AKisBaked Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Finally decided to text my ex back, in asking what she wanted. She has been calling me past couple of days but never picked up and she never left a message. She asked me if I still talked to her cousins, which I haven't. But long story short, I had asked her cousins a few times to go out and hang out, because we had a good relationship between us. There was no tension of any sort between them and me. We got along great. But after awhile, they stopped talking to me and I had a feeling that they sort of "sold me out" to my ex. Cuz how else would she know that if I still talked to them or not? Obviously it's her family so they talk amongst each other of course. So I told her No I don't talk to them anymore. Then afterwards she asks me "how are you?" Why do our ex's randomly ask us these stupid questions when they simply don't care? Are they trying to see if they still have a hold on us? What's the deal? Like why try to continue talking to us when you got what you needed to know? Like they want to continue the conversation for what reason? Any sugguestions??
swiftly333 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 I dunno..... I talk to my ex because I do care and I want to be with him. I don't know why he talks to me.... Who knows what's going through their heads? We're all messed up!
swiftly333 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 I guess what I'm trying to say is you'll never know, so don't waste time trying to figure it out.
SimonSerenade Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Beats me man, sounds like she wants that feeling that she's still got a hold on you and all that you do and unless your doing what she wants she's not happy, you should do what you want dude, it's your life, she lost her say when she left you, if she's uncomfortable with you talking to them and saya that's the case then maybe deep down she's pinning for you in her own way, nobody knows what's going through their heads when they start messing you around like that, best thing you could do is just cut contact and show her what for.
Author AKisBaked Posted May 11, 2013 Author Posted May 11, 2013 Its stupid. Like in my case, she is already with someone else which i've accepted and I don't really care about what she does anymore cuz it's been so long. But when they ask us about our well being, for some reason I just can't help but get pissed over the fact that they just asked us this. Like I know your bulls*itting me right at my face. They don't f*cking care about you. So why do they even to ask us? Are they "trying" to be nice???
Author AKisBaked Posted May 11, 2013 Author Posted May 11, 2013 @SimonSerenade Well she is clearly unhappy that I had been communicating with them for some reason because she thinks that I was trying to keep tabs on her through her cousins which isn't even the case. I'm not a dummy when I know that she is calling me cuz of that. And i have been NC for a while so there's no hold on me from her.
intigo Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 for me its not why they ask but what is the best answer. I mean do i tell her im not good (cause i still love her)? or i say im ok? I have by birthday in 11 days and seriously i dont know if i want her to call (shes with someone else). What do you people answer to '' how are you?''
SimonSerenade Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 That's one hell of an ego from her, I don't know how they can justify being pissed off like that after leaving you in the dark, I know the old saying goes "we're only human" but the dumpers see far from it in our minds, there like little demons to us, no need for a heart and soul, there only purpose is to cause you pain and misery, they probably couldn't care less about us but still don't want us to have a life once they've already destroyed it.
EnTT Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 My ex literally did the same thing today.. Asking how I was. And, like your case, she's with someone else. I have no idea how to respond (if I even should) because I don't believe her intentions to be anything good.
Author AKisBaked Posted May 11, 2013 Author Posted May 11, 2013 @ intigo I dont think you should remind her of your birthday when she should be the one remembering it is your special day. I dont think you really need to say anything back to her. She obviously doesn't care. I remember that happened to me too when it came to my birthday, I thought that she would of at least remembered or send me a happy birthday msg but nothing. But that's ok because I am not going to wish her a happy birthday either when it comes by. Leave it be. As long as your happy on your birthday thats all that matters.
Author AKisBaked Posted May 11, 2013 Author Posted May 11, 2013 That's one hell of an ego from her, I don't know how they can justify being pissed off like that after leaving you in the dark, I know the old saying goes "we're only human" but the dumpers see far from it in our minds, there like little demons to us, no need for a heart and soul, there only purpose is to cause you pain and misery, they probably couldn't care less about us but still don't want us to have a life once they've already destroyed it. I'm pretty sure most of the people who've been dumped by their ex's can see wh o they are really once we are out of a relationship. We know them inside and out and even know how they think things because we've dedicated so much time with this person and you got to learn so much about the other. We can finally see how they are when with someone else and us being viewing things from a 3rd person point of view. Your probably right, that they don't really care about how you are, if your happy. They just want to know that your still miserable so they can boost their own ego and self confidence. By them asking the question and if you do directly respond to it, it gives them acknowledgment whether your happy or not. It makes them "feel" superior that they still can impact your life that much. I simply just didn't bother to reply back to her message and deleted the entire thread off my phone. I don't respect her after what pulled a month ago.
Author AKisBaked Posted May 11, 2013 Author Posted May 11, 2013 My ex literally did the same thing today.. Asking how I was. And, like your case, she's with someone else. I have no idea how to respond (if I even should) because I don't believe her intentions to be anything good. Don't bother to respond. That's what I did. They don't care. Its best to keep your feelings to yourself. Plus they dont need to know anyways. If you tell them, they will know they still have an impact on you and they can turn it around and use you for it. Best thing is to just say what needs to be said and that's it.
portableversion Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 (edited) I bet it was just an automatic response to just not appear to be very business like. The dumper didn't want to come off as totally nosy and didn't really know what else to say. IM sure the dumper could not possibly care less; people at work ask this to each other and its just an automated question/greeting to kill silence, no one really cares they are all stuck n their own world and only think for themselves, unless they have a strong spirituality and have true compassion. Yeah how are you, uh I almost committed suicide but I got the bleeding stopped so I guess im ok, how's your new lover you enjoy sex with them I bet your happy you back stabbing traitor, why dont you just eat **** and die.......lol Yeah ignore them they tossed us under the bus the only time you should respond if if they send a message saying they miss you and want you back, or too if you have kids together and then you are forced to deal with them. Which really stinks cause you do have to keep it kinda together for the kids but im sure the same thing applies if they truly cared they'd want to work it out and try again anything else is just bull**** waste of time. They don't care about you, don't waste your precious seconds of life with these people. I don't know pray about it and meditate , my 1st impulse is that they got no right in asking about your life when they are with someone else, its just gonna mess you up especially if you really loved them and getting dumped really destroyed your emotional well being, cause they are gonna get off the phone and get naked with their new lover and only focus on what makes them happy with out you. My 1st girlfriend did this to me , she just showed up at my house unannounced all upset over her new bf she was upset he beat her and broke things on her car, it didn't take her long at all to say I feel I made a mistake and I want to know if we could get back together. I was still very upset she had dumped me and i told her no. That was the conversation that was needed and it was very real I could've gotten back with her im sure wed be married to this day but im glad I got away from her yeah she had a great personality but I got tired of seeing her best friend who also had a great personality but was smoking hot, and whom had invite me to go hang out with, we got along real well too. I wanted a girl I could get along with and who I was more physically attracted to I don't know about this stuff we are supposed to be kind considerate and loving towards all. ANother idea would be to tell them yeh im awesome life is great, im busy gotta go, have a nice day, click All this texting stuff is really odd, its very impersonal as it is. I have to deal with my ex and if possible ill use text to just keep it cold and professional and if possible ill even send "k" instead of ok and i no longer greet her when I see her no hellos and no good byes , she has a bf now she can get that off him, im the betrayed marriage partner, who sacrificed my whole life for her, I poured so much of my life energy into her that her leaving me left me a hollow shattered wreck. im rebuilding but dang ive been set back by years. Im 38 going on 18. my position could be drastic but I just don't know getting dumped by someone you love with every fiber of your being is very lethal, or at least extremely destructive. It really ages a person. There are many options in this scenario , ignore or respond and if you do respond is it, cold business, warm , friendly, or hostile combative stance. Once thing I learned from my bible studies which is great advice is that definitely from now on get tight with god, pray everyday multiple times a day he/she is your new best friend you tell al your secrets to. Pause and pray if you did what is right for you, you will feel peace. if you did not find peace from the action you messed up. This is a great litmus test, the proper decision will give you peace and you'll feel good. You'll know you did the right thing, your conscious will be clean and clear and life will be ok. You'll have serenity and tranquility. Now its very possible that youll get a response that makes you think I don want to do that at 1st but once its done youll feel great and good things will happen to you Edited May 12, 2013 by portableversion 2
Leigh 87 Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 what the hell. A lot of exes DO care about us still. Just because they do not have those strong romantic feelings towards us, it does not mean they do not care. Wow. Just wow. Any decent person with feelings, who is not a sociopath or narcissist, would care about a person they loved for months or years. It is just natural for MOST people to care about others that they have closely interacted with. My ex and I care very much about each other and always will. 2
intigo Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 @ intigo I dont think you should remind her of your birthday when she should be the one remembering it is your special day. I dont think you really need to say anything back to her. She obviously doesn't care. I remember that happened to me too when it came to my birthday, I thought that she would of at least remembered or send me a happy birthday msg but nothing. But that's ok because I am not going to wish her a happy birthday either when it comes by. Leave it be. As long as your happy on your birthday thats all that matters. No you misunderstood i wont remind her of my birthday im just afraid that she will call..
Charlie Harper Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 answer back ... Fine, away from you, LOL, Bye. report how it goes....(answering like a little boy who doent give a s t works wonders)
Author AKisBaked Posted May 12, 2013 Author Posted May 12, 2013 answer back ... Fine, away from you, LOL, Bye. report how it goes....(answering like a little boy who doent give a s t works wonders) Sorry won't be doing that since I decided to just not reply to her question she asked me. I'd rather her be curious of what I am doing in my life instead of giving her any sort of ideas.
intigo Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 To anyone interested...she called me on my birthday 00:05 like she was waiting...anyway i answered (dont judge me!!1).After her wishing me happy birtday and some catching up i told her about a tattoo im getting in one week she asked what im getting and because i wasnt telling she said ''I will go out with you if you tell me'' WTF? (she is with another guy) so the conversation starts getting personal i tell her nothing has changed in me unlike her she gets furious and says she still loves me i say youre with someone else she says my feelings havent changed i just cant be with you i dont see a future with anyone (g.i.g.s.?) so i asked her out for my birthday she says she has to help her mom with something and i say ok cool it was worth a try.she replies but we can go out another time i say do you want to go out with me she says i cant do othewise its for your birthday!!!!we keep talking she doesnt want to hang up(2 hour phonecall) things get more and more emotional so i break and tell her i still love her and think about her and us she says i do too i ask you sleep with another man and think about me? she says i sleep alone and i can think whoever i want. i say do you want to see me and she replies yes.So to sum up this girl who i love with all my heart and miss her like crazy, calls instead of just sending a text tallks with me for 2 hours says she loves and thinks about me but is in a relationship withsomeone else and says she cant be with me. The reason is that i was kind of indifferent with her during the rs due to my insecurities and shes afraid that i will change again. I was happy for 1-2 days but actions speek louder than words if she did love me she would be alone or with me. I dont believe that she will call to meet me but i will post if something new happens.I have a new job i got ripped going everyday to the gym but i still cant smile....I dont think we ll be back together and i just dont know what to feel anymore. What do you think people?
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