stupid_ex Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 What would you do? My ex broke up with me over 4.5 months ago. The first 3 months were very hard. We stayed in contact, I chased and did the needy thing. It pushed him away. Then came the push and pull. He has always said that he loves me, cares for me but doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. Or any relationship right now. He is still sexual attracted to me, he said so and he tried to have sex with me one time we were hanging out. It didn't happen. Thanks to me. After the third month, I started no contact. I didn't hear from him in over 6 weeks. He has had a stalker giving him problems. This started before he broke up with me. The stalker is now sending me messages saying my ex never loved me, he is out having sex with other guys etc....saying stuff to rub it in. I contacted my ex about it. My ex came straight over without asking. I was pissed off with the stalker and my ex. I told my ex to eff off. My ex wouldn't leave and kept on messaging me. I messaged back and we are now on talking terms. He texted me the other night at 1am to visit me. He did, we talked for 1/2 hour and he left. As he was standing at the car, he put his arms out and hugged me. Wouldn't let me go for ages. He then rested his head and lips on my neck and said he was sorry. We talked some more. He asked for another hug. He showed me he carries a picture of me in his wallet (with other photos of his friends). I am moving overseas in July. He asked, why do I have to leave? I said, you should be happy that I am leaving. No more texting, phones calls or me cramping your style. You can finally move on with your life with out me. he said No that is not true. I feel he isn't too happy with me leaving. This means i will be leaving him for good. He confessed that he came over because he wanted to see me. He cherishes out time together and he doesn't regret our relationship. He still loves and cares for me deeply. I am the first person he really connected with. That is my story so far. I still love my ex but I am now committed to working in South America. My question is: 1/ Why is he acting like this? All of sudden, showing me attention. (I still believe he doesn't want to be in a relationship) he has told me there is no one else. 2/ How can I use this situation to my advantage? This stalker has brought us closer together. I am kind of happy this stalker is messaging me. It sounds crazy but it's working. 3/ from now until I leave, do I spend more time with the ex building up the good times and then leave for my trip(Make him miss me even more) or do I just cut off all contact now and still leave? Your input would be most helpful. Thank you.
oracle Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 It's a messy situation and u are partly to blame. Look and read your post. It reeks of gaminess. You love the drama obviously. In the end You reap what you sow. Enjoy your rollercoster
oracle Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Oh wait i just realized you are gay too. No wonder the gaminess and drama lol. You need to read my thread pinned to the top of the section "Realistic tips for surviving...." Trust me. All the stuff u wrote about is childs play to what I have lived through. Take it from me. U need to walk and not look back. Don't drag it out. You are young. Move on. You have no financial ties to him. You are free. Don't create a scenario like mine when you don't have to
emva07 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 i think the gaminess as oracle puts it isn't something intentional....it just happens when you love someone who is playing with your heart because you allow it. You say you break up because you think they'll change, they don't but you take them back anyways, and so on and so on. Until one day you've had enough. That being said go to South America because you can't let anyone get in the way of YOUR success. So he won't have you readily available to play games with anymore, boo hoo for him. You will be at peace now away from his selfish ways. Please do not even consider staying. If you want yes, hang out with him until you leave but nothing more than that. But this distance and time will be just what your heart needs to move on, take time to enjoy a different culture, meet different people and just clear your mind and be happy.
oracle Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Uhm its gaminess... read points 2 & 3. Thats intentionally playing the game. Your head would have to be so far up your ass to not see that. My' ex's relationship with his new guy went sideways bad, and the guy went stalky and was messaging me to further stir the pot. If it was two years ago, I woulda used it to my advantage.. PLAYED THE GAME. Now I am done. So when it happened now.. simply deleted and ignored. It stops, and life starts when you GET OFF THE MERRY-GO-ROUND. Im sorry im harsh, but look.. I lhave lived with my ex for 3 years post relationship.. I have played ALL the games. The point I try to get across to everyone here.. When you are caught up in the hopelessness of the moment, sometimes you are your biggest enemy and drag things out far far longer than they should Take it from someone who has lost years to a hopeless scenario.
Leigh 87 Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 My ex has done ALL the same things to me. Except the wanting sex part. I say: unless he wants you back desperately, then move on and find someone who wants to be with you more. He cannot stop you form going and starting a new life, if he is not sure if he wants you badly enough. That is the same with my ex and I: together for over two years. Now he is upset at he idea of me going to Russia and Europe to party for 3 weeks with a large group of young people. I am like " well too bad, I was so dedicated to you and would have given up other guys for the rest of my life to be with you. YOU Do not want me badly enough, so I can do what he hell I Want" LOL.
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