Broo Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 I recently met a girl who I thought I hit it off with at first, and next thing I know. She's giving me a thousand reasons why we can't talk, why she can't meet, the list continues. She only would suggest to meet up if it's beneficial on her part. I'm very aware that she's not interested, and I know that I shouldn't have put her on a pedestal, somewhere inside me I was wishing it would work out with this chick. I even told her how I felt, and it didn't matter to her still. I chased after her still, trying my best to put myself on her radar. When I try to rationalize it and think back, I have a lot of girl friends that treat me with respect more than she ever will and ever did. I made the initial steps of walking away, deleted her number, unsubscribed from FB, etc. I just want to ask a few pointers from people here. What should my mentality be like, and why I shouldn't feel bad that it didn't work out with this girl? How do I avoid being put in a situation like this again?
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Most people have the mentality of "I'm awesome and hot so clearly anybody who is not attracted to me is lame." I prefer the mentality of "People are shallow. So I'll try and be less shallow myself." But you're on the right track with your thinking. Act early, and if it's a loss, cut anchor and zoom outta there. Very rarely have I ever pined for or felt bitter about a woman who I had nothing invested in. So, that's the trick!
Casablanca Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 What should my mentality be like, and why I shouldn't feel bad that it didn't work out with this girl? How do I avoid being put in a situation like this again? Just shrug it off, nothing you can do about it. She wasnt interested, it happens. I've had great interest at first, but then quickly realize it was just a short honeymoon period like type of thing where I think we'd be good together, and I've had it where the other person has lost interest. It happens to everyone, you didn't know her, you are in a lust phase, and it is kind of normal, at least for me. I'm a tiny fazed and bewildered when someone seems really into me, but then goes away in a blink of an eye. You can't really avoid it happening until you meet the right one. It can always potentially happen. Just don't fret it when it happens. It really probably isn't anything you did or said (unless you say something really dumb), they just don't see you as their type.
BluEyeL Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Time will help you heal. It happens to everyone, and it does hurt, I'm sorry for you How to stop obsessing about anything you want and you didn't get, some tips I got from a website, which helped me, I hope it helps you too, at least a little: "1. Recognize when you are clinging. Notice whenever you feel desperate for something to turn out a particular way. Why is it so important? What are you afraid might happen if you don’t get it? Would it really be the end of the world? 2. Be open to the idea that you might get what you need, not what you want. You thought you wanted the relationship with this girl. In retrospect, you'll see that she wasn’t ideal at all. You might meet your true match soon. We don’t always know what is best for us. 3. Take a step back. Breathe. If you’re feeling overwhelmed because you want something too much, then do something else to distract yourself. Get involved in other things that are also important to you. 4. Get support. If you’re obsessed with something and you can’t get it out of your mind, be kind to yourself and speak to your friends and family as much as you can. If you still can’t let go of your obsession, think about seeking professional help. We are all human. Most of us want love, fame, money, and expensive chocolate. But if we can gradually stop clinging, then we won’t be so upset when we get a huge unexpected bill, or when someone eats our last expensive chocolate. The more we can loosen our tight grip on what we expect, and what we think we need, the easier our lives will be. We’ll be a little upset, of course. Especially about the chocolate."
Sweetnothing Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Stop fixating on her. Your mentality should be "I am my #1 priority" not in a selfish way but hold yourself in a high enough regard that you will not accept being brushed off or treated like crap by girls who aren't interested.
coffeebean201 Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 I think these experiences are good. They really make you appreciate someone who is naturally interested in you. From there you can build the friendship/relationship. Her signals are pretty consistent. Is she like this with other guys?
bob the brave Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Casablanca is right, you vested too early. You told her how you felt after one date? Good you have taken positive steps in letting her go. Not easy, I know, but Cudos to you. We have all done this. Next time just move slower.
Feelin Frisky Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 You have the choice of being one of those men who obsesses and can't see a way out of his negative feelings or being one who mentally and emotionally well enough to detach from disappointment and get a grip. More often than not guys realize the line and decide not to be the nut, the stalker, the creep, the criminal. Choose wellness and don't let yourself forget it no matter who you see and break up with. Tell yourself you'll land on your feet. And make sure you do. What if some chick doesn't appeal to you but she can't deal with you not showing interest in her?
Granin Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 1) Don't let it make you bitter, but if you had the nerve to put yourself out there for this girl and she wasn't even straight with you about not being interested, and led you on, that already makes you better than her and she is not worth your time. If she rejected you straight up and was honest, you could hold a higher opinion of her, but people who act like this show their true colours without you needing to get to know them. She is a selfish coward, and you don't want to date someone like that. 2) An old classic, but apt; there's plenty more fish in the sea. No matter what you felt for this girl, it is perfectly possible for you to find someone that you feel the same way for, perhaps even more for, and have those feelings reciprocated. 3) Stay active, live healthily and keep busy. If your mind is occupied on other things, it is not concerned with her. 4) Put more time into the healthy relationships in your life. It'll remind you what a good relationship between people feels like and you'll appreciate it all the more. 5) Where possible, date other people.
StanMusial Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 I recently met a girl who I thought I hit it off with at first, and next thing I know. She's giving me a thousand reasons why we can't talk, why she can't meet, the list continues. She only would suggest to meet up if it's beneficial on her part. I'm very aware that she's not interested, and I know that I shouldn't have put her on a pedestal, somewhere inside me I was wishing it would work out with this chick. I even told her how I felt, and it didn't matter to her still. I chased after her still, trying my best to put myself on her radar. When I try to rationalize it and think back, I have a lot of girl friends that treat me with respect more than she ever will and ever did. I made the initial steps of walking away, deleted her number, unsubscribed from FB, etc. I just want to ask a few pointers from people here. What should my mentality be like, and why I shouldn't feel bad that it didn't work out with this girl? How do I avoid being put in a situation like this again? Eventually some other girl will come along and you will forget all about her. Just stay busy. Work, school, hobbies, whatever you do. At least you know where you stand. It's worse when a girl like this keeps popping up every few weeks with a phone call or text or whatever.
Recommended Posts