mack25 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 A question but I'm sure others here have had similar complaints. I'll give some background first. I have been married 12 years to my wife and have 3 children. Although we have normal maritial issues such we had a very good marriage. Two months ago when she was extremely drunk she made out with a random guy. There have been no infidelities before this event. There was nothing else that happened as this incident was witnessed. We have read books, and are seeing a MC. We are back to full intimacy including sex, oral, touching, etc but I'm unable to make out with her/French kiss. When I have tried, I get a rock feeling in my gut and horrible memories. I think this is normal, but wanted to see how others have delt with his. It could also be how others delt with other physical aspects of a WS?
carhill Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 I'm unable to make out with her/French kiss. When I have tried, I get a rock feeling in my gut and horrible memories. What's your feeling when you discuss this in MC? How does your wife respond to your sharing of this process and feelings? IMO, such issues take time. It varies by individual. If your foundation prior to this incident was good, most anecdotes indicate things should be back to 'normal' in three to five years. This is a long haul. It doesn't get 'fixed' in a couple of months. You both have a big investment. I hope it works out. 2
drifter777 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 The incident of cheating was your wife making out with some other guy so naturally kissing her is a huge trigger for you. It may become less of a trigger over time but I can tell you from my experience that it might not ever get "better". Maybe start by passionately kissing her neck or tummy or wherever and see if this helps. It's the only thing I can think of short of somehow having your brain reset to how it was before she betrayed you. 1
BetrayedH Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 (edited) Look into EMDR therapy. Originally designed for PTSD, I've seen a decent number of anecdotal reports of success with infidelity and it's gained traction with the scientific community. It may help with your mental movies. Carhill is also right that 2-5 years is a normal recovery period. Edited May 11, 2013 by BetrayedH
Spark1111 Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Just KEEP KISSING HER. Women LOVE kissing. It's romantic, sexy, and we LOVED to be kissed, passionately and often. We talk about this ALL the time to other women. WE LOVE kissing. It is our favorite foreplay and we think it oh, so romantic. We grieve when our man throws it over and heads to foreplay without it. UGH! Keep kissing her. You will not be disappointed. Just do it!
BeholdtheMan Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 There have been no infidelities before this event.How do you know? There was nothing else that happened as this incident was witnessedWell, I'd be pretty surprised if people witnessed them having sex in front of them. How do you know they didn't hook up some time after the kissing? Look, I'm just encouraging you to ask the unpleasant, but I think necessary, questions. Hope for the best, but prepared for the worst.
Author mack25 Posted May 14, 2013 Author Posted May 14, 2013 How do you know? Well, I'd be pretty surprised if people witnessed them having sex in front of them. How do you know they didn't hook up some time after the kissing? Look, I'm just encouraging you to ask the unpleasant, but I think necessary, questions. Hope for the best, but prepared for the worst. We were at a friends house and she went o the back to go to the bathroom and then started he make out session. I actually walked in but did see anything. She was only back there 5 min tops.
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