lauramarie Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 hey! i have a small question..is asking a girl out for coffee considered a date? a casual date?? i'm not quite sure how to interpret coffee dates
DerangedAngel Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 I know I'm not a guy, so hush. Asking someone out for coffee is a casual date, yes. -DA
Author lauramarie Posted September 26, 2004 Author Posted September 26, 2004 ok, hehehe..it's a casual date then...what the hell does that mean!!!??? when a guy asks you for coffee what is he trying to say??? is it possible that a guy asks you for coffee without thinking it's a date??
DerangedAngel Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 I think such dates are just a way of getting to know each other a little better, in an extremely relaxed environment. I would say the only way that this guy didn't intend for it to be a date is if: A). You've been friends for a long time and go out and do this sort of thing often. B). You already know him to be gay. -Deranged
gd1039 Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 Comming from a guy, Derranged is right. Coffee dates are generally first dates, possibly a second. It is casual because it won't last long (ie a movie and a dinner approaches 3 hours). A coffee date might usually last 45 minutes, or longer if the conversation is really flowing. It gives both people a good chance to talk and find out more about eachother. Infact, this is strange because when I ask a girl to meet up for coffee I usually wonder whether she knows i meant it as a date. So, its funny hearing you wonder if it is one too...
moimeme Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 I fall for it. Guy says 'let's have coffee sometime' and me, in 'friend' mode, says 'sure'. Then brain kicks in and says 'you do realize that's a date, right'? I know this guy is not any sort of possibility but now I've accepted a 'date'. Bah. So I'll go. Pay for my own coffee. Steer away from any sort of relationship discussion. Swear not to fall for it next time. Next time I'll be asked in front of people. That's cute. They know I don't want to turn them down in front of people to save their feelings. Sigh. *Got* to get smarter about this LOL.
Author lauramarie Posted September 26, 2004 Author Posted September 26, 2004 funny eh..the guy wonders whether the girl knows it's a date and the girls is trying to figure out it if IS a date! any more opinions from guys??
Nosmas Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 i have a small question..is asking a girl out for coffee considered a date? a casual date?? Are you kidding? Just adding a heart smilie after this posting could qualify as "slathering!!"
Splatty Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 I would say the only way that this guy didn't intend for it to be a date is if: A). You've been friends for a long time and go out and do this sort of thing often. B). You already know him to be gay. I agree with this. Coffee is a date.
chris58 Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 Originally posted by DerangedAngel I would say the only way that this guy didn't intend for it to be a date is if: A). You've been friends for a long time and go out and do this sort of thing often. What about the first time two people "do this sort of thing"? Anyway, more generally: everyone's into trying to decide whether this counts as a "date" or not (or as a "casual date"); what is the difference exactly? Is there really a commonly-accepted notion of what is a "date" and what isn't? It seems to me that discussions like this one often become a bit meaningless because everyone's trying to decide whether to put the magic label "date" on something, but there is no universal agreement on exactly what that label means. (Or is there? I could well be wrong.) Just wondering.
ps123 Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 For me, that would be a date. I ask a lot of women out for coffee for a first date because (like gd1039 said) it doesnt have to be a long date if things dont seem to be working out, theres usually not too many distractions, its quiet and you can talk and get to know each other, and theres always the option to grab some food or something after if things seem to be going ok. And I have a question about something moimeme said. Do you really get guys asking you out in front of other people. That seems pretty manipulative to me. Youre right, it makes it harder for you to be honest and really puts you on the spot. Ive never done that myself. Plus, if I asked someone out in front of my friends and she shot me down, that would be pretty damn embarassing .
DerangedAngel Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 What about the first time two people "do this sort of thing"? Okay, fair question, but I think you missed my point. If you haven't been friends with him long enough to establish that's all it is, and he is straight - it's a date. I so hate that it rhymed. Sorry. -Deranged
Author lauramarie Posted September 26, 2004 Author Posted September 26, 2004 so it's an implied date then?? cool
gd1039 Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 It isn't the point whether its a date date or a just a casual date. Either way its a date. The only difference is that a casual date is just that, more casual. You could meet someone for a casual date after work, class etc. Going to a movie and dinner requires more planning. The only question that matters is if you think it is a date or not, not if it is casual or a "real" date. If I asked any of you out and suggested coffee (vs dinner and a movie), I bet most would prefer the coffee idea. And, as far as asking someone out infront of other people, I have a couple comments... Does the guy think you will not turn him down infront of other people, or does he worry what the people that are there will think if he gets turned down? I recently got this girl's number (someone from school) but, the only opportunity I had to do it was while she was with her friend. It took more confidence than usual to ask soemthing like that when they have a friend there. So, in that case I didn't do it because I thought she would give it to me since her friend was there. I did it because I wanted to and that was the only opportunity I had. Although, I am sure some people would try to manipulate the situation, but these people are obviously not confident so I partly doubt they would have the confidence to ask someone out with others around.
Author lauramarie Posted September 27, 2004 Author Posted September 27, 2004 so..what if the guy is older than you..say by 12 years or so..coffee is still an implied date?
tokyo Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 Originally posted by lauramarie so..what if the guy is older than you..say by 12 years or so..coffee is still an implied date? Age is totally irrelevant! I had people who were 20 years older than me become interested. But, are you not the girl who wanted to go out with the professor? I guess, that´s where your question is coming from. That´s a tricky situation. In my opinion it could be interpreted in different ways and I guess he´s aware of it. He could still retreat and say it´s just drinking coffee with a student whom he wants to support and nothing more, but with what you had told before in the other thread, it´s probably more.
Author lauramarie Posted September 28, 2004 Author Posted September 28, 2004 yes..i am the girl with the prof situation.. and all i want to figure out is what he meant by asking me for coffee?!! cuz..we flirt when we are together..so he obvisouly knows I find him hot and enjoy spending time with him..when he asked me..i thought it was slightly date-ish sounding...i just wanted some opinions...you know..to make sure i don't do something i'm gonna regret!!!
gd1039 Posted September 28, 2004 Posted September 28, 2004 Now I remember reading your old posts about this situation. The best thing you can do is just go and have a good time. The more you think about it the more nervous etc you will get about it. If you both are there, having a good time and he is showing some signs of interest, show a little back (assuming you are interested). Just kind of go with the flow, you can always cut the date short. Irony has sturuck of this "coffee" debate, if you read my previous post when I mentioned often a guy will wonder if the girl knows he meant it as a date. Well, just today I asked this girl I met the other day to grab some coffee after class later this week. She accepted, and in my mind, its a "casual date" with the purpose of finding out some more about her. However, the question lingers over whether she also thinks its a "date" as well. I guess I will figure out later this week....
tokyo Posted September 28, 2004 Posted September 28, 2004 Originally posted by lauramarie yes..i am the girl with the prof situation.. and all i want to figure out is what he meant by asking me for coffee?!! cuz..we flirt when we are together..so he obvisouly knows I find him hot and enjoy spending time with him..when he asked me..i thought it was slightly date-ish sounding...i just wanted some opinions...you know..to make sure i don't do something i'm gonna regret!!! If you flirt with him and he invites only you for coffee and no other students and there is no specific topic concerning your studies about which you want to talk, it´s a date. I´m starting to think that he didn´t know at all what he was doing when he was flirting with you. If you have to wonder so much why he canceled the date or if it´s a date at all, then I really don´t think you are ready for having complicated affairs (and I´m sure they are all complicated) with professors. Look for a guy your age. That´s much better.
Author lauramarie Posted September 28, 2004 Author Posted September 28, 2004 it's basically only complicated cuz he is a teacher...if he had been just an older guy..i would definetley know the coffee invite was because he was interested, the fact that he taught me makes it complicated....and the fact that he moved away..but he is coming back..so i'll let you all know what happens..in the meantime..i'm trying not to think about him too much..which is hard...
LERA Posted September 29, 2004 Posted September 29, 2004 You are heading into deep waters... aside from the whole "coffee = date" question, unless there is a _small_ age gape you are going to face "how could she do that" from your peers (ie age group) and if this does pan out into something long-term years of vicious icy looks from faculty wives until you are married. Seen it happen lots in the academic community where I live and work.
Author lauramarie Posted September 29, 2004 Author Posted September 29, 2004 yup..i'm pretty much nuts I think..you know..i thought that with him gone I would get over him and then when he'd get back...everything would be normal and sorted out..but it's hard to forget someone if you they still keep in touch with you..even if they are far far away..ugh men!!!!
Author lauramarie Posted September 29, 2004 Author Posted September 29, 2004 what do you mean? when am I going for coffee??
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