have made the same mistake.

 

------------ but again

 

I'm really more curious as to why this woman is so ridiculous in her emails but so super sweet to my face.

[nevadagirl]

I think it's weird that you don't seem to see the major role you played here, and that you're likely going to experience similar problems in the future if you don't improve your attitude.

 

Hm, I think I'll go by my excellent work history and references rather than one bat**** lunatic in a job I just stepped into and the responses from some know-it-alls on loveshack.