nick01675 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Hey Guys, Its been more than 3 months and i still miss her.. NC for more than 2 months.. I don't know what she is doing, did she find some one i have no clue. Life is so monotonus. Get up -> go to work -> gym -> sleep -> cycle repeats on weekdays and on weekends its just loveshack and gym Its like i'm wasting my time.. There is no meaning to life and if feel so depressed and lonely. I'm sleeping properly these days but sleep is not pure. When will I wake up without a heavy heart?? There is no urge of breaking contact. In fact I cut contact with all mutual friends (so basically i'm left with few friends) I miss her so much today dont know why.. Sometime i feel like god doesn't exist Why is he giving me hard time.. Is it my past karma because of which i'm suffering ??( i dont think i have harmed anyone in the past) I'm just confused!! Just wanted to vent. Thank u guys!! PS: we broke up 3 months back she dumped me as it was not working.. (We were having lot of fights)
Lonleyboy13 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 I feel you mate. I'm in the same boat everything just becomes routine. But we have to remember that it will not always be like this (hopefully) lol.. Just give it some more time .. Continue what you are doing and eventually the feelings will change .. Stay strong mate 1
FailedFirstLove Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Hang in there! Your doing very well. Thank god you don't have the urges to contact anymore!! People say don't think of whatever she's doing because it doesn't matter. But I say think whatever would make you feel better. So even if u think about how much pain she's going through and it makes u feel better and boosts your confidence then do it. Living life with a routine is pretty good but if your bored change it up? go out on te weekend? Make new friends? take a vacation. Make it more exciting for yourself. 1
Author nick01675 Posted May 11, 2013 Author Posted May 11, 2013 Actually Im scared to go out thinking that i will bump into her ( or maybe bump into her with her new boyfriend ). Should find new places to hang out.. Had gone out of country places like Sydney, Hong kong, Macau . Did a tandem skydiving.. All those were fun but the excitement last for only some time and i was back into depression again. Cant just enjoy my life.. feeling stuck! 1
siankat Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 So, how much did you enjoy life when you two were together? Was she central to your happiness? Was it a bit of a rollercoaster ride? 1
Hope737 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 I know exactly how you feel, almost like being stuck in a rut? You go out and enjoy yourself but then bam, she's back in your mind in no time. Like you say, it happens a lot just after you wake up and think of her. Especially if she's appeared in your dreams. I've been no contact now for a month (I admire your 2 month NC) after a nine year friendship/relationship and boy is it hard sometimes. Especially when I have to see her at work every now and then. Like you, I've also cut contact with mutual friends which is a great shame but it has to be done but you know what, I'm socialising with new people and trying to make a fresh life for myself and it does do wonders. Making new friends is definitely the way forward. Anyway, I guess I have no magic or healing words, but if it helps, you're definitely not alone here my friend. It sucks and hurts right now but keep focused on healing. Yes it's hard work and can be very tiring but the more you focus on yourself, the better things get. All the best! 1
Author nick01675 Posted May 11, 2013 Author Posted May 11, 2013 The worst part was it was just 6 months relationship i should be over her by now isnt it? So, how much did you enjoy life when you two were together? Was she central to your happiness? Was it a bit of a rollercoaster ride? In 6 months first 3 months was awesome, i gave my maximum even she did. Last 3 months I was busy with work and i used to hang out only with her, didnt hangout with other friends as I didnt have time.. she had plenty of time, she made new friends she started becoming cold, distant to me, there were lot fights( her flirting and my anger). She used to message some guy friend( not the guy she was flirting with) till 1 am, and when we talk there was nothing to talk as she had others to talk. She had lot of guy friends. Fights happened she used to lie a lot. When ever I used to ask her what happened why she is different now and why cant she be the old person. She never accept that she told she is the same ( i knew the difference as i was in the receiving end.) she asked me to get a counselling done.. Besides all the relationship issue, i'm having problems at work now, they are going to downsize the department so there might be layoffs.. Not a god time for me. Due to all these stress i'm losing my hair. ( NOW Confidence = ZERO)
WhatamIdoingwrong Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 The worst part was it was just 6 months relationship i should be over her by now isnt it? I dont think so. As I said in my post, my relationship was only 2 months beginning to end. I gave so much of my heart, and I truly thought she was the one. I have a question: Why do we put them on a pedestal? Even after they have left us? I am now slowly starting to see she was FAR from perfect, but it still aches when I think of her, her smell, her touch, her smile. Her past really bothers me, but we never argued about it and I wouldnt even if we somehow for back together. Why cant I channel this and use it to get over her??
siankat Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 The worst part was it was just 6 months relationship i should be over her by now isnt it? In 6 months first 3 months was awesome, i gave my maximum even she did. Last 3 months I was busy with work and i used to hang out only with her, didnt hangout with other friends as I didnt have time.. she had plenty of time, she made new friends she started becoming cold, distant to me, there were lot fights( her flirting and my anger). She used to message some guy friend( not the guy she was flirting with) till 1 am, and when we talk there was nothing to talk as she had others to talk. She had lot of guy friends. Fights happened she used to lie a lot. When ever I used to ask her what happened why she is different now and why cant she be the old person. She never accept that she told she is the same ( i knew the difference as i was in the receiving end.) she asked me to get a counselling done.. Besides all the relationship issue, i'm having problems at work now, they are going to downsize the department so there might be layoffs.. Not a god time for me. Due to all these stress i'm losing my hair. ( NOW Confidence = ZERO) Hey, Unfortunately sometimes the relationships that last a few months can be hardest to get over because it's that period where things are exciting, you discover more about the person you like and you start to imagine them more permanently in your life. Then at the top of that pinnacle, it's over. The person still exists, but it's over. That in itself can be devastating. On the other hand, as you seem to have experienced with your ex, there are some things you begin to discover about them (as you pointed out, she lies, and by the way i was told once by someone who probably has more decades behind him than you and i put together, that two things never change in a person and those are, if they lie, and if they are stingy with money). I see this to be true, there is perpetual lying and the odd white lie. Difference. IN my relationship experience, when you have been with someone a long time, and there are problems such as lying and being secretive and flirty with other people, because you hurt, recover, hurt, recover, each time, you come to understand better who that is, and are more numb to those behaviours until one day you walk away, or you stay and resign yourself to the way they are. You spoke of wishing that your ex could just be the way she was at the beginning? As you get to know people you learn more about them...sometimes we learn about people forever, indefinitely, and you either accept them as they are or not. I say this because it's a trap to fall into the 'please be who you were and not who you are' which makes no sense. It means that you would like what you had with her at the beginning to last. Either she stopped feeling that way about you and that's the reason for the change, or that wasn't her natural state of being. From what you have said, if she is a liar, she would be very difficult to know. Also, about her being in denial about changing and saying the problem is yours, she is just gaslighting. About your job situation and hair loss Take some vitamins, that should help! If it's patchy hair loss go see a doctor, if it's receding hairline or bald spot, look at the men in your family and their hair pattern (if you have an uncle that is supposed to be ur best predictor). Use gentle shampoo like baby shampoo. Don't wear restrictive head gear (my ex did, was a chef, affected his hair apparently).
siankat Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 I dont think so. As I said in my post, my relationship was only 2 months beginning to end. I gave so much of my heart, and I truly thought she was the one. I have a question: Why do we put them on a pedestal? Even after they have left us? I am now slowly starting to see she was FAR from perfect, but it still aches when I think of her, her smell, her touch, her smile. Her past really bothers me, but we never argued about it and I wouldnt even if we somehow for back together. Why cant I channel this and use it to get over her?? Maybe because in your own mind you are not convinced you are better off without her. As it ended after such a short time there is a big question mark hanging over the situation that you feel you need answered?
WhatamIdoingwrong Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Maybe because in your own mind you are not convinced you are better off without her. As it ended after such a short time there is a big question mark hanging over the situation that you feel you need answered? I guess, I know there are definite questions I want to ask, but I suppose I never will, as I must stay NC. My friend said "Now you know all this s***, you can put it to bed, and move on, right?" Wrong. I dont know why, but I just cant let go.
siankat Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 I guess, I know there are definite questions I want to ask, but I suppose I never will, as I must stay NC. My friend said "Now you know all this s***, you can put it to bed, and move on, right?" Wrong. I dont know why, but I just cant let go. Sometimes knowing doesn't quite hit the mark as experiencing does
WhatamIdoingwrong Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Sometimes knowing doesn't quite hit the mark as experiencing does Yeah, if she had cheated, lied, argued whatever to my face, and I busted her, Id move on I reckon. But its just all a mystery.... 1
rather_confused_girl Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Sorry your hurting mate I find myself missing my ex like crazy, truth is I still talk to him everyday but he says he isn't "in love" with me anymore and now that enough time has passed Ive been able to sort of turn off my emotions of love for him. Sure I still love him but I see him clearly now. Warts and all. What I miss, and what I think you are missing is who they were supposed to be. That brief but bright light that shined in your life and you believed they could be your "one". Well she was just one of the ones. She was only potentially what it is you are really craving for. Your head and heart are locked on her but it doesn't have to be. You can have that happy ending you don't have to give up a thing. Just get it out of your head it is only possible with her. 4
Author nick01675 Posted May 12, 2013 Author Posted May 12, 2013 loveshack is good. The website is so positive, pain reduces when i see the replies. At least there is someone listening to me and i'm not alone. Thank u guys. About your job situation and hair loss Take some vitamins, that should help! If it's patchy hair loss go see a doctor, if it's receding hairline or bald spot, look at the men in your family and their hair pattern (if you have an uncle that is supposed to be ur best predictor). Use gentle shampoo like baby shampoo. Don't wear restrictive head gear (my ex did, was a chef, affected his hair apparently). I'm having multivitamins, green tea, proteins. Came to know that multivitamins are good for depression and stress. I'm not taking antidepressant though i was tempted a lot of time. I quit alcohol as i don't want to mask my pain, i badly miss the parties,getting drunk and getting sloshed. On the other hand, as you seem to have experienced with your ex, there are some things you begin to discover about them (as you pointed out, she lies, and by the way i was told once by someone who probably has more decades behind him than you and i put together, that two things never change in a person and those are, if they lie, and if they are stingy with money). I see this to be true, there is perpetual lying and the odd white lie. Difference. Yeah she used to lie a lot i think i'm not sure. The reason why i lost trust is one day after we fought i requested her not to lie to me and that's all i need, she replied "I cant promise u that". maybe because of that i lost trust , so when ever we are having a conversation no matter if she telling the truth or lie i'll assume its a lie. The day when we broke up, she told me she was at home and when i called her she didnt pick my calls and i found she was outside, when i asked her she told me she was had gone out to buy me a valentines gift for me and didn't want me to know that . (I don't know if that was lie or not). Was I insecure? Was it my fault? I dont have answers for this.. I still dont know. She hurt me more post breakup, the day we broke up she had gone out for parting with her friends and just showing me she was enjoying her life as if she was out from prison. (I'm not sad because she is enjoying her life its just that why she is making me feel worthless). She told all my friends that she is very happy being single and she is having time of her life( i dont know if that is a lie) Can anyone share their experience when their ex made u feel worthless and just wants to show that they are better off without u??
Skipper888 Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 my ex makes me feel worthless. its funny, she was so im love with me, then she moved to a new town (we had a ldr from the start) for her job. Well thats where it went south. Started hanging out with her single chick friend which i guess she envied. She started pushing me away going out with her doing 'fun' things. Made me feel like **** cause i was her bf, she was meant to want to do those things with me. This caused silly arguments cause id get upset and she thought i was angry at her for going out with friends. My main concerm was that she would fall in love with someone since she got to spend all week and some weekends with these friends. Not to my surprise that happened. Got distant then broke up saying she was confused had feelings for another guy. Tends to happen when u spend more time with them then me. Well yep she went our n partied everyweekend , id get phone calls etc from her, then we started FC again, n i didnt handle it well cause i couldnt trust her. She was out having the time of her life, went to a music festival where she looked so happy, sitting ontop of some dudes shoulders. that week she said we should end things forever, said id never be able to trust her and she was sick of being on an emotional rollercoaster. So 4 months after the initial bc she ended it n hasnt spoken to me for 3 days. So yep i guess her life is happier without me. Even though she said her life waa a million times better n easier with me. So yep i feel like crap, especially since she was so in love with me but guess distance n temptation took over
Author nick01675 Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 Im just wondering why am i wasting my time thinking about her when she is not even bothered. Dreamt about her last night (she was make out with a guy and i caught her red handed) I felt crap and didn't sleep after that.. It was around 2AM. Having a bad day.. Crap!!!
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