blueeyedgal58 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 This is a question I have already answered, the dogs. My real question should be, should I continue dating this man knowing he won't live with the dogs in his house should we marry? We have been dating only 5 months. I'm a woman in her 50's, he's a several years younger. He doesn't have children although he has been married. He never wanted kids, doesn't like them. I have three grown daughters who have yet to marry or have children but should they and should I marry this man he probably wouldn't want the grandchildren in his house either. Sounds so silly as I'm posting this, I know what I need to do and yet knowing someone will never change could there be a compromise? Forming any realtionship at any age takes work. I think I should give this a few more months? We talked about all of this just this morning agreeing we are still learning about each other and I told him maybe we don't need a time limit on our realtionship, but now I'm thinking I shouldn't give this more than another 7 months. That might be to long. Any thoughts on this?
BluEyeL Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Dog owners blow my mind. I would never choose dogs, cats, fish or snakes over a relationship, but I'm just different, dog owners are always gaga about their "kids". I see no proof that he wouldn't accept the grandchildren to visit the house. 5
Feelin Frisky Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Dislike of dogs does not translate into dislike of people or their children. Indeed, the opposite may be true that a person happily welcomes interaction with other human beings while having no use for the bought affections of animals. Dogs require serious commitments to train properly and care for. There's nothing whatever wrong with someone who does not want those responsibilities among his or her priorities. There are way more people that don't have dogs than do. If it's "love me, love my dog(s)" then enjoy the dogs until you find the one who is willing to sign on for the pack. 3
tbf Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Pets are adopted for their lifetime. Would you have abandoned your daughters when they were little, had they not fit into a dating partner's preferences? 12
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Pets over a man anytime. I don't trust people that dislike animals. 15
AMusing Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 There's nothing necessarily wrong with someone who doesn't like dogs and doesn't want a dog in his house. There is, however, something very wrong with someone who would discard a life that is totally dependent on you, and loves you with every fiber of his hairy being, simply because its not convenient for you anymore. You don't seem like that kind of a person, so you know that a long-term relationship with this guy--which would require you to give up your dogs--wouldn't work out. Plus, if you honestly have reason to think the guy wouldn't want your future grandkids in your house, that should be an immediate deal-breaker. I can't even imagine how hard it would be on you, and how hurt your kids would be, if you banned grandchildren from your house. That's crazy! It's up to you then, if you see a point in continuing to date a man you know you can't stay with. In general, though, it only gets harder to break up the longer you are together. 6
carhill Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 There's no requirement that the newlywed couple has to live in his house, nor that the dogs have to reside inside the house. How many dogs? Have you considered re-homing the dogs to one or more of your daughters as an option? YMMV, but I generally get very attached to an animal companion and would be unlikely to terminate that attachment for the preference of a human relation. However, each case is different so I would also be loathe to generalize. How long has the man been divorced? 1
Hopeless80 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Dog owners blow my mind. I would never choose dogs, cats, fish or snakes over a relationship, but I'm just different, dog owners are always gaga about their "kids". I see no proof that he wouldn't accept the grandchildren to visit the house. I'm a dog owner and I would choose my dogs over a relationship in a heart beat! Not because I'm "gaga over my kids", but because my dogs were here first. I CHOSE to bring them into my life. Why would I want to give them up for a guy who may or may not be interested in a long term relationship with me? My dogs have been with me through a LOT of ups and downs and I take my job as being a pet owner very seriously. There's NOTHING wrong with that in my opinion. It's wrong to think that they're disposable when/if someone else catches your fancy. 9
Hopeless80 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 I love children but no dogs, cats, etc. I am highly allergic to them anyways. All that cat hair etc. Pets are for lonely people. Pets are for lonely people? I guess we can't just enjoy the friendships that we have with our animals. If you've never experienced it, I feel sorry for you. There's a reason why dogs are called man's best friend. 4
todreaminblue Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 I love children but no dogs, cats, etc. I am highly allergic to them anyways. All that cat hair etc. Pets are for lonely people. dogs are not just for lonely people....there are many working dogs ......guard dogs, sheep dogs cattle dogs.......dogs are companions for the elderly,disabled, the forgotten people whose families are too busy..... eyes for blind people...give them credit where credit is due...dogs save lives.......gods creatures.....noble brave loyal with the right owners............deb 5
xxoo Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 I really enjoy living with a dog. It brings great pleasure to my life. This is something I know about myself. It is not something that is going to change. If I got married to a man who absolutely hates dogs, it would probably be an issue later--when I missed having a dog. Date him for a while. Let him spend time with your dog. See what comes of it. But no, I wouldn't marry if it meant no dogs. You could always date long term and keep your own separate residences. 1
TaraMaiden Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 It's funny dogs are treated better than people. A homeless person is lower than a dog it's a sad world. Because animals can't talk and give you affection. I can tell you some despicable things are done by loathsome revolting people to our so-called 'dumb 4-legged friends'.... I have seen some things that would certainly make you change your tune about how dogs are treated better than people.... A homeless person has a tongue in their head and can often seek assistance, shelter, food or kindness. They can beg and there are many social centres and organisations set up for them, so please don't give me that crap. They can make choices every day about how to deal with their situation. A dog is powerless and has no rights. Therefore, a person who helps a dog is helping a creature which has no choice in their state or condition.... And an animal's devotion and affection is unconditional. WE'RE the ones with baggage, not them.... 8
Sarabi Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 It's funny dogs are treated better than people. A homeless person is lower than a dog it's a sad world. Because animals can't talk and give you affection. Your bit about how they can't give people affection is so wrong... trust me. 7
Hopeless80 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 (edited) It's funny dogs are treated better than people. A homeless person is lower than a dog it's a sad world. Because animals can't talk and give you affection. Um. Ok. Nice argument. There are a LOT of things in this world that are just wrong and sad. As much as I want to I can not fix those things. That does not make it wrong for me to own, love, and care for my dogs just because there are people out there in need. All I can do is watch out for me and mine. And, for your information, I do everything within my means to help people in need AND yes I also do my fair share to help animals in need. It's not like I live in some bubble with just my dogs. Relationships can and do work when there are pets involved. For me personally, I would not date someone with kids because I don't want kids. If someone doesn't want to date me because I have dogs, that's totally their right. I wouldn't want to date someone who will not like my dogs. My dogs are a big part of my life and they're NOT going anywhere for anyone. Edited May 11, 2013 by Hopeless80 1
SunsetRed Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 I'm a dog owner and I would choose my dogs over a relationship in a heart beat! Not because I'm "gaga over my kids", but because my dogs were here first. I CHOSE to bring them into my life. Why would I want to give them up for a guy who may or may not be interested in a long term relationship with me? My dogs have been with me through a LOT of ups and downs and I take my job as being a pet owner very seriously. There's NOTHING wrong with that in my opinion. It's wrong to think that they're disposable when/if someone else catches your fancy. Totally agree. I have a cat and I would choose that cat over a man each and every time. Rehoming is not an option. My cat has been w me thru think and thru thin. He's nurtured me thru many a broken heart. Theres no way I'd give him up for someone who may be yet another heart breaker. Do not give up your dogs for this man. You'll be so so sorry if you do. 4
HokeyReligions Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Dogs always choose dogs. If he can't or won't accept and respect your love of dogs he's not the one.
Anela Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Dislike of dogs does not translate into dislike of people or their children. Indeed, the opposite may be true that a person happily welcomes interaction with other human beings while having no use for the bought affections of animals. Dogs require serious commitments to train properly and care for. There's nothing whatever wrong with someone who does not want those responsibilities among his or her priorities. There are way more people that don't have dogs than do. If it's "love me, love my dog(s)" then enjoy the dogs until you find the one who is willing to sign on for the pack. "The bought affections of animals"? Geez. They're part of the family, and their affections are anything but bought: it isn't a case of, "give me the doggy biscuits, or I won't love you anymore." 5
Buttercup84 Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Dog owners blow my mind. I would never choose dogs, cats, fish or snakes over a relationship, but I'm just different, dog owners are always gaga about their "kids". I see no proof that he wouldn't accept the grandchildren to visit the house. You can't just get rid of pets because you met someone. That is not right, animals are not things. 7
Drseussgrrl Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 My dog's affection and awesomeness are sure things in my life and she's not something to just discard because a dude may not like her around. If she's important to me, and he digs me, she'll be important to him, too. Dogs are perfect. 2
xxoo Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 I think the crux of the issue is this: Someone who loves you isn't going to ask you to get rid of the dogs you love. They may consider it an issue to work around, but wouldn't want you to give up something you love so much. That is fundamentally a relationship issue, not a dog issue. This assumes healthy dog ownership, of course, not animal hoarding. And it assumes that you are a skilled enough dog owner to have well adjusted, enjoyable dogs. 2
LittleTiger Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 I have two cats and the first time my fiancé came to my house they both came into the hallway to greet us. He greeted them back with a 'hello boys' and dropped onto his knees to give them a cuddle! They're not usually 'stranger friendly' but they took to him immediately and I was hooked! I would never consider a relationship with a man who didn't love animals and want to share his life with dogs and/or cats. Animals are living creatures with feelings and emotions and they are reliant on the kindness of human beings. They become attached to their carers and to abandon them because they are no longer convenient is incredibly cruel! 5
LittleTiger Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Someone who loves you isn't going to ask you to get rid of the dogs you love. They may consider it an issue to work around, but wouldn't want you to give up something you love so much. That is fundamentally a relationship issue, not a dog issue. I see your point xxoo but, personally, I don't believe relationships ever work between those who love dogs/cats and those who don't. When you have pets, the animals become a fundamental part of how you lead your life - especially with dogs who need exercising and shouldn't be left alone for too long. If a partner doesn't share your love of animals it can become a question of clashing values and the relationship will then be very difficult to sustain. 3
TaraMaiden Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 This assumes healthy dog ownership, of course, not animal hoarding. And it assumes that you are a skilled enough dog owner to have well adjusted, enjoyable dogs. Sadly, this isn't the case; 46% of domestic dogs, have a 'problem'. That is not by any means, an implication that owners are cruel, neglectful, or in any way shape or form, are mistreating or abusing their pets. Of course that happens, but the vast majority of people simply don't know how to establish a symbiotic and working partnership with their pets. It's not their fault - but there is rarely any such thing as a 'problem' dog. The problem lies between the owner AND the dog..... Most 'dismissive' and ignorant comments regarding dogs on this thread, are from people who evidently have not experienced a close, one-to-one relationship with a dog. Only someone who has had a long-term canine companion, will truly understand how precious, rewarding and affectionate such a relationship can be. More often than not, these relationships are better than those we have with humans - any time. 2
TaraMaiden Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 We're also forgetting the OP's fears with regard to his possible future attitude to her grandchildren. This is a no-brainer. Totally. 1
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