singer10 Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Sorry thiswill be long. So I have been dating a girl for 2.5 months. I really like her, but it has got me thinking. I am in my 4th year of Medical School. Since I have known her I have been on easy rotations, 40 hours a week with weekends off. I am heading into a 3 month block that will require me to work close to 80 hours per week. I dont know how to handle this. I have had previous relationships fall apart because I have been at the hospital instead of spending time with them. I honestly try to spend as much time with a GF as I can, but sometimes I have to dig my nose in the books or be at the hospital instead. I am now 26 and feel like I have given up too much of my life for my career. How do you girls view a guy that is really dedicated to their career even if it means they don't spend as much time as they should with you? I love what I do, but I spend most of my day having people tell me I should read more or know more about my patients while I try to balance my social life. This obviously rubs off on my relationships because I want to suceed in my career, but show a girl that she is my #1 priority even though she often cant be. Again do girls understand this? Also the specialty I want to go into (Orthopedic Surgery) will most likely send me away for the next 5 years. I reallly like where I live right now but realize that no matter what I want I will probably be heading elsewhere for my career. I do not know how to bring this up with the girl I am dating. Here is what it boils down to. I really, I mean really like this girl. I have stated earlier that she is amazing. I wish I could just pick an easier specialty to go into so that I could stay around her. What do I do? Pick another specialty to stay around her and hope to get married? Tell her I will probably move a risk her leaving me? Or just let things play out and in 6 months tell her I have to leave the state? I feel like I should be honest, but think she will run if I do. Any help would be appreciated.
todreaminblue Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Sorry thiswill be long. So I have been dating a girl for 2.5 months. I really like her, but it has got me thinking. I am in my 4th year of Medical School. Since I have known her I have been on easy rotations, 40 hours a week with weekends off. I am heading into a 3 month block that will require me to work close to 80 hours per week. I dont know how to handle this. I have had previous relationships fall apart because I have been at the hospital instead of spending time with them. I honestly try to spend as much time with a GF as I can, but sometimes I have to dig my nose in the books or be at the hospital instead. I am now 26 and feel like I have given up too much of my life for my career. How do you girls view a guy that is really dedicated to their career even if it means they don't spend as much time as they should with you? I love what I do, but I spend most of my day having people tell me I should read more or know more about my patients while I try to balance my social life. This obviously rubs off on my relationships because I want to suceed in my career, but show a girl that she is my #1 priority even though she often cant be. Again do girls understand this? Also the specialty I want to go into (Orthopedic Surgery) will most likely send me away for the next 5 years. I reallly like where I live right now but realize that no matter what I want I will probably be heading elsewhere for my career. I do not know how to bring this up with the girl I am dating. Here is what it boils down to. I really, I mean really like this girl. I have stated earlier that she is amazing. I wish I could just pick an easier specialty to go into so that I could stay around her. What do I do? Pick another specialty to stay around her and hope to get married? Tell her I will probably move a risk her leaving me? Or just let things play out and in 6 months tell her I have to leave the state? I feel like I should be honest, but think she will run if I do. Any help would be appreciated. If she truly cares about you she will be disappointed but she wont run, you have to decide what you want out of life.....the specialty which is most likely a definite future with prestige and financial success.....or to marry to plunge and take a risk........on a chance.....love si a risk.......what means more to you? if it were me........i would take a chance on love.......but i am female and hopelessly a romantic....i feel with ascertaining a degree or specializing in anything is not something that has to fade away, love however......is different....do what you heart decides to do...and i wish you well..honesty is always best..deb
ChessPieceFace Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 You paid for expensive medical schooling to pursue this career. Make your money. If she can't understand it, it will be extremely easy for you to find another girl to mooch off of your money.
Leigh 87 Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Personally, if a guy was crazy about me an I felt the same way, I would only need two nights a week and only one day together. For a while. If we had something really special yes I would tolerate it, as long as you saw me every week at least once, and you made it clear that I was in your thoughts. I need a guy to text once or twice a day, just to show me I am on his mind - a guy who is into me surely wants to know how I have been? How my days are doing? That was just my perspective. I know all women need to at least feel like a guy is truly interested in them, which you need to find a way to get across to them; this is the challenge for you with your busy life, I am guessing.
Sunshine87 Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 If she is the right woman for you, she will understand your line of work amd support you! If she cannot support you through medical school, she cannot be right for you. I love Doctors. I often think about the sacrifices they make to provide health care to people. The medical career is not an easy one because of the level of commitment and hardwork that it involves. They pretty much contribute towards saving mankind. If she cannot understand and support you then she can't be right for you. Make as much time as you can for her. Take her along as well. Be open with communication and never leave her in doubt. However pls don't ever consider giving up on your dreams because of a relationship. Why?- Because I know thousands of medics who have wives and children. They work long hours etc but thier wives and family support them and have been able to accommodate the busy schedules. Everything in moderation but I reiterate that the right woman for you will be so proud of you and would understand and support you fully.
Sunshine87 Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Do you have an interest in the alternative speciality? What if you two don't work out? Isn't it too early to make a potentially life-altering decision? Is she worth it? Do you trust her and believe that she is in it for the long haul? If you made that sacrifice and it didn work out, would you be content with the speciality you chose? Are you religious? If you are have you prayed about it? Have you sought counsel from successful men in the same line of your ccareer who are married ? These are the sort of questions you need to consider....
Author singer10 Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 Hey thanks everyone for the responses. I really hate bringing up these things to people I date so early, but with the nature of my career it is necessary. I guess I have been thinking about it a lot more recently is because I have had to start putting my residency application together. Just to shed more light on my timeline, this isn't something that I need to decide now. I apply this June, will be flying out to countless interviews in December, find out where I will go next February, then actually move next June. So I have over a year until I move. I guess the biggest thing I wonder, is I feel like she would really like to stay in our current city. When is it appropriate to bring these issues up and let her know that, even though I would love to stay in my current city, it really is not up to me? If she would absolutely not be willing to move I would rather not get attached and just break it off early. I would hate to date someone for the next year only to break up in a year. Also I would never do a LDR for 5 years and would not get married prior to residency. Maybe after 2.5 months it is not appropriate but when is it? Also there really aren't any other specialties I am all that interested in. I hate to put my career above love, but at the same point I am really willing to compromise in my every day life. I often cut way back on sleep to see her, but I cannot sacrifice the next 30 years of my life to hope to stay with her. That is just too much of a sacrifice. Also I know I could pick up a "gold digger" which I obviously do not want. I rarely tell people my career until a month or so into dating them so I stay away from girls like that. Thanks
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