jcrew11 Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 I suppose this question is directed more at men rather than women. I think women are better at giving in a relationship. But my question is, that do you go after 'hot women' or 'hot men' because you want something from them? Is this based on your own insecurities and trying to find someone to solve your problems? I think I fall into this trap where I am trying to find a woman who can "complete me" by solving my problems and being a better person than me, and being able to fix my problems. But I'm seeing that this is a selfish, needy, and loser way of dating. But I think most people fall into the trap by trying to date the "perfect person to solve their problems." I think that for a man or woman to be seen as "Attractive" - they have to change from a needy taker into a confident giver. No one likes insecure needy people. But everyone likes happy helpful secure confident people. I used to think that I had nothing good to offer a woman. So I always tried to find a girl who was better than me in some way or another. How do you deal with personal insecurity and changing from a 'taker' into a 'Giver'?
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 (edited) I think of it in a slightly different way. Dating conservatives and liberals. A dating conservative is someone who uses all their assets and resources to get the best they can get. For example, a woman who is a 6.5, but claws and scratches all she can to get the hottest guy who might even be able to support her. She won't even consider dating someone who is below her in looks, status, or what have you. A dating conservative loves the status quo of the food chain because it favors their natural gifts and solidly marginalizes those below them. This is the equivalent to someone who works to get as much $ as possible, but won't give a cent to charity. A dating liberal is someone who uses his/her natural looks to help others out. In other words, she might realize the tremendous advantage she has, and give less attractive men 'a break', because they have good qualities. She might realize how much they adore her, and decide to give them happiness, though it might be fleeting. In an extreme situation, a dating liberal might try and help another person by dating or marrying them and lifting up their financial situation or even helping out a single mother with her kids. This is the equivalent of people who although they don't have much, always try and help others out. I would consider myself personally a dating liberal. The only problem is nobody wants my charity! Edited May 12, 2013 by JuneJulySeptember 1
carhill Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 IME, the only thing I've 'wanted' was to get to know someone I found attractive and felt rapport with. Historically, when I dated I would ask the lady out, plan the date and pay for it. That was my contribution to the 'get to know' equation, besides sharing myself. I personally don't view human relations as an accounting exercise, perhaps an unpopular or outlier view nowadays. I've met a few similar people in life, though not in the context of romance. They form the foundation of my close social circle.
Author jcrew11 Posted May 12, 2013 Author Posted May 12, 2013 I think of it in a slightly different way. Dating conservatives and liberals. A dating conservative is someone who uses all their assets and resources to get the best they can get. For example, a woman who is a 6.5, but claws and scratches all she can to get the hottest guy who might even be able to support her. She won't even consider dating someone who is below her in looks, status, or what have you. A dating conservative loves the status quo of the food chain because it favors their natural gifts and solidly marginalizes those below them. This is the equivalent to someone who works to get as much $ as possible, but won't give a cent to charity. A dating liberal is someone who uses his/her natural looks to help others out. In other words, she might realize the tremendous advantage she has, and give less attractive men 'a break', because they have good qualities. She might realize how much they adore her, and decide to give them happiness, though it might be fleeting. In an extreme situation, a dating liberal might try and help another person by dating or marrying them and lifting up their financial situation or even helping out a single mother with her kids. This is the equivalent of people who although they don't have much, always try and help others out. I would consider myself personally a dating liberal. The only problem is nobody wants my charity! Thats a good analogy between being a liberal or conservative. However, I think that someone who is "too needy" for anything, even if they are attractive, becomes a loser because they are trying too hard to find someone to fix them, rather than trying to share a life. But it can also be a problem if you are being a "white knight" and looking for someone to fix. You just have to be happy with yourself and being independent, without needing a man or woman to give you happiness. Then, because of human psychology, we gravitate towards people who aren't "in need of others." Even Really Attractive people can have terrible, annoying, or crazy personalities. Just don't be Needy. But have "sexual attraction and sexual energy."
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Thats a good analogy between being a liberal or conservative. However, I think that someone who is "too needy" for anything, even if they are attractive, becomes a loser because they are trying too hard to find someone to fix them, rather than trying to share a life. But it can also be a problem if you are being a "white knight" and looking for someone to fix. You just have to be happy with yourself and being independent, without needing a man or woman to give you happiness. Then, because of human psychology, we gravitate towards people who aren't "in need of others." Even Really Attractive people can have terrible, annoying, or crazy personalities. Just don't be Needy. But have "sexual attraction and sexual energy." To be an extreme giver begs the question: If somebody was really, really into you and you weren't so much into them, would you date them just because you know it would make them really happy for a while? I think I would, though I have never been in that situation.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 I used to be a giver. That never worked. Now I just take and do whatever I want. Women love that.
carhill Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Yeah but I bet they complain behind your back that you don't do enough for them. To me ...... True growth finds humor in that irony. That's the 'gift' they give. Clarity.
todreaminblue Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 I think of it in a slightly different way. Dating conservatives and liberals. A dating conservative is someone who uses all their assets and resources to get the best they can get. For example, a woman who is a 6.5, but claws and scratches all she can to get the hottest guy who might even be able to support her. She won't even consider dating someone who is below her in looks, status, or what have you. A dating conservative loves the status quo of the food chain because it favors their natural gifts and solidly marginalizes those below them. This is the equivalent to someone who works to get as much $ as possible, but won't give a cent to charity. A dating liberal is someone who uses his/her natural looks to help others out. In other words, she might realize the tremendous advantage she has, and give less attractive men 'a break', because they have good qualities. She might realize how much they adore her, and decide to give them happiness, though it might be fleeting. In an extreme situation, a dating liberal might try and help another person by dating or marrying them and lifting up their financial situation or even helping out a single mother with her kids. This is the equivalent of people who although they don't have much, always try and help others out. I would consider myself personally a dating liberal. The only problem is nobody wants my charity! you are self effacing...i had to say this...your last line....made me smile....rock on......thanks for the smile fellow dating liberal...lol.. I would consider myself personally a dating liberal. The only problem is nobody wants my charity! .. this is now the quote at the end of all my posts when i work out how to do it.......deb
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Yeah but I bet they complain behind your back that you don't do enough for them. Yeah maybe. I don't care though.
StanMusial Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 She gives me sex and I take it. So I'd say its about 50/50.
ThaWholigan Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 I always believe it's better to give than receive - but I guess I'm just not all that good at receiving . Still, I'm a man of service at heart - even if it seems the opposite......but I like to be appreciated at the same time so an ungrateful taker will get nexted. A grateful taker? .........
BoneyHadger Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 I prefer both in reasonable balance. "Reasonable" meaning probably not always exactly 50/50, but no one keeps the exact tally and nobody cares because both sides are satisfied. 1
StanMusial Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Considering it seems women enjoy sex more than men I doubt that. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/sexual-reproductive-health-practices/391719-ooohhhrgasm Someone's been reading too many Harlequin romance novels.
Author jcrew11 Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 I used to be a giver. That never worked. Now I just take and do whatever I want. Women love that. I think there are some men who have "nice guy/white knight syndrome" which they "give a lot" but these men are really just needy for attention and affection. I guess my point was just on "neediness" A guy can also just "be good at sex" and wants to give a woman a good sexual experience. That is a better type of Giver. I think someone who gives because he/she wants to help another person, not because they want to trick the person into staying with them. But then, there are people who lose sight of what they can give, and just go after someone "out of their league" because they want to take the best-looking girl/guy.
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