Skissy Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Ok so it is now a little over three months after the breakup, and I just can't seem to shake it. The emotional pain is almost completely gone, but it just seems like our relationship, and how it used to be is all I can think about. I posted on here a little after it happened, and you can read that story if you want to. Basically to sum it up we were first loves, and the most perfect couple on the planet. I know that is so cliche, but our connection was just out of this world. She then went off to college, and we had minor issues, but nothing too big at all. She would come home, and everything would be just like it used to be. Then one weekend I could sense something had changed so I drove to her school to talk to her, and she dumped me. As the months passed I begged, and pleaded to let me show her a difference... Which was a mistake, but oh well. Her reasons for breaking up with me was that she just couldn't handle all the answering to someone anymore, and that she just wanted to be alone for awhile.. I mean I took this girl to so many places, so many dates, and we were each others first everything. Then I start hearing that she is talking to this guy to help her get through the break up, and two months after she is dating him. It just blows my mind how much she changed over a short span of time, and how she acts like I don't even exist anymore. Its so disheartening to see someone who I loved with all my heart just drop out of my life like this. I just want to be happy again, and I hope you all can help. To me it sounds sort of like a rebound, but I don't really care. She seriously hurt me like I never thought she could. We talked about getting married exactly a week before she broke up with me. So I just want to get a move on in my life. I know that I deserve so much better than how I was treated over the past three months after everything I did for her. It is just so hard getting over her. I have to admit that I am so terrible at the no contact rule. When I get enraged thinking about how much she changed, and how quickly she moved on I text her, and just ask how she changed so much. She hasn't responded to anything in three weeks. I don't text her everyday and stuff like that. Its just like every four days I get so fed up that I just have to tell her. This girl was my best friend, and now I don't mean anything to her. I just need some advice to get over her. I want to be a happy man again. I don't necessarily want to date anyone, but I would like somebody to talk to. I get so lonely at night, and that is when it is the worst. I hope you all who have been there can help me out. This was the worst semester of my life in college, and now that it's over I just need to get over her.
justletgo07 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Hi I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm just a little over a month into my break up, and it still hurts quite a bit and is on my mind daily. I know its hard, but you really have to not contact her, especially when she's not responding. I know it hurts, and makes no sense, but in reality, she doesn't owe you anything. She doesn't owe you an explanation, and doesn't have to explain why her mind changed or what she's thinking now or any of that. In fact, it is unfair of you to expect her to. I know it feels like when someone breaks up with us that they are treating us unfairly, not appreciating us, or being mean, but in a lot of cases that's just not true. Doesn't sound like anyone cheated or treated anyone badly. She just decided she didn't want to be with you anymore, and left the relationship. Just because it hurts doesn't mean that it was unfair of her to do, or that it was mean, or that it was the wrong thing to do. You have to let go of this idea that she owes you something, or that you're entitled to something. Being a great boyfriend, being there for someone, and doing things for something doesn't entitle you to anything, and especially doesn't make them "have" to love you the same way you love them. Her leaving you doesn't mean that she didn't/doesn't appreciate you. I'm sure she did and does. She just doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore. You sound like a good guy, and it sounds like you care about her a lot. I know you want to be with her, but you should want to be with someone who wants to be with you, and right now that's not her. If you love her as much as you say, then be willing to love her unselfishly and unjealously, let her go with love, mentally wish her all the best, and "give" her back to the universe. It will get better, and you will love again, and the next time you do it'll feel even more intense and amazing than this time did. Stay strong. 3
aisuru Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 You have to accept that she doesn't want you in her life right now. It doesn't matter why. Instead of texting her, email yourself what you want to say to her if you have to, just to get it out of your head. But stop contacting her. I understand and know how you feel. I miss my ex too.
fetish1980 Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 How long were you two together? It's not unusual to not be over a breakup in 3 months, but you should be at the point where you are finding solace with yourself and doing things to better yourself: new hobbies, exercise, spirituality. As a wise poster on here told me once, you should be doing things that will improve your mind, body, and spirit. fetish
DontBreakEven Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 i feel for you. it's really hard when someone who was like an extension of our own self, breaks off and suddenly we can hardly even recognize them anymore, and they basically become nothing more than a stranger. there is absolutely no explanation for it. it has happened to me numerous times in my 30 years. i still am always so shocked that it is possible. i have found once that happens, it's next to impossible to get them to act the way they once did again .. they have no answers and it's frustrating as hell. this really is why NC is so important in these types of cases especially. the more she acts like this complete other person, the more pain you will be in. unfortunately this is just something you have to accept; that she has changed. it's terrible and it's a loss and you may grieve it for many many months on end. that's normal. it's basically as if the person you knew died. i'm so sorry that happened. i've been there, i am currently there, and it's the worst pain in the world. *hugs*
rainmayker Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 I was on the floor crying for an entire month and would have gone for longer had I not decided to contact her. Turns out she's a total bitch and she cared nothing for me. If you're like me, then calling her and arguing with her may be the closure that you need. She's "talking" to someone right now and it ****ing disgusts me how sexual their conversations get. I wish them the best, but I for one am not going to be there to see it all unravel. I have other fish to fry.
Am4Real Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 How old is she? I was on the floor crying for an entire month and would have gone for longer had I not decided to contact her. Turns out she's a total bitch and she cared nothing for me. If you're like me, then calling her and arguing with her may be the closure that you need. She's "talking" to someone right now and it ****ing disgusts me how sexual their conversations get. I wish them the best, but I for one am not going to be there to see it all unravel. I have other fish to fry.
Author Skissy Posted May 12, 2013 Author Posted May 12, 2013 Hi I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm just a little over a month into my break up, and it still hurts quite a bit and is on my mind daily. I know its hard, but you really have to not contact her, especially when she's not responding. I know it hurts, and makes no sense, but in reality, she doesn't owe you anything. She doesn't owe you an explanation, and doesn't have to explain why her mind changed or what she's thinking now or any of that. In fact, it is unfair of you to expect her to. I know it feels like when someone breaks up with us that they are treating us unfairly, not appreciating us, or being mean, but in a lot of cases that's just not true. Doesn't sound like anyone cheated or treated anyone badly. She just decided she didn't want to be with you anymore, and left the relationship. Just because it hurts doesn't mean that it was unfair of her to do, or that it was mean, or that it was the wrong thing to do. You have to let go of this idea that she owes you something, or that you're entitled to something. Being a great boyfriend, being there for someone, and doing things for something doesn't entitle you to anything, and especially doesn't make them "have" to love you the same way you love them. Her leaving you doesn't mean that she didn't/doesn't appreciate you. I'm sure she did and does. She just doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore. You sound like a good guy, and it sounds like you care about her a lot. I know you want to be with her, but you should want to be with someone who wants to be with you, and right now that's not her. If you love her as much as you say, then be willing to love her unselfishly and unjealously, let her go with love, mentally wish her all the best, and "give" her back to the universe. It will get better, and you will love again, and the next time you do it'll feel even more intense and amazing than this time did. Stay strong. This is great advice! I know I have to let her go, but it just kills me how much she changed. She doesn't remember what it used to be like before she went to college, and it just really stinks to see how much my best friend changed. If she really appreciated what I did for her then I don't think she would just drop off the face of the planet like this, and act like I don't exist. It just really hurts to see her do this to me after what all we have been through.
Author Skissy Posted May 12, 2013 Author Posted May 12, 2013 How long were you two together? It's not unusual to not be over a breakup in 3 months, but you should be at the point where you are finding solace with yourself and doing things to better yourself: new hobbies, exercise, spirituality. As a wise poster on here told me once, you should be doing things that will improve your mind, body, and spirit. fetish We were together for two years.. And then she acts like it meant nothing!
Author Skissy Posted May 12, 2013 Author Posted May 12, 2013 i feel for you. it's really hard when someone who was like an extension of our own self, breaks off and suddenly we can hardly even recognize them anymore, and they basically become nothing more than a stranger. there is absolutely no explanation for it. it has happened to me numerous times in my 30 years. i still am always so shocked that it is possible. i have found once that happens, it's next to impossible to get them to act the way they once did again .. they have no answers and it's frustrating as hell. this really is why NC is so important in these types of cases especially. the more she acts like this complete other person, the more pain you will be in. unfortunately this is just something you have to accept; that she has changed. it's terrible and it's a loss and you may grieve it for many many months on end. that's normal. it's basically as if the person you knew died. i'm so sorry that happened. i've been there, i am currently there, and it's the worst pain in the world. *hugs* Thanks! Its just like... I did so much for her, and I was the best boyfriend to her that I could possibly be. I believe that a big part of it is that she is so young, and doesn't really appreciate it fully how good I was to her. I think as she grows older she will regret leaving the best guy that will ever walk into her life. I just couldn't ever imagine her hurting me like this.
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