Sumo's thong Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Hi everybody I recently broke up with a girl that cheated on me. While I feel fine about not being with or speaking to her, I have another issue I'd like some advice on. A mutual friend of ours introduced us and that's how we met. The thing is, this guy knew she cheated on me but wasn't going to tell me until I confronted him. He's known my ex longer than he's known me but I feel betrayed by him and am wondering how I can be friends with someone who hasn't got my back. I have spoken to my friends about it and they're split on the issue. Some say that he was put in an impossible position and that I can't be angry with him. The others say that he could have confronted her and said "either you tell him or I will". I love this guy but I have a lot of resentment to him. t Any thoughts?
TaraMaiden Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 People are people. There is no 'wrong' or 'right' here.... there is just a difference in viewpoints.... he did what he felt was right.... it was an awkward position to be in.... Don't crucify the guy, for trying to do the right thing - by his evaluation, and failing - by yours. Cut the slack. I think you should let him know how you feel about it, but resentment eats away at you, not others. 1
BeholdtheMan Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 how I can be friends with someone who hasn't got my backYou can't...at least not close friends. You can continue to be friendly acquaintances I love this guy but I have a lot of resentment to him.What makes you "love" this guy? It sounds like you're either bisexual or you view this guy as a really close friend for whatever reason. How long have you known him? What has he done to demonstrate that he's a great friend who deserves your bro-love?
Author Sumo's thong Posted May 12, 2013 Author Posted May 12, 2013 I'm not bi. I love him as in he's one of my top boys, one of my close people, or was at least.
Author Sumo's thong Posted May 12, 2013 Author Posted May 12, 2013 I've known him for around 2 years, we hit it off straight away and had some great fun hanging out together. The guy she cheated on me with was one of his best friends which makes it even more difficult for me to stomach for some reason, not sure why
BeholdtheMan Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 I'm not bi. I love him as in he's one of my top boys' date=' one of my close people, or was at least.[/quote']Dude...in that case, he ain't one of your "top boys" despite your attachment to him That's just how I see it. He had two friends. You and your cheating girlfriend. He chose to protect the cheater, not the victim (you). That's pretty weak in my opinion, especially if you guys are "brothers". In your situation, I could keep him as a friendly acquaintance, but definitely not one of my "top boys" 1
Author Sumo's thong Posted May 12, 2013 Author Posted May 12, 2013 That's the way I'm leaning to be honest. It's such a sad consequence of the whole thing, i feel really bad about it. Did you just cut those people out of your life or did you talk to them and explain your reasoning?
BetrayedH Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 If any of my exwife and I's mutual friends still wanted to be friends with her after what she did to me, I gave them to her in the divorce. If they knew about it during her affair, they were clearly no friends of mine at all. Hasta la bye bye. 2
road Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Dude...in that case, he ain't one of your "top boys" despite your attachment to him That's just how I see it. He had two friends. You and your cheating girlfriend. He chose to protect the cheater, not the victim (you). That's pretty weak in my opinion, especially if you guys are "brothers". In your situation, I could keep him as a friendly acquaintance, but definitely not one of my "top boys" Yes you are way down on the totem pole. Your friend has your GF and his other friend way higher up then you. How far down on the totem pole? Some where on the part that is stuck into the ground to keep the totem pole upright. Be glad to be rid of a cheating GF and dump you bud.
Jenn.Smith Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 I think each situation is unique with a lot of factors. Did he cover for her? How long did he know? Did he have proof? Some people Feel it is their right to stick their noses into everyone else's business. Others are more private and leave it alone. And then there is the whole "shoot the messenger" thing. He could have been striggling with. I dont think you should just cut him out. I think you should talk to him first. Find out why he didnt tell. See if he'll be honest. If you don't like what he has to see or his values then tell him. Also tell him he betrayed you. I know a guy who had two close friends. He suspected an affair between one friend and the other friend's GF. He didn't have proof and was really torn up on what to do. And then he caught them. Before he coils decide his course of action they confessed. The betrayed boyfriend understood his friend's POV and they remained close friends. And they have had many good memories since.
road Posted May 14, 2013 Posted May 14, 2013 I dont think you should just cut him out. I think you should talk to him first. Find out why he didnt tell. See if he'll be honest. If you don't like what he has to see or his values then tell him. Also tell him he betrayed you. Tell him he betrayed you is weak. Telling him he f'd you over is more appropriate. Though telling him anything is pointless because you now know where you stand in his hierarchy. Also pointless to ask him to justify his actions because unless he is a total A hole and wants to rub things in your face he will most likely make up some lie to damage control the situation.
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