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She has "friends with benefits", but wants to wait to have sex...wtf?

diskostu

By diskostu
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HoneyBadgerDontCare Established Member

HoneyBadgerDontCare

Posted
Posted
If having FWB is loose morals to you, that's fine, but I hope those judgments are the same for men and women both.

 

The attitude of "giving" and "getting" sex is revealing. It is also impatient, because the premise is that the woman wants to "give" him sex and also her heart.

 

Having a FWB at one time in their life isn't of loose morals to me.

 

Having FWB while dating people looking for a relationship is though.

 

I had a FWB once that came over, gave me head, then went on a date with the guy that became her bf. When they broke up, she wanted to date me. When I was honest about why I didn't want to date her, she got angry and called me sexist.

 

However, I've never eaten a girl out before going on a date with a potential girlfriend.

 

That's the difference between men and women.

  • Like 2
HoneyBadgerDontCare Established Member

HoneyBadgerDontCare

Posted
Posted
Thank you for the clarification, I guess everyone has the right to have their own deal breaker (number of former lovers is not one of mine) but sleeping with other people while dating me is definitely a deal breaker for me too.

 

Regarding to your way to determine how many men a girl has actually slept with is just plain wrong because many women will be totally honest about their number and many of them would divide it by 20 and not by 3...

 

Usually if I enjoy the company of a person and we are sexually and emotionally compatible the chances that the dating becomes a relationship is almost 100%. I don't really care and I don't have any curiosity about her sexual past if it is not to propose anything kinky that she has done and I may be interested to try...

 

My way was more of a general estimate lol.

 

Of course, you'll get women that don't lie at all, others that lie a bit, and even more that lie a lot. 3 is a good middle ground. :laugh:

therhythm Established Member

therhythm

Posted
Posted
My way was more of a general estimate lol.

 

Of course, you'll get women that don't lie at all, others that lie a bit, and even more that lie a lot. 3 is a good middle ground. :laugh:

 

So if she says she has slept with 1 guy that means for you that she has only given a handjob? (around 1/3 of sleeping with a guy) :lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

Just kidding!

  • Like 1
apple OR orange Established Member

apple OR orange

Posted
Posted

thats not friends with benifits, thats friend that wants to use you with sex as the carrot, the more common name for this is "friendzoned".

 

dump her move on to the next.

HoneyBadgerDontCare Established Member

HoneyBadgerDontCare

Posted
Posted
So if she says she has slept with 1 guy that means for you that she has only given a handjob? (around 1/3 of sleeping with a guy) :lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

Just kidding!

 

Hahahaha that was witty. Well done! :laugh:

  • Like 1
therhythm Established Member

therhythm

Posted
Posted
thats not friends with benifits, thats friend that wants to use you with sex as the carrot, the more common name for this is "friendzoned".

 

dump her move on to the next.

 

No, I don't think she has "friendzoned" him, after all they are in a relationship. She is just using sex to control the rhythm of the relationship to her own needs punishing OP for having more interest on her than just the obvious sexual one and withholding sex from him when she doesn't have any problem having casual sex with other people.

 

It reminds me of a friend of mine who's girlfriend has had anal sex with almost every guy she had casual sex with but she didn't want to do it with my friend (of course my friend dumped her sorry a$$ and OP should do exactly the same)... I think is just a way of controlling the guy and taking using the sex as a power tool. Really nasty!

  • Like 1
HoneyBadgerDontCare Established Member

HoneyBadgerDontCare

Posted
Posted
No, I don't think she has "friendzoned" him, after all they are in a relationship. She is just using sex to control the rhythm of the relationship to her own needs punishing OP for having more interest on her than just the obvious sexual one and withholding sex from him when she doesn't have any problem having casual sex with other people.

 

It reminds me of a friend of mine who's girlfriend has had anal sex with almost every guy she had casual sex with but she didn't want to do it with my friend (of course my friend dumped her sorry a$$ and OP should do exactly the same)... I think is just a way of controlling the guy and taking using the sex as a power tool. Really nasty!

 

I once had sex with a girl that would only let me do it anally....because she wanted to remain a virgin.

 

Gotta love chick logic. :laugh:

  • Like 2
therhythm Established Member

therhythm

Posted
Posted
I once had sex with a girl that would only let me do it anally....because she wanted to remain a virgin.

 

Gotta love chick logic. :laugh:

 

loooool !:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

fortyninethousand322 Established Member

fortyninethousand322

Posted
Posted
The idea is that she wants to go slow because she likes him so much.

 

If she does like him that much, it should be obvious in the amt of time she spends with him, the way she seeks his touch and kiss, the way her heart races when you touch, etc.

 

Well, here in the real world things don't often work that way...

  • Like 2
ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

Posted
Posted
I don't think any guy who is picking a girlfriend would make her wait for sex...

This is the most accurate statement in the thread.

 

If she has FWBs but she wants to "wait" to have sex with you, it shows backward logic IMO, even if she means well. I normally stick up for the girls on this topic (usually due to vitriol) but in this case, it always makes me laugh to see the explanations as to why it is done. It still doesn't make sense - and if you know men well enough, you will know that most men don't like the idea of being made to wait for something that another dude got in a shorter space of time, and usually got the 5 star performance too :lmao:.

 

If it displeases you as a man, just don't bother waiting - go find someone else.

  • Like 2
BoneyHadger Established Member

BoneyHadger

Posted
Posted
This is the most accurate statement in the thread.

 

If she has FWBs but she wants to "wait" to have sex with you, it shows backward logic IMO, even if she means well. I normally stick up for the girls on this topic (usually due to vitriol) but in this case, it always makes me laugh to see the explanations as to why it is done. It still doesn't make sense - and if you know men well enough, you will know that most men don't like the idea of being made to wait for something that another dude got in a shorter space of time, and usually got the 5 star performance too :lmao:.

 

If it displeases you as a man, just don't bother waiting - go find someone else.

 

Yep.

 

When you think about it approach "have casual sex right away OR get into relationship, but wait first" doesn't make a lot of sense, when a woman wants a relationship.

 

I mean, guy has two choices:

 

Casual sex: that's it, zero effort to build emotional connection, instant gratification

or

Wait to get into relationship: actually making an effort to build connection, gratification maybe later, if ever (after all, things may not work out).

 

Who thinks latter is a more enticing option?

 

It would be completely different, when option of casual sex was removed and only option for guy to have sex with a woman was to build an emotional connection first. Then by all means: effort is put, gratification may or may not be had. But there is no "shortcut" for gratification, so actually making an effort to build the connection is the only option.

Sarah92 Member

Sarah92

Posted
Posted
Dated girl for three weeks. She says she wants to wait to have sex until the relationship is more than just sex and more meaningful. At the same time, she has previously mentioned that she has a few fwb (friends with benefits). She claims she hasn't had sex in more than 6 weeks, but wtf is this nonsense?

 

She'll have sex with some random guy, but make me wait? Thinking of just dumping her and moving on.

 

Take that as a compliment. The FWB didn't mean anything to her and she wasn't going to seek a relationship with him, so she didn't wait. She chose not to have sex with you because she actually wants a real relationship, not just sex. If you truly cares about her, wait.

RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

Posted
Posted

I think I'm missing something here... Did the woman tell the OP how long she waited before sex with her FWB or how long she knew them?

 

Not clear if she did...

 

Also, seems a bit off that people assume that anyone (man or woman) is supposed to suspend all judgment going forward because of past bad judgment. Seems the opposite is called for, and shows a desire to change bad habits if things haven't turned out the way she/he would have liked in the past.

 

That said, I'm very reluctant to choose a man who has had FWB in the past for a relationship now because I'm NOT convinced these 'FWB' arrangements were really done with full disclosure on his part. More likely... he was ok keeping the sex part going until it got boring or he found someone else and then chose not to share with her that he was feeling just lukewarm about her. That I'm not ok with.

 

Nor am I ok with continuing to see someone just for sex... or having someone do that to me. Guys who have had FWB are more likely to have a history of using women for sex with doubtful intentions. Unless I know his previous partners, I have no way of knowing if it were mutually agreed upon. Even then... why not just break it off and devote ones' energy to finding someone you can feel close to? I just don't get it.

 

I'm still not clear what the OP is looking for though. A lot of guys say they are looking for a relationship... because they want to feel like they are getting a 'high quality' woman who is also looking for a relationship and so the guy lies... and surprise, surprise, when she is honest and has a similar history as him... then it's 'OMG', she's not 'relationship' material anymore and so he slides back into his old FWB/f_buddy ways... but that is OK for a guy?

 

... and guys expect honesty from women so he can justify lying to her just to get a piece of *ss? Really? Or justify bullying her or shaming her into having sex ASAP?

 

Some of you guy's logic is pretty twisted. Either be ok getting lied to, or have some morals yourself. Seems to be a better way to go.

therhythm Established Member

therhythm

Posted
Posted
Take that as a compliment. The FWB didn't mean anything to her and she wasn't going to seek a relationship with him, so she didn't wait. She chose not to have sex with you because she actually wants a real relationship, not just sex. If you truly cares about her, wait.

 

Do you honestly think that OP should be honored to know that other "unimportant guys" get sex from his girl without dificulty and he has to work for it? You really have to be kidding me...

 

I think I'm missing something here... Did the woman tell the OP how long she waited before sex with her FWB or how long she knew them?

 

Not clear if she did...

 

Also, seems a bit off that people assume that anyone (man or woman) is supposed to suspend all judgment going forward because of past bad judgment. Seems the opposite is called for, and shows a desire to change bad habits if things haven't turned out the way she/he would have liked in the past.

 

That said, I'm very reluctant to choose a man who has had FWB in the past for a relationship now because I'm NOT convinced these 'FWB' arrangements were really done with full disclosure on his part. More likely... he was ok keeping the sex part going until it got boring or he found someone else and then chose not to share with her that he was feeling just lukewarm about her. That I'm not ok with.

 

Nor am I ok with continuing to see someone just for sex... or having someone do that to me. Guys who have had FWB are more likely to have a history of using women for sex with doubtful intentions. Unless I know his previous partners, I have no way of knowing if it were mutually agreed upon. Even then... why not just break it off and devote ones' energy to finding someone you can feel close to? I just don't get it.

 

I'm still not clear what the OP is looking for though. A lot of guys say they are looking for a relationship... because they want to feel like they are getting a 'high quality' woman who is also looking for a relationship and so the guy lies... and surprise, surprise, when she is honest and has a similar history as him... then it's 'OMG', she's not 'relationship' material anymore and so he slides back into his old FWB/f_buddy ways... but that is OK for a guy?

 

... and guys expect honesty from women so he can justify lying to her just to get a piece of *ss? Really? Or justify bullying her or shaming her into having sex ASAP?

 

Some of you guy's logic is pretty twisted. Either be ok getting lied to, or have some morals yourself. Seems to be a better way to go.

 

You are making this too complex... OP's girl has no problem to have sex with someone casual or in other words that only want her for sex... (doesn't matter how long it took the guy to have sex with her) and OP is punished for having more that a sexual interest with having to wait. It is a control dynamic and I have seen it many times. No guy in the world would like to know he has to work harder for sex with the girl he likes than other men...

 

To your next question... we don't want to be lied to, we want sex and as soon as possible, if a woman has not problems having sex with a random guy or a casual arrangement I would expect minimum the same behavior with me or I would feel the girl had more sexual attraction with the other guy than with me and that is for me a deal breaker because I don't want a relationship with someone who is more sexually attracted to other guys than to me..

  • Like 1
HoneyBadgerDontCare Established Member

HoneyBadgerDontCare

Posted
Posted
Do you honestly think that OP should be honored to know that other "unimportant guys" get sex from his girl without dificulty and he has to work for it? You really have to be kidding me...

 

 

 

You are making this too complex... OP's girl has no problem to have sex with someone casual or in other words that only want her for sex... (doesn't matter how long it took the guy to have sex with her) and OP is punished for having more that a sexual interest with having to wait. It is a control dynamic and I have seen it many times. No guy in the world would like to know he has to work harder for sex with the girl he likes than other men...

 

To your next question... we don't want to be lied to, we want sex and as soon as possible, if a woman has not problems having sex with a random guy or a casual arrangement I would expect minimum the same behavior with me or I would feel the girl had more sexual attraction with the other guy than with me and that is for me a deal breaker because I don't want a relationship with someone who is more sexually attracted to other guys than to me..

 

This is true.

 

Before I started dating my current gf, I was talking to someone for a while that I met on a forum similar to this. She lived somewhat near me, but far enough where it would have taken me a considerable effort to get there. We talked constantly and I really liked her. I was planning on taking a trip out there.

 

Then I found out that she had drunk sex with a guy she went out with. I lost interest in going out of my way to see her (and, presumably, put in effort once I got there). I also cursed myself for investing so much time in her initially.

 

Naturally, when I told her my reasoning, she accused me of being sexist and having a double standard. Typical illogical female response.

  • Like 1
xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted

The op reports dating 3 wks at this point. What is a reasonable amt of time to date before sex? Should that depend on how quickly either of you has had sex on the past?

 

To me, those are two completely different issues.

 

But the bottom line is, if you don't feel she is into you, don't date her. Breaking up when she IS into you because she didn't make another guy wait is short sighted and immature. The other guy shouldn't be a factor in your relationship. And, it sounds Whiney...and like you have trouble getting laid. Men who can easily get casual sex may be more likely to "get" what she is saying, and even feel the same way.

William Established Member

William

Posted
Posted

As the thread starter has not participated nor logged into our forums in some time, I'm going to close this for now.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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