Getting over a short lived CP relationship, but I am still stuck

[rice patty]

I made a really bad mistake with a guy I was involved with only for two months. We ended our relationship end of Feb and was NC until recently. Our situation is a little different because he is my customer and i am his sale rep. So, we have a working relationship which is horrible. But, at the very least, I may see him once a month, which is a refuge in a way.

 

We talked for a good 6 months or so before we started hanging out, and during that time I found that he was very attentive in terms of what i say to him about myself and him remembering them. he seemed really nice, encouraging of me to go out, date, broaden my horizons, etc., because i just got out of a 8 yr relationship at that point. I started to like him because i felt a connection with him with our scarred childhoods and how easy it was to talk to him. It didnt help that he flirted with me intensely, and coming out of a relationship that lacked intimacy and communication, this was heaven on earth.

 

we both dispute who asked who out, but nevertheless we hooked up. our first two dates were normal, we had dinner and talked for hours, and second had dinner went to a comedy show, and had a wonderful goodnight kiss. what bothered me tho was his unwillingness to share info...he was very private and was reluctant to share a lot. so we just ended up talking about current stuff.

 

from the third date on, it was more and more apparent that he had some commitment phobia. he asked if we were that serious, and i personally cant say yes or no because its too early to tell. so i just said im taking it easy.

 

so ok i thought if thats what the deal is then i wont put too much into the relationship and let it be physical. but with all that in mind, he is the one that calls me and talks to me for an hour, texts me saying he misses me, etc. he even texted me before work to wish me happy valentines day and called me after work to say the same thing. so even though i was dtf, i got attached with all the attention he was giving me.

 

then we had sex, and i thought ok this is good, im getting what i want. that was the only time we had sex, he didnt want to have sex even with i blatantly asked him to come over. he wanted dinner and wine instead. then because of his work and all, we never really saw each other. either he was busy or i was.

 

but what was odd was furing our last few outings, he kept saying i wasnt nice to him. and after all the all the stress he put me under, i really wanted to end things. so i texted him that i will always have my shield up unless he is willing to give himself and not take me for granted. i dont know if he read into it wrong, but, to make a long story short, he went crazy and said that he didnt want to be in a headache relationship got too much going for him blah blah. and i said yes im not asking for anything im just confused why u r saying i am not nice to you. then he just cut me off. i checked in a few days later via FB and he said im fine but i will NOT go out with you anymore.

 

i was very hurt by that because i dont know what happened and what i did wrong. so much so that i went to a therapist to help me sort things out. two months later i am a lot better, but seeing him again recently didnt help. he was mean to me, yet i catch him staring at me.

 

has anyone had an experience similar to mine? i really dont know what to do. the fact that he was staring at me and that our gazes locked was just bad. i wish he would change but i know he wouldnt. so i went back to reading hes scared shes scared to remind me that its a bad idea to walk back into his embrace. ugh....

[chulamama74]

Rice Patty

 

This is so weird. My ex ended things pretty much the same. He made a scene at a restaurant and that was it. He said I made him feel bad all the time etc....I was just dumbfounded. What is he talking about?

A week later we texted back and forth, but the theme was the same. I'm to blame.

At least I got to text a few things. I said that the whole relationship was a set up, that deep down he's scared of commitment,that he should be truthful to himself and not put the blame on me because that wasn't fair. Silence after that, he didn't reply.

I've been in NC for almost 3 weeks, and I feel great. I still have some moments where I get angry at his unfairness, get sad because I miss (the nice him) , get relieved that it ended before it got ugly, get hopeful that I'm going to meet a better man, get angry again.....it's a cycle, but I know it'll only get better. At least I'm 90% sure I won't bump into him or hear from him.

 

It's been a month since you wrote this.....what happened after?