meat department Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 So I have been talking to this guy since October. We went out on a few dates, and have had sex a few times. The situation is so confusing. I saw him last night we fooled around and I ended up sleeping over. He went a month without talking to me then he started back and was talking to me everyday. Well I haven't from him today. I can't figure out if he likes me, gets scared or what? It is harder to figure out guys now that I am single again in my 30s. Any thoughts would be helpful!
BluEyeL Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Unfortunately, it looks like he is just using you for sex, when he needs it. When he has something else on the burner, he drops out. My sincere advice is to stop sleeping with him and seeing him altogether and move on. Find someone better, and don't sleep with him until you are sure he cares about you. Good luck, I know it's hard and confusing. 1
bob the brave Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Unfortunately, it looks like he is just using you for sex, when he needs it. When he has something else on the burner, he drops out. My sincere advice is to stop sleeping with him and seeing him altogether and move on. Find someone better, and don't sleep with him until you are sure he cares about you. Good luck, I know it's hard and confusing. Ditto. A guy that likes you will hang around. 1
Sweetnothing Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 "He's just not that into you". I wouldn't invest any more of your time into this guy until he takes you out on another date and hold off on sex until you know where you stand unless you're ok with being a sex toy.
BluEyeL Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 He is not going to be back, unless to find out if there is any booty available.
Author meat department Posted May 12, 2013 Author Posted May 12, 2013 Thanks for the responses. I figured it was about getting some action. I just can't figure why he talks to me so much if its just about sex. He isnt dating anyone else and said that he has communication issues.
coffeebean201 Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Thanks for the responses. I figured it was about getting some action. I just can't figure why he talks to me so much if its just about sex. He isnt dating anyone else and said that he has communication issues. He isn't dating anyone else? is there a porn problem?
Author meat department Posted May 12, 2013 Author Posted May 12, 2013 I probably made the situation over simplified. I asked him why he didn't talk to me for a month and he was like nerves. We both had nasty marriages and I made the mistake early on saying I wasn't interested in anything serious. I usually know the deal with men but this guy seems different.
salparadise Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 I think he's probably attracted to you sexually and emotionally, but in leu of what you said about not wanting anything serious he's afraid of falling for you completely (engulfment), hates what it feels like to think of you with other men, and is trying to control his degree of emotional investment. So he puts up a wall to protect himself and keep you at a distance he perceives as being manageable. He feels vulnerable, it's scary, so he withdraws. It could be ptsd from the nasty marriage/divorce, could be that he doesn't believe you could be really into him and therefore he can't trust, or could simply be his default mode of attempting to manage his conflicting emotions. What to do... well, what you should not do is draw him in and break his heart. If you're really into him and want a relationship, talk to him, reassure him that your feelings are genuine, that he's worthy of being loved. He could be a really great, sensitive guy who just needs to feel safe before he can open up and deal with the vulnerability again.
soccerrprp Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Thanks for the responses. I figured it was about getting some action. I just can't figure why he talks to me so much if its just about sex. He isnt dating anyone else and said that he has communication issues. HOW do you KNOW that he isn't dating anyone else? When he's about to hook up or when it's around the hook up period, he communicates all the time, right? So, what communication issue does he have? 1
Leigh 87 Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 He's not into you. At all. A guy who is really interested in you will, firstly: maintain regular contact. They will want to see you, and not other people. Even in the early stages. Some people multi date. But not if they are crazy about you, which they should know early on (if they feel something special, some spark)
Leigh 87 Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Thanks for the responses. I figured it was about getting some action. I just can't figure why he talks to me so much if its just about sex. He isnt dating anyone else and said that he has communication issues. A guy can like you enough to talk to you. Without actually being that into you or inspired by you. I can guy enjoy conversation with you, without being that interested in getting to know you on a deeper level than just sex.
soccerrprp Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 A guy can like you enough to talk to you. Without actually being that into you or inspired by you. I can guy enjoy conversation with you, without being that interested in getting to know you on a deeper level than just sex. Both true.
Leigh 87 Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 It sounds really mean. Here is something to make you feel better; true love, and the capacity to fall in love with someone, is either there or not! You could be the hottest, most amazing women he has ever met, and yet he may lack the feelings for you, to fall for you that hard. This man could very well like you a LOT! He just does... Ok, he either: - does not feel something special about you, enough to go deeper - he dos feel a special spark with you that is in par with what he would feel with a women he was about to.. say, fall madly in love with, only he is genuinely messed up from his divorce, and is keeping his emotions in check.
Author meat department Posted May 12, 2013 Author Posted May 12, 2013 Thanks for all the responses. It is helpful to get different opinions.
Ed the 3rd Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 These are the 2 possible answers. 1. He is actually nervous about starting a new serious relationship and in which case I recommend talking to him 2. The more likely scenario is he is just lookin fo bootay.
crude Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 If you told him you weren't interested in anything serious, then had sex, maybe you're using him for sex and as a sex toy. Why is it always the knee-jerk reaction from everyone that the man is using the woman? It sounds mutual.
Author meat department Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 We only had sex twice. I wasn't using him for sex, and I do use guys for sex but not him. I am just curious as to why he keeps talking to me. There will be a break. Then he starts talking to me again, I am the one who suggested making out the other night. The behavior is strange to me.
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