Question for wives

[Simpleoldschool]

Hello all (sorry to seem cheery its a coping mechanism)

Pre:text

To me divorce is a tradgedy.

 

I have read "divorce does not have the power to right wrongs, it does not have the power the change what has happened. Divorce infinitely has no power, it simply ends a marriage between a man and his wife, or a wife and her husband".

Such destruction to what once was a perfect memory. I dont think it makes sense to say you dont love someone anymore if you ever did. How then can you love another? Well it takes the same things that could save your marriage!

 

It sounds like a tradgedy. I think everyone imbeds into their mind and into their soul a form of fantasy marriage, that exists only of the mind and soul. If such is why do marriages end? Everyone should act and behave wonderfully and have a happy marriage! Thats what everyone wants right? Any laughs?

 

Well to me thats just it. There is no perfect marriage and there are no perfect feelings. There is no perfect match. We arent cookie cutter images for another person who has a mind and body and soul of their own .we are who we are.

 

We all say things we dont mean, we all do things we should t do and we all make bad decisions. Divorce included. For me divorce is a horrible option, this is the person you chose. The person YOU LOVED. So theres no room for adolescent excuses such as "i dont love you anymore.

Divorce is an option of a million possibilities and only one outcome in a marriage.

 

You may not always like your spouse but in actuality two people have the power to help a marriage grow but it only takes one to close the door.

 

I do not condone divorce nor do i think it makes much sense. How many times will someone so vigourously involve themselves emotionally always feeling entitled to their own demands? You should love who you have, tommorow may never come. Resentment is a feeling, it doesnt have to be a choice and it doesnt have to cost a marriage. Enough drama though.

I dont know everything never will.

 

You are your own form of happiness. It is no one elses responsibility to make you a happy person. If it was so everyone would hate everyone. We all fail and make mistakes. The best way to avoid divorce? For those filing. Stop thinking about it! Stop it! Say no no no no no! Realize marriage is a unioun of two people. Bound by love and sometimes mistreated. I understand years of pain but it takes two to tango! Its both peoples fault straight down the middle. So two responsible adults fix there mistake. Not one person throw someone away like garbage.

 

Ill tell you my story. Me and my wife met on an internet dating site. Not the best option, but we did. Thus is life.

 

Our conversations were brilliant, energetic, pleasing and engaging. We were both attracted. We wound up finding put we had the same birthday! Awesome.

There was a distance issue, i filled the gap. I would drive approximately 6 hrs every weekend and i did for two months. Averaging quite the expense. Later we married.

 

A year and a half later, she is hammering for a divorce. The first six months were hell. All i heard was divorce. I remeber for spending 10 dollars after purchasing 2000.00 request items for my wife. 2k for her check. 10 dollars for a video game divorce threats. However i feel as if my wifes expectations were right minded. The earlier was an example.

 

She had a child from the previous marriage. Hot tempered and aggressive.

Just an add in.

 

I was struck between misery from my wifes demands and loving her, genuinely. Everything she could ever do i had already accepted i would love her for when speaking and asserting my vows. 6 months in she said she had enough arguing. We argued about the childs behaviour. We talked for hours about her expectations, she vehemently dosagreed with all my suggestions.

 

Six months in, she moved out. I filed for annulment had it withdrawn and dismissed. Found out she was living with her ex. She moved out. 7 months later, she agreed to try again. I spent a week there her mother visited.

I respected her mother but sensed withdrawal and rejection of who i was.

She sent me home on our birthday claiming it was for me to see my parents.

Two weeks later of just texting what seemed to be myself, she dropped the bomb, but in an awkward way. "im breaking up with you".

 

The reasons

I slept too much( mind you i had just quit a high paying job) and paid off about 44,000 dollars worth of dept she accumulated.)

I left a radio-station on that made her feel like she was a bad person.

I drove her car (only dropping her off and picking her up filing up her gas tank)

We disagree alot.

It has been my resolve to come to an agrement entertaining all possibilitys through and by her. I am not a weak man. I simply loved her, maybe too much.

I consistently bought her flowers.

Gave her bath in candle-light with her choice of music.

Bought her anything she laid her eyes on.

 

And what did i get? Arguing. Fighting. Etc etc. i use to call her bad names at times when i fealt emotionally hurt by her. Disparaged. Broken up. She even agreed she treated me horribly but wants a divorce and will not consider reconciliation. I am confused. Morally distraught.

 

I have moved twice since being with her. Spent tons of cash and always tried to listen to her. I think she hates me the most simply because i told her she shows 0% affection and mistreats me.Sounded more like her dad? However i fall in love when i think of our beggining. The memories. To me i will always love her. She was who i chose. I am not leaving info out, thank you.

 

Ladies simple question? Why?

Also ladies, how can i reconcile?

 

I know psychology in and out so no dodging my question please. Make it reasonable. And for all else i pray you all may reconcile.

 

Remeber no marriage is perfect. People are going to argue, but resentment is a choice. Fufill eachothers needs and forget about everything else. Be nice to eachother instead of thinking about divorce and all, WILL change.

 

Also for everyone. Love is an emotional state of mind. So , is hate. Just reach out and dont lie to yourselves ladies. A husband that loves you is better than a guy who is trying to wine and dine you.

Edited May 12, 2013 by Simpleoldschool
Added text

[Simpleoldschool]

Also for translation purpouses.

 

A women can love a friend (platonic)

 

A women is in love with her friend (romantic)

 

Is the difference, in a womens mind the sexuality thats being involved in the relationship? I.e

 

Female : i dont love you anymore

Possible Proper translation: i use to look at you as an intimate partner. My friend, my lover.

 

So my actual question is: when a women feels no sexual attraction in what she means by the above phrase is that the reason she asserts she no longer is in love?

[TaraMaiden]

The only way to reconcile is to make sure she is in the same frame of mind as you are, with regard to a reconciliation.

If she's not on the same page as you, the chances of a reconciliation are two:

 

Slim - and none.

 

Why? Because.

 

It sounds to me as if you constantly did things in order to be evaluated and approved of.

These gestures had an agenda - they weren't selfless.

 

It sounds as if you always knew she wasn't as committed to this marriage as you were, and you were trying to compensate; to do her share as well as yours, in order to make it work.

[Simpleoldschool]

You could definately be right about a few things.

 

As for my agenda, it was plain. Have and keep a marriage. As for overcompensating , quite possible however love is not deserving of itself. That is not to say that i am not a person who deserves mutual affection and consideration. I wont demand it but i assumed it to be in part with vows. Funny how thats also, just cheap talk ( or expensive ?)

 

I simply measured what i did by the simple fact she was my wife.

 

I think these things have to do with what people define as a marriage.

I just know i cant help the fact i love her. Love isnt about sensationalism.

 

As for commitment, isnt marriage a commitment unto itself?

I guess im just a curious person. Also, because is usually "filed" under reasoning. Why do women just emotional detach? Dont they view marriage like an adult that it comes with responsibilities?

[TaraMaiden]

You think it's only women who do this?

 

Please know something indisputable:

 

All things are impermanent; there is absolutely no essential substance or concept that is permanent;

 

All emotions ultimately bring pain, Suffering and dissatisfaction (if we cling to them) and there is no emotion that is in and of itself purely and entirely pleasurable from beginning to end.

 

Everything has a beginning, a middle and an end.

 

Love can turn to hate, and it can turn to indifference - which is the true opposite to Love.

 

Forgive me for posting the following: I am not trying to proselytise, but the following passage illustrates what I am trying to convey, in a far more precise and concise way than I am succeeding in doing:

 

The Buddha taught that all four divine abodes are to be developed together, these are, loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity. All of these qualities have a near enemy that one must always be careful not to confuse with the wholesome qualities of the actual four divine abodes.

 

See below an explanation of the near enemies taken from 'A Path With Heart' by Jack Kornfield:

 

"The near enemy of loving-kindness is attachment. We have all noticed how attachment can creep into our love relationships. True love is an expression of openness: "I love you as you are without any expectations or demands." Attachment has in it a sense of separation: "Because you are separate from me, I need you." At first, attachment may feel like love, but as it grows it becomes more clearly the opposite, characterised by clinging, controlling, and fear.

 

The near enemy of compassion is pity, and this also separates us. Pity feels sorry for "that poor person over there," as if he were somehow different from us, whereas true compassion, as we've explained, is the resonance of our heart with the suffering of another. "Yes, I, too, together with you, share in the sorrows of life."

 

The near enemy of sympathetic joy (the joy in the happiness of others)is comparison, which looks to see if we have more of, the same as, or less than another. Instead of rejoicing with them, a subtle voice asks,"Is mine as good as his? .... When will it be my turn?'--again creating separation.

 

The near enemy of equanimity is indifference. True equanimity is balance in the midst of experience, whereas indifference is a withdrawal and not caring, based on fear. It is a running away from life. Thus, with equanimity, the heart is open to touch all things, both the seasons of joy and sorrow. The voice of indifference withdraws, saying, "Who cares. I'm not going to let it affect me.""

[Techie Artist]

OP, I think your words are tragic. I don't condone D, but I'm that woman who is "no longer in love with my spouse". In fact, I may not have loved him in the first place. As I matured, I learned that I really did not love him like I should have. I still let love grow, but I never was "in love" with him. We had no premarital sex, and this was to honor our faith. Ironic that sex became a major obstacle; not primary, but significant.

 

You speak from the "lover" perspective. So, of course, you're going to question how she can just toss you aside. You cite all your "works" of love, but the words sound haughty. You're bragging about how great a lover you are. I'm not saying you're unjustified, but what difference does it make if the recipient won't be changed by it? You will martyr yourself. If that's acceptable to you, then I pray you another source of joy so you may move on from unrequited love.

 

I just posted about why I think D is increasing in frequency. I invite you to check it out.

[Simpleoldschool]

It seems as if this will be a diary of sorts. A public one.

 

I have 37 miles which is approximately 38 minutes until i arrive to see her. Maybe for the last time. My eyes beg for just a look. I feel as if somhow when i step out of the car and place my feet down i will fall into an abyss. A nightmare.

 

There is a tightness in mu chest, that my hearts pounds against as if it was being clenched in a cruel fist. I feel the vibrations throttle through me stinging my finger tips and weaking any chance to stand and take a deeper breath. This must be what its like before you die.

 

Questioning everything you ever did.

Who you are, what youve done.

What you could not undo and asking the God in heaven for anymore time at all.

 

Everything has lost its color. Its taste its smell. I feel like all my senses have been hallowed out. Except for one. The inescapable feeling of fear. Before today i had no idea what it even meant to be afraid of something. A new feeling i feel will trap me and burn through whatevers left.

 

I will add more and respond later to the posts on this topic i have. Reated later.

[TaraMaiden]

You're being over-dramatic.

 

It's a divorce, not a one-way trip to the torture chamber then guillotine...

 

Put things into perspective, this is melodrama, and I'll be honest with you, not everyone can take such histrionics seriously....

[Oberfeldwebel]

I must confess I am not a wife, but since it is early, let me respond until the ladies get a chance to have a cup of coffee. If you did not know the guy in the story and read it, it may give you a different perspective. You paint a euphoric picture at the beginning that once you married quick turns bitter and ends very tragically. The problem I see is that it was never as good as you thought it was to begin with, only a feeling of euphoria.

 

You had a long distance relationship, so you weren't around one another all the time. You got off work Friday and excitedly headed the six hours to her home. Together you spent a blissful Fri, Sat, Sun until 6 pm and you rode off into the sunset. The child was spending most of the time with the other parent, you wined and dined her and world was fine.

 

Then you spoiled it by wanting to get married and real life took over. This is when you find out she can be demanding and a pain in the tush. This is the when the child is really a tad bit spoiled and allowed to play rough shot at your expense. This is where you find that when the money gets tight and the road gets bumpy, she is out of there in a matter of months.

 

My advise is this get out, you learned a valuable lesson life and it didn't cost you 10 years of marriage to the wrong woman. The good news is that there are lots more women, even more beautiful inside and out than the last one. Don't waste your life on her, time and healing will resolve this issue. Spend your time being a better more interesting you. In the mean time, exercise will help with the stress and make you healthier. Concentrate on your career and hobbies, friends and family. Don't sit around and mope, life is way to precious to waste.

[Simpleoldschool]

In response to

OBERFElDWEBL :

 

I appreiciate the commentary.

Most, if not all people must be right about this. I truely had nothing to go off of when i decided to marry her.

 

General post:

 

I reached my destination yesterday. At first i drove past the place she wanted to meet me to collect my thoughts. I had no idea what was about to happen although i knew it wasnt going to be good. It actually turned out worse than my imagination could have ever led me to beilieve.

 

She texted me antagonisticly. The comments were exceedingly worse and worse like she was playing a game she enjoyed.

 

I walked into the place she worked, no one knew what was going on. Everyone smiled and welcomed me back. I asked the receptionist who i knew if she could meet me outside.

 

She came out the door shortly after me looking at me in a way of pure hatred and agressively told me to meet her in the parking lot across the street.

 

She drove first then i followed. She was already unpacking everything infront of others. I guess further humiliation added to her satisfaction. I could t understand why such a thing could be done at the marital residence. I asked if i could talk to her. My first question being how and when did this happen when she stated a month earlier that she was a lucky women to have me in her life and we would last forever. Her response.

 

I dont have time to answer questions like that. Although we both knew she wasnt busy the fact being she set aside time to do this. So i told her i know that shes busy but some things need to be talked out expecially because of whats happening.

 

I told her i loved her. That her feelings were important even when consodering something like divorce. It seemed like this added to her satisfaction. Like her ego was growing bigger and bigger. Noticeing this i asked her if she loved me .

 

She smiled and then looked at me the smile dissappearing. And said "no" in the most cruel way it fealt. She repeated and said " i do not" , "no". And nodded her head. After everything was on the street. She handed me seperation agreement papers and said she had to go back to work. She left and met a man across the street.

 

I left and parked somewhere after i packed. I read the papers and everything was a lie. The date we got married and the date we supposedly seperated which never happened. I went back to her work and saw some pf the other staff. Again welcoming me back. I asked if i could speak to her. She invited me into her office. I asked if i could sit down and she told me to close the door. She immediately asked me what the hell was i doing at her work which i know isnt a problem.

 

I proceeded to tell her nothing was true in any of her statements and legally thats not the way to go. She told me it was to make it expediant. She told me i shouldnt be coming into her place of work and if i wanted to talk it would have to be after buisness hours and i politely told her i had no choice and asked if this could be resolved later that same day. She said she didnt have any time. I didnt understand in lou of her previous statement. She also told me this is what i wanted. Again i politely disagreed and said how, i never asked for this and repeated again that this is what i want and she doesnt have time for someone who says he wants out. I think that tactic was to confuse enough without any response. I was treated coldly as if i was a customer with a disagreement and no history with this person. I politely excused myself and told her im sorry for wasteing you time and left.

 

Everything about her changed. Her hair color, length. She had her ears pierced . More jewlery and the person i knew was gone. All gone. No trace, identity or prescense of the person i knew. She let out a sigh as i was leaving as if weight had been lifted of her shoulders. She also said it was silly for me to drive out there to get my stuff.

 

So mean. Cold. Potently aggressive and every bit of it seemed satisfying as if she was a victim in this obtaining some sense of vengence in her name. I simply do not understand.

 

Added text:

 

She also for some reason of another told me she wasnt a bad person and she never wants to see anything bad happen to me and has no intentions to hurt me. That she has no hard feelings, doesnt hate me and thinks of me as a great person, infact she even likes me. This statements were all confusing.

 

Personal info:

 

Shes 28 i didnt think someone older than myself would behave in a manner a teenage girl would.

Im 23 so maybe i was her play thing.

Also a moth earlier she stated without prompting we will love eachother. She understands all couples argue and that we will but it doesnt have an effect on the meaning of what we mean to eachother. That no one will tell anyone they have to leave and we will be a peacefull couple and that in no way does she ever want to see our marriage end. She absolutely wont accept it or tolerate any hint of it. That she loves me and i am hers and no matter what anyone thinks of me, even her mother (who was there) could not sway how much she loves me. She stated even if her mother hates me it doesnt matter at all what she thinks she loves me and thats whats important.

 

Anyone wanna tell me WTF happened?

Edited May 15, 2013 by Simpleoldschool
Added text.

[Simpleoldschool]

i am not in the buisness of being mean but i am in the buisness of being honest and being true. to myself and to others.

 

first to tara-maiden. sometimes its easy to see through things based on a post. mam you have lied to yourself and told yourself all happy feelings are unfortunate so you have decided to stay on the other end of the spectrum beilieving you will always be unhappy. how untrue. or you beilieve in SMALL JOY.

 

who are you lieng to?

 

second to techie-artist.

 

its not that you arent in love with your husband you are telling yourself why you shouldnt love him. thats the translation given the situation and it fits the bill. you have put yourself on a platform where you look down on him finding no reason in your heart to love him any longer. you arent being honest about whats really bothering you and you are hiding it in a black closet. ignoring it. or have ignored it until you told yourself to fall out of love. i pray for you, mam. because really you cant fall out of love with someone you just obviously then dont truely love them. thats an inability to see a reason to do so. and that, is ridiculous.

 

again i am not being mean.

 

to be honest love is loving yourself enough to give that to another person. taking care of yourself being good to yourself so when someone comes around they have that. You a very loving nurturing person.

 

techie-artist not to be obnoxious because you were nice and i hope you dont think i got targets on you because i dont. i dont think you know enough about what love is to truely say whether or not you do or dont love your husband. if you dont know what it is you cant call someone out for something or for what you feel for them not being something. you cant give something a name without knowing what it is.

 

loving yourself isnt falling in love with yourself either. if you love yourself who cant you love. its in you it is you and because of what love is it is shared. stop looking down on your husband. you are way outside of this whole thing right now processing things based on feelings and because of that impulse decisions with those feelings. you are being dishonest with everyone and its having a dishonest result. marriages vows meaning nothing but a few cold seconds and a few colder words.

Edited May 18, 2013 by Simpleoldschool

[Oberfeldwebel]

This is a tragedy and you are looking for the "why". What could you have don't to avoid this mess? What did I do, to cause this problem. How can I fix this?

 

Answer: Nothing. She is a self-centered manipulative individual. You were never going to have a long term relationship, she used you....period. You can beat yourself up for years, drown your sorrows in suds and it will get you no where. You are young and have a bright future ahead and will go on to a long productive life with a great woman. As for your ex, she will jump from man to man, like the frequency of a cheap ham radio, because that is who she is...period. She thinks that she is using them when in fact they are using her, because they don't really care for her as you did. You were the only decent thing that has come along and she was too blind to see that unfortunately. She is a waste of your time, it is unfortunate that she will probably take her daughter down with her. Run like the wind and leave knowing you are the better person.

[trippi1432]

OldSchool - Just re-reading your story and I guess I am getting the feeling that you and your wife only took a total of two months to get to know each other during the "courting" phase? You stated that you met on an online dating site, you drove six hours on the weekends for two months. Six months into the marriage, she moved out.

 

There is an on-going issue of people really not taking marriage seriously. Now, maybe you do; however, just jumping into getting married without really establishing a foundation for the relationship and getting to truly know the other person is just as bad as getting divorced....it can almost guarantee a divorce.

 

It's harder for younger people these days perhaps. I assume since you stated you are 23, you were around 21 when the two of you met? It takes at least six months to really get to know a person, and that's like being around them a lot...not just on weekends. People let their guard down after that time typically...they start becoming who they truly are rather than the person they want you to know. At a year in, both are basically pretty comfortable and can gauge their likes and dislikes about the other. This is where the relationship is building it's foundation to get to something as serious as marriage.

 

I remember being your age and thinking I was head over heels in love with my high school sweetheart. Despite the fact that he was a serial cheater, I married him anyway. But that marriage certificate, a ring and some vows was not going to change who he was or his behavior. Rushing into marriage, you tend to overlook a lot of red flags of compatibility. In truth, you will eventually come to see that the woman you married is exactly who she was the entire time and had the two of you taken more time to get to know each other, the divorce could have been avoided all together and perhaps a marriage would not have even taken place. Now, it's just another statistic.

 

I feel for you, I do. Being so young, it's easy to let your emotions rule sound decisions. Now, the two of you know each other....I do hope that in the future you will take the time to really know the person you feel these types of emotions with so you make a good, logical and sound decision about who you give your heart to, and more importantly, who you marry, exchange vows with and hold to those vows as much as they are expected to in return. Please understand, this is more on understanding and knowing that the person you pick to go through life with is truly capable of such a commitment. Unfortunately, you have found that your wife isn't.

Edited May 18, 2013 by trippi1432

[Steadfast]

Philosopher Soren Kierkengaard wrote: “There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn't true; the other is to refuse to believe what is.”

 

We are only responsible for our actions OP. We cannot take on, nor can we direct the actions of others. Even spouses. Who we 'love' has nothing to do with it. Our love won't change who someone really is. The best marriage is two people pulling the rope together; pulling in the same direction. They promise they will, they vow it. But they don't until they actually do it.

 

Pray that freewill is never ignored. Right now, that freewill is working against what you want. Someday, if you do the work, it might work in your favor. Divorce isn't the issue, rules and religion play no part. Only actions count.

[Simpleoldschool]

first thank you for all of your responses, everyone.

 

I feel that there is alot of truth in there. I did something in a rush and it quickly became a pain. you are all right. I just had to see it for what it was, expierience this but it has taught me a big, big lesson expecially about life and about people.

 

To be honest i can truly see she never loved me at all whatsoever and that FINALLY doesnt hurt. i am at the stage where i am just happy to be alive. She was a dark person and i bielieved her intentions at one point or another were to try to kill me and collect my death gratuity the funny thing is i never put her on it.

 

She would say and do some crazy stuff. I remember a day coming home where she told me out of the blue while she was sitting on the couch. she sat in such a way like she was in control of everything that she would get me dressed up, nicely give me the approval rating that my chances of getting laid were high and then send me of to the bar to get a women to come home with me and i can do that for as long and as much as i liked and that she would do the same. i refused both because that is not who i am and i will not accept this and because i was sure she wanted ammo to talk me in a corner with my company CO.

 

she was married before to a soldier so knowing that i was leaning on the fact this marriage might be a fake. i say she tried to kill me because i didnt want to reinlist in the military i had been in the sand box before and i didnt want to go back. money isnt worth the exchange you may never get to see the day to spend it. well on that day she told me " everyone dies so what its not something you can avoid from happening." and rolled her eyes.

 

the next day i came home sick because a week earlier i was taking care of a sick child and women. The day i came home sick it was blistering hot outside and she prepared a cup of hot chocolate. now i was skeptical because of what she said the day before. hot chocolate on a hot hot day when i feel sick. i said no thank you i appreiciate it but i dont feel good enough to drink anything. i asked her if she wouldnt mind drinking it because she likes that stuff she said yeah no problem i will. as shes leaving i watch her and she looks back at me with this dark look while shes pouring it down the drain and smiles and says all done or something crazy. there were multiple times crazy crazy things happened.

 

she use to hit me, yell scream and throw things. one night in particular i remember she was telling me she was leaving that she never loved me and didnt tell me and i dont mean anything. i wanted to talk to her and asked her to stay. she started yelling abuse and thats when i got pissed. i told her to get out. she already stated she was going to move in a friend that night before that. she left the room called my mom and brought the phone back telling my mother i was kicking her and her child out with no place to stay when that obviously wasnt true.

 

i had my days in court because of her. i learned alot about lawyers and such. my first day in court was after i had bought her her wedding ring. damn thing was 7 stacks. she thought i had spent all my money in my account because she monitored my account like a dragon but i had another. after that, she filed a protection from abuse order and hahaha this sounds so extra ordinary i have no idea how others could not see it.

 

i schedueled a marital couenseling appointment and told her that finnaly if we do not see someone i would end the marriage and she can go back to where she came from. she lived in a bad neighborhood where people broke into eachothers houses and what not. so the day of marriage couenseling she tried to tell me she was too tired. i didnt buy it i took my right off plopped it on a desk and said after today i wont be wearing that unless you get out of bed and come to marital couenseling. we had talked about this and determined the date but she DECIDED to pick up an extra shift the night before. its because she was all about money. she had three jobs and never contributed a dime to the bills well not really but when i asked her to start paying them half and half she said that was a buisness relationship and she wants a divorce. funny how me paying for everything isnt considered a buisness relationship.

 

ontop of all of this i came home to a four year old who hard wicked imaginations. he would talk about how he would murder me the dogs and the person i married in high detail and what he would do with the blood of our bodies. this was regular. he would hit the animals and me and his mother. his mother told me he was just bored. yeah so bored children beat animals and try to kill people. he would ask me for knives to kill the animals at times. sometimes i really had to lay down the law in that house but i never hurt anyone. i never so much as touched that women out of line.

 

if i didnt listen to her at times she would threaten to call the police and say i was hurting them. at that time i could do nothing being in the military and having the cops called i really couldnt argue anything. the stigma that comes with a military person and my age and hers would pretty much no matter what i said or if i called the police get me hit up.

 

for some time i was investigated by 4 different agencys. treated like a criminal at work, couldnt go back home and i found out the lawyer i hired offered to rettain her if she could put down a higher dollar amount and give her all the information i told him and twist it to win her day in court. this was a crazy time and i found all of this out by being carefull and listening to people when they thought i wasnt.

 

i had a friend also, my best friend who got me through hard times and me him. we both went to war toghether so me and him were tigheter than tight. when he asked to borrow money i had no problem. as long as my bills were paid in regard to my family food was in the frigerator and i had bought a few things for her he could ask the dollar amount and pay me when he could. she told me to cutt off all ties with him because hes using us. yeah right, i knew this guy was trustworthy. we both borrowed and paid eachother on the same day we said we would. no problems. i told her she was out of her mind if she thought i was going to end a 4 year relationship with my best friend over her when i havent even known her for a year. her attitude changed pretty quickly.

 

as a matter of fact now that i think about it the only times we were ever happy is when we werent at home and i was footing the bill. i treated her and that kid kindly. i always made sure the kid had the most fun when we were out despite his crazyness. so maybe if we got home hed be chill but what i didnt know is to spoil someone ontop of someone who spoils him makes him rotten and a person who beilieves they are self-deserving and self-entitled to other peoples stuffs.

 

i remember how it all fealt. i got head butted in the nose. bitten kicked punched and slapped by that kid. he knee'd me in the ribs one day and i cursed out loud. she got a temper and told me not to curse infront of our kids. hahah this will always be in my mind. ill call that house " crazy house" for as long as i live.

 

there was so much that happened that looking back never again will i put myself in a black hole like that. she also would take my bank cards from me and tell me im spending too much.

 

i had 15,000 in savings at the time and about 9,000 in checking. i had more in other accounts and there would be days i couldnt fill up with gas because she had them.

 

when i asked for them back they were thrown at me and again with the divorce extravaganza and how i make her unhappy.

 

after we seperated man she became evil. i would cry in an empty house because all my friends had now deployed and here i am getting out alone. but i really wasnt alone thanks to my mom and pop and God. i talked to each often. when she got upset ( this is while i was trying to repair our relationship i have no idea why) she would ignore me and not respond to any texts for about 1-2 weeks where i would be texting her everyday good morning and goodnight and then without response for that long i texted her a million times and her response this was the regular is. i tect her too much and now shes going to ignore me(like she wasnt already doing so) and that i have no consideration for her because she had to move blah blah blah blah blah and that shes going to file for divorce etc etc im an a hole because of reason 1 2 3. that was hard. all of it but i became strong. i dont have much money left. i tried to support her while she was living in Va and i was in kansas.

 

Now im in Co town. i actually had to take a drive out there like i posted. 2400 miles each wasy and i spent about 2,400 dollars just to get a spit in the face and a get the f out of here heres your stuff on the street corner. i fealt bad but one night in a hotel God must have told me its time to wake up because i was happy she was gone and i let it ALL GO. im moving forward and LIFE seems so much easier, better and free without the bs i had to put up with. even still i dont hate this person or wish bad on them. i pray God will walk her on a straight path one day and that her soul wont be lost because of how she treats people. she made sure to give me back all of my Religious symbols my bible and everything to get it away from her.

 

haha one of her chief reasons for " breaking up with me" was i left a christian radio station on in her car and that was done so to make her feel like a bad person. i really am good arent i at making people feel bad so much so i dont even know myself im doing it.

 

this was all drama.

 

the thing that sucks the most is i couldnt even see this. my dad is wise and told me everything would happen this way. i should have listened.

 

another part of her abuse was the car i had. it broke down. when i had mine and it started having problems i was going to trade it in. i was ready and she told me to wait she would help me. she had become a car deal in va and the vice president promoted her immediately to finance manager. im sure now that i look back there was some sex involved there. he would also buy her roses. on valentines day i sent some even though icouldnt be there. i stepped passed my bills that month and even so bought her flowers. mind you i was paying my rent and hers and some of her bills. and when i asked to borrow any money i was financially irresponsible.

 

valentines day her boss bought all the women roses but she, she got a bunch of stuff. she told me and then sends me a text its so amazing to receive roses from the person you like and i knew i didnt buy her roses. the next day she thought i bought her more flowers but they were from an anonomous somebody. yeah, her vice president man.

 

im pretty sure she was dangling a couple of men around on strings but hey, i cutt mine. im done hands wiped clean. i dont have to worry anymore. all that abuse is over. most i let happen some i couldnt stop from happening because i was in the military and regulations are subject to what behaviour a soldier must act according to.

 

i just remember.

 

that DAMN RENT. 910 a month plus washer plus dryer and water and elec someHOW were always 200 a piece. she made sure to sky rocket those bills too before she left.

 

i found an email though, her confessing she was HANDLING the situation with me to get back with her ex husband. she said it was over with me and her and shes handling it all. hahah mannnn good wriddance.

[Simpleoldschool]

i honestly beilieve with no meaness in my heart towards this person that she was a psycopath. 0% guilt remorse empathy or sympathy. My feelings were my imagination pretty much what she told me.

 

and the laughable thing is i was the controlling person she said.

 

if i asked her to watch a movie with me i was trying to control her. if i asked her to accompany me it was divised as a method of controll. i know the difference between a request and a demand.

 

there were times, there were times i got so mad in that place but when i did, i left. i dreaded that house. there were nights i voulenteered to stay late at work because i knew when i got home, divorce was going to hit me like a shotgun blast when i turned that key in that lock. i would find out what else i did wrong what i wasnt doing right and why the hell i came home late. i was cheating. yeah right i was so faithfull in all of this.

 

i knew she was sleeping around. that she was lieng to others and i knew all of what she was doing. what kept my hope alive is that when we had fun we had fun but really she was just taking personal enjoyment out of the situations. i was husband dad financial executor and everything else. i would rally us up in the hope we would grow as a family to buy board games and play them toghether. pair bonding. sharing time. doing things. i tried EVERYTHING to try and make it work but i was fighting a lost battle. she didnt love me so anything i did said or could do even pull down the sun from the sky and give it to her wasnt going to be enough. nothing was.

 

i just remember the fighting. the lies. the deceit and the personal hatred she had for me and i didnt understand why until it all made sense. the good thing is i have everything that happened in black and white. all the legal documents and supplmentary evidence so if there is ever a day in court. ever. which i doubt there will be because she knows this that day i will win the last BATTLE we will have not as husband and wife but as enemys of a war she started. i will never try and hurt her. actually i will try to do the opposite but honestly i am proud of myself. i did so much, tried so hard and really gave it my all. everyday. tired. hurt and shamed but i pulled through this and i am a very happy person loving myself now.

 

i think im a pretty cool guy and most of all whats important to me is that i be a good person not BY my judgements but by what COMMANDMENTS i can follow in the eyes of a living God who is watching me. i do it out of the heart not out of empty action for praise and when this life is all over for me and everyone as i pray i hope to see her there. then ill know there wont be fighting and everyone will be at peace and she will have changed from who she was. that is my hope for her as a person not as anything else.

 

life is good im going to go out today and see the world. do something for me and have my own fun. i was trapped in a house and place of constant nightmares and i still held a job, still paid my bills and still acted like an adult would. so i dont think anyone can blame me.