tinam Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 We've been i thought very happy. I came home 4 days ago saw his face knew something was wrong. Said he didn't want to talk about it. After kids went to bed i wouldn't drop it. Turns out he hasn't been happy for some time wants to leave oh and cheated on me. I was blindsiughted. We were a very affeciaete couple. The couple other couples hate . I had no clue he wasn't happy. Cheating was the last thing i was worried about. Going through our texts for since April 8 i have 4 gonna be lates. Its gotta be someone from work. This pain is so unbearable . I am physiaally ill. I can't eat or sleep. I have a constant turning feeling in my stomach. Im trying to be strong for the kids. Keep trying to find things to do to not think then it'll just hit me out if nowhere and im a mess again. Please say it gets better! God and i have to see him tomorrow for the first time cause he's picking up the kids. Who was i married to? And how stupid was i to not know he wasn't happy when he really seemed time to me!
whichwayisup Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 No, you're not stupid. He is stupid! If he was unhappy, he should have told you a long time ago, this way the two of you could have worked together to make the marriage better, go to marriage counseling.. Instead, he got selfish and chose to go outside of your marriage and cheat. THAT is on him! He took the easy way out, selfishly! I am sorry for your pain. Rely on family and good friends to help you through this difficult time, and put you and your kids first. Until your husband shows you genuine remorse and is ready to work on the marriage with you (that is, if you think he's worthy of a second chance) there is no point in trying to trust him again and allow him back into your arms. As hard as this is going to be, I say, go on without him. Let him go off and play fantasy with his OW. Give him your blessing and wish him well. He has to go through some serious consquences before he wakes up and realizes that his affair may not be what it's cracked up to be. It's one thing to fall in love and want to start a new life with someone else, it's another if he was just in the A to have his ego fed and have some fun on the side. Time will tell.. Just take care of you and your kids. 3
LoveBitesButSoDoI Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Is he at your feet remorseful or gone to play fantasy land @ her place? Ever heard of the 180? There is a huge post about it over in the forums on survivinginfidelity.com. Start using it & living by it. I don't want to discourage you, but this is only the beginning of a roller coaster that can take years to get off of. You will go through months of highs & lows of uncertainty & pain, but you WILL come out alive in the end. Best bet is to focus on you right now, and what it is that you want. He's not worried about you, so you have to worry about you. 2
Furious Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Tinam Cry and get the shock and hurt out of your system. But then you dry those tears and get angry, find your inner ninja and don't leave a stone uncovered. Key loggers, voice activated recorders, phone records, and if you can afford it hire a PI and get to the bottom of the lies you've been told. You are smarter and stronger than you know. Get yourself a good lawyer and your ducks in order. Not only let him go but also pull a 180. You are better than this and deserve to be respected and that's the line in the sand you demand. Lean on you close family and friends, take care of yourself and your children. This is about you now and be the strong woman you know you are. 1
Spark1111 Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 First, take care of you. An affair is NEVER the fault of the unsuspecting BS. If HE had issues with the marriage, having a secret affair is like lobbing a grenade into the relationship. Secondly, how much do you know? Do you know when it started and who it is with? That info may become important to you and I think you need to investigate who and where they are now. Thirdly, get yourself and your life in order. Plan your future as if he will not be a part of it because right now, who knows? I am so sorry for your pain. Many of us here were blind-sided and went reeling from the shock for quite awhile. Do not beg, plead, cry, demand nor discuss the relationship until he ends it with his affair partner. Do not discuss the affair partner. Do not expect him to make much, if any sense right now. He will not be logical. BUT, there are children involved and both you and them are protected by the courts. Please move swiftly in getting legal advice. Many times, when someone is in an affair, they want to be 16 again. They want to AP , but do not want to be responsible and accountable for that action. They can waffle for years, OR deplete assets that rightfully belong to you. They do not want the fantasy busted by the reality of finances and responsibilities. Claim your half of it all today, please, for the sake of your children. Move half of whatever into something solely in your name. Cancel joint credit cards and replace with ones in your name only. Be strong. Share with friends and family who can help you now, but get moving. Change your locks, pack his stuff. And if you need to vent...we are here for you. 1
LadyAnglerTx Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 So sorry you are going thru this. That is a long time to be married and then faced with this. You're an amazing mom to be putting on a strong front for them. My dad cheated on my mother when I was 18. I will never forget the pain she felt. She couldn't leave him because she was the June Cleaver type - never worked a job in her life, she was a homemaker her entire life. The pain and heartbreak my dad caused was the source of so much pain she ended up getting cancer at age 60 and died at age 63. My dad's affair never lasted - he cheated with his secretary at work. I'm going thru heartbreak myself and can relate. I think I ate a boiled egg and some strawberries today - having to force myself to drink water. Best diet in the world is the "He's seeing someone else" diet. I know you have a long road ahead and hope that you come out of this ok. Hang in there. Best thing is to keep talking to all these great people on these forums. These folks have been thru it all and can give the best advice. Problem is taking their advice and not humiliating yourself further. Keep us posted on how you are doing. Stay strong.
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