andycoughman Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Well yeah, I'm a newbie here, but I've been looking around for a while and this place seems like a good one to ask for some advice This is a little long-winded, so bear with me. I consider myself a middle of the road kind of guy; fairly equal parts introvert and extrovert. But in the past I've been involved with mostly extroverted women, and really only know what to expect from their "type". Now I'm presented with a girl that I'm getting a strong shy vibe from. My big question is: do shy girls tend to send out signals in the same way as more outgoing girls, even if it's on an unconscious level, or are they usually harder to "read"? Right now we work very close to one another, physically (our desks are about 20 feet apart), but after a few weeks she will be working in a different department. To be clear, I have no hang-ups about pursuing a romance at that point, and the company as a whole has no policy against it either. If I have one major fault it's that I over-analyze stuff. Here's some things that stand out to me, though: - When I try to make direct eye contact, or she expects I'll try to, she's always looking at the floor. - When we do make eye contact, she can only hold it for a couple seconds before looking away. - I go and act friendly with another female co-worker, and soon after I catch her looking at the girl I just "flirted" with. - She brought up the fact that she has an ex without being asked (not talking at length, just mentioning him once) - We go out to lunch and she smiles, laughs, enjoys the conversation, but still acts quite reserved throughout and I end up having to "drive" for most of the time. Later in texts she apologizes for it, saying things like "sorry I wasn't being much fun today". I'm not looking for a magical 100%-for-sure answer... I can get that by simply asking her. But, I'm trying to be considerate to her as she's currently a co-worker for the moment. Any insights are more than welcome
PogoStick Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Just bring up stuff that's going on after work and ask her to join you. A new moving coming out, or to try a restaurant. 2
todreaminblue Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 what pogo said plus if you talk to her about what her passions are what she enjoys doing, the way to open up to anyone when you are shy is too feel comfortable and in tune with the topic of discussion, a way to get someone shy to open up is to engage them........allow them to share what they love doing and you may just find common interest and you go from there.......like hey......there's a reptile show coming soon wanna go get snakey....lol...i am kidding....... but if you know her favourite place suggest you take her there.....there is nothing more relaxing for a shy person to be around things and places they adore..mine is green and blue , trees, grasses, plants anything nATURAL and outdoors....i get bouncy and shyness is lost to enjoyment.....and my absolute love is the ocean..if a guy says lets go to the beach......i say....are we there yet.......i have never refused anyone who has offered to take me there.....never. i can talk for hours on the beach, have won a few hearts on a beach i think that wasdue to me being so passionately happy when i am there..........and i am shy/reserved more....until you get to know me...that just might be the case with your friend..you have to engage her passions......you have to also give it time.....and i hope some of my suggestions have helped.....best wishes....deb 1
Author andycoughman Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 You guys make some really good points, esp. about giving it time... this is sorta a new experience for me, taking it more slowly I not only want to give her time to get comfortable, I want her to open up so I can find out if I'm really into her beyond just surface attraction, too. Hearing some suggestions about how to "crack her shy shell" made me feel more confident, as well, because I was having some of the same ideas. It's good to know I'm maybe thinking in the right direction at least! Thank you. Reptile show... LOL 1
bob the brave Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 i agree with Crazy_Canuck, get her fired first. But I know you will ignore this advice so try this: Tell her a joke or do something to make her laugh, then look surprized, smile and say, "You have the cutest(most beautiful) smile." and watch her reaction. I think you will get your answer.
Author andycoughman Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 It's probably more likely that I'll be leaving for a better job in the near future... Thanks for the tip though
todreaminblue Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 You guys make some really good points, esp. about giving it time... this is sorta a new experience for me, taking it more slowly I not only want to give her time to get comfortable, I want her to open up so I can find out if I'm really into her beyond just surface attraction, too. Hearing some suggestions about how to "crack her shy shell" made me feel more confident, as well, because I was having some of the same ideas. It's good to know I'm maybe thinking in the right direction at least! Thank you. Reptile show... LOL reptile shows are cool.......dont let anyone tell ya different.......they are to me but yeah i am a freak......smilin...good luck ...deb
jolie_baby Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 I second what everyone suggested; I myself am a little shy in general and especialy with guys I like (ok I am not sure if this is the case for her too but just saying). This is up till I start to get comfortable with the guy, and till he shows that he likes me back.
Mr Suave Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 If I have one major fault it's that I over-analyze stuff. Here's some things that stand out to me, though: - When I try to make direct eye contact, or she expects I'll try to, she's always looking at the floor. - When we do make eye contact, she can only hold it for a couple seconds before looking away. - I go and act friendly with another female co-worker, and soon after I catch her looking at the girl I just "flirted" with. - She brought up the fact that she has an ex without being asked (not talking at length, just mentioning him once) - We go out to lunch and she smiles, laughs, enjoys the conversation, but still acts quite reserved throughout and I end up having to "drive" for most of the time. Later in texts she apologizes for it, saying things like "sorry I wasn't being much fun today". Right, I'm going to teach you something right now. Looking for signs is pointless and ridiculous. It's something that you tend to outgrow once you gain experience with women. The reason? Because you just make a MOVE, and her response to that will tell you all you need to know. There's no point in spending weeks trying to analyze every move she makes, when all you have to do is ask her to do something after work, and then you have the answer to all of your questions. Just trust me on this one. Do what I say, ask her if she wants to do something after work. 1
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