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I thought I knew my wife....

xJonnyBlakex

By xJonnyBlakex
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xJonnyBlakex New Member

xJonnyBlakex

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I posted my story on here before but I forgot my login info..but I'm going to repost my story with some updates on the situation. So here goes...

 

Me and my wife have only been married for almost 2 years now. She is 22 and in the military and I'm 27 and a civilian. We have a daughter who is only 1yrs old and she has a 5yr old daughter from a previous relationship. I have not only took on the role as a father to my daughter but also her as well. I have been taking care of her and her daughter for a couple yrs before we even got married. After about 7 months into our marriage I found out my wife was having an affair with another soldier. I think it started only a few months int our marriage. When I confronted her about the affair she assured me that it was only an emotional affair and they had only hung out a couple times and never did anything sexual. So we went to marriage counseling, but I still felt something was still going on between the two of them.

 

She was more private than every before. Keeping her phone close to her at all times and always on silent. At the time we weren't having sex, she claims it was because her hormones were still out of wack from having givin birth, but I knew something was up. She would claim to have to work late nights in the field, saying they are training for a deployment. Leaving me at home every night with both of the children. This went on for months and it was an every night thing. A few months after finding out about her affair I found out that not only was her affair with this guy still going on but it never even slowed down. It turns out that every night she was supposed to be working I'm the field she was in fact spending the night in the barracks with this guy. I also found out that they were in fact having sex. She says it was only twice but I def don't believe that. So this time enough was enough and I decided to move back home out of state to get myself together.

 

I have been home for almost 7 months now. Since then she has came to visit during the holidays and she continued to try and work on our marriage. She was in fact very persistent about making a change and trying to be the wife I needed. Or so I thought. But about a week ago I found out yet again that she was having another affair with a different guy this time. I don't know how long it's been going on or who this guy actually is. I only know his name and what he looks like from the pics I see of them on Facebook kissing and what not. So this time I decided to report her to her chain of command. And her chain of command has recently informed me that my wife is also pregnant and they figure it is by the guy she is with now. So now the militry is looking into her affairs and she is so pissed at me for reporting her that she is keeping my daughter from me. She refuses to let me see or talk to my daughter until we go to court for custody. I'm so hurt at this point by her actions. I miss my daughter so much and I honestly can't believe that my wife would do this to me yet again.

BetrayedH Established Member

BetrayedH

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I posted my story on here before but I forgot my login info..but I'm going to repost my story with some updates on the situation. So here goes...

 

Me and my wife have only been married for almost 2 years now. She is 22 and in the military and I'm 27 and a civilian. We have a daughter who is only 1yrs old and she has a 5yr old daughter from a previous relationship. I have not only took on the role as a father to my daughter but also her as well. I have been taking care of her and her daughter for a couple yrs before we even got married. After about 7 months into our marriage I found out my wife was having an affair with another soldier. I think it started only a few months int our marriage. When I confronted her about the affair she assured me that it was only an emotional affair and they had only hung out a couple times and never did anything sexual. So we went to marriage counseling, but I still felt something was still going on between the two of them.

 

She was more private than every before. Keeping her phone close to her at all times and always on silent. At the time we weren't having sex, she claims it was because her hormones were still out of wack from having givin birth, but I knew something was up. She would claim to have to work late nights in the field, saying they are training for a deployment. Leaving me at home every night with both of the children. This went on for months and it was an every night thing. A few months after finding out about her affair I found out that not only was her affair with this guy still going on but it never even slowed down. It turns out that every night she was supposed to be working I'm the field she was in fact spending the night in the barracks with this guy. I also found out that they were in fact having sex. She says it was only twice but I def don't believe that. So this time enough was enough and I decided to move back home out of state to get myself together.

 

I have been home for almost 7 months now. Since then she has came to visit during the holidays and she continued to try and work on our marriage. She was in fact very persistent about making a change and trying to be the wife I needed. Or so I thought. But about a week ago I found out yet again that she was having another affair with a different guy this time. I don't know how long it's been going on or who this guy actually is. I only know his name and what he looks like from the pics I see of them on Facebook kissing and what not. So this time I decided to report her to her chain of command. And her chain of command has recently informed me that my wife is also pregnant and they figure it is by the guy she is with now. So now the militry is looking into her affairs and she is so pissed at me for reporting her that she is keeping my daughter from me. She refuses to let me see or talk to my daughter until we go to court for custody. I'm so hurt at this point by her actions. I miss my daughter so much and I honestly can't believe that my wife would do this to me yet again.

 

Nice.

 

I hope you're in touch with an attorney. I would also be in touch with the military about her refusal to have joint custody. You have a right to be with your child.

 

I'm a little nervous about you having left your children. Some courts might consider this abandonment. I made a huge point to have my kids half the time during our separation to establish myself as an involved parent that was able to care for my kids during my half of the time. When the courts see a history of successful 50/50, they're less apt to change what's working. Just something to consider. You need some legal counsel.

 

Oh, and screw her if she doesn't like being reported. At minimum, she should have quit stringing you along. Does she think you like her two boyfriends? SMH.

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Feelin Frisky Established Member

Feelin Frisky

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It's not just job, it's an adventure. And she seems to be all about the adventure. I'm sorry for you but any appearance of a connection with you would seem to be a put-on for convenience sake. She's one of the boys and is screwing around not like a mother of two but a single guy out for as much as he can get. This is a character indicator and don't expect it to change. Some people are just devoid of empathy.

Bryanp Established Member

Bryanp

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What a terrible story. Cheating on you during the first months of your marriage (probably before) and thru your short 2 year marriage and now getting pregnant with another man's baby . Clearly you made a horrible choice.

 

1. Get STD' testing immediately.

2. Clearly she is a serial cheater and married previously having a child at 17. My guess is that probably her previous husband divorced her for cheating also. Please it is essential to have your lawyer demand a paternity test on your child.

 

3. Ask your attorney if it is possible to request an annulment.

 

Why in the world did your wife get married to you? She is serial cheater and did not even bother to use protection to prevent her from getting pregnant. She has been playing you for a fool probably before the marriage.

 

Fortunately you are young and will not have to waste your life on someone who never loved you and apparently got off humiliating and disrespecting you in the worst possible. Remember if you do not respect yourself then who will?

 

4. Just one more time please get the best attorney you can afford and sue for custody. I am very sorry for what you are going through. Good luck my friend.

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BeholdtheMan Established Member

BeholdtheMan

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i have been home for almost 7 months now. Since then she has came to visit during the holidays and she continued to try and work on our marriage. She was in fact very persistent about making a change and trying to be the wife i needed. Or so i thought. But about a week ago i found out yet again that she was having another affair with a different guy this time. I don't know how long it's been going on or who this guy actually is. I only know his name and what he looks like from the pics i see of them on facebook kissing and what not. So this time i decided to report her to her chain of command. And her chain of command has recently informed me that my wife is also pregnant and they figure it is by the guy she is with now. So now the militry is looking into her affairs and she is so pissed at me for reporting her that she is keeping my daughter from me. She refuses to let me see or talk to my daughter until we go to court for custody. I'm so hurt at this point by her actions. I miss my daughter so much and i honestly can't believe that my wife would do this to me yet again.

 

file for divorce now

 

why are you with this woman?

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drifter777 Established Member

drifter777

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What a mess - I'm so sorry you have to live this nightmare.

 

Demand joint custody of your daughter right now. Get a lawyer, contact her CO, do whatever you have to do to keep your rights.

 

In my opinion you have done the right thing by walking out on her. Some may say you should stay to get all the legal crap straightened out but you reacted to the shock of finding out about her second (third? fourth?) incident of cheating. This is understandable and will mitigate the fact that you walked out. You could also say you were afraid of physical violence so you removed yourself from her company to protect you both. You have a solid foundation for your divorce case. Just remember that men nearly always get screwed and settle for the best you can. It's more important to focus on being a great father and rebuilding your life than any material possession.

 

You are in for a roller coaster ride of emotions so be prepared. Always remember that a serial cheater will not change. Their selfish, hurtful actions simply reveals their broken character. She will continue to cheat and your inability to ever trust her will be a living hell. Lesson learned - move forward with you life.

Confused48 Established Member

Confused48

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I'm sorry to hear you are going through this awful chain of events. You are the victim of a serial cheater. You will find lots of stories here about serial cheating men. Fewer of women. I doubt that is bc they are more rare, it is probably just they don't draw the same attention. But look at what they do. Look at what happens to the people that try to reconcile with them. It is not pretty. Get out and don't look back.

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xJonnyBlakex New Member

xJonnyBlakex

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My child has been with me most of the time of our seperation but since she has her at this moment she is refusing to let me get my daughter back. She won't even let me talk to her or answer questions about how she is doing. I did in fact obtain a lawyer. And I'm staying in constant contact with her chain of command to make sure this adultery doesn't get swept under the rug. As far as a paternity test there is no need. My child looks exactly like me without a doubt and has none of her mothers features. But regardless I'm in so much pain, even though I should've expected her not to change after the first two times it still hurts all the same

Jonah Established Member

Jonah

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Yep, daddy role alright. Dad for her and her kid. Maybe try someone closer to your own age?

 

You should have just let her go instead of ratting her out. She needs her job, your kid needs her to have a career. You very well have made your own child support payments increase if her career is damaged financially. What did you think you were going to get out of ratting her out? She would'a got found out anyway.

 

My bet is that she will cool off some then need you to take the kids all you want while she goes to have her fun.

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WhatASituation Member

WhatASituation

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"I thought I knew my wife...."

 

Man oh man, be thankful you found out now rather than 16 years later, as in my case! Divorce her! Trust me, it's easier to stay and cheaper to keep her but your sanity has no price tag.

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xJonnyBlakex New Member

xJonnyBlakex

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Yep, daddy role alright. Dad for her and her kid. Maybe try someone closer to your own age?

 

You should have just let her go instead of ratting her out. She needs her job, your kid needs her to have a career. You very well have made your own child support payments increase if her career is damaged financially. What did you think you were going to get out of ratting her out? She would'a got found out anyway.

 

My bet is that she will cool off some then need you to take the kids all you want while she goes to have her fun.

 

Maybe your right, but mind that I didn't report her the first two times I found her out. In my mind she knew the consequences and she still continued to do it. I feel like this time I did the right thing by reporting it and I honestly haven't thought twice about it since. I'm very hurt but at the same time I'm also fed up. Divorce is obviously the only option and the route that I'm taking. But I don't regret informing her job about her affairs. And as far as my child support goes, I love my daughter and I will always make sure she will never go without

Bugz Bunny Member

Bugz Bunny

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She is 22 and in the military We have a daughter who is only 1yrs old and she has a 5yr old daughter from a previous relationship.

 

And her chain of command has recently informed me that my wife is also pregnant and they figure it is by the guy she is with now. So now the militry is looking into her affairs and she is so pissed at me for reporting her that she is keeping my daughter from me. She refuses to let me see or talk to my daughter until we go to court for custody. I'm so hurt at this point by her actions. I miss my daughter so much and I honestly can't believe that my wife would do this to me yet again.

 

She is only 22 and in a couple of months will be with 3 children from 3 different man...That says it all.

 

Divorce her and take good care of your child,and down the road you will find someone who will love and respect you and build a nice life with you...

 

Good luck...

Jonah Established Member

Jonah

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Maybe your right, but mind that I didn't report her the first two times I found her out. In my mind she knew the consequences and she still continued to do it. I feel like this time I did the right thing by reporting it and I honestly haven't thought twice about it since. I'm very hurt but at the same time I'm also fed up. Divorce is obviously the only option and the route that I'm taking. But I don't regret informing her job about her affairs. And as far as my child support goes, I love my daughter and I will always make sure she will never go without

 

I apologize for that. There really is no such thing as "should'a". Past tense history is all in the past and an illusion at best. What happened is what was supposed to happen and where you are now is right where you are supposed to be. Best just to learn to be ok with that. Sorry to read of your sorrow. You somehow got tangled up with someone that took you for a ride. Maybe something you were supposed to learn of now so you know what to look out for in the future. On a positive note... it should be too difficult to do better. :-)

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xJonnyBlakex New Member

xJonnyBlakex

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Thanks..I know everything happens for a reason but I'm still trying to figure out why this happened to me. What's the lesson I'm suppose to learn from this. The only lesson Ive got so far is dont trust anyone because if your own wife will stab you in the back anyone will.

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

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Dude, document all the times she's refused you access to your daughter and then go for full custody of your daughter. You stand a VERY good chance of getting her full time due to you WW's profession. Field ops, deployment work ups and deployments themselves doesn't make her the most stable parent of the two.

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xJonnyBlakex New Member

xJonnyBlakex

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I already filed for divorce and to have a custody hearing. Even thought she did what she did filing for divorce was a hard thing to do. I never thought I would be in the position. I just hope the custody hearing goes my way

lolablue17 Established Member

lolablue17

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I dont know the american law, but in my country is the wife is preventing you to see your daughter during separation, the law might say is is like she kidnapping your daughter so you can go to the police or go to court for an urgent order.

 

2. you should document everything, her affairs, and refusal letting you see your daughter. the last one will make a very bad impression (about her) for the judge in court.

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lolablue17 Established Member

lolablue17

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by not letting her daughter meeting her father, She is practically abusing her own daughter, for revenge motives.

she has no right to get custody.

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xJonnyBlakex New Member

xJonnyBlakex

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Unfortunately according to the law she is kidnapping my daughter by not letting her see her father. But I don't think she realizes that this is going to make her look bad when we go before the judge. I just really hope the Judge sees what a good father I am. I have been a father not only to my child but her other child as well. And through her first affair she neglected both of the girls to carry on her affairs. She would leave me at home alone with the kids every night for months while she went to spend the night with the OM. She would claim she was out working in the field for a deployment coming up. I'm just hoping the judge sees all of that

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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Dude, document all the times she's refused you access to your daughter and then go for full custody of your daughter. You stand a VERY good chance of getting her full time due to you WW's profession. Field ops, deployment work ups and deployments themselves doesn't make her the most stable parent of the two.

 

Not to mention jail! :bunny:

 

Thank goodness adultery is still a criminal offense in the UCMJ. I would push for full custody. She's looking at court martial at the minimum and a likely dishonorable discharge. You will definitely be involved as a witness in the proceedings. Getting her jail time is definitely a good way to get your daughter back, so stay actively involved with her command.

 

And don't be a giant p*ssy.

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lolablue17 Established Member

lolablue17

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Unfortunately according to the law she is kidnapping my daughter by not letting her see her father. But I don't think she realizes that this is going to make her look bad when we go before the judge. I just really hope the Judge sees what a good father I am. I have been a father not only to my child but her other child as well. And through her first affair she neglected both of the girls to carry on her affairs. She would leave me at home alone with the kids every night for months while she went to spend the night with the OM. She would claim she was out working in the field for a deployment coming up. I'm just hoping the judge sees all of that

 

Have it all documented! Mails. SMS, testimonies of people who saw some of those situations.

But if the first hearing is too late you must ask for a court order immediatly.

jnel921 Established Member

jnel921

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I am sorry you are going through this. I don't think I know anyone who has been in the military who hasn't stepped out on their spouse or SO. My H used to be in the Military and I believe he and his ex W learned that behavior there. They married young at 21. She was pregnant with his child after 2 months of dating.They had a shotgun wedding and when he left to Germany a few months later she went with him. The red flag before all of this was that she has a 4 year old son who lived with his fathers grandparents. At 16 she couldn't care for him, so at 20 she probably felt my H could take care of her.

 

They were married for 12 years but all along they both had affairs. I believe they stayed together for convenience than love. When he left the Military she joined and this is when the major changes happened. She was deployed to Korea for over a year and had a relationship with another soldier and my H did the same with a co-worker. When she came back she had orders to go to another command where her lover was and this is when she told my H she no longer wanted to be with him and he said he was hurt, however he mentioned screwing about 3 or 4 of his co-workers after this split.

 

She left and took up with the guy and after their divorce was final she re-married and locked this guy down too with a baby and instant child support. But of course that marriage didn't last either because there is too much temptation and opportunity for affairs in the Military unfortunately.

 

She too is the mother of 3 kids with different daddies. I am sure she is prowling around for someone else. I am not sure how or why the mind works like that.

 

I think when you are younger you need to experience life before you try and do grown up things like Marry and commit to homes and children. This is hard to teach.

 

My stepdaughter who is 24 dropped a bomb on us 2 weeks ago. She is in the army and announced she got married. We are disappointed as she has not done most of the things she planned to do and she has known her H only since January.

 

I told my H perhaps she gets that from her parents. I don't believe they will make it however.

 

Good luck to you.

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