What can I do?

[Perrier]

Thanks CutiePie - I think you're right. And I see what you mean about nearly getting me in "trouble". I could have 'pursued' a dead end situation and been left raw at the end.

 

Yes I am angry and a little hurt cos he seemed very attentive (not in a sexual way) and kind and all the rest. And I rarely meet guys I can be interested in- though I don't ask for 'much' or have a hug laundry list.

 

But I need to focus more on the gaps - he dated someone else, after initially meeting me, ditched her , didn't call, and the reason he gave for ditching her.

 

Yes he's done me a favour which I know, just it isn't sinking in yet - but it will do quickly!

 

If I see him at the singles event again I shall just ignore him.

 

Thank you again :-)

[Cutiepie1976]

It's a learning experience. Dating has its challenges and our ego will get bruised on occasion. Par for the course.

 

Hi CutiePie, thanks for your last post - much truth there. I think I need more dating experience too.

Learn to trust your gut. Don't second guess your approach just because you didn't get the particular guy you wanted.

 

How did you mean that my focusing solely on his qualities... almost got me in "trouble" here...that i could have gone with him and he left anyway? Or something else

You were drawn to the fact that he is a caring, responsible father to his kids. Also that he was a professional. Those are admirable qualities, and many of us want those in a partner. The problem is, the leap you took. Taking responsibility for his children doesn't necessarily mean he'll want the responsibility of a relationship with a great woman or want to connect in any significant way with a woman. Commitment to your kids is a totally separate thing from commitment to another adult. Ditto for being responsible professionally. These aren't signs that he wants what you want out of the encounter.

 

You were beating yourself up for being "old-fashioned" and seemed to wonder if that's why he left. My point is he would have probably left anyway. The outcome wasn't going to change. Imagine having sex with him and then finding yourself blocked! What would that have done to your self-esteem. Your approach protects you somewhat from players.

 

What are you apologising for? I didn't find anything in your original post harsh.

I would have worded things a little differently this morning. I am capable of conveying the message in a nicer, more sympathetic manner than I did in the middle of the night. Hence my apology.

Edited May 12, 2013 by Cutiepie1976

[Perrier]

@ CutiePie - Thanks again for your efforts in posting. Yes his qualities drew me to him and I thought he would want to take things slow because he attended to me when I got 'stranded' when he could easily have gone home. He is also very 'ordinary' - he's professional but no 'big shot', he even downsized to shared accommodation because he couldn't afford to rent a flat on his own for too long.

 

I'm just grateful he didn't string me along, that would be far worse for me.

 

I'll just phase him out of my mind and occupy myself elsewhere :-).

 

Yes I can see your tone this morning is different - apology accepted!

 

This site is useful for objective views - outsiders can detect blind spots the OPs can't see :-)

Edited May 12, 2013 by Perrier

[semi spritzer]

Hi Perrier, read through the replies with interest. You've been given good advice.

 

You and this guy were on different pages - he did not contact you in the beginning - instead went to another woman whom he dropped presumably after a fling. he didn't contact you after that either.

 

Blocking or removing or hiding his profile is harsh but better now than later. Not all men have the 'manners' or interest in 'explaining'. He knows you can't contact him since you deleted his number. And if he didn't leave it with you again while at your place then he didn't want further contact. As an earlier poster said he didn't want to 'take it slow.'

 

It hurts, but you've lost nothing - just maybe a mirage.

[Perrier]

Thanks Semi Spritzer. In fact now I think about it, next morning when I mentioned I can write my dating site username he asked me to narrate it instead and that he will remember it.

 

As I was parking at the station I mentioned I'd got a parking ticket some years ago after I misparked accidentally.

 

Then he told me I don't have to accompany him to the platform if I got a ticket before - that I can just drop him off. I said I'd parked correctly that morning and was accompanying him out of courtesy. Looking at it I guess he was already cooling off with mind elsewhere

 

It's the not wanting to keep in touch that upset me. And after all the affection cutting off seemed switchy

[semi spritzer]

Ah don't be upset - this sort of thing (and worse) has happened to many of us.

 

You transposed his admirable qualities - unfortunately they didn't involve you!

Next time find out more. Ask subtle questions before deciding someone is 'quality'.

 

But you stood your ground - and are now smiling.

 

He's 'gone', so what? You will meet better and more genuine men who will treat you admirably.

 

Unfortunately this man will troll for other women who will be left feeling like the 'proverbial' afterwards.

[Perrier]

Guys, so he called yesterday evening saying he had a heavy weekend where he did a lot of thinking over his circumstances and dating. He wants to go for a drink with a view to taking things 'further' I will consider. Apparently he appreciated staying over my place and that I didn't just call a taxi to take him back.

 

He said he's hidden his profile while he decided what to do ( I didn't mention I know it's off the dating site).

 

Must say I'm surprised. I still feel much irritation over his hiding his profile which at the time felt like an out of the blue rejection.

 

I have his number now, but will not call. While I still like him (and did feel very comfortable around him) I feel a bit wary and not elated over this invite.