By what age should a man have had his first long term relationship?

May 12, 2013

In your opinion, by what age should a man have hads at least one serious/long term relationship?

18? 21? 24?

What age would it be a red flag for women? What age does it start becoming abnormal or a turn off?

If a man is 25 for example and has never had the opportunity to have a serious relationship with a member of the opposite sex, is it fair to say it's time for that man to admit he's a lost cause and accept it'll never happen?

May 12, 2013

26 years, 7 months, 11 days, 5 hours and 19 minutes. Otherwise he is irredeemable.

Seriously, why invent these artificial deadlines and qualifications. Is it to have an excuse to give up?

Be the best person you can be, and be honest about who you are. If a partner is worthwhile they will understand and respect your honesty and your reasons. If not, they aren't worth fretting over.

May 12, 2013

I've grown to simply walk away from women who put up all these expectations on the "perfect" man.

I was a late bloomer, and if I have to meet certain benchmarks to be "worthy", then I'll walk and let her complain later why she can't find a man that meets her expectations.

This expectation is about as ridiculous as when I see guys speak of how they want a woman who was never fat in her life...believing a woman who was once fat and then lost the weight will eventually blimp out again.

I mean...really? How much harder are men and women going to make it for themselves. I can get a woman rejecting a guy who clearly avoids commitment, but the guy who didn't have luck in in life isn't suddenly the same thing.

May 12, 2013

In your opinion, by what age should a man have hads at least one serious/long term relationship?

I think it's a valuable life experience to have had at least one LTR in one's life.

I had a ten year marriage. Lots of lessons learned.

Other than that (having one), I think the most desirable age is the one before one is dead.

May 12, 2013

I think there are a variety of factors to consider with this type of question. First what is considered a ltr? A year? 5 years? 10 years? Second what is said person doing in their life other than perhaps not being in a ltr? Are they going to school, in the military, caring for a loved one, traveling the world, climbing the company ladder, etc? Third did said person even want a ltr? There are people that go years without the desire for such a thing and devote their attention to some other positive pursuit and there is nothing wrong with this at all.

I would say for me not having had a ltr would not be a red flag, but the reasons why might be. For example if he spent most of his adulthood screwing every woman he could find or spent most of his adulthood incarcerated then I would instantly next him because he clearly has other issues to deal with. However if he was simply a guy that joined the military, then went to school, and then got a job that required traveling a lot I could understand why a ltr may have eluded him.

May 12, 2013

I think by the time you are done with college plus six months. For most people that's somewhere between 22 and 23. If you haven't gotten into a relationship by then it means you're either a commitmentphobe, or you just lack the interpersonal skills to be a loving partner. I'm sure exceptions exist but I think it fits pretty well in line with what I've seen.

May 12, 2013

In your opinion, by what age should a man have hads at least one serious/long term relationship?

18? 21? 24?

What age would it be a red flag for women? What age does it start becoming abnormal or a turn off?

If a man is 25 for example and has never had the opportunity to have a serious relationship with a member of the opposite sex, is it fair to say it's time for that man to admit he's a lost cause and accept it'll never happen?

The behavioral science states that It is a lost case after 40 y.o.

May 12, 2013

I think it's a valuable life experience to have had at least one LTR in one's life.

I had a ten year marriage. Lots of lessons learned.

Other than that (having one), I think the most desirable age is the one before one is dead.

I'm sure it's generally better, but not always better. I know divorced men who have given up, either because of how badly they were burned or because they're still pining for their ex who has kicked them out and moved on with her life, while they can't. If that was their only LTR (again I know men like that) I don't think those men are better off than someone who has never had a LTR.

not having had a ltr would not be a red flag, but the reasons why might be. For example if he spent most of his adulthood screwing every woman he could find or spent most of his adulthood incarcerated then I would instantly next him because he clearly has other issues to deal with. However if he was simply a guy that joined the military, then went to school, and then got a job that required traveling a lot I could understand why a ltr may have eluded him.

People can grow and change and want different things. There are women that go solo but then start looking for a man once their biological clock starts to worry them. You really expect men to hand you a resume explaining "long periods of no relationships" like they're explaining "long periods of unemployment" to a job? That says a lot about what you value.

I think by the time you are done with college plus six months. For most people that's somewhere between 22 and 23. If you haven't gotten into a relationship by then it means you're either a commitmentphobe, or you just lack the interpersonal skills to be a loving partner. I'm sure exceptions exist but I think it fits pretty well in line with what I've seen.

Ridiculous. Pretty sure almost no one believes those numbers. Yep folks, if you aren't boning female holes at every opportunity, you "lack the interpersonal skills to be a loving partner." 24 year old virgins can just throw themselves into a meat grinder, give up all hope as "proven" by the above poster.

The behavioral science states that It is a lost case after 40 y.o.

People change attitudes, wants and behaviors at all ages. Show me whatever "behavioral science" you supposedly refer to here, I'd like to see it if it's not just made-up nonsense.

May 12, 2013

Ridiculous. Pretty sure almost no one believes those numbers. Yep folks, if you aren't boning female holes at every opportunity, you "lack the interpersonal skills to be a loving partner." 24 year old virgins can just throw themselves into a meat grinder, give up all hope as "proven" by the above poster.

Do you know who I am?

I say what I say from experience in being a 25 year old virgin, and know a few others. And having done the research. There's a reason virginity rates flat line after age 26...

May 12, 2013

There's no deadline.

/thread

May 12, 2013

I'm sure it's generally better, but not always better. I know divorced men who have given up, either because of how badly they were burned or because they're still pining for their ex who has kicked them out and moved on with her life, while they can't. If that was their only LTR (again I know men like that) I don't think those men are better off than someone who has never had a LTR.

My post was generally addressing *age* and my response was my method of suggesting that age, the number, be largely irrelevant to the process, rather that having interpersonal relationships of the intimate type can be positive experiences no matter when they happen in life.

As far as 'better', I really don't know. We're each individuals. What might be 'better' for me might be completely bad for someone else, and vice versa. Is a person a 'better' person because they can/have attract/attracted a mate and get married? Are they 'worse' because they're divorced and have 'given up'? Tough call. I tend to think of people as equals and seek to accept what they feel as better or worse for themselves to be their truth, which may be completely synergistic with or antithetical to my truth. We may be compatible or incompatible.

As an example, as a divorced man, if I've 'given up' on relationships, does that make me a 'worse' person than another person who moves from relationship to relationship like a bee from flower to flower? Who's 'better'? I guess it depends on individual perspective and how much 'better' or 'worse' is assigned to the value of an interpersonal relationship. Society appears to validate 'family' as 'better', so we apparently have majority opinion on the matter. Do we accept that such opinion rules our lives? Perhaps. As an outlier, I don't.

May 12, 2013

As an example, as a divorced man, if I've 'given up' on relationships, does that make me a 'worse' person than another person who moves from relationship to relationship like a bee from flower to flower? Who's 'better'?

The topic of the thread is an analysis of a man's "dateability" based on his age and lack of experience. (As well as, perhaps more importantly, an analysis of womens' perspectives on the issue, since they'll be the ones doing the judging.) That's the framing for "better" or "worse" in this context.

You made the claim "I think it's a valuable life experience to have had at least one LTR in one's life." I said while generally true, this does have counterexamples, and I provided one. We're humans, not androids. Experiences provide information, but can also provide scars. Not all relationships and not all experiences are "valuable" for humans. Divorce is a very scarring experience. Moreso for men IMO, due to the financial scarring that accompanies the emotional.

Do you know who I am?

I say what I say from experience in being a 25 year old virgin, and know a few others. And having done the research. There's a reason virginity rates flat line after age 26...

I guess if you feel like living your life as if you are a statistic, and using statistics as an excuse, then you can certainly fall into the trap you've voluntarily set for yourself. As a 37yo virgin I may have a very hard time getting into "the game" in my own way now, but at 25? Hardly. I've always been an introvert, I like alone time and doing things solo. But I used to socialize more, even after the ridiculous "deadline" of 24 or 25, and even almost dated girls at that time. I know a lot more now than I knew then.

There's no deadline. I'm a person, not a statistic. If it's something I want to achieve, I can achieve it.

Edited May 12, 2013 by ChessPieceFace

May 12, 2013

OK, I lost my virginity at 35, after dating for many years. Your comment?

May 12, 2013

I think by the time you are done with college plus six months. For most people that's somewhere between 22 and 23. If you haven't gotten into a relationship by then it means you're either a commitmentphobe, or you just lack the interpersonal skills to be a loving partner. I'm sure exceptions exist but I think it fits pretty well in line with what I've seen.

you are feeling down .. because of your own situation 49er......never give up......you are never too old....and huge hugs to ya....deb

May 12, 2013

Lets talk some real dating politik.

If one hasn't had a LTR by about 40 =/- 5 years then something is probably wrong. Long term does not have to have a strict definition or parameters. You don't need to have lived with them, been married to them, or any such thing. You can have been an OM or OW too.

So long as you were in a sexual and intimate relationship of some kind it counts.

Like Carhill says one learns valuable lessons about themselves from relating to another person in that way.

I would say it's not all good. My first LTR with a woman was with a female teacher that I had sexual relations with in high school.

I learned to be attracted to a physical type of woman I never found attractive before.

I learned that I needed women who are physically quite fit.

Most of all I learned that I need to look for women who are emotionally mature. The disconnect I had with women my age was that they weren't mature enough.

When I considered that she was a MW I learned that one can never really trust anyone. I also learned how manipulative and evil women could be such that it almost turned me off them totally.

My bottom line answer to the OP.

Have an LTR of some stripe by 40. Don't worry it will happen. In may have happend already, especially if you give yourself some leeway and admit that said LTR need not be a perfect love story.

May 12, 2013

People can grow and change and want different things. There are women that go solo but then start looking for a man once their biological clock starts to worry them. You really expect men to hand you a resume explaining "long periods of no relationships" like they're explaining "long periods of unemployment" to a job? That says a lot about what you value.

I made no mention of a resume submission being required. I was simply stating that a guy that is out being productive and bettering himself/the world could be a factor in why he hasn't been in a ltr and I don't think that is a bad thing. If at a later time he met someone and he mentioned never having been in a ltr its perfectly normal for her to inquire as to why and see what he has to say rather than just assume there is something wrong with him. Maybe there's nothing wrong with him and he was just out defending the country or caring for his parents or getting an education. That type of guy has demonstrated the ability and desire to commit to something positive as opposed to the guy who sat around doing nothing or getting into trouble and I'll take the former over the latter any day. Sure the latter can change, but I'm not Ms-Thinks-She-Can-Fix-Him and wouldn't bother.

May 12, 2013

My guy saw some bad family situations when he was growing up. So he steered well clear of anything more than casual dating for a very long time.

We met when we was 36. He'd had a 2 yr LDR that never got sincere/serious.

He is a WONDERFUL partner. Friends and family can all see how fab he is too. He's adapted brilliantly to sharing and building a home, having lived alone or in house shares since he left home to go to uni at 18, he's never had a serious relationship before. Not that you'd know it.

The younger me would have been sniffy about his lack of experience, but I've had lots of relationship experience, and was still single when I met my man - what does that say?!

My close male friend... I've known him 20 years. At 44 I had never seen him in a relationship, he's now 47, married, and an active stepdad to her kids, content and enjoying life.

I say there's no deadline, but acting like there is will surely end in disaster.

May 13, 2013

Since when is baggage a good thing for a relationship? I don't have an ex who can call me, I don't have resent or bitterness over an ex.

Seriously if that's an issue for her, then I'm better off without her because I don't like drama queens.

You're right, "baggage" can be a problem. "Experience", on the other hand, can be useful.

May 14, 2013

Nobody is ever a lost cause. I wouldn't turn a guy down solely because of it. Some are just late bloomers.

I would have more reservation about a guy who could attract women, but purposefully chose to remain constantly casual up til now. To me, that would denote incompatible styles with regards to relationships. On the other hand, if he has simply not been given a chance, or tried a couple of Rs with the intention of going for the long term but things just ended after a few months, or he was simply caught up in his career, not an issue.

LTR experience is beneficial, but not a dealbreaker.

May 15, 2013

Speaking as a high school teacher, I would estimate that 50-60% percent of teenagers have had at least 1 relationship before graduating HS. And then another 20-25% have their first LTR in college.

Edited May 15, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

May 15, 2013

When I was in high school it was more like 10-15% were in relationships. I'd assume many of them were sexually active but very few in any kind of commitment. Today doesn't seem like it changed from yesterday. There were even fewer relationships in college but more sex.

I'm sure there are regional and socioeconomic differences within the U.S. I teach in a middle-class community with fairly conservative social values. After I posted my estimate, I actually conducted a survey of my junior and senior classes. About half are in relationships.

May 17, 2013

In your opinion, by what age should a man have hads at least one serious/long term relationship?

18? 21? 24?

What age would it be a red flag for women? What age does it start becoming abnormal or a turn off?

If a man is 25 for example and has never had the opportunity to have a serious relationship with a member of the opposite sex, is it fair to say it's time for that man to admit he's a lost cause and accept it'll never happen?

If he says he has not had a relationship at that age he is lying. Most men are on the prowl since their early teenage years and if their classmates aren't interested they will always find an older woman willing to show them the ropes.

May 17, 2013

If he says he has not had a relationship at that age he is lying.

25 year old relationshipless virgin here begging to differ.

May 21, 2013

Some people are more socially gifted than others, sure, but it's definitely a learnable skill, not that I've obtained any meaningful level of proficiency at it myself. Do you have a good social life or are you unable to make regular friends as well as girlfriends?

May 21, 2013

In your opinion, by what age should a man have hads at least one serious/long term relationship?

18? 21? 24?

What age would it be a red flag for women? What age does it start becoming abnormal or a turn off?

If a man is 25 for example and has never had the opportunity to have a serious relationship with a member of the opposite sex, is it fair to say it's time for that man to admit he's a lost cause and accept it'll never happen?

I refuse to respond to a question like this. I would hate that anybody would think that I considered it a serious subject.

Sign In

By what age should a man have had his first long term relationship?

Recommended Posts

reasonable doubt

ChessPieceFace

grkBoy

carhill

MsSmurf

fortyninethousand322

bac

ChessPieceFace

fortyninethousand322

ThaWholigan

carhill

ChessPieceFace

carhill

todreaminblue

Mrlonelyone

MsSmurf

Silly_Girl

sillyanswer

Els

SensitiveTJ

SensitiveTJ

Benedictatu

DannyMason

DannyMason

pcplod

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...