My dogs or him?

[veggirl]

Dog owners blow my mind. I would never choose dogs, cats, fish or snakes over a relationship, but I'm just different, dog owners are always gaga about their "kids". I see no proof that he wouldn't accept the grandchildren to visit the house.

 

So what would you recommend OP do with her dogs? Just dump them at an animal shelter? Open the front door and just not let them back in?

 

For a 5 month relationship?

 

OP, you made the right decision. I moved in with my bf and I wouldn't have even considered it if my cat wasn't invited as well. We are a package deal. I'm pretty clear about that from day one actually

[xxoo]

I see your point xxoo but, personally, I don't believe relationships ever work between those who love dogs/cats and those who don't.

 

When you have pets, the animals become a fundamental part of how you lead your life - especially with dogs who need exercising and shouldn't be left alone for too long. If a partner doesn't share your love of animals it can become a question of clashing values and the relationship will then be very difficult to sustain.

 

Yes, it's a responsibility. And no, it's not always possible to work it out.

 

But if you truly love a person, would you want them to give up the animals that they love? If you truly love them, you should see how important the pet is to them, and would see that asking them to give up a pet for you is selfish. If a pet is a deal breaker, so be it, but then be honest about that, and don't date someone with dogs!

[LittleTiger]

Yes, it's a responsibility. And no, it's not always possible to work it out.

 

But if you truly love a person, would you want them to give up the animals that they love? If you truly love them, you should see how important the pet is to them, and would see that asking them to give up a pet for you is selfish. If a pet is a deal breaker, so be it, but then be honest about that, and don't date someone with dogs!

 

I completely agree with you. What I meant was that, in the long run, the relationship is unlikely to survive if there is such a mismatch in values, because of the time and effort in taking care of pets, dogs in particular.

 

It would be the same for any time consuming 'interest'. If a woman loves a man who is heavily into a particular sport, at competition level, and she has no interest in sport, of course she isn't going to ask him to give up the sport he loves. However, she may not realise the time and energy that his sport entails until she is sharing his life.

 

That personal interest which requires a huge amount of commitment, whether it be pets or sport, will impact on a couples life together and, if the interests aren't shared, at least to some degree, the relationship is likely to fail.

[TaraMaiden]

It's funny dogs are treated better than people. A homeless person is lower than a dog it's a sad world. Because animals can't talk and give you affection.

 

Here you go, Crazy_Canuck....

 

This is what Dog Love really means....

 

Working in both ways.

[sweetjasmine]

IMO, there is nothing wrong with ending a short-lived relationship because of incompatibility on this issue. If the man OP is dating is open to compromising and maybe seeing what it's like to live with the dogs, then something might work out. But if it's an adamant no, then it's time to walk away.

 

Nearly every day, I watch heartbroken people weep and bawl over their sick 4-legged friends and hold them one last time before they take their final breaths. It's hard to imagine that someone who would want their partner to give up their pets would be able to understand the bonds people have with their animals and be able to actually respect it.

[Sarabi]

My dog's affection and awesomeness are sure things in my life and she's not something to just discard because a dude may not like her around.

 

If she's important to me, and he digs me, she'll be important to him, too.

 

Dogs are perfect.

 

This bit-doesn't matter whether you have gone to the shop for five minutes. Gone out to work all day for 6/7/8/9 hours. Gone on holiday for more than a week...the welcome you receive when you get back to the house is ALWAYS the same.

Even when you have told them off because they have driven you mad stealing a piece of chicken you left out on the side ...or you caught them sitting on bed when you told them not to or they are up to some other naughty antics...and they still come to you with a wagging tail and so much affection. Their ability to forgive in a way is truly amazing. Honestly.

 

I don't have a dog but I can't wait until I can get my own place and have one until I have children, I think having a dog...or a pet at least will be one of the most rewarding relationships I can experience.

[The Shepherd]

Pets over a man anytime.

 

Do you know you are a lost cause?

 

I think people that don't like animals or kids may be very selfish and hard at heart.

[Janesays]

A dog is a living creature that you agreed to take responsibility for. Therefore, they are not 'disposable.'

[TaraMaiden]

I didn't say animals can't give you affection.

 

 

Oh really....?

 

What do you mean here, then?

 

It's funny dogs are treated better than people. A homeless person is lower than a dog it's a sad world. Because animals can't talk and give you affection.

[TaraMaiden]

Considering people actually go to court to fight over custody of their joint pet, you clearly have absolutely no idea whatsoever what it's like to be so attached, fond and smitten by a pet.

 

I mean, really - people have taken legal action to secure custody of their pet dog....

[pcplod]

Reading through the responses to your post it appears that there is as big a divide between pet-lovers and non-pet-lovers as there is between believers and non-believers. If the division is really that profound and there is no compromise to be had I don't think there is anywhere you can go with it.

 

As an atheist, I know in my heart-of-hearts that I couldn't make anything other than a fist of a relationship with a true believer, whereas it would be different with someone who said they were X, Y, Z religion, but not an active follower.

 

I am not an animal-lover in that I have never had any of my own, even as a child and find it quite easy to live without them and do not consider them in any way a 'person-substitute'. However, I do quite like dogs, other people's dogs, and can get along quite well with other people's cats. What I do know, however, is that I would not get enough pleasure out of that for long enough to want to take on the not inconsiderable responsibility, and expense of looking after them properly. Would that be a deal-breaker, like the religion issue? Hard to say until I was in a practical situation and had to negotiate some sort of implicit or explicit compromise. Certain particular issues would definitely be deal-breakers such as not sharing a bedroom with pets, no pets walking or slobbering over food preparation or eating surfaces and I ain't living with you merely to become your cheap dog-walker although there could be practical compromise over even that. And please, I don't want to ever kiss you after watching you kiss the dog. I guess that probably makes me pretty prissy in some people's eyes. So be it.

 

Maybe this guy has gone through this sort of thought process and has just not shared it with you and just spelt out the simple ultimatum. If he wasn't at least prepared to discuss his feelings in detail with you then that might just be justification in itself to say "Ciao"!

[sweetjasmine]

A dog is a living creature that you agreed to take responsibility for. Therefore, they are not 'disposable.'

 

Yup, and as others have pointed out, that's really the crux of the issue. It's not a responsibility to be taken lightly.

 

And it's not a matter of putting animals before people. If a building were on fire, and I could only rescue either a human being or a dog/cat, I'd go for the human being without even thinking about it. But that doesn't mean that I'd be willing to throw away a pet in order to accommodate someone I've only known for 5 months.

 

Once you take in a pet, you are solely and 100% responsible for their well-being and you accept certain changes and limitations to your lifestyle. If someone doesn't want to deal with their partner having those responsibilities and limitations, then that's fine. They should move on because no one should have those kinds of responsibilities forced on them if they don't want anything to do with it in the first place. But criticizing people for not treating their pets like disposable toys is pretty gross, IMO, and shows either a lack of knowledge/understanding (never seen a neglected/abused/starving/hurt animal before) or a lack of empathy.

[Hopeless80]

I have no problem at all with people NOT being animal lovers. Everyone is entitled that right. Either you love them and want them in your life or you don’t. The problem I have is with people who openly criticize those who do choose to have animals in their lives by saying that they are 1) lonely… 2) wrong for putting animals ahead of people… 3) should be expected to live alone since “no man would want to take that responsibility”. Here’s a newsflash… people can have very enriching lives and still have pets. People can have pets and still have a successful relationship. Not ALL men are against dating women with pets. As someone already mentioned if a man is really digging a woman who loved her animals, he should be enough of a real man to not expect her to give them up just for him.

 

To those of you think we shouldn’t put our animals above a relationship let me ask you this. How many relationships have you been in that didn’t work out? My guess is quite a few. THAT is the reason why my dogs are not going anywhere. It just makes zero sense to me to give my dogs up for a relationship that probably won’t work out in the end anyway.

 

Every day thousands of animals are euthanized in shelters because nobody has come to bail them out. When I look at my dogs, who are affectionate and again have helped to see me through a lot (most recently the death of a close family member), I just can’t imagine saying Mr. X is far more important to me than you are now. I just can not fathom adding to that problem for a guy. But, that’s just me.

 

Again, I’m not saying that all of you non animal lovers need to convert. You are entitled to liking them or not. It’s just wrong to think so lowly of those who do treasure our animals and to make such harsh off key judgemental comments.

[Hopeless80]

Not critizing just pointing out facts. Humans are incredibly selfish. Why do people want to be a relationships? Is it to really want to help others or prevent the loneliness. Very few people are not selfish.

 

 

There's no guarantees in life, maybe your pet will get shot, run over turn against (yes it does happen) or die of disease. Nothing is absolute in life.

 

 

Well then I guess you will date a alcoholic or drug addict right? It's the same thing pretty much an addiction but to different things.

LMAO!! So now you're comparing owning/loving a pet to having a drug addiction? Yea, I can totally see the similarities! Me walking my dogs, wrestling with them, training them, playing fetch with them, etc... yeah, almost the same as shooting heroin. Are you for real??

 

I would not date someone with a drug addiction because it is life threatening. Nor would I date an alocholic because I grew up with an alcoholic father. I've seen enough of that to know I want nothing to do with it. An addiction to drugs and owning a pet could not be any further from one another. Having a pet is not an addiction. Why you're trying to compare the two is way beyond me.

 

You're right in that my dogs could die at any given time. So could you or I. I'm not sure why you're saying that. I guess so you can be right about something?

 

Anyway, I've said my piece on this issue. I'm not wasting anymore time on arguing about it. Have a wonderful night.

[Drseussgrrl]

Not critizing just pointing out facts. Humans are incredibly selfish. Why do people want to be a relationships? Is it to really want to help others or prevent the loneliness. Very few people are not selfish.

 

 

There's no guarantees in life, maybe your pet will get shot, run over turn against (yes it does happen) or die of disease. Nothing is absolute in life.

 

 

Well then I guess you will date a alcoholic or drug addict right? It's the same thing pretty much an addiction but to different things.

 

Owning a pet is not an addiction. It's a mutually beneficial relationship that reaps great rewards for both the person and the pet.

 

My golden retriever is sitting here on the couch with me as I type, with her head in my lap, and we're winding down from a very fun day at the dog park and having taken her with me as I shopped and met our friends for brunch. She's one of the crew. My heart is full of love.

 

Are you trying to say this is akin to having a heroin addiction?

 

By far one of the most intellectually dishonest and frankly, stupid arguments I've ever seen on this site.

[umirano]

Kids are fine in the house. Animals belong to a barn/aquarium/cage/kennel (whatever is applicable), preferably outside. Also, the person who wants the animal will take care of it in my household.

[Mr Suave]

Choose the dogs, relationships don't always last but a dog will love you 'til the day it dies. As a dog lover find somebody who shares your love for canines, well, accepts them at least.

[TaraMaiden]

New love or drug use? It's all the same to your brain

 

New love or drug use? It's all the same to your brain - TODAY.com

 

 

The science of love: I get a kick out of you | The Economist

 

Now you're just grasping at straws.

 

The feelings may be similar - the effects are completely different.

 

How many police forces have a 'Pets Bust' team, operating on the same remits as the 'Drugs Bust' team?

 

I know ridiculous, right?

 

As is your argument.

Edited May 13, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Emilia]

Considering people actually go to court to fight over custody of their joint pet, you clearly have absolutely no idea whatsoever what it's like to be so attached, fond and smitten by a pet.

 

I mean, really - people have taken legal action to secure custody of their pet dog....

I think they have deep psychological issues, perhaps can't have children or just want to fight their former partner.

[Emilia]

This is a question I have already answered, the dogs. My real question should be, should I continue dating this man knowing he won't live with the dogs in his house should we marry? We have been dating only 5 months. I'm a woman in her 50's, he's a several years younger. He doesn't have children although he has been married. He never wanted kids, doesn't like them. I have three grown daughters who have yet to marry or have children but should they and should I marry this man he probably wouldn't want the grandchildren in his house either. Sounds so silly as I'm posting this, I know what I need to do and yet knowing someone will never change could there be a compromise? Forming any realtionship at any age takes work. I think I should give this a few more months? We talked about all of this just this morning agreeing we are still learning about each other and I told him maybe we don't need a time limit on our realtionship, but now I'm thinking I shouldn't give this more than another 7 months. That might be to long. Any thoughts on this?

 

OP, what do you mean he won't have them in his house? Would he have them outside in a kennel? it would be my personal preference rather than have them living inside all the time. I grew up in the country and we keep animals outside.

 

How many dogs? More details please.

[umirano]

I'd agree with CC in so far as that some pet owners cross the line of where they have a healthy distance to their pets. But whatever floats their boat. I just don't want to be bothered by noise, poo, hair/feathers, stench and saliva, as a neighbor, spouse, host or passerby.

[TaraMaiden]

I think they have deep psychological issues, perhaps can't have children or just want to fight their former partner.

 

 

No, these are 'normal' people, who may already have children....

Divorce can warp a person's perspective, but to many people, their dogs ARE like children to them, and they have deep feelings for their pets, particularly if they've known that poet a long time.

[amaysngrace]

You aren't compatible.

 

All these things that he is saying to you is how he feels about it. At his age it is doubtful he will change his mind.

 

Don't be stupid by not listening to what he's telling you. He's finding more reasons to not be with you in the future than finding ways to make it work.

 

I'd be damned if I made someone become important to me when I know that they didn't accept the other things that are important to me as well.

 

I'd never go there for the sake of being in a relationship. Those other relationships matter too and if you mattered so much to him he'd accept them.

[rainfall]

If I was ever in a relationship and my partner told me it was him or my dog/cats I would choose my animals without a second thought. When I adopted my pets, I knew it would be for as long as they are alive. Any man who would try to make me give up something that brings me happiness and love is someone I would not be able to have a successful long-term relationship with. I would have way to much resentment toward him.

[Star Gazer]

If you value having your future grandchildren and your pets around, this relationship is dead in the water.

 

I would have moved on the minute he said he didn't like dogs or children.