Hopeless777 Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 I am a college student, dating another college student that is going to the same school as me. Ok, The girl i am dating is on the verge of breaking it off with me. I have been dating her for about 3 months now, and although we have done a lot of things that would be consider a relationship(dates, hanging out, few fights, shopping, holding hands in public, her telling me she loves me,etc.), she still insists on not dating me exclusively. She has had some pretty bad relationships in the past, and because of that, her trust is shot and everything i do wrong in the slightest manner, is consider breaking her trust. She has had this "Three Strikes and you are out" thing, and by her estimation, I am on Strike 2, going on Strike 3 The first strike was at the start of the relationship. It was me saying that until she got over this other guy she was dating, I wasn't going to interfere by me being around her. I guess that made her think that i was being a a**h*** and leaving her. Strike Two invloved me being jealous and making her back-off from me, because i would rather she be happy and choose what was right from her, because before she ever dated me, she was dating another guy and they ended it at the summer because they were just starting and they were going to be about 400 miles away from each other. She also told me that she was in the same stage with him as she was with me. And now school is starting again, and that guys is back. So i naturally was like"He is someone you want to date along with wanting to date me, too, and i don't want you to think about him being a possible boyfriend,etc". She took as me trying to break-up with her. And i was just trying to give her room, because she like this guy, too, and we weren't dating exclusively. Bad Idea. So now, as of September 24th, 2004, I am on verge of losing her for good, she is currently thinking on the "Strike Three", because one night she was in one of those "i am easy to take advantage of her" moods, and I missed it totally. We were contemplating having intercourse, but we talk about(TALKED ABOUT IT) and came to the decision that we weren't ready for the emotional ties that came with that. But I did a second chance thing after we decided that the same night (I am a guy,and i didn't have enough strength to control my hormones for 4 hours we were together making out,etc.) I also a person who wants to stay absience till i find someone i care for... and i really do care for her. Hell, I will say it now, I LOVE HER! All i ever do is try to care for whats right for her, and especially when we are contempling the intercourse. Well, to continue, The next day, she says i was taking adavantage of her, and we talked, etc. and now she is thinking about ending it with me. She was going to end it there, but she says she cares for me to, but she can't trust me. I don't understand, I did all of these things to make sure she can trust me. I didn't take advantage of her(we didn't do anything that night). I need help. This isn't everything, but i am running out of time, so reply, ask questions, comments, concerns.HELP!
grojas1986 Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 here is my advice. i was in a realtionship similar to yours. she recently broke up with me about 4 weeks ago and she also was in bad past relationships. they sound alike. anyways, here is my advice..........**** HER. and say you did it all for the nookie. don't get involved with her because she has problems already and you are going to get hurt.
holler21 Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 hey Hopeless777, this reply mite sound a bit harsh but its prob worth hearing this uve made sum mistakes in this relationship and admit it, first of all,if u really liked her but she didnt want a proper relationship with you, then why settle for second best...yeah shes had bad relationships in the past and got hurt but every1 does and trust is gained in time, ur not like her exes secondly, why oh why did u say them things, didnt u know backing off would just make things worse and make her think u dont care for her, if u were jealous and didnt want to see her dating 'otha guys' then this isnt the relationship for u, u want someone who will be there for you, and for you ONLY i think u need to sit down with her and tell her how sorry u are, but also tell her that she needs to make a choice, tell her to grow up and not to lead u on even if its unintentionally, either she sticks with u or she stays single, and if she hits u back with a line like "i dont know what i want, i dont know if i can trust u", then it means shes confused bout her feelings for u and what she wants, and ur best off letting her go even tho its a hard thing to do, good look
backspn Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 Its really hard getting involved with women who have some serious problems with guys in the past. She sounds like she has been in some really bad relationships. I personally wont get involved with someone like that who has all that baggage. You can be her friend though and help her...but it is a no win situation for you...trust me....been there.
Merin Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 She actually told you she has a 3 strike rule and has let you know when each strike has occured? Sorry, but why would you want to date someone like this? I mean it, for real... I have two little people and I have a "Three Chance rule" mine works like this.... I ask once, tell the second time, and spank on the third time it needs repeating.... however see my little people are 7 and 4 and my KIDS!!! Jeez! You know if you're going to play this game with her, it would've been a good idea to find out what the rules are (at least I explain to my wee peeps what the rules are... like no hitting, biting, tatteling) it seems to me she told you that there is consequences to your actions but never told you what exactly it is that would count as a "strike"
bluechocolate Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 Give her the strike 3 she is looking for & let her dump you. Better yet - walk away from this one NOW. Otherwise you're going to spend every minute walking on egg shells, terrified to make a mistake. And you know what? You WILL make a mistake, so the end of your relationship has been predetermined by her. This 3 strike thing is garbage. It's manipulative & controlling. If she has issues from the past, which clearly she does, then she needs to resolve them on her own time & not drag someone else along for the ride.
EC Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 Three strikes your out!! Wtf? Are you playing baseball or trying to have a serious relationship.. She sounds to me like a DRAMAQUEEN! She has issues and is stringing you along playing all these dumb games with you. She had you making out with her for four hours and then said you took advantage of her! I don't think you did anything wrong..the "strikes" you already have are ridiculous...and you need to get away from this girl...don't pity her..thats what she wants to control and manipulate... I'm pretty sure if you try to walk away though she'll start playing the victim role and saying she was right your a jerk...well your not... She has issues..she definitely needs to find herself and fix her issues in order to have a healthy relationship with you or anyone for that matter. I think she needs time alone and you should give it to her.
Author Hopeless777 Posted September 29, 2004 Author Posted September 29, 2004 I guess that Strike Three was diverted, since we came to the agreement that it was both our faults, plus I found out that someone has been manpulating her to break up with me... stupid drama, and even stupider people(i know, bad english). She got hit on when the other guy thought she was going to break it off with me, and I guess, even though she like this other guy as well, that she couldn't stop thinking of me for some reason, and got him to stay away from her, and she thought about what has happening, and i guess that she came to the conclusion that this whole strike three thing was part of being manpulated, along with other things. She says that she trust me, and that she was stupid, and so was all this stuff that really didn't make sense to me. I only half believe what she said, she actually said it is sincere way...but i am not sure. I was kind of piss at the guy, and i realized that i need to be careful when i date someone is friendly(in a friend-like manner, by no means is this girl "loose") and beautiful. I was happy, then i broke it off with her. It was hard, but i can't date someone that has another interest, and is very easy to manpulate. Not the mention the advice given on this forum really made me think that she was using me. Thanks for that advice, i believe it, and appreciated it. So it has been three days since then, and now i am starting to feel horrible(because i miss her), and she has been calling me. I haven't been answering but she is still calling me to this day. Should i wait it out and see if her or my feelings die out? or should i give in and try it one more time?
Merin Posted September 30, 2004 Posted September 30, 2004 Originally posted by Hopeless777 I guess that Strike Three was diverted, since we came to the agreement that it was both our faults, plus I found out that someone has been manpulating her to break up with me... stupid drama, and even stupider people(i know, bad english). She got hit on when the other guy thought she was going to break it off with me, and I guess, even though she like this other guy as well, that she couldn't stop thinking of me for some reason, and got him to stay away from her, and she thought about what has happening, and i guess that she came to the conclusion that this whole strike three thing was part of being manpulated, along with other things. She says that she trust me, and that she was stupid, and so was all this stuff that really didn't make sense to me. I only half believe what she said, she actually said it is sincere way...but i am not sure. I was kind of piss at the guy, and i realized that i need to be careful when i date someone is friendly(in a friend-like manner, by no means is this girl "loose") and beautiful. I was happy, then i broke it off with her. It was hard, but i can't date someone that has another interest, and is very easy to manpulate. Not the mention the advice given on this forum really made me think that she was using me. Thanks for that advice, i believe it, and appreciated it. So it has been three days since then, and now i am starting to feel horrible(because i miss her), and she has been calling me. I haven't been answering but she is still calling me to this day. Should i wait it out and see if her or my feelings die out? or should i give in and try it one more time? All you if you want to give her another chance... However, I would let her know straight up that you're not into playing games... and the "three strikes deal" is out of the question!
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