McDonald Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 I hate staying in on weekend nights. Weekends in general are kinda downers at times. Past few weekends have been good, but nothings going on tonight. SO in alone in my room because my roomate moved out to go back home for summer break.. and im here. Im just upset things arnt how they used to be, and im not referring to during the relationship. Im referring to the way things were BEFORE the relationship. Lots of girls were texting me on the weekends to see what was going on and i always had something to do. Its not like that anymore. I could try harder I guess... idk. just a rant.
agb Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 I feel the same thing man.. But I know it's because I don't want to try now. Not ready yet. But I also know that when I'm ready, it'll be like days before the relationships where you get all the attention.. I just want to feel this through all my emotions, be done with it and know there's no looking back.. That's when I think I'll be able to just go out and have a blast how it was before the relationship with nothing about her in my mind.. Our situations might be different, but maybe you're going through the same.. 1
candie13 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 I am quite social and tend to fee isolated if I don't have my phone ringing with friends asking me to go see them. My bf, however, is very different. He loved being on himself. He likes to go out by himself, at times, go to a restaurant and have dinner at the bar, have a beer in a sports place or jazz club and just hang out. Maybe you should do that too, it seems to work great for him. It will def lift your mood. I sort of think everytime you're down or feel a bit lonely, you remember about how you're not in a relationship. We all crave companionship, but it's really important to know to be alone with yourself. Maybe even to enjoy being alone with yourself. Hope I am making sense...
lunar83 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 It's not all that bad, to be all alone sometimes. It can help you heal. Figure things out. Watch a comedy or something. You can also start making plans how to build new connections, new things you wanna do. Find a way to build a new network of people who have similar interest as you and who have positive influence on you. It might take time but you'll get there.
swiftly333 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 I've been spending my weekends hanging out with friends and family and working out, but sometimes people have their own things going on, and I feel like a loser being at home alone. It didn't used to bother me. I used to schedule days alone because I enjoyed it when I was in a relationship I felt I needed it. Now it's a burden. I've been trying to get involve in community activities. Maybe start volunteering or something, so I have something to do that is constructive and makes me feel good about myself, and also be around other caring/loving people. Maybe it's something you should consider, too.
Author McDonald Posted May 11, 2013 Author Posted May 11, 2013 Thanks for the replies guys Currently im 5 months post breakup so im doing alright. This is really the only time I think of her... or more of just a relationship. I used to love being by myself. but now not so much becuase I feel like im "losing" when I stay in because I know shes going out? dumb comparison I know. IM just upset at the fact that I had all these people I could text/hit up to go out with before the RS but now, its not the same. I feel like I lost a battle here.... though I didnt want to fight in the first place. Breakups are not fair... especially if your the one who did nothing wrong. 2
na49 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Of course you used to love being by yourself because you had no idea what a relationship was like until you were dating your ex. Then you realized how that feels and now you're scratching your head wondering why you can't just go back to being the care free single you that you were before your ex. It's not a game, so you're not losing because your ex is going out and you're not. Honestly, you don't even know for a fact that she's going out. Unless your stalking her which I hope you aren't. You may have lost a battle, but it doesn't mean you pack it in and stop playing. You get better and play again, and you keep playing until you win. Summer is going to suck. It's going to suck for me too. I don't do jack besides work, so I'm trying to find people to hang out with and ways to fill my schedule with stuff so I don't sit around doing nothing.
Hockeyguy19 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Thanks for the replies guys Currently im 5 months post breakup so im doing alright. This is really the only time I think of her... or more of just a relationship. I used to love being by myself. but now not so much becuase I feel like im "losing" when I stay in because I know shes going out? dumb comparison I know. IM just upset at the fact that I had all these people I could text/hit up to go out with before the RS but now, its not the same. I feel like I lost a battle here.... though I didnt want to fight in the first place. Breakups are not fair... especially if your the one who did nothing wrong. Wow this is exactly where I am right now, I used to love just spending time by myself when I was in my RS, it was like my downtime and me time, but now that it is over, I HATE being alone, it sucks big time. She has a new bf after a week, and I have me, no one else. No one texting me 24/7 anymore, no one sharing my bed etc and she has it all, she replaced me. I feel I lost the battle, and she has won, but I know that's not the case in reality, it just seems that way. There is no winners or losers here, just people's lives, and we have to figure out a way to move on with ours. We had a life and a plan before them, and we can still have one after them, it's our choice to make. 2
Author McDonald Posted May 11, 2013 Author Posted May 11, 2013 Damn thats pretty similar to mine as well. 1 week later has a new BF. I have a life plan, but put her into it when the relationship was getting serious. Now I have to go just keep moving on. I wish I had more people to lean on though. Its up to me to make that happen
fiftyofsomethin Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 I'm not sure if it's the same situation, but with me, I simply do not have anything really to look forward to now. Every weekend is a struggle to actually make plans with people because all the friends I hang with have girlfriends which only makes it worse. When I was with her, I was fine with being alone because I knew that I could hang out if I wanted to. It's this CONFIDENCE that good things will come in the future. But now that we don't have that guaranteed assurance, it's just much harder to be thinking positively about the future. Like I even have Prom in a week and although I have a date, it just won't be the same. Prom is a big deal for people in relationships so they can be "close" or whatever. It's just... well... annoying. However I still stand by my rule that to be happy you need to be confident, positive, and you need to live in the moment. If you can do those three things, you should be fine. But I still struggle greatly with the whole "forgetting the past and future" thing. I keep fearing what will happen in the future, unfortunately.
Compromize Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 I might be the old one of the bunch (37 year old single Dad) but I feel your pain man. The weekends I have my kids are great until I put them to bed and the weekends without the kids are... well they just are. I am not ready to truly put myself back out there. The funny thing is I just had a 29 year old beautiful woman tell me I am an "extremely good looking guy" and "really f' ing hot" and while it is nice to hear and I do get hit on quite a bit directly and indirectly (plus I look very young for my age) I am not ready to accept any of it yet. It's totally in one ear and out the other. I still want my ex over pretty much any other woman. I know one day this will change and probably strike me out of nowhere but for now I am a shut in, not going out much, saying no to dates even when asked hermit. I want to be completely over her before I get back out in THAT world. It's the right thing for me to do, even though it sucks and I miss female companionship. Basically brother you are not alone. Even us old guys feel the same.
Author McDonald Posted May 12, 2013 Author Posted May 12, 2013 Its definietly "lonely feeling" for me. When im around people im fine... when im out with friends im fine. But that instant im alone and I dont want to be... I really go backwards. However if there is a night that I do want to stay in, im fine. So its all I mind game. I believe im using my ex as a scapegoat now. The problem no longer comes from her, she was hiding what has trululy been bothering me. She masked my problems for a while and made me stop trying to figure them out.. because I felt like i didnt need to when she was around. Now she isnt though, and the problems are here. "What the hell is he talking about?" thats what your thinking huh I have always been pretty shy around people. I mean when Iget to know them im loud DGAF what they think lol, but around people I dont know or hardly know such as new friends, i become very inclusive. Im probably an introvert yet apart of me wants to be an extrovert. Did I use those words correctly? Anyway, I was making great friends last year in college, but then I met this girl... and I forgot about them. I felt like I didnt need them. WEll, now when I need them, they are no longer here. Im just putting too much effort into this. Im not saying that im alone. Have no friends. I do, yet, I wis hI had ones I could lean on...... its a saturday night and i really want to go out, yet I just dont know who to text. Its college------- this should not be a problem. 1
swiftly333 Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 I've considered dating..m.m nor because I want to meet somebody, but just so I can be distracted and see that other people are interested.
fiftyofsomethin Posted May 12, 2013 Posted May 12, 2013 Im probably an introvert yet apart of me wants to be an extrovert. Did I use those words correctly? ... Anyway, I was making great friends last year in college, but then I met this girl... and I forgot about them. I felt like I didnt need them. WEll, now when I need them, they are no longer here. ' ... its a saturday night and i really want to go out, yet I just dont know who to text. Its college------- this should not be a problem. Dude. Same exact situation. The way I see it though, instead of actually trying to find more people who you can lean your happiness on, I decided to find ways that bring me happiness irregardless of who- or who I'm not with. I've noticed that for me, I really only have two or three buddies who I can call about hanging out or something, and they all have girlfriends. So instead of always relying on them and hanging with them to bring me happiness, I am trying to find ways to stop that and be happy about myself and be happy by myself.
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