I don't know how to get over my first love

May 12, 2013

My girlfriend of 9 months broke up with me almost a month ago. We met through mutual friends and hit it off immediately. We’re both 17, and it was our first relationship ever, for both of us. For the most part we were happy together, or so I thought. Although this is true, we had issues with things such as my neediness, my insecurity issues(I think that's what they are, as in I'd say stuff like I'm boring, and I'm fat, even though I'm not fat etc.), and she felt bored in the relationship. I felt like I tried to be the best boyfriend I could be, always helping her with her depression, anxiety and mental issues (from her childhood traumas).

About 5 days later after the breakup I kind of broke down. I messaged her saying how much I loved her, that we could fix things, and we can make things work...you know the deal. I asked her what made her want to break up with me, because the night everything started spiralling downwards we seemed fine, planning what we were going to do on the weekend, talking happily etc., and when she brought up the issue of feeling bored with me we tried to discuss things. She said to me: “You're just not getting it. My feelings for you have changed. I have no desire to be in a relationship with you. You had to go and ruin the possibility of a friendship between us tonight. I've been happy and feeling good and now I'm not. I'm not discussing this any further, so please don't contact me again if you're just going to continue this way. I'm sorry to be blunt but you don't seem to understand." We talked for a little after that and agreed that I’d talk to her in a few days or whenever I felt up to it.

She messaged me a few days later at 12AM saying that she was feeling ****ty because someone had stolen her phone, so she just ranted about that and we talked about what we’d been up to. After that, we didn’t talk for a week. I had been trying to get over her, and I felt like I was making some process, so when she messaged me saying her, I just ignored it…and each day for the next 5 days, she messaged me daily. But eventually I messaged her, saying that I needed space, and that I still care about her, and I still want to be friends sometime down the track, and that I still want to go to her formal (like a prom). We talked for a while and asked if she still wanted to go to the formal with me, because she had made a status updating asking for a date. She said that she doesn’t really know because things might be awkward between us. However I think I’ve convinced her that we would be ok if we went together. It’s like I don’t want her to go with another guy.

I have incredibly mixed feelings as to what I want. It hurt so much knowing that she was unhappy being with me even though it seemed like everything was going so well, planning what we were going to do that weekend. And after I said something like “I’m boring” to her, like it was the last straw, and then we’re breaking up. It’s like one action turned her feelings off like a switch.

I still have feelings for her, and I care about her, after everything she’s told me about her childhood traumas, I’ve been the first person that’s been able to help her with it, and her suicidal thoughts and self-harm. I want her to love me like I love her, but I know it’s not possible now. All she wants is to be friends, and I want more than that. But I feel like I’m just being used to build her self-esteem and so she feels good about herself. And I know that she just made that status to hurt me because she had already said that she would take me. I want to get over her, I’m trying but I can’t. I can’t restrain myself from checking her FB, when she was last online; looking at photos she’s uploaded. And it makes me feel terrible. I don’t want to keep going back to her, thinking that she’s the only one for me, that she’s worth all the pain I’m going through, or I don’t want to admit that she doesn’t have feelings for me. I miss feeling special, and loved, and feeling like I have a place that I belong. But I feel like I have this commitment to her because of her issues, because I’m the only person she can talk to about her issues. I feel like she’s the only one for me, even though I know it’s not true. I don’t know how to move on, even though I’ve been trying my hardest.

May 12, 2013

I find myself in a situation like yours although slightly different. My boyfriend has mental health issues too, but his are Army related so they are very different things. My boyfriend has shut everyone close to him off completely and won't talk to me at all, which hurts a lot. Like you I was trawling his facebook page, but now he has unfriended me. He can't cope with life at the moment and is hiding out at his army base refusing to come home. I have had to accept this, just like you must accept that your girlfriend has issues she doesn't have the strength to deal with.

He is my first love, and I am almost 10 years older than you. Please don't take offence to this but your girlfriend sounds like a very damaged person. and I think she needs professional help. My boyfriend is getting help and it is a long process with no end in sight. But she needs to learn to love herself before she can love you. I also think she is playing games with your affection through facebook and is deliberately trying to twist the knife because she is hurting within herself. She was probably looking for an escape without hurting you, because like my boyfriend she is finding life to hard to cope with and wants out. She probably jumped on the comment you made to make her reasons justified. She also probably thinks that thinking you're fat is nothing compared to the demons in her own head. There is a saying and it is very true: You always hurt the ones you love the most. My life at the moment is in limbo. I love my boyfriend very much but fear he is damaged beyond repair. You cannot be an emotional crutch for your girlfriend, you are young and should not have to carry a burden that large. I really think you need to cut off contact. Delete her number from her phone if you have to. It may seem harsh but you need to nurse your own broken heart and work on your own confidence issues. There may be a time in the future, when she feels strong enough to cope with a relationship again, but mental health problems will always be there, traumatic experiences never go away, you learn to live with them as best as you can. Can you really live your life with someone who is always on the edge of a breakdown, treading on egg-shells in case one slightly negative comment sends her off in the deep end again?

When something bad happens, you have three choices: Let it destroy you, let it define you or let it strengthen you. You will live through this, and hopefully be a stronger person for it.

May 13, 2013

Thanks for the reply. I know that I'm young, and that the chances of us staying together for the rest of our lives were next to nothing. But I feel like I'm not going to find someone else like her, someone as good looking, someone that will understand me. And when I look at photos of her, she looks better than she has before and it just makes me hurt even more. I want to just block and delete her, saying that I'll talk to her when I'm ready, but her formal is in 2 months, and I want to go with her, even though it'll hurt me, but I don't want to see her going with anyone else but me. And she's going to visit her Dad in jail next week, and she might need someone to talk to. But I don't want to feel like I'm just being used as a friend, so it builds up her self-esteem, and I don't feel like what's happening to me is fair. And I don't want to come to the realisation that she's happier without me.

May 13, 2013

I'm sorry about your situation and I feel for you.

The pain is not going to go away any time soon. It's going to take some time and effort. But there are a couple of things you have to keep in mind.

Things are not going to get any better until you start focusing on you and being there for yourself. It's great that you want to be there for her to support her emotionally, but in order to do that without hurting yourself you have to first let go and strengthen yourself. You shouldn't be focused on her self-esteem, you should be focused on yours. And whether you like it or not she is allowed to be happier without you, and if you truly loved her you would want her to be happy no matter what - I know it's really hard to accept.

None of what happens to us is usually fair, but that's how relationships are - there is usually no guarantee. Nothing in this world is permanent and the world doesn't owe any of us anything.

Focus on yourself. You don't need someone else to complete you. You should be complete and look to share that completeness with the person you love. I only realized this very recently and I am no where close to accomplishing any of this, but I'm working towards it.

The pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow.

Good luck. Focus on YOU.

May 13, 2013

Wise words indeed. I know what the OP means about the picture though. But don't torture yourself looking at it. I put the one of my boyfriend away in a draw because looking at his face every time I woke up was prolonging the agony.

You will probably find your unhappiness will turn into hopelessness and then anger pretty soon. I have to keep reminding myself that my boyfriend isn't inflicting this misery on me deliberatly he can't help his mental state, but looking at his picture just hurts to much.

The previous poster is right, you need to sort your own feeling out first. Everything you are feeling is what I have felt over the last two months. I can't bare the thought of my boyfriend with anyone else, but at the minute he can't even cope with his own life, let alone share it with someone.

I honestly think you should forget about your prom for now, work on working through the worst of your feelings first. Once you feel stronger you'll be able to make better decisions.

May 13, 2013

I wouldn't put her going after some other guy pasther. We've agreed on trying to be friends, and working things out so it's not awkward if I go to her formal with her. Seeing the guys she's adding as friends and stuff on FB. And she's being especially more active on Facebook as well. I'm kind of driving myself a little crazy. I don't think her mental issues is the driving force between why she's doing this. It's just the loss of her feelings for me that hurts the most. And that she messaged the first photo I ever sent her. It's like I have an obsession.

Edited May 13, 2013 by Peter102

May 13, 2013

My feelings about what is happening is like a roller coaster, and it's really annoying. Sometimes I'm completely fine with what happened and my attitude is like 'it's her loss, I don't care about her', and the other times I'm like obsessed, wondering what she's doing, stalking her Facebook, wishing she would take me back, wondering what went wrong, when should I try to get back together with her etc.

It's driving me mad, and I can't even go a few minutes without wondering what she's doing

Edited May 13, 2013 by Peter102

May 14, 2013

As well as this I constantly find myself thinking about the things that we were planning to do throughout the year, for her birthday, on the holidays etc. Especially when we'd been planning them so recently.

May 14, 2013

Something's happened. And I'm probably not going to get a lot of love for what I've done but here it is.

So Thursday night I messaged her, basically saying that I was taking space, and I hope she understood etc. And on Saturday night we talked, about how I still wanted to go to her formal, and that things wouldn't be awkward, and that we'd be able to be friends etc. She didn't really know if it was a good idea but we agreed that she'd think about it. Then we just talked about random stuff, how she's visiting her dad in jail for the second time next week, and she needed someone to talk to that previous week while I was ignoring her, because she hasn't told any of her friends about her mental issues/traumas. At this same time I was talking to her friend and she asked me if I wanted to go to the formal with her, but I said that I still didn't know if I was going with my ex. At the end of the night I asked if she wanted to go to the formal with her, and she said she'd wait and see what happens. I said to her 'Well I've been invited by somebody else, but I'd rather go with you. And don't want to have to worry about it. And my mum wants to know what's happening'. She asked who it was and I said 'Does it matter?'. A little after that she just said goodnight to each other.

The next night she messaged me with the first photo of me that I ever sent her saying 'look what i found'. And we just said a few words about it.

Tonight..she messaged me saying "Hey, my mum has actually set me up with someone for the formal". I was so hurt and angry at this.

Me: So you don't want to go with me?

Her: i'd like to go along with this set up

Me: 'Fine then', 'I guess that's an easy way of saying it'

Her: i dont want to upset anyone

Her: please dont be mad or upset

At this time her friend that had asked me messaged me saying 'Get over it *my name*. you and *my ex* are over. Stop with the emotional blackmail.'

'You're ruining the chance to have her in your life. Your loss dude. She can't help that her feelings have gone for you but she still cares about you and wants to have you in her life and this is how you treat her?? What the ****! You're such a ****, doing this to *my ex*. She doesn't deserve it. You didn't deserve someone as good as her.'

I was kind of angry at this as well so I kind of had a little argument with her about it. After this I messaged my ex saying this:

Me: Can you call off your dogs

Her: what?

Me: Um *her friend*

Her: *her friends name* is not a dog, peter

Me: It's an idiom. I don't mean it literally

Her: i didnt tell her to do anything

Me: Okay

'...What the ****! You're such a ****, doing this to *ex's name*. She doesn't deserve it. You didn't deserve someone as good as her....'

That's nice

Her: i didnt ask for any of this

Me: I'm going to go

Her: i wish you could see through my eyes sometimes

Me: Trust me, you don't want to see through mine.

Her: does it always have to be about you?

Me: I'm not doing this

Her: going to run away again?

Me: It's time to say goodbye *my ex*. Thanks for being a big part of my life. I'll miss you

Her: i dont know what happened to you. but i didnt fall in love with a manipulative, disrespectful *******. i remember a sweet boy that always showed up an hour early so he wasnt late. if i could, i'd take that book i gave you for your birthday and burn it, because you've destroyed every part of yourself that that was about

For my birthday at the start of the year she made me a little book with all the things that she loved about me. I was really hurt by what she said. I was hoping that things would have gone a bit smoother. That night before everything was happening I was realising that talking to her again was probably a bad idea and I was regretting it. But I didn't want to see her going to the formal with another guy, and I wanted to be part of that memory, something that she's going to look back on a lot. Everything that happening tonight came out of the blue. I don't know if I completely over reacted, or my reaction was justified.

I don't think I've changed at all, I am still that guy she fell in love with, and I still love her more than anything. But I guess this was a blessing in disguise, but I don't want her to look back and remember me the way that she said she sees me. I'm so confused. I don't want her to remember me like that. I've deleted her off my FB friends list. And she blocked me on FB. Now I just feel lonely and hopeless.

Thanks to anyone that replies.

May 14, 2013

Well what her friend did was not cool.

But that aside I think emotions are running high on both sides. You have to realize something though - not everything is as it seems. Her perspective right now is probably completely changed compared to what you are used to. The same thing happened with my ex. She went from the sweetest and most caring girl to someone so cold that accused me of harassing her even though I sent her only 1 email.

In your ex's mind she probably feels like she isn't doing anything wrong and I doubt she is intentionally trying to hurt you. I'm not saying you shouldn't have gotten angry. You have every right to be angry, but you can't let your words show that. I guess that's why a lot of people preach NC.

IMO your best bet is to let her have her space and don't contact her. If she wants to she will reach out to you. And should that happen remember to stay calm. And if she is having any troubles show some empathy, but don't become a doormat.

Remember you have to respect her decisions no matter what they are. Don't hold in any anger or bitterness.

Take some time to focus on yourself. It's not gonna be easy, but it's the best option. You can either let this break you, define you, or strengthen you.

May 14, 2013

Thanks for the reply. If anyone is interested there's a much longer and more detailed version of this on another forum:

Distraught after the only person that I loved or cared about broke up with me

Edited May 14, 2013 by Peter102

May 15, 2013

I'm contemplating making a random FB account considering she blocked me, and saying everything that I feel, that I hope she remembers the good times and not the bad, and saying that I hope she gets professional help etc. And just letting everything out.

I was kind of angry when she taunted me saying 'going to run away again?'

I don't know what to do

Edited May 15, 2013 by Peter102

May 15, 2013

I'm contemplating making a random FB account considering she blocked me, and saying everything that I feel, that I hope she remembers the good times and not the bad, and saying that I hope she gets professional help etc. And just letting everything out.

I was kind of angry when she taunted me saying 'going to run away again?'

I don't know what to do

Peter. You are definitely not alone pal. Your story is very similar to mine, except I didn't keep contact with her for much longer after the break up. Look, I know you don't want to hear this but you have to let her go. If she wants to be with you she'll make it very clear but right now she doesn't and the more you contact her the more you'll push her away. Trust me, I pushed my girl away too far and she's never coming back to me. I thought my case was different, I thought I could change her mind. I learned the hard way that people are the same. You have to stop all contact. Give her space and more importantly give yourself space to process things. After 3 months of no contact I can see all of the mistakes I made that pushed her away. If there is any chance at all of you being with her again, it will start with you stopping all contact. I want to help you. I was in a very similar position as you and I didn't take the advice from people on LS that have gone through the same thing.

The Facebook account thing is a terrible idea. If you want her to remember the good times you have to leave her alone. Only after you disappear and enough time has gone by will she remember the good times. She knows you were angry and she won't hold it against you, don't worry.

I was told by someone on here: Nothing I say will bring her back at this point, it will only drive her further away. It's so true.

No contact. The sooner the better.

May 15, 2013

Peter. You are definitely not alone pal. Your story is very similar to mine, except I didn't keep contact with her for much longer after the break up. Look, I know you don't want to hear this but you have to let her go. If she wants to be with you she'll make it very clear but right now she doesn't and the more you contact her the more you'll push her away. Trust me, I pushed my girl away too far and she's never coming back to me. I thought my case was different, I thought I could change her mind. I learned the hard way that people are the same. You have to stop all contact. Give her space and more importantly give yourself space to process things. After 3 months of no contact I can see all of the mistakes I made that pushed her away. If there is any chance at all of you being with her again, it will start with you stopping all contact. I want to help you. I was in a very similar position as you and I didn't take the advice from people on LS that have gone through the same thing.

The Facebook account thing is a terrible idea. If you want her to remember the good times you have to leave her alone. Only after you disappear and enough time has gone by will she remember the good times. She knows you were angry and she won't hold it against you, don't worry.

I was told by someone on here: Nothing I say will bring her back at this point, it will only drive her further away. It's so true.

No contact. The sooner the better.

Thanks for the reply. I know that the no contact thing is my best option, and I'm planning on doing it. But I can't stop thinking of her rather going to her formal with some random guy, it kind of speaks volumes, and it really hurt. And I keep having the thought of her going and having a great time.

May 16, 2013

And because she blocked me it shows that she wants nothing to do with me anymore, and it's hard accepting it because she was such a big part of my life for the last year. And she really changed my life in some ways.

May 16, 2013

peter she broke up with you and yet she's texting you about the loss of a phone, pathetic. whatever made her brake up with you doesnt change the fact that she clearly told you that she doesnt want to have a relationship anymore. yes it hurts like hell with the first girl. and ive seen friends that i could never imagine being sad shaking like small kids. they asked me, how do you heal, what should i do etc?, it took me 6 months to feel better. i can still think about it and not because i want her back but because i want to go back and tell her that what she did to me was not human. the worst thing is that she doesnt understand that what she did was wrong. neither does your ex, and you definitely do not understand what youre doing is wrong.

see when someone breaks up with you, you gotta understand that its over. might not be forever but right now it is. by chasing her you will simply make her run away even further. theres nothing more attractive then to know that you cant have it. thats why "you" should stay away. the other reason to stay away is that thats the only way to heal. the third reason is that if you fail, you will be even more sad and you will look at yourself as a complete fool for believing that you did something wrong.

you havent done anything wrong. everyone is different. you cant make everyone happy, especially not a young girl that doesnt know what she want or what to appreciate in life. the fact that young people break up every week is a proof of this. she's stringing you along and youre following her without any knowledge of what youre getting yourself in to. im gonna tell you from experience now. "stay away"

May 18, 2013

Well this is day 4 of NC, which I guess hasn't been hard since she's blocked me, and I don't have her new number. But it hasn't stopped me from logging onto another account and looking at her wall unfortunately. I'm kind of coming to terms with everything that has happened. Although I have been thinking of her, like her visiting her Dad, and all of the good memories that we've had.

I had this crazy idea to finish the book that she gave me for my birthday and leave it at her door, with all the things that I liked about her, and just a long letter about everything that has happened and letting all of my feelings out. Her birthday is next week, and I'm not sure what to do in regards of it. I'm sure that the book is a terrible idea even though I'm sure it'd make me feel a bit better. I don't know if I should even say happy birthday to her, or I could even go far enough to meeting her as she finishes work on her birthday if I was crazy enough. Should I say happy birthday to her? Even though I don't want to give her the satisfaction of me initiating contact.

I'm sure this whole thing would be a lot easier if I didn't have the whole formal thing on my mind. Just looking at something like a high heel sends me on a downward spiral.

Edited May 18, 2013 by Peter102

May 19, 2013

human psychology. People's beliefs towards a certain person will decide wether you will agree with that person or not. When a person is feeling bad the brain will sometimes automatically think about what would feel best for the moment and skip the logical part. Why am I telling you this? Because even though I will answer your question the best way I can, there's simply nothing I can do to change your mind, at least most of the times.

Why would you listen to me when I don't even know your girl right?, sometimes it's better to do so since people that's not close to you will more often give you the answer you need and not the answer you want.

She told you that she didn't want you in a relationship right now. You got to respect that. The more things you do right now "for her" will only make it worse. Whatever anyone in her says. It's more likely that you are better off without her. You're way to young to worry about a girl.

When someone tells you, it's over. You gotta think that it's over. You gotta live like its over. Don't talk to her, if she confront you in the city , school etc. just act happy. That's the only thing you can do.

She lost attraction for you. And that is nothing you should take personal. That happens to everyone in life, in the beginning all she can see is you. But when a relationship is standing still with two people being to comfortable there's very few young girls that can handle it. Let me tell you one thing. The best thing that could happen to you is probably to get your heart broken. Because you will most likely be one of those who learn something about it. You grow as a person, and you understand what went wrong. She however will probably continue to to break up with people, never truly understand why.

Go on Facebook, block her,remove her, or just block everything that she's posting. Do not talk to her, no birthday gifts, no birthday wishes. Go out have fun and enjoy being single. You have all the time in your life to get a girlfriend that will be much better for you. If you're confused, go on this forum and ask for advice.

May 20, 2013

human psychology. People's beliefs towards a certain person will decide wether you will agree with that person or not. When a person is feeling bad the brain will sometimes automatically think about what would feel best for the moment and skip the logical part. Why am I telling you this? Because even though I will answer your question the best way I can, there's simply nothing I can do to change your mind, at least most of the times.

Why would you listen to me when I don't even know your girl right?, sometimes it's better to do so since people that's not close to you will more often give you the answer you need and not the answer you want.

She told you that she didn't want you in a relationship right now. You got to respect that. The more things you do right now "for her" will only make it worse. Whatever anyone in her says. It's more likely that you are better off without her. You're way to young to worry about a girl.

When someone tells you, it's over. You gotta think that it's over. You gotta live like its over. Don't talk to her, if she confront you in the city , school etc. just act happy. That's the only thing you can do.

She lost attraction for you. And that is nothing you should take personal. That happens to everyone in life, in the beginning all she can see is you. But when a relationship is standing still with two people being to comfortable there's very few young girls that can handle it. Let me tell you one thing. The best thing that could happen to you is probably to get your heart broken. Because you will most likely be one of those who learn something about it. You grow as a person, and you understand what went wrong. She however will probably continue to to break up with people, never truly understand why.

Go on Facebook, block her,remove her, or just block everything that she's posting. Do not talk to her, no birthday gifts, no birthday wishes. Go out have fun and enjoy being single. You have all the time in your life to get a girlfriend that will be much better for you. If you're confused, go on this forum and ask for advice.

Thanks for the reply. Firstly I'd like to say that I understand what you're saying about how logically it's probably not the best thing for me to go back to her, and that I only want to do it because I want to reclaim my happiness. And the truth is, I don't want to be that way. I'd be able to get over this a lot easier if I could see myself with someone like her in the future, and the truth is at the moment I can't.

This may sound weird, since I was 13 (currently 17) she was really the first girl that I had interacted with since entering high school (I go to an all boys school). I was a shy, introverted, lacked confidence, and overweight. But since I made changes, lost 25kgs etc. and just got generally happier with my life things changed. I met a girl that I fell head over heels for. I finally had someone else to share my life with, a person close to me, considering I had really been alone for most if it. She was my first everything, first girl I had been close with, first girlfriend, first kiss, first time having sex, my first love.

I felt like she was everything I could ever desire. She was smart, quirky and her personality matched mine perfectly. She was someone that enjoyed and laughed at my weird personality. I feel like I'm never going to find someone like her again. I'm not gonna find this short, skinny, blonde, cute adorable girl that dresses grungy, is sexy, has that cute little bum with faded stretch marks on the side, has the most wonderful hair, and is completely beautiful.

And now this person that was such a big part of my life, more or less hates me now. And I don't feel like I could ever rekindle things with her, and has pushed me out of her life and has done things to hurt me, when I cared so much about her for reasons that I have explained in previous posts. I lost my best friend.

Edited May 20, 2013 by Peter102

May 21, 2013

Thanks for the reply. Firstly I'd like to say that I understand what you're saying about how logically it's probably not the best thing for me to go back to her, and that I only want to do it because I want to reclaim my happiness. And the truth is, I don't want to be that way. I'd be able to get over this a lot easier if I could see myself with someone like her in the future, and the truth is at the moment I can't.

thing is you will always appreciate her more cause she's your first. you will meet someone else. that i can promise you. because its simply not true that she's the only one. whats true however is that you don't understand this right now. and that you like most people in your situation are blaming yourself. with your bad confidence you cant see anything bad in her. when you realize this you will be able to move on. work on your confidence. understand why this happened. she's a young girl, they break up with your for nothing. they think its gonna be better with someone else. then they realize that its just the same thing again.

This may sound weird, since I was 13 (currently 17) she was really the first girl that I had interacted with since entering high school (I go to an all boys school). I was a shy, introverted, lacked confidence, and overweight. But since I made changes, lost 25kgs etc. and just got generally happier with my life things changed. I met a girl that I fell head over heels for. I finally had someone else to share my life with, a person close to me, considering I had really been alone for most if it. She was my first everything, first girl I had been close with, first girlfriend, first kiss, first time having sex, my first love.

its not weird at all. some people change girlfriend/boyfriend every year and doesn't get hurt "never learns anything". some stick with one person and get heartbroken. youre the one that gets to attached to a girl and like to stick to her. but here's the good thing. you appreciate that person. you learn from it. and you'll be the one thats gonna do everything you can to be happy. it just doesnt help to say its gonna be better. but trust me it is.

I felt like she was everything I could ever desire. She was smart, quirky and her personality matched mine perfectly. She was someone that enjoyed and laughed at my weird personality. I feel like I'm never going to find someone like her again. I'm not gonna find this short, skinny, blonde, cute adorable girl that dresses grungy, is sexy, has that cute little bum with faded stretch marks on the side, has the most wonderful hair, and is completely beautiful.

im gonna try explain better later on since its late here. but let me tell you this. this is what you see, this is what you cant change right now. even though you havent done anything wrong youre blaming yourself and telling me how adorable she is. its because you dont want to see anything bad. even if i would explain to you why i dont think she's good for you you wouldnt care. thats how it works to be heartbroken. but she isnt perfect. if someone breaks up with you they arent perfect for you. everything youre telling me is something that you probably wont see later in life. i felt the same, but after finally moving on ive had a perfect relationship for a long time. and all i can see now is how bad she was for me. doesnt make any sense i know, but it never does when youre feeling like this.

And now this person that was such a big part of my life, more or less hates me now. And I don't feel like I could ever rekindle things with her, and has pushed me out of her life and has done things to hurt me, when I cared so much about her for reasons that I have explained in previous posts. I lost my best friend.

she doesnt hate you. she might be bothered that your'e chasing her. but she doesnt hate you. if she does she's really a horrible person which i doubt. nobody wants to be chased after a breakup. the more you stay away the bigger the change to get back together and most importantly moving on. and i bet you do have friends, but right now you cant see anything bad in her. and the more she's staying away from her the more it hurts. the more she talks to you the better it feels for the moment. for her it works like this. she doesnt want you to chase her. she might talk to you not to seem like a mean person. but right now she's bothered with it. stay away from her, and if she wants to get back to you she will tell you. its her job not yours. respect yourself. if you want to get back with your ex, its always best to do it whenever you're feeling great again. even though it mostly ends later on because nothing has changed. even more often, the guy thats been dumped will be over it by then.

remove everything that reminds you of her. block her, or at least block her texts, pictures on Facebook etc. dont talk to her, go out and have fun. its gonna feel amazing later on.

May 22, 2013

she doesnt hate you. she might be bothered that your'e chasing her. but she doesnt hate you. if she does she's really a horrible person which i doubt. nobody wants to be chased after a breakup. the more you stay away the bigger the change to get back together and most importantly moving on. and i bet you do have friends, but right now you cant see anything bad in her. and the more she's staying away from her the more it hurts. the more she talks to you the better it feels for the moment. for her it works like this. she doesnt want you to chase her. she might talk to you not to seem like a mean person. but right now she's bothered with it. stay away from her, and if she wants to get back to you she will tell you. its her job not yours. respect yourself. if you want to get back with your ex, its always best to do it whenever you're feeling great again. even though it mostly ends later on because nothing has changed. even more often, the guy thats been dumped will be over it by then.

remove everything that reminds you of her. block her, or at least block her texts, pictures on Facebook etc. dont talk to her, go out and have fun. its gonna feel amazing later on.

The truth of the matter is, I'm angry at her. I'm angry that she didn't value me enough, or love me like I loved her. I'm angry that she chose to take someone else to her formal even though that she promised that she would still take me even though we broke up with me. I want to tell her all of this, and just rip into her. Because if I did, for the moment it would make me feel better. But I know eventually I would regret it, like I'm starting to regret everything I've done in the last two months. And I know that if I do something it'll ruin any chances of ever rekindling things, even when I know that things will never return to how they used to be.

I plan on getting on with my life, and I know I deserve someone that values me, and I'm not going to actively chase her. Almost a month on she's shown no sign of coming back, so I've just got to move on and live my life without her. And a part of me wants her to come begging me back, just so I can tell her no. But I know I'd probably let her back into my life without much hesitation.*

May 22, 2013

The truth of the matter is, I'm angry at her. I'm angry that she didn't value me enough, or love me like I loved her. I'm angry that she chose to take someone else to her formal even though that she promised that she would still take me even though we broke up with me. I want to tell her all of this, and just rip into her. Because if I did, for the moment it would make me feel better. But I know eventually I would regret it, like I'm starting to regret everything I've done in the last two months. And I know that if I do something it'll ruin any chances of ever rekindling things, even when I know that things will never return to how they used to be.

of course you are, but she hasnt done anything wrong by choosing to leave you. and im sure she doesnt want to hurt you. but if the person is to nice it will make you stop thinking logical "not realizing that shes only doing it because she doesnt wanna be mean and not talking to you, or that she actually do wants to talk to you but just as a friend. if she's an ******* it'll you will be hurt too. so dont sit here thinking, what should i have done, what should she have done etc. doesnt matter. the only thing that matters is to understand that she wants to move on. the best payback is to show her you dont care, even if you are. that means you arent acting like a jerk, but simply moving on. if she wants you back you should definitely not just take her back, make her work for it so she understands that you will not be there for here just because she says so, but rather because she wants too. understand that you dont need her too live your life. show her that. thats the best thing both for getting her back and also for healing.

I plan on getting on with my life, and I know I deserve someone that values me, and I'm not going to actively chase her. Almost a month on she's shown no sign of coming back, so I've just got to move on and live my life without her. And a part of me wants her to come begging me back, just so I can tell her no. But I know I'd probably let her back into my life without much hesitation.*

listen. youre not even gonna talk to her. if you do youre most likely done. she's not gonna take you back in just one month. maybe 6 months a year from now when youve learned why it happened and youre happy with yourself you might succeed. and she might want you back then if she realizes that you made her happier then she is then. but be aware. going back can be harder then the first relationship. if nothing has changed, if you havent grown as a person, if she hasnt grown as a person. most likely its not gonna work out. i cant stress enough how important this is, and also the fact that its not a big deal to be dumped at 17. right now its horrible. but it never lasts. just stating the truth here. its very rare that the first relationship works out. even for a lot of people the second, the third etc. nothing to be ashamed of. and nothing that you should feel is your fault. i cant tell you how many times ive seen this happen. and people are automatically acting like you do. so youre not alone. but everyone with experience will tell you what i told you. stay away and regain confidence.

May 22, 2013

listen. youre not even gonna talk to her. if you do youre most likely done. she's not gonna take you back in just one month. maybe 6 months a year from now when youve learned why it happened and youre happy with yourself you might succeed. and she might want you back then if she realizes that you made her happier then she is then. but be aware. going back can be harder then the first relationship. if nothing has changed, if you havent grown as a person, if she hasnt grown as a person. most likely its not gonna work out. i cant stress enough how important this is, and also the fact that its not a big deal to be dumped at 17. right now its horrible. but it never lasts. just stating the truth here. its very rare that the first relationship works out. even for a lot of people the second, the third etc. nothing to be ashamed of. and nothing that you should feel is your fault. i cant tell you how many times ive seen this happen. and people are automatically acting like you do. so youre not alone. but everyone with experience will tell you what i told you. stay away and regain confidence.

Thanks for the replies. I only just realised that you had been replying in the 'quote' section as well, silly me haha. If it wasn't for you I would have probably already gone back talking to her trying to get on her good side again, so thanks. I'm just going to have to keep trying my hardest to not contact her and move on.

At the moment, and the way I'm feeling I can't imagine myself getting back with her, or wanting to get back together after what she's done. As in choosing to go with someone else to her formal when she knows that I really wanted to go, and the time that I found her telling someone that the only reason she's with me because she didn't have anyone else. But I guess at the time I just didn't want to imagine that she thought that way, and I just wanted things to go back to the way they were, which is the way I've been feeling the last couple weeks as well.

I just find it difficult knowing that she's thinking of me as a 'manipulative, disrespectful *******.' I'm a disrespectful ******* because I was rude to her friend after she starting swearing and abusing me? I'm manipulative because I got upset because she found someone else to go to the formal with? And she thinks that I've changed, when I really haven't.

Having somewhere to go to, and have someone to vent to really helps, and I appreciate it. So thanks.

Edited May 22, 2013 by Peter102

May 22, 2013

Thanks for the replies. I only just realised that you had been replying in the 'quote' section as well, silly me haha. If it wasn't for you I would have probably already gone back talking to her trying to get on her good side again, so thanks. I'm just going to have to keep trying my hardest to not contact her and move on.

At the moment, and the way I'm feeling I can't imagine myself getting back with her, or wanting to get back together after what she's done. As in choosing to go with someone else to her formal when she knows that I really wanted to go, and the time that I found her telling someone that the only reason she's with me because she didn't have anyone else. But I guess at the time I just didn't want to imagine that she thought that way, and I just wanted things to go back to the way they were, which is the way I've been feeling the last couple weeks as well.

I just find it difficult knowing that she's thinking of me as a 'manipulative, disrespectful *******.' I'm a disrespectful ******* because I was rude to her friend after she starting swearing and abusing me? I'm manipulative because I got upset because she found someone else to go to the formal with? And she thinks that I've changed, when I really haven't.

Having somewhere to go to, and have someone to vent to really helps, and I appreciate it. So thanks.

yeah i know, i dont know why it does that.. cant remember how to quote everything. she didnt stay with you because she couldnt find someone else. she might been with you longer then she wanted to, but she sure as hell didnt choose you for nothing. if she didnt feel any attraction to you she wouldnt be together with you, thats redicilious. see a young person like her doesnt understand why you do things you do. its not cause youre different.

its because you act different when your hurt. and if this would happen to me and i was the one breaking up i would just feel sorry for her since i would understand that she was feeling unhappy. who cares what she thinks. she left you and you got nothing to feel guilty about. first relationship is just not easy. girls normally are the ones breaking up. you need to show that you got respect for yourself. if you show your girl that *you need her* to live your life. youre not going to make it.

i spoil my girlfriend i really do. but i always remember where i come from. what happened to me in the past and so on. with that being said. ill always make sure that she understands that i am still the boss over myself. if you cant put your foot down like you would with a friend. she's not gonna respect you as a boyfriend.

May 23, 2013

yeah i know, i dont know why it does that.. cant remember how to quote everything. she didnt stay with you because she couldnt find someone else. she might been with you longer then she wanted to, but she sure as hell didnt choose you for nothing. if she didnt feel any attraction to you she wouldnt be together with you, thats redicilious. see a young person like her doesnt understand why you do things you do. its not cause youre different.

its because you act different when your hurt. and if this would happen to me and i was the one breaking up i would just feel sorry for her since i would understand that she was feeling unhappy. who cares what she thinks. she left you and you got nothing to feel guilty about. first relationship is just not easy. girls normally are the ones breaking up. you need to show that you got respect for yourself. if you show your girl that *you need her* to live your life. youre not going to make it.

i spoil my girlfriend i really do. but i always remember where i come from. what happened to me in the past and so on. with that being said. ill always make sure that she understands that i am still the boss over myself. if you cant put your foot down like you would with a friend. she's not gonna respect you as a boyfriend.

I don't think I'm going to be able to fully start trying to move on for about another two months after her formal. Because I've kind of come to terms with her breaking up with me, but not really with the formal thing. Her status update a few weeks ago about looking for a date hurt me. And all I can think about is the photo she uploaded of her in her dress. It may seem like such a petty thing, and that I shouldn't really care about it, but for some reason I do.

The day that she broke up with me, and she was just holding me while I just cried on her shoulder (I couldn't restrain myself), and when I asked her if she still wanted to take me to the formal she said that I was the first person that she'd ask. And to me it was just a sign that we could still be friends, and that she didn't 'dislike' me, she just wanted to be friends.

But after a few weeks we kind of drifted apart, not because I had any dislike towards her, just because I felt like I needed some space after everything. But when I tried talking to her again she said stuff like she didn't want things to be awkward and stuff at the formal. But eventually I thought we had sorted things out and that we would still be fine. But a day or two later she said that her mum had set her up with someone else I was just so hurt and angry. Her friend had asked me if I wanted to go with her so I was between a rock and a hard place. I said to my ex that I'd rather go with her instead, and I had been asked by someone else. And apparently I'm manipulative because I didn't tell her who it was?

I felt like I was just being lead on the whole time just in case she didn't find a date. And all I can think of is her going off to the formal and having a great time with some random guy. When before everything had happened we were talking about how fun it was going to be etc. I know I'm not going to stop thinking about this for at least a few months, and it's really hindering my ability to move on. I mean, she knew that I'd be upset by it, but she chose to do it anyway.

Edited May 23, 2013 by Peter102

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