CurlyIam Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 Did it ever happen to you to realise that you are constantly the one to ask for more attention,more time, more, more, more,sometimes feeling hurt for not receiving enough or not what you have wanted only to realise that in fact it's you who's not doing enough? It just happened to me. We had been on the rocks lately,talked things over and had the courage to face my insecurities... to actually realise what a selfish person I've been. Than I started thinking when was the last time to be giving and not asking, for fear I may get nothing, for fear that if I don't ask loud enough to be loved, I won't be loved at all... Why would I desirve to be loved? What did I actually do to be loved? Of course, I'm a special enough person (I like to think), but so does anyone think about themself. So why would I keep asking the others to make efforts and sacrifices, changes for me or for us? Then I started thinking about what did I do to show how gratefull I am for being loved. Little or a lot, seldom or often, by my special man... I didn't do anything. I feel so ungratefull for I have acted most selfishly most of the time, me, the strong believer in the word altruism . What did you do to prove/show your SO that you do love him? Without being asked, with no reason what so ever... When your heart was so filled with gratitude and love and care and concern ?
Jilly10340 Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 Hey Curly, Interesting question...I actually had to think about it. I think to show someone that you love them it doesn't have to be anything big or grandiose. Sometimes it's just giving them a hug as soon as you walk in the door after work. I think that it's the little things that people do that proves that they love you. Just curious....did your guy tell you that you selfish, or did you come to this conclusion yourself
Author CurlyIam Posted September 27, 2004 Author Posted September 27, 2004 Originally posted by Jilly10340 Just curious....did your guy tell you that you selfish, or did you come to this conclusion yourself LOOL!!! It was I who called him selfish all the time, as a matter of fact. I was upset over one of his ex gf sending him lots of messages and making a tragedy over it, when I realised he was in fact doing all the work. He was driving each time one and a half hour to come to my place, one and a half hours back to his place each time. We were driving to Bordeaux (from Paris is like 5 to 6 hours long) to an engagement party. The next day we had to go back home. He was absolutely wonderful, at the party, on the road, the whole day. Then, he decided to make a detour to go see the Dune of Pilat, which is the highest in Europe, and to see the ocean. That meant another 2 hours drive to the ocean. Only so that I can see Arcachon. And... on the same day, on the way back, I reopened the dreaded subject only to be ending it for good - that was the good part. But still... it like hit me. He was so kind and nice and warm... of course we had times when we were awfull to eachother. Because of my ex, I was obssesed with not giving toomuch. Or not receiving enough. I am convinced I was a pest.The frustrations I suffered from, my obsessions, the insecurities... HE ain't no church door, but it is true that he is the one making most of the efforts right now. And... I discovered I love him dearly. Stupid, but true. I do love him and I do intend to make something out of the ordinary for him. Iam thinking of going to see him, once. It may sound very unextraordinary to you, but there is no train, no bus, no metro to his city. Or if there is any, he does not of it. It was always him to go to PAris, to see all of his gf. Just pop on to his door and have a picnic in the forest near him. It is damn cold right now here, but, hey, who cares? We'll just freeze to death, that's all !!!
Jilly10340 Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 Well, I guess that says something that you realize he's doing all the work and you want to fix it. So did you guys break up or are you still together. If nothing at all comes of this at least you now know that you love him That's always worth it!
Author CurlyIam Posted September 27, 2004 Author Posted September 27, 2004 Oh, we're peachy! We had a big fight last weekend (he said some horrible things to me for no reason what so ever the same day I returned to Paris, add some cultural misunderstanding and there you have it, one big nasty fight!), but fixed things by Monday. I was very untrusting and fearful, you know, the usual after being badly hurt. I mean, yeah he may be nice to me because he f***ed up quite badly, it's just that... it was one fight. And I have this tendency to blow things out of proportion and expect everything to be perfect all the time . And it's always men doing nice things to women, it usually him paying for our outings - I'm still a student, hopefully I'll get a job in spring. This time... I cannot explain it, I felt that although he has his faults and little exhausting habits and manners (not that I was perfect or anything), he does love me, and that he proved it over and over again. And this time I'm not afraid to receive it. This time I feel almost like a break through and I doubt it's because of something he did. It is me,it's how my feelings evolved. So, no,we did not break up (have been waaay too close though). I think we are out of the woods. I cannot help the fact that he did most of the work - hell, he's the one living outside Paris and I have no car (I'm the little East European girl making it in Western Europe). But even if he has - we have - no choice for the moment, I still want to show him I do appreciate him, his efforts. This thread, I really wanted to be like a reminder, especially to women. Sure, a hug, a kiss, these are great, but from time to time, if the man is worth it, we could show him this in a less orthodox manner - that's what I intend to do for my special man, anyway!
FolderWife Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 Well I've been stuck on the other side The side that has my husband calling me on my day off to tell me he's on his way home, and to go get him something to eat and have it there when he gets home.....when it was on his way, and I had to stop cleaning house to get it for him. The side that has me go get me, his uncle, and him something to eat with my money, and upon arriving back at the house, to see his cousin has shown up, and having my husband have a little tantrum, because I didn't bring his cousin food too....even though his cousin wasn't there when I left. I'm on the side of bouncing on top until I can't bounce any more, holding back an orgasm, so as not to get so wet he can't feel anything, then going down on him so he can have an orgasm....even though I didn't have an orgasm myself. I'm on the side of doing laundry before I go to work, and then again at 9 that evening when I arrive home, even though he's been off all day, and done nothing but sit and play video games all day. I'm on the side of unselfishly doing ALL of this, and then getting his temper for any small mistake I make I'm on the side of finally getting fed up, and not doing anything for him any more, and then SUDENLY he starts to get his act together
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