Teknoe Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Does it mean anything? She is taken, but she doesn't mention her boyfriend often, and when she has, it's been negative. I obviously don't want to be a home wrecker, but having a BF you're not totally into is definitely different from her being married. Whenever we get together for dinner, we make lots of eye contact and I've noticed we mimmick each other's body movements at the same time (i.e. hand on cheek, drinking our beverage at the same time). I'm told when you like someone, your body naturally copies what theirs is doing. She smiles a lot at me and we just seem to be super comfortable with each other. It's hard for me to tell whether she digs me as a potential BF in case she gets sick and tired of her current, or if she sees me as the super comfy "gay" type guy friend she can confide in that she cannot access with her BF. In the end, I try not to overthink it and just enjoy her friendship for what it is. It's not often that you meet a stranger at an event (we met a year ago at a job fair) and we just clicked right away... like we have been friends since junior high
Author Teknoe Posted May 11, 2013 Author Posted May 11, 2013 True, true. Nevertheless, being admired/adored/well liked as a good friend >>> the girl not digging you whatsoever. I'll take her being my good friend versus not having a good friend like her at all.
KathyM Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 You should ask her if she has a sister or friend she could introduce you to, because you don't want all this adorableness to go to waste. 4
JakeFrye Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 If their are no other options you are actively pursuing then DO NOT move on her. Hit on/bring a few other women around and see how she reacts/takes interest.
phineas Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Overly friendly women with BF's who complain about them to you? Sorry, i've been down that road before & it leads to gay shopping buddy land. Don't go there. 2
TaraMaiden Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Does it mean anything? She is taken, but she doesn't mention her boyfriend often, and when she has, it's been negative. Yes, but she's still with him, and I bet they have sex..... You fill a gap. you provide the fun, flattery and thrill he obviously either no longer does, or never did.
TheGuard13 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 She's comfortable around you, and finds you nonthreatening, and you're providing something she's not getting from her boyfriend. What did she say "You're adorable" in response to?
somedude81 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 And I recently had a girl call me a wonderful and handsome man. She's also mentioned that she knows her boyfriend isn't the one and the relationship isn't working out. Do I think that I have a chance with her? Absolutely no.
runningfar Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Even if she does like you- a woman who complains about her relationship and fosters other options until one is ready is not a woman who can be alone and not a woman you want to be with. So I would say its a moot point.
Author Teknoe Posted May 11, 2013 Author Posted May 11, 2013 And I recently had a girl call me a wonderful and handsome man. She's also mentioned that she knows her boyfriend isn't the one and the relationship isn't working out. Do I think that I have a chance with her? Absolutely no. Are you guys friends, though? Even if I have zero chance with this girl, I count it as a blessing that we are good friends. Everytime we talk or hang out, I seriously feel like this is a girl I go way back to junior high with. Having a good friend you share life with is very rewarding. Even if you're in the friend zone, if you can accept her friendship for what it is, it is more than worth it. Even if she does like you- a woman who complains about her relationship and fosters other options until one is ready is not a woman who can be alone and not a woman you want to be with. So I would say its a moot point. True true. I have pondered this before. I guess it's hard because when you like someone, in terms of their looks AND personality, you have your blind spots on. You think things would be "different" with you somehow. It is a risky proposition, for sure. She's comfortable around you, and finds you nonthreatening, and you're providing something she's not getting from her boyfriend. What did she say "You're adorable" in response to? I think you're most likely right. It was in an email exchange, where I was trying to get her a job at my work place. I told her "Seriously, I can't think of a better partner I'd rather work with than you" and that's when she said "Aw, tek. You.are.adorable." I do think you're right though, because recently I texted her for fun "We should have slumber party sometime this summer" and she responded "Only if we can paint our nails" which is pretty much the sign for "I see you as my safe gay guy friend" lol. To be honest, I enjoy her friendship a lot, and know there's a lot of upsides to just being a friend. There is less pressure on me personally, so I'm able to relax and have a better time with her. I like how I feel around her. So I'm happy being "just the friend" because I'm able to RELATIVELY keep my emotions in check. Coz to be honest, as much as I want a GF, a big part of me also recognizes how much I enjoy the bachelor lifestyle, and that I'm probably not QUITE ready for a serious relationship. Her friendship I value because we get along great and it leaves me with some sense of having that human connection we all seek, desire and really, need, in order to stay healthy. Finally, I am kind of running with the whole "I just see you as a friend thing." Because we've been email exchanging each other. Last night I wrote this "Finally, just a nugget of a thought. I am kind of joking, but I'm also open to it if the situation presents itself. If you get a job near my place, I wouldn't mind us being housemates! We can vent and celebrate everyday. Although, we might get sick of each other pretty fast, lol. What's the under/over on how long before we're no longer able to stay sane? Don't answer that one, lol" Would it be fun to live with her? Oh heck yeah. But, just likely a fun thought. We'll see if she responds. She's gotta get a job first, though!
somedude81 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Are you guys friends, though? Even if I have zero chance with this girl, I count it as a blessing that we are good friends. Everytime we talk or hang out, I seriously feel like this is a girl I go way back to junior high with. Having a good friend you share life with is very rewarding. Even if you're in the friend zone, if you can accept her friendship for what it is, it is more than worth it. While she did say I was her friend, I know we aren't "real" friends. But the thing is, we could be if I wanted to make it happen. She gave me her number without me even asking and I have a strong feeling that if I suggested we do something, just as friends, she would happily accept. But I know that's not a good idea because the last time we talked I kept thinking about how I wanted to kiss her. So to avoid causing drama in my life and hers, I'll let things end here before they get complicated. If you are truly able to be friends with this girl, not wanting anything more than friendship with her and keep it that way, then that's awesome and you should be her friend.
Author Teknoe Posted May 11, 2013 Author Posted May 11, 2013 While she did say I was her friend, I know we aren't "real" friends. But the thing is, we could be if I wanted to make it happen. She gave me her number without me even asking and I have a strong feeling that if I suggested we do something, just as friends, she would happily accept. But I know that's not a good idea because the last time we talked I kept thinking about how I wanted to kiss her. So to avoid causing drama in my life and hers, I'll let things end here before they get complicated. You should still ask her out to dinner or something. So what if you have thoughts of kissing her? You like her, so that's natural. The key is, is that ALL you are focusing on? Do you not see her for the person she is? Or whenever she talks, are you just mesmerized with the idea of wanting to kiss her? When I see my friend during a hang out for the first time I do think "Dang she's nice" but then when we start talking, I don't just focus on how pretty she is. I see her for her hang ups, her struggles and her victories. I focus on her as a whole person. Yes I still think she's hot, but I can look beyond that. I like her as my friend. While I do have a crush on her, I feel like I've been able to keep it in check enough where it's not a detriment to my mental well-being. But yeah SD... you got to make yourself vulnerable sooner or later. Just because there could be some drama, doesn't mean you should avoid it completely. You're not going to grow as a human being if you avoid all potential cases of drama. Life is about making mistakes, and in the process, finding out who you are. No pain, no gain.
tbf Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Try not to take this too seriously. I call men adorable quite regularly and am happily married. 2
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 "Adorable" is a patronizing word. Calling you adorable indicates neither attraction nor praise. It's an insult, disguised as a compliment. I'd drop her as a friend if it were me. She's not likely to introduce you to any of her single friends. In fact, she'll probably hide them from you...
xxoo Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 If she's truly your friend, ask what the heck that means. Just say that it's the first time a woman called you that, and you're not sure if its a good thing or a bad thing. Ask if you are adorable like a george from seinfeld or adorable like Ryan gosling. Use humorous extremes, but push for clarification.
TaraMaiden Posted May 11, 2013 Posted May 11, 2013 Puppies and kittens are 'adorable'. New-born babies are 'adorable' Cute little bunnies, are 'adorable'.... Men you're quite fond of but wouldn't ever dream of phukking because they're not in your league - are adorable. If you're not a puppy, a kitten, a new-born baby or a little bunny - then you're a guy she's fond of, but wouldn't ever think of phukking, because you're not in her league.....
Author Teknoe Posted May 11, 2013 Author Posted May 11, 2013 If she's truly your friend, ask what the heck that means. Just say that it's the first time a woman called you that, and you're not sure if its a good thing or a bad thing. Ask if you are adorable like a george from seinfeld or adorable like Ryan gosling. Use humorous extremes, but push for clarification. Thanks for the feedback everyone. I'm going to stick to my guns and continue approaching her with a care-free attitude. I'm not going to ask or be pushy or try to clarify. Just keep it lighthearted as I have, and IF the moment calls for it, being bold when necessary. I find when I obsess too much or have too many varying opinions of others swimming in my head, I get caught up in the mess. Just gonna continue interacting with her how I do, and enjoy the moments as they come. Nothing more, nothing less. In the meantime, focusing on sharpening my body and improving at my professional craft, giving me a wide variety of outlets to focus on besides JUST her, which is when I often mess up. gotta have balance and keep things in check. too much of any one thing is a bad thing.
Author Teknoe Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 crap. she just called me "adorbs" now. Not adorable, but "adorbs." I gotta take a small break from this woman. Starting to get too caught up emotionally with her. So that means in about 10 days she's called me "adorable" and now "adorbs." I felt like she was semi-flirting with me. It's a heck of a high. But I'm starting to get in too deep. I need to give myself some space from her, let her figure out her BF situation, and guard my heart. Gotta pull back before I get in too deep.
Author Teknoe Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 This is the thought I had just now. It's probably the right, best, most noble thing to do, too. Thinking of maybe sending her a short email of something to this effect: "Hey Jenn, In the past year that we've known each other and especially the last couple months where we've been talking and hanging out a lot more, I find myself increasingly attracted to you. It's been hard on me as I know you have a boyfriend and I don't want to be a homewrecker. I value your friendship, but I don't want one of us to get hurt. As hard as this is for me to say, I think it'd be best if we took a break from talking to each other, at least, until I sort my feelings out." --- I feel like it's so heavy though, and I wish I could avoid this and just force my feelings to either shrink or shift to a more positive direction. Ah, what to do. I think for now, I'll wait it out and see if she becomes my coworker or not... and also, not initiate contact with her for at least one week. If we're gonna talk, then she'll have to initiate. Damn, I fell hard again, didn't I. Damn me, lol. Thought I could control it but nope. Heart is too weak...
TaraMaiden Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Christ, you are sooo over-thinking this! Just let go! You are besotted, she's just friend-zoned you! I think if she knew what kind of thoughts you were having she would run a mile! You're a male buddy, and a welcome diversion from hum-drum... If you feel more strongly than she does - and I think we all know by now, that's bloody obvious - then your only choice is to subtly and gently distance yourself. Forget deep and meaningful emails, forget putting your heart on the line and your cards on the table. Don't make your problem hang-up, hers. Just withdraw, bit by bit.... Quit making a drama out of something that really, in the big scheme of things, isn't a big deal. 1
Author Teknoe Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 I think if she knew what kind of thoughts you were having she would run a mile! You're a male buddy, and a welcome diversion from hum-drum... Don't you think she already knows, or at the very least, has considered it to be a moderate to strong possibility? It's not like she's going "Oh, there's no way he could dig me LIKE THAT." I do think for now, I need to shrink away slowly. That email would be last resort and if somehow things intensified. And yes, I do overthink things, lol. It's a hard habit to kick, unfortunately. I was born overanalyzing, lol. Just part of who I am.
TaraMaiden Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Don't you think she already knows, or at the very least, has considered it to be a moderate to strong possibility? It's not like she's going "Oh, there's no way he could dig me LIKE THAT." I do think for now, I need to shrink away slowly. That email would be last resort and if somehow things intensified. And yes, I do overthink things, lol. It's a hard habit to kick, unfortunately. I was born overanalyzing, lol. Just part of who I am. Funnily enough, she probably hasn't really given it a lot of thought at all... Women don't. I know this is very generalised, and I'm sure it doesn't apply in each and every case, but it seems through having seen this before, countless times, women ARE more than capable of enjoying a 'no strings attached' friendship with either gender - but guys always see it, or read into it, something deeper. Women see guy friends and think "At last, a male buddy who doesn't WANT to get into my knickers!" and the men are thinking "If I stick around long enough, maybe eventually, I'll get into her knickers...." Take it for what it is. And the way to stop over-analysing it - is to quit over-thinking it. Really. Just shrug, and think 'phukk this, it is what it is.' 1
Els Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 The only difference that you should attribute to a girl in a R compared to a married one, IMO, is that de facto Rs are easier to leave if things don't go well. So it may be quite possible in the future that she would end up single, and then you can make your move. I don't think you should consider her any less 'taken' because she's not married. That being said, I really would not read into 'adorable' at all. I really, really don't think it sounds like she's flirting with you.
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